A League of Villains

I sighed and leaned back into my floatie, pushing my sunglasses off my head to cover my eyes (yes I know we’re indoors.) Everyone in the room was swimming around, having a good time. Rabia had also invited Zelda over, and the two of them were sitting on the edge of the pool in their bikinis ( Rabia's [red] and Zelda's) talking about hair and other girly things. Everything was happily calm until suddenly Voldemort stormed in angrily. I tried to stifle my giggles as he stormed in; someone had glued an obnoxiously colored, long wig to his head.
“WHO DID THIS?! WHO THINKS THIS IS FUNNY?!” he roared. Of course, everyone was giggling or laughing at him, which only angered him more. He pulled his wand out of his pocket. “WHEN I FIND OUT WHO DID THIS, THEY WILL PAY!” He roared, storming out again. The Joker snickered to himself. I looked around the room after he left; everyone had returned to their conversations. Rabia and Zelda were trying to coax Ganondorf into the pool.
“Awe, come on Ganon, please?” Rabia asked, giving him puppy dog eyes. He narrowed his eyes at her.
“Why should I?” he grumbled.
“Because I polished your flute for you?” she said, smiling innocently at him. “Please?”
“So? I still don’t want to go in,” he said.
“Damn, Ganondorf! Just get in the pool!” Zelda said. “It’s not that bad, is it?” He ignored her and her hideously skimpy bikini. “Well fine! Rabia and I are going to use the diving board.” she said, grabbing Rabia’s arm and dragging her over.
“Um, Zelda? I don’t think this is a good idea...” Rabia said. Zelda gestured for her to climb up first. “I’d really rather not...”
“Oh please, what’s the matter? You and Ganondorf are really getting me down today!” she said, pushing her towards the ladder. Rabia hesitated before starting to climb up the ladder and standing on the top of the diving board. She looked down then back at Zelda.
“Do I really have to do this?” Zelda nodded.
“If not, you have to kiss Link... ON THE FACE!” She nodded once more. Rabia glanced over the edge of the diving board again.
“Um... well...” she glanced over the edge uncertainly. “I think I’ll kiss Link.” she shuddered, trying to pass Zelda and climb back down the ladder. Before she could pass Zelda, however, she was grabbed by the shoulders, pushed over the diving board and into the water. She screamed and landed into the water with an ungraceful splash, then resurfaced spluttering and pulled herself out of the pool. Zelda jumped off the edge in a graceful dive and landed soundlessly in the water. She swam up to the edge of the pool.
“Dammit why’d you get out of the pool?!” she asked. Ganondorf was looking over at them slightly concerned. “Ganondorf, your wife is mean.”
“SHE’S mean? You just shoved her off a friggen diving board wh-- …... when she doesn’t want to,” he quickly said. Zelda gave him a weird look.
“Who DOESN’T want to jump off the diving board? It’s so much fun!” she cheered.
“Just shut up. You anger me,” he muttered. Rabia got back in the pool to swim with her crazy friend for a while longer. Shadow Link and Vaati had once again started a game of Volleyball, only this time they were a safe distance away from Ganondorf. Instead of using an actual volleyball, they were using Shadow’s new fairy. He was laughing evilly as the small creature was batted back and forth between the two, screaming and yelling for them to stop. Zelda swam over to them.
“Heyyy, I wanna play too!” she said. “Come play, Rabia!”
“Ummm, excuse me, when did we say you could join us?” Shadow said, catching the fairy in his hands then dropping it on the surface of the water. It floated about lifelessly, but no one paid attention and he batted it away. Zelda huffed.
“Why wouldn’t you let me play? It’s more fun when there are more people,” she said. Shadow looked at Vaati and Vaati shook his head a little. He turned back to Zelda.
“Sorry, this is a two-person game. No bitches allowed,” he said in fake pity. Rabia swam over and scooped up the little fairy, bringing his shivering body over to the edge of the pool. Zelda gasped.
“I’m not a bitch! Why would you even say that?!” she cried. The two blinked at her. She narrowed her eyes. “I’ll get you two laid if you let me play.”
“Sorry, I’m married,” Vaati said.
