I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.

After being told by Garrett that Dani was in the far bathroom, the one at the corner of the house where John took me last night, I went on over slowly.

It took everything I had not to slap Pat in the face after being told what I just promised him.

But a promise is a promise.

I remind myself that I'm keeping my promise to Kennedy, and that's why I'm so far away from Nick right now. That's why I'm so far away from Jay. And that's why I'm so far away from my best friends.

And making a promise to Pat only has me unnecessarily obliging. We all know the kid he is.

I sigh and just keep walking.

I find that the bathroom door is closed, but I make my way over there anyway.

And though the door is closed, I don't knock before I check if the door's open.

The moment Dani discerns someone's coming in, she pushes down her sleeves and turns the tap off.

But I know what's in the water that's now draining in the sink.

"Ever heard of knocking, Ri?!" she hisses.

Ri.

I can't remember the last time I heard her call me that.

But I remember it was so long ago.

Before our parents died, when we were innocent little children.

"Ever heard of locking, El?" I hiss back.

She called me Ri and I called her El.

It changed when the car accident happened.

We were in the hospital and a clearly disinterested nurse was trying to talk to us because our dad knocked his head unconscious and our mom was rushed to the operating room to get a piece of metal that jabbed itself in her arm off.

The nurse, she was trying to get our names, but we were both crying so hard we couldn't answer.

And when we did gather enough strength to speak, our voices could barely be heard.

The nurse crankily asked "Can I have your names please?" The please was just to make her sound polite though she was clearly working too many shifts.

"Riannon Jones." I mumbled.

"Iann?!" She tried to get me to repeat.

"Riannon." I said louder.

"And you," She pointed at my twin sister with my pen after jotting down something on a thin piece of paper on her clipboard.

"Daniella--"

"Dani Jones?"

"Daniella." she corrected.

And after that, then nicknames just stuck. And we were never Ri or El again.

"Well, you could've knocked." Dani mutters after grabbing a towel from the silver rack that hung by the door. She starts her way out.

I look over to the sink and conclude what I just saw. "Was that blood?"

"No." Dani answers in an obvious lie, not planning on staying with me.

I wrap my hand around her forearm and she immediately yelps as she slaps it off. I grab her wrist and force her to stand still in front of me. It takes me a second to allow a glance to travel onto the trash bin where soiled bandages are.

She fights when I try to push up her sleeve but I get her to stop. And she winces when the cloth runs up her wounds.

I LOSE it read, the cuts on her arm.

I don't mean to, really, I don't, but I laugh. And I say "Jeez, El, if you're gonna cut, you gotta do it right."

"Too bad, Ri, I'm just not as good as you yet."

It is so obvious that she is just trying to provoke me. But I stay patient.

Her eyes scan me from head to toe then she asks "What happened to your knees,"

"I fell out of a moving car." I shrug.

"Oh, I thought maybe you just forgot to put your seat belt on again."

"For your information, I don't forget to put my seat belt on anymore--"

"What does it matter," Dani rolls her eyes now and exit.

"You've really done it to Garrett this time." I shake my head, pretending to be disappointed.

Now, I know she's already upset. But bringing Garrett up right now? Extra points.

She sighs, plumping down on one of the beds after I follow her into the first room she could find. "I saw Dad last night."

Convinced she's just trying to change the topic, I say "You actually made Garrett cry--"

"I saw Dad last night." she repeats, louder this time, shutting me up. "And we can talk about Garrett as much as you like later, but right now I need to tell you I saw Dad last night."

"You're making that up--"

"What is it with you and thinking that I make everything I tell you about Mom and Dad up?!" Dani springs off the bed.

"You act like you knew them better--"

"I don't act like that--"

"Yes, you do." I quietly say. And I make sure I don't start expoding the way she does.

And she lets hers head cool off, then she ressumes. "I sent Garrett a text after you wouldn't reply to any of those I sent you. Then I cut myself. And it felt so good. So damn good, Ri. But then after a while, it was just blood, and those were just cuts.. And Garrett didn't come and I thought, 'Hey, my sister doesn't care about me, why do I expect my boyfriend to give a shit?' Hah!" Dani shrugs. "So I jumped in the lake."

"El--"

"And I was in the water. And I don't remember being scared. It's true, what they say. That your life flashes before your eyes when you're that close to dying."

"Yeah, what did you see?" I ask in a plain tone. Not sounding disinterested, nor sounding engrossed.

"Just so you know, I didn't see college. Didn't see those people in my classes. But I saw you. And I saw those times I was sneaking around and watching you smoke. And I saw those times we had when we were little kids. And I did see Garrett.. But.. My life isn't a lot without you."

I wait for her to continue.

When she does, she says "Then I saw Mom and Dad. They were very angry at me. They said I wasn't supposed to leave you. Not this way at least. Then Dad said he was coming to get me."

