You Know That I'm Better in the End

***Later that day***

I just finished packing up all of my stuff on the BVB bus. Andy had disappeared ever since our fight, and the guys had all helped me get everything together so Travis and I could go back home.

"We're really sorry for what happened, Scar." Jake said quietly as I zipped up my last bag. I smiled, though I know it had to of come off as fake. "It's not your guys' fault, trust me."

"We're gonna miss you." Ashley smiled, giving me a tight hug. I gave CC, Jake, and Jinxx a hug too before offering them another smile. "I'll keep in touch with you guys, don't worry."

"You better!" CC joked. I laughed slightly and grabbed one of my suitcases, lugging it off of the bus. Jake helped me with the other two, and gave me one last hug before we said goodbye to each other. I put them in the rental car I had gotten, and then got in the car to drive the short distance to FIR'S bus.

Once I'd gotten there, I got out of the car, feeling a little nervous as I walked up to the bus. I knocked twice, and Jacky answered the door a few seconds later. "Hey Scar." He smiled slightly.

"Hey." I forced another smile as he let me in. I had texted him earlier and told him what I was doing, and told him to also tell all the guys except Ronnie, so him, Derek, Ryan, and Mika were already aware of the plan. "Where is he?" I whispered to Jacky, smiling at Derek and Ryan sitting at the table.

"Bathroom." He mumbled. Just then, Travis came running from the bunk area. "Momma!" He squealed. I smiled and leaned down, giving him a hug. "Hi baby."

Ronnie obviously heard Travis, because now he came into the "room", looking slightly confused. "Hey Scar." I glared at him slightly and ignored him, focusing my attention on my son. "Travie, can you show momma where all your stuff and your bags are?" He nodded and I stood up, letting his little hand grasp mine as he led me to the bunks. "Where's your little suitcases?" I asked. He pulled them out from under his bunk and I smiled slightly. "Honey, I feel bad for saying this, but we gotta go home today."

"We're going home?" He asked quietly. I smiled sadly and nodded. "Is Daddy coming?" I shook my head. "No, Daddy's gotta finish the tour."

"Why're we going home?!" He whined. "I wanted to be on tour wif Daddy!" Just then, Ronnie entered where we were, and I cursed myself silently in my head. "Sweetie, me and Andy broke up this morning, we're not together anymore. And Momma's not gonna stay with Daddy, so we gotta go home."

"WHAT?!" Ronnie exclaimed. "You're not taking him home!"

"I can and I will." I said coldly, not even turning to look at him.

"Why did you and Andy bweak up?!" He whined louder, looking so sad and confused.

"Because your Daddy caused us to fight, and we broke up." I said a little too harshly, but obviously I was being harsh to Ronnie, not Travis. "So let's pack your stuff up and head home."

"No!" I closed my eyes, my worst fear of the day coming true. "I don' wanna leave Daddy!!"

"We have to, Travis." I sighed and opened my eyes again, feeling my heart break as Travis started crying. "I'm sorry."

"I don't WANNA leave!" He cried, pushing past me and hugging Ronnie's legs. Ronnie scooped him up and hugged him tight, whispering to him and rubbing his back to try to comfort him as he cried into his Daddy's shoulder. Ronnie stared at me. "You see what you did?"

"ME?!" I snapped. "You're the one who started this! You're the reason we have to go home!" He shook his head. "All I did was-"

"Ruin everything." I spat. He frowned slightly. "We're leaving, whether you want us to or not." I turned back around, my back facing him as I packed Travis' stuff in his little bags and suitcases. Ronnie walked out with Travis in his arms to the main part of the bus, leaving me alone.

It didn't take long for me to pack his stuff. I had it done in about 15 minutes, the extra 5 minutes spent making sure I had absolutely everything. I walked out to the main part of the bus, where the guys were, along with Ronnie and Travis sitting on the couch. I walked out of the bus and to my rental car, putting Trav's stuff in there before walking back onto the bus. "We gotta go, Trav." I said quietly. He started crying harder, latching onto his Dad for dear life and shaking his head wildly. "NO! I DON' WANNA LEAVE DADDY!" I sighed heavily and crossed my arms. Ronnie glanced at me before kissing his son's head, sadness written all over his face.

