A League of Villains

It was once again another boring day. Our short meeting had consisted of everyone updating how their continent was doing, then we all dispersed to do our own thing. Most of us had decided to go swimming, but a few (coughGanondorfcough) had decided to go to the library instead. I was in my floatie, enjoying my relaxing day when I heard a scream and Shadow and Rabia ran in as fast as their legs could carry them. They had panicked looks on their faces as they doubled over to catch their breath.
“Zant!” Rabia said, holding her sides trying to catch her breath. “All the prisoners! They’re just gone!” she said. All noise and movement in the room stopped.
“What?!” I yelled, getting off my floatie and climbing out of the pool.
“I suspect it was Zuko.” Shadow said. “After all, he’s the only one who isn’t here.”
“Why are you all just standing here?! Find them! They could be somewhere in this fortress!” Everyone scattered in opposite directions, hurrying to search the fortress. I myself started looking in every nook and cranny that someone could possibly (or not possibly) fit into. Eventually all of us met up back in the meeting hall and admitted defeat.
“Well... I guess we’re back to square one.” I said, folding my long fingers together. “Rabia, do you have any more brilliant ideas?” I asked. She shook her head.
“There’s no way we can recapture all of those heroes. They have probably either all gone into hiding by now or are out starting resistances.” she scowled. “I KNEW we should have had someone on guard in the dungeon.”
“You are surprised they escaped? The heroes always win.” Ganondorf said, not looking up from his book.
“Way to be PESSIMISTIC.” Rabia snapped, crossing her arms. I raised an eyebrow at her.
“Anger isn’t going to help the situation at all, Rabia. What we need is a plan.” I said.
“If I know Link, he’ll be on his way to get his revenge.” Shadow said, lounging back into his chair. “I think it’d be best if WE went into hiding.” he said.
“So now we’re cowards?” Murtagh said, folding his arms.
“No, we’re not cowards. We’re just... waiting.” Shadow grinned. “For the perfect time to strike, after we lure the heroes into a false sense of security.”
“Lord Vaati,” I said, turning to him. “Do you think you have enough power to make this fortress totally invisible?” He nodded.
“Of COURSE I can!” he said. He muttered an incantation under his breath.
“... so I’m assuming that means we’re invisible?” I asked.
“OHHH! You wanted the fortress and everything IN it invisible. Oops.” he said. I shook my head. He said a longer, more complex sounding incantation and nodded. “That should do it.”
“So wait... does that mean we have to stay in here?!” Rabia asked. I nodded.
“Unfortunately, yes Rabia. We have to stay in here until we come out of hiding except under extreme circumstances.”
“Damn it. When I find Zuko I’m going to fucking punch him.” she muttered, crossing her arms.
“Okay everyone, just make sure you don’t give away our location and we’ll be fine.” I said.
“Zant they already know the location.” Ganondorf said, looking at me like I was stupid.
“Yeah but we’re INVISIBLE now, duh.” I said, shaking my head at him in disappointment.
“Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m really fucking bored already.” Rabia said, crossing her arms.
“Sucks to be you.” Ganon said.
“Wait wait wait... Ganon, come here for a second.” Rabia said. He grumbled but got up and walked over to her.
“What?” he asked, crossing his arms. She just stared at him for a second, then started swishing his cape back and forth and giggling. He rolled his eyes at her.
“I love your cape! It’s so fantastically swishy!” I blinked and then turned to the rest of the group.
“If any of you hear word of Zuko, let me know as soon as possible. If any of us see him again, we are to kill him on the spot.” I said. The other villains nodded in agreement.
“Really Rabia?!” Ganon said. She had taken his cape and put it on, then started laughing.
“I’m Ganondorf now.” she said, trying to suppress her giggles and put on a serious face. “I’m too grumpy to talk to any of you.” Ganondorf sighed and walked back over to his seat next to Sauron and let Rabia amuse herself. Jafar cackled.
“All real villains have capes.” he said, grinning widely. Half the villains at the table turned to glare at him.
“Shut up Jafar.” Shadow Link said. Rabia rolled her eyes, still trying to be like Ganondorf. She was failing miserably because she couldn’t keep a straight face.
“So we can all just go back to what we were doing, I suppose.” I said, nodding. Everyone dispersed slowly. Ganondorf went to retrieve his cape from Rabia who was currently whispering and giggling to Vaati.