“Depends -- who would I be getting some with?” Shadow asked. Vaati elbowed him in the side. “I mean nope, not going to change our minds.” Zelda sighed.
“Fine...” She swam away and back over to Rabia, who was trying to dry off the fairy without hurting it.
“Oh! Hey Zelda. I take it they wouldn’t let you play?” she said, pushing her red hair over one of her shoulders. Zelda shook her head.
“No, they’re just being little jerks.” she glared over at them.
“I’m sorry.” Rabia replied, squeezing some of her hair out. “Damn it, it took me an hour this morning to get this straight.” she scowled. Zelda gasped.
“Really? That’s so weird! It took me an hour to get this curled!” she said. Rabia laughed.
“That’s actually really funny.” she said. “And now my nails are chipping. God damn it! Pools ruin everything.”
“Oh I know! The chlorine better not turn my hair green!” she said, smacking the water as if to punish the chlorine. “Oooh, so how are you and Gaaaaanon?” she cooed.
“Um, good I think.” Rabia shrugged. “At least I think we’re good. How are you and Tet?” Her smile fell.
“We broke up two weeks ago, remember?” she said. “But, I kinda have my eye on somebody...” she said, trailing off.
“Oh! I’m sorry. I totally forgot. My mind has been on... other things. Anyway, is it Link?” Rabia grinned. Zelda shook her head.
“Nope! It’s someone in this room,” she said with a giggle.
“Oooh! Who? Is it Shadow Link? Or Sephiroth? IS IT ZANT?!” she asked. Zelda gasped.
“Actually, it IS one of those three!” she said.
“I’m going to guess it isn’t Zant. Is it Shadow?” Rabia asked, gently patting the fairy dry and letting him fly off. Zelda shook her head.
“I can’t tell you if it is or not,” she giggled. “But I can tell you this much -- he’s a sexy, sexy dude.” Rabia sighed.
“Fine, keep your secret.” Rabia said, laughing slightly. She pulled herself out of the pool and squeezed some more water out of her hair. Zelda gasped once again.
“Rabia!” she cried. “What is this?! Have you gained WEIGHT?!” Some of the people nearby glanced over expecting Rabia to get angry. Instead Rabia’s lip trembled slightly and she grabbed her towel then ran out of the room crying. Zelda pulled herself out of the pool and grabbed her cellphone. “Better make sure to buy some South Beach Diet meals...” she said, dialing some numbers on her phone. Ganondorf punched her in the arm. “OW! What the crap, Ganon!” she cried.
“What the Triforce was that?!” he cried. “You don’t just say that to people!” Zelda looked at him confused.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, totally oblivious. Ganondorf sighed.
“Okay, seriously? How would you like it if I told you that YOU looked like you had put on a couple of pounds?” She gasped.
“I have NOT! In fact, I lost two pounds this week, thank you very much!” Ganondorf rolled his eyes at her.
“Dear Din, why are there so many mentally retarded people around me?” He then walked out of the pool area to find Rabia. Zelda scoffed, and finally my floatie moved away from her and towards someone else. Unfortunately I ended up travelling towards Ghirahim. He licked his lips and swam up to the edge of my floatie.
“Hey there sexy thing.” he winked. I blinked at him awkwardly and tried to paddle away with my hand. He clung to the side of the floatie and grinned at me.
“H-hey Ghirahim...” I said, looking around to find someone to help me. Sephiroth had joined in a game of Volleyball with Shadow, Vaati and Ursula. Zelda was sitting in a chair, sending rapid texts to someone. Majora was once again trying to get a tan from Sauron’s flames as Sauron relaxed in a chair. Scar was curled up in a chair and licking his fur to smooth it back. Bowser decided to canonball right next to my floatie, splashing me with a large wave of cold water. I spluttered and Ghirahim took the distraction to clamber up onto the floatie with me.
“Heeeey Zaaant...” he cooed, stroking my chest with one of his long, pale fingers.
“Hello Ghirahim.” I said, trying to move as far away from him as I possibly could. He licked my neck and I pushed him away roughly. “You’re so CREEPY!” I said, jumping of the floatie and swimming away. Voldemort stormed back in -- the wig had been removed -- and got into the pool with as much anger as he could muster. “Voldemort! My friend! I’m glad to see you’ve come to join us.” He grumbled in response.
