Safer to Hate Her

“Jersey?”

Jersey held her chest as she looked at her Grandma, “Whoa, you could have warned me you were coming over!”

“Sorry, darling.” She took a seat next to her granddaughter, “You look well, dear. Are you holding up?”

Jersey nodded her head and look at her hands, picking off the nail varnish she’d put on the night before.

“You don’t have to be alone here; you could come and live with me and your granddad.” She took her granddaughter’s hand in hers. It had been hard to lose Carla; to outlive your own child was something she never thought would happen. But, it must have been harder for Jersey.
She’d lost her own mother the way she had, she hadn’t stopped hurting since it happened all those years ago, but she’d learnt to cope with it.

“Thanks, Gran. But, I like it here. I’m not alone; Rupert is with me most of the time, well, until recently.”

“If that’s what you want,” she sighed and got to her feet, “Jers?”

Jersey looked up to her grandmother, “yeah?” She whispered.

“You’d let me know if anything is bothering you, I know I’m not your mother but you can talk with me about anything, you know that?”

“Of course, I know that Gran.” Jersey pushed herself up from the couch and hugged her grandmother close. “Thank you.”

When her Gran left she sighed and went back to her book, but she couldn’t concentrate. Just as her life had, sort of, gone back to normal she felt that Rupert was slipping away from her again. He had replied to her texts with one word, she would have to text him to talk to him as he hadn’t bothered to get in touch with her.

She didn’t want to push him though. She knew he was under a lot of stress with this new job, she just had to give him space, he knows where she is if he needed her.
She needed to relax, breathing deeply she pulled on her shoes. Grabbing her guitar case, she headed out of the door. The fresh air had already cheered her up somewhat.

x-x-x

“Hi Mum, hi Dad.” Jersey sat on the grass and pulled up some weeds that had grown since she had last visited. She had brought some fresh flowers which she placed neatly by their names.

Looking up from the grave, she received a sympathetic look from the lady at the grave next to her. She smiled at her and turned back to the grave.

“Mum? I need some advice.” She closed her eyes as the wind blew her hair across her face.

x-x-x

“…to find me, to find me.” She sang, strumming the last chord.

She looked out to the sea; it was a surprisingly clear day, so the sea was calm as it silently and softly crashed against the rocks.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she tried to compose herself. She looked back to her guitar and began tuning it as it always seemed to move around when she was playing.

“Excuse me?”

Jersey looked up, covering her eyes from the glare of the sun at a man not too much older than herself. She looked at him waiting for him to speak.

“I was sat over there listening to you and I think you’re amazing. I’m not hitting on you, trust me.” He smiled, “I’m actually the lead singer of a band called The Chancers and we’ve just been signed, nothing major. We’re doing a few shows here and there in London and we need someone to open for us.”

“Me?” She stuttered, confused. She didn’t believe that she was good enough to open live gigs.

“Yeah! Can I sit?” He pointed to the spot near her.

She nodded, unable to speak.

“Look, you’re good don’t doubt yourself. I know it’s a lot to ask but it would be brilliant.”

She thought it over, she could quite easily not go to college for a couple of weeks, she hadn’t been enjoying it the past month. But she wouldn’t be able to make this decision without talking to Rupert first. The more she thought about going to London the less nervous she was and the more excited she became.

“I’ll have to speak with my boyfriend before I go, but I’m definitely interested.”

“Great!” He pulled out his phone, “let me have your number and you can tell me what he said.”

Once she put in her number she quickly grabbed all her things and ran back to the bus stop, shouting a thank you over her shoulder.

x-x-x

Jersey decided to stop of at the supermarket on her way to Rupert’s house. She didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he needed to be cheered up, so she decided to get pick up some of his favourite chocolate.

Walking along the aisle she noticed a familiar face staring back at her on the front of a magazine. She ran over to it and read the title, “New Harry Potter Actor, Rupert Grint. Who Is He?”

Quickly turning to the page indicated under the title she began reading the article there. She was so proud of him; he’d finally got his dream.

Her smile quickly dropped as she read further into the interview, one question in particular that felt like a knife to her heart.

“Now, Rupert all the girls want to know, do you have a girlfriend at home?”

“[He smirked] No, I haven’t got a girlfriend.”

Tears sprung to her eyes and she reread it over and over, praying that she’d misunderstood or misread it. She hadn’t, why had he said that?

Jersey angrily walked to the checkout and bought the magazine and walked towards his house, wiping the tears from her eyes, although it was no use as they kept falling down onto her cheeks.