"I already bought us plane tickets, and the plane leaves in an hour and a half, so we've gotta go." He screamed and cried even harder, which didn't seem possible at this point, burying his face back in Ronnie's shoulder.

"You're really gonna do this to him?" Ronnie asked. "Look at him."

"I can see him!" I snapped again at Ronnie. "But we've gotta go, because you screwed everything up!"

"Like usual, huh?" He asked with sarcasm dripping from his voice. I sighed angrily and took a step forward, taking Travis from Ronnie. He only screamed and cried louder, thrashing around in my arms. "I WANT DADDY!"

"We've gotta leave, Travis." I grumbled, stepping off of the bus. Ronnie was right behind me. "He could stay with m-"

"No he can't." I growled, struggling to open the back door on the car to put a flailing Trav in his carseat. "Not without me here."

"So you're just taking him away from me? When he wanted so badly be on tour with me?" He asked. I sighed angrily, fighting to strap Travis into his carseat. "Yes."

"And it doesn't bother you how upset he is?!"

"OF COURSE IT FUCKING BOTHERS ME, RONALD!" I screamed, turning around to face him. "But YOU caused this!"

"I cause everything, don't I?!" He yelled.

"Pretty much!" I yelled back, slamming the back door and yanking open the driver's side door. I got in and jammed the keys in the ignition, starting the car and driving as quickly away from the bus as possible. Travis had reduced himself to sniffling, making me the slightest bit calmer.

"I don't like you anymore, Momma."

I almost crashed the car at his mumbled, sad words. I gulped, tears springing to my eyes instantly. I didn't say anything back to my son, I only looked at him in the mirror to see him looking down at his lap with tears rolling down his little cheeks. My throat quickly became dry and my eyesight became blurrier by the second. I felt horrible that I had to do this to Trav, I knew he was heartbroken. But there was no other choice, there was no way I was staying on Ronnie's bus with him.

* * *

We'd just now finally gotten back to our home, it being almost 9:30 at night. I frowned as Travis got himself out of his carseat when I opened the passenger door. He jumped out of the car and stood there, waiting for me to get his bags. I inhaled shakily and reached into the backseat, grabbing his little bags and setting them on the ground. He grabbed two of them and continued to stand there, not saying anything.

"Baby, can you take this key and unlock the front door?" I asked sweetly, kneeling down so I was at eye level with him and handing him the house key. "You just stick this in the little slot on the doorknob and turn it, and then you can open the door." He nodded silently, grabbing the key and walking away from me. He really was upset.

I lugged my bags out of the back of the car before slamming the trunk, dragging them all up the sidewalk to the front door that was wide open now. I got my bags in and closed the door, looking around my house for a minute before dragging my stuff to Andy and I's my bedroom. As I walked past Trav's room, I saw him quietly taking his stuff out of his bags and putting away what he had to.

I set my luggage by the bed, deciding I would get to that later. I looked around the room, seeing just a few of Andy's belongings he had left behind when we went on tour. I sighed shakily and shook my head, walking out of the room and going towards Trav's. I knew he was tired, so I figured I should help him get ready for bed.

I walked in to see he already had his pajamas on, and was still unpacking his belongings. I leaned against the doorframe, watching him for a minute, smiling barely. "You need any help, honey?" He turned around and shook his head before going back to work. My slight smile went back to a frown and I walked over slowly. "Are you mad at me, Trav?" I asked quietly, sitting down on the floor. He looked at me sadly and nodded his head a little. "I'm sorry, I know you're upset and you wanted to be with Daddy," I frowned, reaching over and smoothing his hair out of his face. "but it just wouldn't have worked if we stayed on tour, since Andy and I aren't together anymore."

"You could've stayed on Daddy's bus with me!" He exclaimed. I bit my lip and shook my head. "I'm mad at Daddy right now. We would've just fought all the time if I did that."

"You're always mad at Daddy." He mumbled, looking away from me. I felt another pang of hurt in my heart. "I jus' want you guys to love each other again."

"We do love each other," I said shakily. He looked at me again. "Even when we're fighting, and I won't talk to him, your Daddy and I will always love each other. No matter what happens."

"Then why aren't you together if you love each other?" He asked.

"Because I had Andy." I whispered.

"But now you and Andy aren't together anymore," He paused for a second, looking at me. "now you can be together again."

I gulped down the lump in my throat. "I don't know if I want to be with Daddy right now, or anytime soon."