“Do you know who glued that thing to my head?” He asked. I shook my head.
“No... but I have my suspicions.” I said, looking around the room. Vaati hit the ball back over the net. Instead of going to the other side however, it hit Princess Zelda on the side of her head.
“Ow! Vaati! Why would you do that?!” she cried, holding the side of her face in pain.
“Sorry Princess!” he called. “Could you throw that ball to us?”
“No! You’ll just hit me again!” She wailed. I rolled my eyes. Apparently Rabia and Ganondorf had returned because she had just gotten into the pool and had joined the conversation between Voldemort and myself.
“Hey guys. Have you found out who glued the wig to your head yet?” she asked, looking at Voldemort.
“No. No I haven’t.” He snapped.
“I bet it was the Joker.” Rabia whispered.
“Oh that little piece of s-” Voldemort swam over to the Joker angrily. I shook my head.
“You just enjoy starting fights, don’t you?” I asked. Rabia nodded.
“I do!” she said with a small smile. “So what’s up Zant?” she asked. I was just about to answer when two long skinny arms wrapped around me from behind.
“Oh Zant... why would you leave me?” Ghirahim said. Rabia just stared at us and started to swim away.
“Wait, don’t leave me with him!’ I called after her. She ignored me and looked around for someone else to talk to. “Help?” Sephiroth and Shadow were whispering to one another and looking at Rabia, then finally decided to swim over to her. Ghirahim started licking me with his scary tongue.
“Hey Rabia.” they said at the same time.
“Hey Shadow, hey Sephy.” she said, giving them slightly odd looks. Zelda was still sitting in a chair texting away, but Ursula’s tentacles were ever so slowly sneaking over to her.
“What’s up?” Sephiroth asked as Shadow slowly crept behind her.
“Um... well... I’m swimming!” she said.
“Do you wanna touch my abs?” Sephiroth asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Yes. Yes I do.” Rabia said, reaching out to touch his tummy muscles.
“Hey Zant... why don’t we go up to my room and have a little fun again?” Ghirahim asked, licking his lips and stroking my side.
“How about no?!” I said, trying to squirm out of his grip.
“Oh, I like it when they fight.” he grinned, holding me tighter. I glanced away from him when Rabia shrieked and Shadow and Sephiroth had started to laugh. Shadow had somehow managed to take her bikini top without her noticing, and she was currently trying to cover herself.
“Oh! Are we swimming topless?!” Zelda asked, untying her own top and diving back into the pool.
“No! We aren’t!” Rabia said. “Shadow give it back.” she whined.
“Nope. You have to get it from us!” he said, tossing the top to Sephiroth. Rabia pouted.
“Wait... so we aren’t swimming topless?” Zelda asked, confused. Rabia shook her head.
“No... ” Zelda started to laugh. “It’s not funny! Don’t encourage them!” she continued to laugh. I jumped as Ghirahim’s hand travelled down to the top of my swim shorts.
“Ghirahim, go away!” I said, pushing his hands off and swimming to the edge of the pool. Before I could haul myself out of the water, he was behind me again, tugging me back in.
“Awe, come on Zant... I’m just trying to have a little fun.” he cooed. I peeled his arms off me and got out of the pool, then found a chair to sit in. Ghirahim tagged along behind me and as soon I as had sat down, plopped himself onto my lap. I ignored him and looked back over to Rabia, Shadow, Sephiroth and Zelda.
“We just wanna see your boobs! It’s not the end of the world.” Shadow said.
“No! Look at Zelda’s!”
“....but she doesn’t have boobs.” Shadow said. Zelda scoffed.
“I soooo do have boobs!” she protested, giving him a glare. Shadow raised an eyebrow.
“If you say so.” he said.
“Sephiroth, will you please give me my top back?” she asked.
“Nope!” Sephiroth said, deciding he wanted to wear her top and tying it on himself.
“Fine!” she said. She got out of the pool and sat in a chair next to Ganondorf, who turned the page of his newspaper. “Hi Ganon.” he glanced up at her then returned his attention to the newspaper in front of him.
“I’m not even going to ask...” he mumbled, turning the page again. There was a ripping sound and Sephiroth started to laugh.
