The Way We Were

"Let me give you a case: Jack loves Jill, Jill loves Jack. But Jack doesn’t love Jill in the same way. Jack never asked to be loved." -The Deep Blue Sea



Later in the day I had dropped off Edie and Chanel at the Chatsworth house and came back to my bungalow embracing the fact that I was finally alone. The sun was close to setting and the light coming into the patio was perfect, so I got out my sketchbook and started drawing insignificant things, while I listened to Mozart on my iPod.

My phone kept buzzing from constant texts coming in but I tried my best to ignore them. I tried to focus on drawing but my phone was becoming a great distraction, so I finally looked at the texts. A lot of them were from Chanel and Edie, some from other famous friends, but the important ones I checked first were from Ari.

"Audrey, what's going on? You're all over the news! TMZ and all these other media channels are saying you were getting a little too friendly with Chris Evans and Enrique Iglesias. Audrey, there are pictures of you all over the internet. I don't know if you were dancing or who knows what! You're a married woman and this is looking bad. And you even left the club with Chris! They are claiming that you're having an affair, you need to tell me what's going on."

I gasped and covered my mouth. "Caleb." I quickly got up and ran into the living room, turning on the t.v and finding the entertainment channel.

It was true, pictures taken from someone's cell showed Chris and I in incriminating positions. I immediately called Ari and began explaining what happened.

"Ari! I am not having an affair! Last night I went out with Chanel and Edie, we went to a club and had a girls night out. Enrique asked me to dance, so I did. We were just dancing, that was it. And it was the same thing with Chris. Ari, I promise you that there is nothing going on. Chris and I were just talking and everything, and the girls suggested he come hang out with us where I'm staying, so I agreed and he came back. All that happened was that Chris and I kissed, okay I admit that we kissed, but it was in the privacy of my suite. Other than that he and I just talked all night, and we drank and played drinking games. Ari, I'm not having an affair. I wouldn't do that to Caleb."

"Okay, okay. But Audrey, this is looking very bad right now, especially since you just received an invitation to the Academy Awards. Audrey, I am going to do everything in my power to change this story and save your reputation, but you need to work at it too. I'm gonna make some calls, just stay out of the spotlight for awhile, okay?"

I nodded, feeling more distressed than ever. "Alright, call me back then." I sighed. I hung up the phone and put it down on the coffee table and flipped through the channels on the t.v seeing that I was all over the screen.

My phone buzzed again so I checked it, seeing that it was a text from Chris.

"Hey, so I guess we're officially celebrities now. I'm so sorry about last night, I'm getting a lot of heat from my publicist. How's things on your end?"

Before I could reply there was a knock at my door, so I put down my phone and got up from the couch, walking toward the front door. I was just too stressed out to even look through the peephole so I just swung open the door.

I gasped. "...Caleb."

He stood there in the doorway, wearing his weathered jeans and a plaid shirt with a tan jacket over it. He didn't look too pleased to see me. "We need to talk."

I didn't say anything, I just opened the door and let him walk past me, entering the room.

"Should we go to the living room?" I asked.

"Yeah."

So I led the way and shut off the t.v in the room. I sat down and he sat in a chair opposite of me.

He stared down at the floor for a long time and finally gave a deep sigh and leaned back into the chair. "I...I don't know what to say other than...is it true?"

I shook my head, "No, Caleb it isn't. What happened last night was that I just danced with them, and Chris. Nothing happened, he came back here and we just talked. Caleb, I would never do that to you."

He looked as if something else was on his mind but still he said nothing.

"You do believe me...don't you?" I asked quietly.

He bit his lip and slightly shrugged his shoulders, whispering, "...I don't know."

That hurt. I looked down at the floor, feeling that hopeless feeling again. "I've missed you so much Caleb...and you'll never know how much time I spent crying over you, all the tears that fell from my eyes for you. For a month you've avoided me as if I were some bad ex-girlfriend. My family and friends don't listen to me, they don't want to talk to me about how I feel...I never once thought that my own husband would do that to me."

He lifted his eyes and saw the pain in mine.

I continued. "And to neglect me the way that you have and then to come here and have those feelings of doubt about me...how am I supposed to feel? My heart has taken so much these last three months. I've wished that this was all just a terrible dream that I could wake from...And I know I should have been a better wife to you, I know that I should have been there for you, because not only was my heart broken, so was yours. And I'm sorry." I started to cry.

"Caleb, we've taken vows, for better or for worse. Caleb, here I am, at the worst I've ever been and all I want is for you to accept me. But if you can't, then I'll change. I can change for you Caleb, I will. I'll try my hardest to stop being sad. I'll stop making movies, I'll stop making music. I'll change for you. I'm sorry." I buried my face into my hands and cried.

