Without Lexie

A letter came in the mail a few weeks after it happened. I stared down at the envelope with tears stinging my eyes. Lexie's hand writing covered the front. I tore it open slowly and began to read.


Dear Carter,
I'm writing this praying you'll never get it.. But if you did.... I'm so sorry... I'm sure I'm above your head in a pretty white dress wishing I could kiss away all your tears... But I can't... Not any more. If your reading this I'm gone... I'm going to ask a nurse to send this if I... uh... Don't wake up...
So I'm going to write everything I've always wanted to tell you on these while pages... Because maybe for a while, when you're reading this you'll forget and it'll be okay... I may have watched a P.S I love you last night... It's hard to sleep when you know it's coming to an end... Gotta catch up on all the good TV to inform all the angels... I'm sorry if I'm being random... this is just really hard to write...

When I think about forever, you're always by my side. We have beautiful blonde children with brown eyes, just like yours. and they're smart and dorky. It breaks my heart to think they will never get to know us. They'll never be here. I'll never get to say I do and kiss you in front of our families. I don't care that I'm not even 18, I couldn't care less about dying young, what I care about is that I won't get to have a life with you. I care that I'm leaving you here, in this shitty world alone. I hate myself because I can't do anything about it. I hope you don't hate me...
You're my soul mater, Carter, my one and only. I knew it the moment I saw you. I should have told you I was sick earlier... We could have lived for the moment... but that means we probably wouldn't have spent those days laying in your room, just being together, and I loved those days...
Carter, I'm going to say something that you will hate to read... Maybe your not ready yet, and it will take time... hell, I hope it takes some time... But I'm not the only one for you... I want you to heal and love again... Someday... I want you to live the life you would if you'd never have met me... Live Carter... Live...

Love you, forever.
Lexie