“Oops... I kinda broke your bikini, Rabia.” Her eyes narrowed.
“I hate you Sephy.” she grumbled, pouting slightly. “Ganon, Sephiroth ripped my toooop.” she whined slightly.
“Go get a towel.” he said.
“I can’t swim with a towel on!” she said. She glanced around for a moment before stealing Ganon’s shirt and putting it on, then jumped into the pool.
“Really?” Ganon said. “I was WEARING that.”
“Don’t care!” Rabia replied, smiling at him. He grumbled and looked back at his newspaper. Ghirahim’s finger was tracing small circles on my chest. I just gave him a weird look and pushed his hand away. I could hear Zelda giggling and flirting with Sephiroth.
“Sephy! I thought you were my minion.” Rabia said, crossing her arms.
“Is this making you jealous?” Sephiroth asked, smirking.
“You’re a bum.” she mumbled, crossing her arms. Ghirahim licked his lips and smiled at me.
“So, sexy. Do you wanna go in my room and play some... games?” he asked. I tried to inch away from him some more, and glanced back over at the pool. Once again Bowser was obnoxiously doing laps around it, splashing everyone he passed. As soon as he splashed Rabia, Shadow materialized from a shadow under her legs and stole her bikini bottoms. When he resurfaced he was giggling. Rabia ignored his antics and went to go talk to Majora and Sauron. Suddenly Ganon turned to me and started to strike up a conversation about politics.
“So Zant, how is Antarctica coming? Have you gotten those incubation units built yet?”
“We have a few built, but not enough for ALL the penguins yet.” I replied. “But hopefully soon. We also have a few bowling allies set up as well. Everyone likes to bowl!” He nodded and was about to continue when Ghirahim cut in.
“Hey hot stuff. Wanna go upstairs and have a threesome with Zant?” he asked. Ganondorf blinked, then grabbed Ghirahim by the face and threw him into the pool.
“As I was saying...” he was interrupted again by Zelda’s scream as she was dragged off by Ursula.
“Help! Somebody save me from this tentacley monster!” she wailed. Everyone just ignored her. I glanced around the room once more. Everyone who wasn’t swimming was crowded around Sauron, trying to get a tan. Sephiroth and Shadow Link were giving each other an evil grin and Ganondorf was still talking to me about politics. Ghirahim approached Rabia, who backed away until she bumped into Sephiroth’s chest.
“Yes, Ghirahim?” she asked.
“Can I bring the boy up to swim with us?” he asked. “I’m in the mood for someone a little bit... fiesty.”
“Oh, um... yes of course! Just make sure he doesn’t escape or anything. And be careful with his wounds.” she said. Ghirahim licked his lips and dematerialized down to the dungeon to retrieve Link. Sephiroth cleared his throat from behind Rabia. She turned to face him.
“So Rabia, you should join us in a game of volleyball,” he said in an attempt to distract her from the shadow slowly creeping up behind her.
“Um... sure! okay.” she said, smiling at him.
“You can be on my team. I’m obviously a better player than he is anyway,” he said, receiving a glare from Shadow Link. However, just then, he stole her shirt and quickly swam off. Sephiroth inched closer. “Yeah, you’re definitely on my team.” Rabia was attempting to cover herself, and failing just hid behind Vaati.
“Vaati! Shadow just stole my shirt, so DON’T MOVE.” she said. Vaati just stayed where he was.
“Whoaaa wait, so you’re right behind me without a shirt on?! If Ganondorf sees me, is he going to be suspicious or something?!” He looked in Ganon’s direction nervously. Just then, Ghirahim returned with Link. Link was trying to break out of his grasp, but was getting nowhere so he just gave up. Ghirahim started pulling off Link’s tunic, then tossed him into the pool as well. Rabia was slowly directing Vaati towards the edge of the pool so she could get her towel. Of course, before she could get to her towel, Shadow Link had stolen it.
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!” she yelled. “SHADOW LINK I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” Vaati stole the towel from Shadow and handed it to Rabia, making sure to look in the other direction to avoid seeing his enemy’s wife naked.
“Here you go,” he said. Shadow pouted next to him and sighed.