He looked at me and shook his head, tears had filled his eyes. "No. Audrey I don't ever want you to change. I know I've hurt you in the worst way, but it's because I was scared, and I'm a coward."

I wiped away my tears and tried my hardest to control myself. I sat back into the couch and looked away. "You left me with nothing Caleb. I'm not talking about money, or help in any way. I'm talking about my dignity.
Do you have any idea how many times I've been asked the question, Where's your husband? 'Cause I don't. I've lost count to tell you the truth. I tried to convince myself that everything is okay, but deep inside there's that little voice that asks, Is our marriage okay?. And then I began asking myself that question. Is everything okay? Caleb, you need to tell me if it's okay or not, because I don't know anything past the fact that we're both hurting each other right now."

He moved his body forward and brought his hands up underneath his chin, a tear streaming down his face. "Audrey I need to tell you something...something that I should've told you when it first happened."

I looked at him.

"When we were here in L.A doing the first show...Lily came to the show...Audrey, she and I slept together."

My heart dropped.

"What?" I spoke in disbelief.

He just looked at me. He knew I heard him the first time.

I stood up and hugged myself, "I can't believe this."

I heard him get up from the chair. "Audrey, I'm so sorry." He put his hands on my arms but I jerked away.

"I can't believe you. I can't believe you." I repeated in shock, quietly.

"Audrey, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It was a mistake-"

"It wasn't a mistake Caleb, it was a choice." I looked at him.

He looked down.

"You used to tell me that you'd take care of me. That I was the only one. And then you go and do something like this." I spoke.

"To answer your question; no, I don't think we're okay." He sighed.

"Yeah, no shit." I shook my head, looking out the window.

"I don't think there's any use in trying to fix this." He quietly spoke. I looked at him over my shoulder.

"So that's it. We're just giving up." I said.

"Well tell me Audrey, how are we supposed to recover from this? How are we ever supposed to go back to the way we were?"

I just nodded. "So what did you have in mind?"

"I've called a lawyer and inquired about filing for one." He replied.

The twist of the blade made me shudder, I turned around. "For one? What are you talking about?"

I looked at him and couldn't help but let the tears stream down my face. He just looked at me and I knew he meant a divorce. I bit my lip and shook my head, "No...no Caleb, you can't do this to me. You can't, please don't-"

"Well what else are we supposed to do? We don't trust each other. All we do is hurt each other and run away from confrontation."

I covered my face and turned away from him. "I know I'm broken. I know I'm a mess. I know I can be an awful, hateful person. And I'm sorry I asked you to be the one to try and fix me. But I told you I'd change. Just please, not this, not this. I can't take this."

I felt his arms wrap around me. "I don't want you to change, Audrey. I don't ever want you to change. I love you Audrey, I will always love you. I married you because of how much I loved you. But I've hurt you so badly. And I can't forgive myself for it."

"I can't believe this is happening to me." I cried.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He sighed, crying too. "I made a bad decision and if I could take it back I would."

I pushed away from him and turned to face him. "Okay, okay, you'll get your divorce. I'm sorry I tried so hard...I guess it wasn't enough."

"Audrey, this is to prevent us from hurting each other anymore. I don't want to do this, but we need to."

I sat down in a chair and sobbed into my hands, crying harder than I've cried in a long time. Caleb tried to console me but I shuddered away from his touch. "Just stop, okay? Don't speak, just please go. Please." I cried, getting up and going to the front door.

"Audrey-"

I shook my head and opened the door, "No, just call me when the papers are ready to be signed. I'll get my assistants and Hobbs to go by the house in Nashville to pick up my belongings and sort through yours at my place in New York. There is nothing you can say that will make things alright. Just go."

He stood there for a moment but left out the door the way he left out of my life. I quietly closed the door and walked back to the living room, my body was numb and I was finding it hard to breathe. I sat down on the couch and sat there for hours in silence and without feeling.

As the room became darker from the night and the single lamp that was on was hardly enough to light up the corner, I reached for my phone and replied to Chris' text.

"Not so good. My agent is gonna try to alleviate things. But Caleb and I are getting a divorce."

Not long after I sent the text, my cell rang and it was Chris, so I answered it.

"Hey." I answered, my voice was quiet from crying and stress.

"Audrey, I can't believe it. Are you two getting a divorce because of what happened last night?" He asked.

I shook my head, "No, he...he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend, or ex-fiancée. And he couldn't handle me at my worst I guess."

"Audrey I'm so sorry, I feel terrible about this." He sighed.

"Don't. I don't want you to feel guilty at all, or anything. It has nothing to do with you. This was gonna happen sooner or later." I replied.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

I closed my eyes and brought my knees up to my chest, leaning back into the couch. "I just need someone to talk to, if that's okay?"

"Of course, I'll do anything for you."

I half-smiled, really needing to hear that. Tears came to my eyes again. "Thank you."