“Rabia, give me my cape.” he said. She shook her head.
“No! It’s warm and... and stuff.” she said. He raised an eyebrow at her.
“And stuff?” she nodded. “Just give it back. You’re going to-” she stumbled over the edge of his cape and he steadied her. “Trip.” he finished, pulling his cape off her and walking out of the room.
“Damn. I was enjoying myself. It’s SO SWISHY!” I patted her on the head.
“Do you wanna go swimming?” I asked.
“Nope. I’m going to hang with Vaati for a bit.” she said. “But I’ll gladly join you afterwards!” she grabbed Vaati’s hand and skipped out of the room with Shadow Link lurking behind them. I sunk back in my chair and sighed.
“Alone at last.” I muttered, sighing contentedly. I felt arms wrap around my waist and jumped.
“Hello Zant.” Ghirahim whispered, licking my cheek.
“BLUUUUH!” I yelled, pushing him away and jumping out of my chair. “Ghirahim! Why would you sneak up on me like that?!” he grinned and licked his lips. I slowly started walking towards the door, hoping he wouldn’t follow me.
“You just looked so lonely!” he chuckled. “I thought you wanted some company.”
“Thanks Ghirahim but... I’m just going to go... take a nap.” I said, walking out of the room. He appeared again in front of me, his hand on his chin.
“I think I’ll join you.” he said, winking at me. I brushed by him and went upstairs, headed towards the pool room.
“Um, I’d really rather you didn’t.” I said, pushing the door open. I jumped into the pool with the others that were already in there and climbed into my floatie to relax. He jumped onto me from the edge of the pool and licked my face. There was a popping sound and the floatie slowly started deflating. “AH! GHIRAHIM! I’M SINKING YOU TWIT.” I yelled, splashing around in the sinking plastic wildly. I shoved him off and swam to the edge of the pool, coughing and spluttering. “Now my helmet is going to rust!” I said angrily.
Suddenly King Dedede ran in, cannonballing into the pool and splashing me with more water. I started coughing and glared. Ghirahim giggled and swam over to me, then pulled off my helmet.
“Awe, Zant... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He cooed, placing his hands on either side of me. He leaned forward and I quickly pulled myself out of the pool to avoid his tongue. I hurried upstairs to find my best friend and aspiring evil overlord (overlordess?) Rabia. She was in Vaati’s room talking to Shadow as Vaati sat in the corner at his sewing machine.
“Shh!” I said. “I’m hiding from Ghirahim. They just stared at me for a minute, then continued with their conversation.
“What is Vaati doing?” I asked, sitting down on the bed with Rabia and Shadow.
“He’s making me a cape!” Rabia said, grinning at me. “I wanted one that matches Ganondorf. Mostly to piss him off.” she started laughing.
“Yeah, you don’t need to try very hard to do that.” he said. She giggled and nodded.
“That’s very true. The only time he isn’t angry is when he’s like... what the fuck.”
“I finished your cape Rabia.” Vaati said, tossing it to her.
“Yay!” she said, happily giving Vaati a small hug and putting it on. “Do I look like Ganondorf yet?”
“Maybe if he was a girl. Or if you were a man.” I said, batting at the tip of Shadow Link’s hat. He gave me a strange look, but that soon disappeared as suddenly we heard a loud commotion from downstairs. We looked at each other and ran out the door, making sure to grab our weapons. Link had burst into the fortress with his sword ready. He was swinging his sword wildly, prepared to fight any villains that came in reach of his blade. As soon as he saw me, Vaati, Rabia and Shadow, he made a mad dash towards us. Shadow Link grinned darted forward, their blades clashing loudly. They were both about equally matched to each other but then Link managed to knock Shadow’s sword out of his hand and it flew halfway across the room.
Rabia jumped in and started fighting with Link while I fought with my scabbard which didn’t seem to want to release my sword. Vaati was muttering incantations under his breath, none of which appared to have any effect on Link. Link knocked both of Rabia’s scimitars out of her hands easily, but before he could do anything Ganon shoved her out of the way and took her place.
