A League of Villains

At Kaikoura’s looking for Sheik and Dark is there and it’s bad for him muahahahahahhahahahahahhaha

AND NOW WE START

I had snuck away from the group while they were looking for Aladdin to go search for him myself before I got into any trouble. I could only assume that he was with Sheik, since the two had escaped my grasp earlier. So, doing what any logical person would, I headed back to Kaikoura’s house to retrieve my prisoner. I didn’t bother to knock and instead just went right inside.
“What the- NOOOBODY respects me and Sheik! What is wrong with this picture?!” Kaikoura scoffed when she spotted me. “What do you want, Zant?!”
“I have come to retrieve my prisoner. Now, give him to me.”
“What are you talking about?!”
“Aladdin. Give me Aladdin. Now.”
“Zant, he’s not even here!”
“I know he is! Sheik freed him from the cage and took him and I need him back right now!” I said impatiently. “Give him back or… or I’ll do something!” Kaikoura looked at me in annoyance.
“You’re lucky Dark Link and Rabia left a little while ago,” she said. “They were looking for you, and took Aladdin back to the villains!” I gasped.
“They were?! They did?!” A knock came at the door. I gasped again. “Pretend I’m not here!” I dashed into a nearby room, their bedroom, where sadly Sheik sat. I shut the door behind me and awkwardly stared. Sheik blinked, standing from the bed.
“Zant, what are you--” he started.
“SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” I hissed.
“Hi Kaikoura!” It was Rabia. “I told Ganondorf I was going to go look for Zant… but we never really got to hang out so I came back. Are you busy?” she asked.
“Uh… I guess not,” Kaikoura shrugged and let her inside.
“Awesome. So what’s up? Besides you know… what I already saw in the last chap- I mean ten minutes.”
“Uh… just…” she looked around awkwardly. “About to log in to the chatroom!” she added. “Maybe you should come back later.”
Rabia looked at her suspiciously. “Are you hiding something, Kaikoura?”
“Uh… I… have a visitor,” Kaikoura replied.
“Oh? Where? I don’t see anyone?” she peeked around Kaikoura’s shoulder, eyebrows raised.
“He’s in the bathroom…” Kaikoura nodded.
“Ooooh a boyyy?”
“Yeeep!”
“Does Sheik know about this?! Are you cheating on him? Zelda and I worked really hard on setting you two up!” Rabia said in annoyance.
“It’s just… my… brother. Yep.”
“Does that mean CC is here too? Can I say hi?” Rabia asked.
“It’s just Vallon.”
“Really? That’s weird. Can I still say hi? I haven’t seen him since… like… two months ago or something.”
“Weeell… he wasn’t feeling very well but I guess if you want to, you can… Just knock before you go in…” Kaikoura answered.
“Okay!” Rabia said chipperly. She went inside and knocked on the bathroom door. She blinked when it creaked open. “Um… did Vallon jump out the window or something? He’s not in here.”
Kaikoura gasped. “Oh no! That’s weird… he was in there just a couple minutes ago…”
“You’re such a liar,” Rabia said with her hands on her hips.
Kaikoura looked around. “Okay, fiiiine. Sheik has a visitor in the bedroom.”
“W-What?! But… WHAT?!”
“You probably shouldn’t disturb him. He’s… probablyyy… pretty occupied.”
“You knew about that and you… but… but… uh…” Rabia blinked. “Please tell me this isn’t some weird kink…”
“You’re worse than Zelda, okay?” Kaikoura said.
“Oh, good, it’s not. Okay… well… I’ll just go then… and hang out with Malon… she doesn’t let weird people in her bedroom… cept Shadow but he doesn’t count.”
“Okaaay! See you laterrr!” Kaikoura smiled and waved as Rabia left.
“Phew, that was close!” I said. Sheik glared at me.

ADVENTURES WITH RABIA………….