“Of course, just when I’m starting to have fun...” He sighed once more. Link finally resurfaced after being under the water for almost a minute with a horrified look on his face. Shadow gave him a funny look. “What? What happened?” he asked. Link stared at him, his eyes wide in fear, and just shook his head.
“I just saw something I never ever ever ever EVER want to see again...” he said quietly.
“Ghirahim’s penis?” he asked. Link shook his head slowly. Shadow just shrugged and ignored him then as he continued to stare ahead in shock. “Don’t forget to breathe,” he said before returning his attention to Rabia. She had wrapped up in her towel already and was squeezing water out of her hair.
“What?” she asked, looking at Shadow. He pouted and let out another sigh.
“Oh nothing...” he said, looking away. She looked at him confused.
“Awe... Shadow don’t be sad!” she said, giving him a hug. “What’s wrong?” she repeated. Since she was hugging him, she didn’t see the grin growing on his face. She let him go just as he restole her towel.
“I never got to see your boobs!” he said, starting to laugh. She glared at him and took her towel back, then shoved him over into the pool.
“You’re such a jerk.” she said, joining Ganondorf and myself where we were sitting. She curled up on his lap like a cat. “Hey Ganon.” he just grumbled in response and turned another page of the newspaper.
I looked over at Ghirahim, who was creeping on Link. Link had climbed into a floatie to avoid getting chlorine into any open wounds he may have and Ghirahim had climbed on it as well, similarly to what he had done to me not long before. He was sitting on Link’s legs (the foolish boy had decided to lay on his tummy) and was gently tracing the contours of his back muscles. He didn’t even bother getting the creepy man away and just continued to lay there. Every once in a while he would wince when he traced over a wound, but was too mentally scarred to really care. After a moment Shadow Link turned to stare at them.
“Seriously Link, what did you see that scarred you so much you’re letting Ghirahim molest you?” he asked, staring at his heroic counterpart curiously. Link just shook his head once more.
“I can’t even say...” He blinked twice and stared ahead. Shadow just shook his head.
“Fine fine, don’t tell me,” he said with a pout. “See if I care...” Link looked around, then motioned for him to come closer. He did so. “I’m listening.” Link whispered into the shadow’s ear, then pulled away -- still looking scared. Shadow gasped. “Luckyyy! I’ve been trying to see this all freaking day, and I haven’t seen it once!” Link made a Sheik face, then pushed his floatie away from the creepy boy. Shadow shrugged and started a new game of Volleyball with Vaati, which his fairy stayed well away from. When Rabia thought no one was looking, she quickly gave Ganon a tiny kiss on the cheek, then returned to the cat-like position she had been in moments before.
“AWWWWWWW!!” I said really, really loudly. She glared at me as some of the others looked over.
“Shut up Zant.” she snapped. I grinned to myself. Voldemort and the Joker had finally started to fight with each other about the wig that had been glued to Voldemort’s head early that morning.
“WHAT WOULD EVER POSSESS YOU TO GLUE A WIG TO MY HEAD?” Voldemort roared. The Joker cackled.
“So sorry. I thought you might look better with some hair on your head,” he said with a snicker. “And those colors were just perfect.” Voldemort glared at him.
“Oh really? I think they would look much better on YOU.” he said, flicking his wand. The wig appeared on the Joker’s head, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not remove it. The Joker then gave up and shrugged.
“Well, I guess it could work. I may need to cut it a bit shorter though...” He then took out one of his knives and started cutting off random parts of the wig. “How’s it look?”
“... it looks great, Joker.” Voldemort said, resisting the urge to face palm. I looked back over to Ghirahim and Link. Ghirahim had rolled the boy over and was now tracing his abs. By the look on Link’s face, it was making him rather uncomfortable. Suddenly, Ursula and Zelda emerged from under the water, coming up right under the floatie and tipping it over. Link cried out as he fell over into the water. Ursula’s hair was in a neat, flowing braid, and her eyebrows were now neatly plucked as well.
“Whoa, what happened?” Sephiroth asked. “Why does Ursula not look like a hideous sea monster?” She flipped her braid over her shoulder with a grin.
