The Bucket List

When Grace woke up the next morning she felt as though a weight had been lifted off her, she felt relieved that she had finally told someone what was happening, what was going to happen? It was as if though just that little gesture got her one step closer to coming to terms with her fate.

The morning was filled with laughter and shrieks as Eric chased Bailey around the house flicking pancake batter at her and the walls while Grace pretended to be asleep.

After hours of lying there, staring at the ceiling Grace forced herself out of bed, her toes sinking into the carpet as she stretched, her body beginning to relax within seconds.

A sigh escaped her lips as she stepped forwards, picking up a clean pile of clothes as she exited her room and headed into the bathroom across the hall.

Locking the door, she pulled off her clothes, looking at herself in the mirror to see if she had changes, feeling a little piece of freedom with the thought that she had finally admitted to someone her fate.

Once preparing herself for the day she left the house silently, her possessions in a worn out bag slung over her shoulders, as her brain retraced the route she had taken many times four years ago.

It didn’t take long until she arrived at the deserted park, the lone slide and swing set starting to rust, the grass no longer a healthy green but a dull yellow conveying her mood perfectly.

Even though Grace felt slightly relieved that she had shared her destiny with someone, it also sunk in all the milestones that she would never have. She would never have a serious boyfriend. Get engaged. Get married. Have a baby. Heck, she would never have sex. But the thing that hurt her the most was the realization that she would never get to grow old with someone.

A small sigh escaped between her pink lips, her eyes shutting as she lifted her feet, the swing slowly rocking into motion. Carefully she swung her legs out, pumping them faster and faster, the breezes rippling through her hair, blowing about her elfish face.

As soon as she reached the peak her eyes flew open, taking in the blue cloudless sky, birds flying high above her head, a thick pack with one lone flying behind her. Like Grace trailing behind as everyone moved forward with their lives.

“I thought I’d find you here” a voice softly floated in the breeze, causing Grace to jump slightly, nearly hurtling down from the swing.

“Hey! It’s okay, it’s only me” the voice spoke again, as her eyes finally located where it was coming from the disheveled figure sprawled on the slide smiled hesitantly.

“Hello Garrett” Grace whispered softly, her voice floating through the air, down to him, as the swing began to slow before halting her feet scrapping backwards across the grass.

“How are you doing?” Garrett asked cautiously, a hand sweeping through his hair as Grace turned to look at him, a glare adorning her face.

“Cut the bullshit Garrett, this is the exact reason I haven’t told anyone about dying. I don’t want my last bit of time to be with people looking at me the way you are now” she snapped, standing up from the swing and turning her back on him, her eyes burning holes into the fence that now faced her.

“Well how am I looking at you Gray?” He asked gently, his voice closer than what it was before; she whirled around, looking directly into his eyes, her harsh tone and foul mood startling him.

“With pity and guilt, Garrett. Like you’re the one that’s killing me instead of this fucking cancer, if I wanted people to look at me like that I would of stayed in hospital, but I don’t want my life to end like that” her gaze held his, unwilling to look away, even though she could sense how uncomfortable he was feeling. Each curse word falling from her tongue shocking him that little bit more, never knowing Grace to curse let alone raise her voice to anyone.

“Gray you got to give me a little time to come to terms with it, heck you dropped this on me, what, 12 hours ago” he replied tearing his eyes from her, looking at the grass, before reaching out, taking hold of her and pulling her closely to him.

“Grace I won’t look at you like that anymore, I’m just terrified of losing you. I know it’s been four years since we last saw each other, but you will always be my best friend. I talked to you about stuff I couldn’t even tell Pat, I always thought that we’d have each other for ever” he mumbled into her hair, his chin resting on top of her head as she squeezed him back, blinking back tears.

“I’m terrified to Garrett, it’s not like I want to leave” she whispered against his chest “There so many things I wanted to do” he clung to her, her words breaking his heart.

“What were they Grace?” he asked, carefully sitting down onto of the dead grass, pulling her down onto his lap.

“The things I wanted to do? You got to promise you won’t laugh” she demanded, her eyes latching onto his as he nodded a small smile on his lips. “Well I always wanted a tattoo, something small, not like a sleeve or anything” she started, giggling listing the things off on her fingers.

“Then there was camping, I always wanted to go but I was too sick too, and I always wanted to sleep under the stairs. Well I guess that counts as too things...Then maybe an open mic?” she questioned as he shrugged motioning for her to continue “I know I haven’t got the best voice in the world but I always wondered what it feels like for John” she concluded, pulling her knees to her, resting her elbow on it, chin in her hand.

“I don’t know” she concluded “they’re quite a few things that I’ve never really thought about”

Garrett looked at her, his brain whirling as he jumped up grabbing Grace’s hand before he began running, pulling her behind him as he exited the park and headed back the way Grace came.

*

“Garrett what are you doing?” Grace questioned, sat Indian style in the middle of his bed, a confused look dawning her face as she watched Garrett wreck his room like a possessed monkey.

“I know it’s here somewhere, I saw it the other day” he mumbled darkly, throwing clothes out of his way the way dog kicks up dirt in a garden.

“Garrett stop it!” She cried, as clothes got tossed onto her, a pair of navy blue striped boxers landing on her head.

“Found it” he exclaimed, jumping onto the bed, placing himself opposite Grace as she looked at him pointedly, raising one eyebrow as she watched his cheeks flush, his hands moving quickly to remove the underwear from her head.

“Thank you” she muttered, as he hushed her, passing her a note pad and a slightly chewed pen.

She looked at him unsure on what she was meant to do before he sighed, taking the items back off her hunching over the battered pad, before scribbling something at the top of the page, biting his lip slightly in concentration before looking at her, smiling at her as he showed the pad.

She rolled her eyes when she saw the words that were messily scrolled on the top ’The Bucket List’ . The words itself brought a lump to Grace’s throat, hoping Garrett wouldn’t notice her sudden change in mood she looked at him biting her lip as he nudged her pointing to the page.

“Grace write anything, I don’t care how silly” he whispered She looked down, the blue ink contrasting against the white lined paper. Grace cleared her mind, thinking carefully on what to put down, not wanting to make a fool of herself or waste Garrett’s time.

She ignored the niggling in her head, raising her hands to brush her hair out of her face before letting a sigh of air escape from in between her lips, lifting the pen to the paper before jotting some words down.

Ten minutes or so later she was content with her list, hesitating slightly as she lifted it from her lap, her gaze on his navy bedspread as she handed him her lift.

Grace felt vulnerable; she wasn’t used to letting people in, not after what she saw it do to Bailey. Letting Garrett read something so personal to her made her anxious.

She drew her legs closer to her body, wrapping one of her arms tightly around them, her fingers gently grazing across the pattern, her lip stinging as she gnawed away.

“Grace, are you sure this is all you want to do?” He questioned softly, placing the list down between them. The 18 bullet points shining on the white paper, her artistic hand writing mocking her.

“Yeah” she mumbled softly, daring to look up, her eyes locking with his before looking down again.

“Well then let’s get this list started.”