"But if you love him, you should be wif him!" Travis shouted suddenly. My eyes widened a little as he stood up. "Daddy loves you a wot, Momma. He tells me all the time." My heart sped up a little at my son's words. "And you love him too. So you should be wif him."

"It's a little more complicated than that, honey." I frowned. He let out a huge, dramatic sigh. "Why?"

"It's just hard, Travis." I sighed also, running a hand over my face. "But I think it's time for you to go to bed, honey."

"Fine." He said quietly, standing up and crawling into his small bed. I helped him tuck himself in and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight, Trav. I love you."

"Night." Was all he mumbled, before turning on his side, hugging a stuffed lion his Daddy got for him tight to his chest. My frown never left my face as I walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I needed someone to talk to about this, someone who would give me the best advice. My mother was the perfect person to call.

I sat down at the dining table, phone in my hand as I dialed her number quickly. I put the phone up to my ear, and listened to it ring 4 times before she answered. "Hello?"

"Hey Mom." I smiled a little at the sound of her voice.

"Scarlet!" She exclaimed happily. "How are you, honey?!"

"Um, I'm...well," I laughed a little. "Not too good, actually. That's why I'm calling."

"What's wrong? What happened?" She asked, already sounding overly-concerned.

"You know that Travis and I went on tour with Andy and Ronnie, right?" I asked, in which she said she did. "Yeah, how's that going?"

"Trav and I are already back home." I mumbled. "Andy and I broke up this morning." I heard her gasp to herself quietly, not saying anything for a few seconds.

"Oh, Scarlet," I felt the tears come to my eyes at the tone of her voice. "why?"

"Ronnie...h-he talked to Andy and told him that I was still in l-love with him...and Andy freaked out, s-so he broke up with me...because he said he didn't want to be with me if I didn't know who I wanted to be with..." I explained shakily.

"So you're still in love with Ronnie?" She asked softly. I sniffled before resting my forehead on the cool glass table. "I don't know," I groaned in frustration. "According to everyone I am, though. Derek says he knows I am and that it's "so obvious", and that I'm denying it."

"Well, if we're being honest, I think you are, too." I groaned louder and she giggled at me. "But it's not surprising that you are. He's probably the only guy you ever really loved. And plus, he was your husband, and you have a kid with him. And you've known him for almost 20 years of your life, and you were best friends for the longest time befo-"

"OK Mom, I get it." I chuckled dryly. "I'm still hopelessly in love with my ex-husband. Super. Except for the fact that he broke Andy and I up."

"He did it out of love, it sounds like..." I laughed a little more this time. "Well let's face it; he's head over heels for you still."

"I know, trust me." I grumbled, finally lifting my head back up and resting my chin in my hand. "But I'm so pissed off at him now for what he caused. And if he thought him breaking Andy and I up would make me come running to him, he's dumber than I thought." My mom laughed loudly. "Ronnie's smart, just not when it comes to love and relationships, honey. We've learned this by now. Or at least, I would've hoped we'd learned this by now, seeing as it's almost been 2 decades since you met him."

"Which is absolutely insane to say." I smiled a little. "I can't believe I put up with him for this long."

"I don't think he can believe it, either." She giggled again. We fell silent for a few, before she brought something up. "You know, he's called me a few times before. After the divorce, I mean."

"I figured that," I nodded. "When's the last time he called?"

"Oh gosh...about a month ago...? That sounds about right." I chewed my bottom lip as she continued. "He really, really does love you still. The first time he called me after the divorce, he ended up crying during our conversation. Which went on for hours, literally." My eyes bugged out a bit at this new piece of information. "Really?"

"He went on and on about how regretful he is, and how he "messed up one of the most important things in his life", his family."

"I know he's sorry, Ma," I said quietly. "And I think I finally forgive him for what he did. But...I don't know. It's like I can't bring myself to be with him again."

"Do you still love him?" She asked.

"Of course I do." I murmured.

"Are you still in love with him, like everyone's saying, apparently?" I smiled slightly, staying silent.

"Yeah."

"And do you still have hope for maybe one day, where you and him are back together and you guys are your own little family again?"

"All the time." I finally admitted.

"Well, then maybe you should stop hoping for that and make it happen again." My inhaled shakily as I wiped at my teary eyes.

"Maybe I should."