“Zelda did it for me. Don’t I look irresistible?” she asked. Sephiroth didn’t verbally answer -- he just forced himself to nod to make her feel better about herself.
“Awww, you’re such a gentleman Sephiroth,” Zelda said, feeling his biceps.
“Yeahhh, I’m not too bad,” he said with a wink. She giggled. Her attention was suddenly brought to Link when she heard him struggling to get out of the pool.
“Link! Where did you come from?!” she cried. She quickly swam over to help him onto the edge of the pool.
“Thanks Zel--” he started, but soon cried out in surprise and covered his eyes. “Zelda! Why aren’t you w-wearing a top?!” he asked. She looked down.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” she said. She shrugged. “Oh well, no big deal.” He still continued to cover his eyes. Shadow swam over as well now, and grinned at Link.
“You are such a virgin, dude,” he said with a snicker. Rabia started to giggle as well.
“He so is!” she said, climbing off of Ganon’s lap to join them.
“Stop making fun of me!” Link said.
“Link, we will never stop making fun of you.” Shadow replied, patting Link’s head. “It’s just so easy to do.” Link glared at him.
“Not cool, man! I don’t make fun of you for being a slut!” he said. Shadow glared back at him.
“Take that back,” he said darkly. Link shook his head.
“Nope, you’re a slut,” he said, folding his arms.
“You’re a virgin!” he cried.
“And you’re a slut!” Just then, Zelda pulled herself out of the pool and took a seat next to him. He immediately covered his eyes once more. “Why Zelda?!” he said. Shadow snickered again. She patted Link on the back. “OW!” he hollered in pain. She gasped.
“Link, what’s wrong?! Did I hit you that hard?!” Shadow laughed for a moment.
“Yeah, as if!” he cried through his laughter. She just ignored him.
“Turn around, Link. I’ll check and see if you’re okay,” she said. He quickly shook his head.
“Uhhh I don’t think that’s a very good idea.” She looked at him confused.
“Why not? Don’t tell me you’re going to be shy now,” she said, trying to turn him around. He sighed, and turned so his back was to her. She gasped again. “Oh Link! What happened to your back?!” she asked.
“Uhhh... I fell,” he horribly lied.
“Okay, even I wouldn’t fall for that,” she said. “Does that hurt?” she asked, gingerly touching one of the wounds.
“OW, YES!” he cried, jumping forward a little. She turned to Shadow, her eyes narrowed.
“YOU wouldn’t happen to know about this, would you?” she said suspiciously. He quickly shook his head. She turned to Ganondorf. “How about you, Ganon? Do you know anything about this?” He shook his head as well. She sighed. “Well, thankfully I have healing powers! I’ll go grab a potion from my bag real quick, stay there,” she said, getting up to grab it. Shadow quickly swam up to the very edge of the pool and glared at him.
“Don’t you even THINK about telling her about this yet,” he threatened. “If she finds out, she’ll send a whole friggen ARMY here. And if she does, Marth pays for it.” Link gasped.
“Why can’t you ever just take your anger out on me?!” he asked. Shadow shrugged.
“I dunno.” Zelda walked back over and sat behind Link.
“Alright, hold still while I pour this on you okay?” she said.
“Oh mushroom, this is going to hurt like a--” He then cried out in pain and hopped about in discomfort.
“I told you not to move! Stop it!” she said, smacking him and only making him scream again. “Oh, sorry!” Rabia and Shadow were giggling at the two of them quietly. Link turned to glare at them again.
“Shut up.” he said. “This isn’t funny.”
“I think it is.” Rabia replied, taking off her towel and sliding into the pool again. Link shielded his eyes and yelped in pain as Zelda continued healing him. Lord Ghirahim rejoined them and sighed when he saw what Zelda was doing.
“What a shame. I liked it when he squirmed...” he licked his lips slowly.
“GG, back the fuck up! Can’t a bitch get some damn room around here?!” He blinked at her and slowly walked away. “Exactly!” Satisfied, she finished healing him. “There Link! All better!” she said with a smile. Ghirahim quickly ran back over with a hopeful look on his face.
“Can I make him scream again?” he asked. She glared at him and splashed water at him with her foot.
“I said GO!” she said.
“Well, really, you never told him to leave,” Shadow said in his defense. She splashed him too.