She's stopped completely so I ask her what happened next.

She answers. "The next thing I knew, I was coughing out water and it was so hard to breathe. And when I looked up, I swear, for a second, I saw Dad. I swear, for a second, he was hugging me. But when I pulled back, it was Kennedy."

"Kennedy?"

"Kennedy. He jumped in the lake and came for me, brought me back to the dock and revived me." she narrates. "And then I saw Garrett and he looked so scared, and so worried, but I don't know of and about what. Then he ran away." Dani meets my stare now. "And now he's mad."

"Can you blame Garrett?" I plump down in front of her.

Before she thinks of an answer, I continue.

"You know you can't blame him for caring. He is your boyfriend."

"I know," Dani groans. "I know!" She falls onto her back and covers her eyes with her palms. "And I love him so much,"

"Then why didn't you think about him before you jumped in that lake?"

"I did!" Dani sets her sight free again and props herself on her side using her elbow. "I did think about Garrett, and I waited but--"

"What time was it," I bring my phone out of my pocket and check the message logs.

"I sent him a text at eight forty two."

"Of course you knew the exact time," I mumble nonchalantly.

"I had to know my own time of death," she sighs.

"You sent me your last text at eight forty." I mumble.

"What time did you see it?"

"John forgot to give me my phone back,"

"What was it doing with John?" She sits up now. "And Tim's rule about you guys, what was that about?"

"Nothing." I lock my phone and put it back in my pocket.

"You know you can tell me if there's anything going on between you and John, Ri."

"There's too many things going on between me and John, El. You'll probably just die of boredom."

We both silence as it dawns on us at the same time that it isn't right to be joking about something as serious as death. Not to mention, Dani got a technical taste of it.

"Did you clean it," I ask, pointing at her forearm and referring to the self-inflicted wounds.

"Kennedy did," Dani realizes that it's started bleeding again so she scurries on to the bathroom. "I told him I'd clean it this time but I have completely.. No.. Idea.."

She's silenced by the fact that I'm taking her arm now.

Then I bring her back to the bathroom. I open the faucet and let the running water hit her wounds.

And she grimaces.

I know how much this could hurt. So with a feather-light touch, I start brushing it clean with my finger tips and then I apply soap.

She tries to help me when I rinse it.

Tries.

After that, I take a bandage from the cabinet behind the mirror. I remember John getting the first-aid kit here last night.

And I wrap it around her forearm after applying an antibiotic ointment and finish it up.

"How do you know how to do that," she quietly questions.

"It's practical and it's one of the most important things we didn't learn in high school. It's called first aid." I wash the blood off my hands and help her out the bathroom.

"Now, tell me what happened to your knees." Dani says.

"I fell out of a moving car,"

"Fell out?"

"Jumped off." I correct myself.

She smiles to herself after this, and when I realize why, I find myself amused as well.

The parallelism. It's crazy.

Garrett had thought she fell but she actually jumped.

And I had told Dani I fell off the car, but I actually jumped out.

"So who fixed that?" She points at my knees now as we walk back to that bedroom.

"John," I answer.

"Blood makes him piss in his pants, you're kidding." Her eyes widen.

"No," I say. "I'm not kidding. He actually took care of it."

Dani nods. "John, that boy. He needs to make up his mind."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going outside," Dani says as she starts trotting out. "I'll talk to you later, Ri."

"You too, El." I reply. "And change your sweater, you got blood all over it."

"I will," Dani mumbles without really meaning it.

After a while, I think to myself:

Hey, maybe the promise I made to Pat won't be so hard to keep after all.

I contemplate my own exit as well but it's rendered implausible when John enters.

"Hey, Iann."

I welcome him to my side. "John."

"Are you okay?" he asks. Not in the "You look hurt, but I'm asking anyway." way. Nor in the "I don't really care, but I'm asking anyway." way. Just the casual way.

"Yeah," I smile at him. "I think I just had a decent conversation with my sister."

His face lights up hearing this.

And the way he grins makes me want to ruin that smile with my lips.

Before I can even tell myself not to, I move forward and kiss him.

He moves quickly and has me on the bed with him on top of me.

"Hey, hey!"

John darts up from me and we both direct our attention to Tim who is now at the door.

"I haven't even left! And I specifically said no sex in the bedroom!" Tim scolds humorously.

John laughs as I slap his chest playfully.

"I'll get going, alright?" Tim turns away. "And make sure Garrett calms the fuck down,"

"Yeah,"

"And--"

"No sex, I get it." John huffs just to get Tim to leave.

When Tim's out of seeing range, John looks down at me again.

"I've been friends with him a long time." he says. "He should know,"

I raise an eyebrow. "He should know what?"

"That I'm a rule-breaker."