Shadow, who had gotten his sword back, started fighting Link alongside Ganondorf. Ghirahim joined in next, licking his lips and winking at Link. The three of them proved a challenge for the Hylian, but they still managed to make few marks on him. Finally I freed my own sword from the scabbard and joined in as well. The four of us managed to back him into a corner. A blow from Ganon knocked Link’s sword out of his hands and another knocked him across the room and into the opposite wall. Link sunk to the floor with a groan of pain and held his head in his hands. Ghirahim pulled Link to his feet and grinned, pinning him against the wall.
“Awe, poor little Link.” he cooed, running his finger down Link’s jawbone. Link looked slightly dazed, and he winced when Ghirahim pat him gently on the head. Ganondorf picked Link up and tossed him down the stairs to the dungeon and we heard Link let out soft cries of pain all the way down. He followed Link down the stairs and returned moments later. After he had put his sword away he turned and glared at Vaati.
“I think I said the spell wrong...” Vaati grinned sheepishly.
“REALLY? I NEVER would have guessed.” Ganondorf said sarcastically, staring down at the small boy. Vaati cowered behind Shadow and Ganondorf pulled his wife back to her feet.
“I-I’ll fix it!” Vaati said, saying another incantation. “That was the right spell that time, I swear.”
“Why don’t I do the magic this time? My spells never fail.” Voldemort said, pushing past Vaati and taking out his wand. Vaati crossed his arms and pouted as Voldemort stepped outside, pointed his wand at the fortress and said a latin-esque sounding spell. He walked back inside and grinned. “Can’t see a thing.” I sighed in relief and looked around the room. Everyone was just kind of sitting around, not really doing anything.
I happened to look over as Rabia pulled Ganondorf into a tiny hug. He hugged her back gently and everyone in the room fell silent with shock. Vaati was so shocked he fainted. When they noticed everyone was staring at them Rabia blushed and Ganondorf glared at us.
“Do you have a PROBLEM?!” he demanded.
“Awwww!” I said, grinning at them. Ganondorf rolled his eyes and ignored me. Shadow Link woke Vaati who stood up in a daze.
“I just had the strangest dream!” Vaati said with wide eyes. Rabia giggled at Vaati and pulled Ganondorf closer so she could kiss him. Vaati’s eyes widened more and he fainted again.
“Who knew Ganondorf had emotions?” Shadow said, earning a few snickers from some of the other villains. Ganon glared at him.
“Shut up.” he growled. Rabia glared at Shadow and grabbed Ganon’s hand.
“Come on Ganon. Lets go... play wii or something.” she shrugged, leading him upstairs. Shadow Link started giggling as soon as they left and Vaati woke up once more.
“That was so frightening.” he said. Shadow offered him a hand and pulled him to his feet.
“I thought it was cute.” I said with a grin. There was an awkward silence and everyone slowly started to trickle out of the room and go in their own directions.
“Oh no! Rabia forgot her cape.” Vaati said, picking it up off the floor. “Lets go give it to her.” I shrugged, having nothing better to do. Besides, I was going upstairs anyway. I followed Shadow and Vaati upstairs and we walked into Ganon’s room without knocking. Rabia jumped away from Ganondorf and blushed. The two of them had been cuddling with each other. Vaati gasped and fainted once more and Ganondorf glared at us.
“What do you want?” he snapped.
“Sorry... we were just bringing Rabia her cape.” Shadow said, setting it down on the nightstand closest to Rabia. He pulled out his cell phone for a minute, pretending to send a text, then picked up Vaati and started walking towards the door. Ganondorf glared at us until we left. As soon as Shadow closed the door we both started laughing.
“Please tell me you got a picture of that!” I said, holding my sides. Shadow nodded and showed me his cell phone. Vaati regained consciousness and blinked.
“They need to stop doing that.” he groaned. Shadow set him back down and we walked upstairs to the indoor pool. As soon as I walked in Ghirahim jumped on me from behind.
“Zant! I have a present for you.” he whispered. Before I could protest he turned me around. There was a big, two person sized floatie on the side of the pool with a large bow on it. I blinked for a moment. “I popped your other floatie, remember?” he said, grinning at me and flipping his bangs out of his face.
I pushed it into the pool and climbed onto it, the pushed my sunglasses down over my eyes. Between prisoners escaping, Ghirahim popping my floatie, Link coming back to fight with us, Ganondorf showing his emotions and Vaati fainting multiple times, I had become very sleepy indeed. Before I drifted off into a half asleep stupor, I reminded myself to keep that photo Shadow Link had taken as black mail.