“Well NOW I’m telling him to go!” Ghirahim walked away, disappointed.
“Awe poor Ghirahim.” Rabia giggled, watching him walk away.
“Poor Ghirahim?! He’s been tormenting me all day!” Link cried. “And for the love of Farore, can you PUT SOME CLOTHES ON?!” He huffed angrily.
“I would Linky... but Shadow stole my clothes, and I don’t feel like running through the house nude to get some more.” she replied, lazily swimming past him. He covered his eyes again.
“Poor Link... He just doesn’t know what to do with himself when there are a bunch of naked or half naked chicks around him... If only that other naked chick was here. What was her name again? That one you have to marry?” Shadow said. Link dropped his hands and stared at him wide-eyed.
“How do you know her?! HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME?!” he cried. Shadow just started humming and swam over to Vaati. “Hey, don’t you swim a
way from me! Come back here!” He jumped back into the water and followed him as quickly as possible. Zelda sighed dreamily.
“Isn’t he so hot when he’s shirtless and wet?” she asked Rabia, staring at Link’s sexy back.
“Shadow DEFINITELY is. Link... eh, I’m not digging it. ” Rabia replied shrugging. “I’m so bored right now. I wonder if anyone feels like making out. Hey Ghirahim!” she swam away from Zelda and towards the creepy Demon Lord. Zelda shuddered.
“Ew, why would you make out with Ghirahim?! Isn’t your husband like right over there?!” She just shook her head and jumped back into the pool, following Link and Shadow over to Vaati.
“Yeah, like Ganon wants to make out with anyone.” Rabia chuckled. Link was yelling at Shadow, demanding for him to tell him why he knew about his fiancee. Vaati was now climbing out of the pool, too lazy to be swimming any longer. Shadow was ignoring Link and quickly following behind his master, and Zelda was again flirting with the men she found attractive in the pool. I sighed and looked at Ganon.
“We should get some smoothies,” I said.
“Yeah, I agree,” he answered. We then started to leave the area to go get smoothies.
“Anyone want to join us and get some smoothies?” I called. Ganondorf smacked me hard in the side. “Ow, what?”
“Why did you have to do that? Now everyone is going to follow us,” he said angrily. I shrugged.
“Oh well.” Rabia ditched Ghirahim and walked over to us.
“What are you dooooing?” she asked in a sing song voice.
“We’re getting sm- Nothing! We’re not doing anything.” I said.
“... can I do nothing with you?” she asked, looking at us hopefully.
“You most certainly can NOT. Go do nothing with someone else. We’re doing manly nothing.” I gave him a weird look, thinking What does that even mean? He glared at me and signalled for me to go along with it. She sighed.

“I know when I’m not wanted.” she said, walking away from us to go harass Link. Ganondorf shrugged.
“Come on, let’s go,” he said. We continued on and went to go get smoothies, and while we did, my all-seeing third eye watched what was going on in the pool area. Ursula’s tentacles were slowly creeping toward Sephiroth again, who was busy staring at Rabia. Rabia was talking to Zelda once again about girly things and Link was covering his eyes, trying not to look at the two of them. Of course, Shadow Link was laughing at him for this, and Link was growing irritated with him. Zelda turned to him.
“Link, we won’t be offended if you look at us when we’re speaking,” she said.
“No, I’d be offended,” Rabia said with a nod. Zelda just shook her head.
“It’s just boobs!” she said.
“Link has never seen boobs,” Shadow said. Link hit him.
“Why do we always have to be talking about this?! I have, too! So let’s just change the subject!” He looked away angrily.
“Okay, I’m sorry. He hasn’t seen any boobs that weren’t in a photograph.” Shadow snickered. Link glared at him and the two continued to argue, while everyone else talked or swam around the pool. My third eye’s vision had bored me, so I blocked it out and sighed.
“Nothing interesting going on in there,” I said. I looked over at Ganon, who had been sipping from his smoothie in thought. “So what’s on your mind?” I asked him, taking a sip from mine as well. He shrugged.
“Nothing important,” he answered. I slammed my cup down on the table, causing some of it to spill out onto my hand. A few people in the food court (that was conveniently located outside of the fortress) walking by stared at me.
“Tell me what’s on your mind, godammit!” I cried.
“Fine fine, I’ll tell you,” he said. He leaned in closer. “As long as you promise you will never speak of this to anyone,” he said quietly. I nodded, taking another sip of my smoothie. He hesitated before continuing. “I think we should never go to the pool area,” he said. I looked at him, puzzled.
“Why do you say that?” I asked. “The pool area is so much fun.” He shook his head.
“What if one of us villains died in the pool? Or slipped on the wet tiles? Or gets suffocated by a floatie?” He sipped from his smoothie. “You see, I just have this feeling something horrible is going to happen near or in that pool.” I thought about this for a moment.
“Well, yes someone could certainly die... but someone could also die, let’s say... sipping this smoothie!” I took another sip from mine. “You know those little dottie things in them? Someone could choke on one of those and die. And also, maybe the inmates will rebel and kill some of us. It’s just a risk we’ll have to be willing to take,” I said. He sighed.
“Alright, fine. Can you at least make it so I don’t have to be present when everyone else is in the pool?” he asked. I tilted my head.
“Why would you want that?” He shrugged.
“I just don’t feel like swimming,” he said. I slammed my cup again, this time some of it flying out and landing all over the table.
“Ganondorf, tell me or I swear to Din I will throw this smoothie at you!” I yelled.
“Alright alright, just keep it down,” he said. He sighed before going on. “Now swear you will never EVER tell anyone this either..” I nodded.
“I swear on my grave,” I said. He narrowed his eyes at me.
“...Alright, whatever. I hate you, so I don’t know I’m sitting here right now or why I’m telling you this, but... I have very bad memories involving... swimming,” he said, taking another sip of his smoothie.
“Go on,” I said, suddenly more interested than before.
“When I was young, I wen--”
“Which you are no longer young, just saying.” He glared at me.
“Yes, I’m no longer young, we get it. Now anyway, as I was saying, I went swimming by the waterfall in Gerudo Valley when I was younger. Th--”
“Well there’s your first mistake. Why would you swim by a waterfall if you were young? Nope, that’s a no-no,” I said. He slammed his fist on the table.
“What’s the point of me telling the damn story if you’re just going to keep interrupting me?!” he cried. “And that’s the only damn water in the entire desert, so shut the hell up!” I nodded.
“Alright, you’re right, I’ll stop. Carry on,” I said. He narrowed his eyes, but continued.
“ANYWAY... The current was strong that day, but when I was young I thought I was above the world and I could do anything.”
“Who knew,” I said, taking another sip from my smoothie.
“Yeah, whatever. So I jumped into the water and was swimming well enough on my own for a while, when--”
“Wait wait, but I thought you couldn’t swim. I’m confused, when did you learn how to swim? Tell me that story first.” He slammed his fists down again.
“I’m just done. Needless to say, I nearly drowned that day, and I never swam again. And THAT is why I do NOT want to swim in the pool,” he said.
“Wear floaties! I’m not sure if they’d come in your size though... Or if they’d be able to carry someone your weight... Hmm... Well, I’m sure we could just get a couple dozen floaties and try that out,” I suggested. “Besides, there’s no current in the pool!” He stood up from the table and threw his smoothie in my face.
“Zant, I have nothing to say to you.” He stormed off out of the food court and back into the fortress before I could say anything else. I sighed.
“Was it something I said?” Zelda skipped outside (thankfully her top was back on) and plopped down next to me at the table.
“Hey Zant! What’s up? And why are you covered in smoothie?”
“I was just talking to Ganon. What the hell do you want?” I asked. She smiled and leaned forward, licking the smoothie off my neck.
“You know Zant, I’ve always thought you were rather sexy.” she winked. I blinked at her.
“You have?” I asked.
“Oh yeah... especially when you rap.” she said, climbing onto my lap.
“You like my raps?” I asked, confused. She leaned closer and kissed me.
“I love your raps, Zant. Do you wanna go up to your room and have a little fun?” she winked. I nodded quickly.
“Yeah.” she giggled and got off my lap. “Well lets go.” she said. I picked her up and ran back into the fortress and when I got to my room I made sure to lock it behind me.