Rabia decided she would rather visit Zelda before she visited Malon. She strolled through Castle Town, eventually reaching Hyrule Castle. She walked inside and entered the throne room. Zelda was “working” as usual. She sat at a table, surrounded by a bunch of muscular, hunky men. They were chatting and eating a feast… and the men were all shirtless. Zelda’s face lit up when she saw Rabia.
“Hi best friend!” she cried, waving her over. Rabia waved and took a seat next to Zelda.
“What’s up with all the hot dudes?” she asked. Zelda smiled.
“Well, now that I’m single, I’m looking for a candidate to be my next boyfriend!” Rabia looked around the table at the men and pointed at a particular one.
“He’s pretty hot, what about him?” she said. Zelda giggled.
“I know, isn’t he?”
“Yep. He’s nice looking… do you just look for the hottest guy around or do you actually care about anything else? Cause if you’re just looking for the hottest he’s probably the best choice…”
“I’m looking for very… specific qualities,” Zelda said.
“Like what? A huge dick?” Rabia blinked.
“Well that’s one thing,” she said. "Some others include a full six pack, nice hair, submissive personality, can bench press 360, preferably pointy ears but I’m not picky, and will go on dately things with me.”
“... So… you’re looking for Link,” Rabia said, eyebrow raised. “He fits all of those descriptions you just gave me… don’t ask how I know about the dick.”
“Do you really think Link has all those qualities?” Zelda asked thoughtfully.
“Well, yes… he has a six pack… I’d say he has nice hair, he’s VERY submissive like ridiculously so, he can bench press Cosette… he has pointy ears and he’d die if he went on a date with you because he’d be so happy. Just… date Link already holy poop.”
Zelda thought about this for a moment. “But Prince Sinbad is so hot… I want to give him a chance too you know…”
“Link has been waiting since HE WAS SEVEN YEARS OOOOLD!” Rabia said. “Like, come on!”
Zelda waved her off. “You don’t need to talk about this right now… I think I’ll date Prince Sinbad!”
Rabia facepalmed. “Oh dear Din… I’m never going to hear the end of this from Link…”
The other shirtless men looked down in disappointment. Zelda didn’t seem to notice and continued eating her meal happily, as did Sinbad. Rabia sighed.
“Well you’re boring… I’m gonna go visit Malon… Have fun with Sinbad… and not Link….” She glared at Zelda. “Bye.”
Rabia went to Malon’s house and knocked on the door. She just wanted to hang out with someone, damn it. A moment later, Malon’s dad, Talon, came to the door. He looked like he had just woken up. “Hi… Is Malon home?” she asked. He nodded groggily and stepped aside to let her in. She made her way up the stairs and entered Malon’s room. “Malon?”
“Hi Rabia!” she greeted cheerfully.
“What’s up? Are you busy? Kaikoura was being weird and Zelda is being… Zelda.” Rabia said. “And I want to hang out with someone because Ganondorf is being a penishead.” Malon blinked.
“Well, sure… I had plans with Link to go shopping in town -- would you like to come with us?”
“Oh su- WAIT WHAT LINK?! Why is he out of the fortress?! How did he- uuuugh!” she said.
“Fortress, what? How did he what from the fortress?” Malon asked.
“Oh, nothing,” Rabia sighed. “I’ll just… go back to Kaikoura’s to make sure Vallon isn’t dead…” Before Malon could say anything, Rabia booked it out and went to Kaikoura’s. She didn’t even bother knocking and just walked right in. To her surprise (not), Zant was floating among Sheik and Kaikoura. The three stared at her in silence. Zant went to speak, but before he could, Rabia interrupted him.
“Just don’t!” she said. “I can’t believe you guys made me walk all that way for NOTHING…”
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to be killed!” Zant cried.
“YOU’RE A GHOST…”
“....Right….” He hovered over to Rabia. “...Should we head back to the fortress then?”
“Yes… but I wish Shadow Link was here to bring me home,” she whined. Suddenly, instead of Shadow, Dark’s figure appeared as if from nowhere and dragged the two away. Kaikoura and Sheik sat on the couch with a collective sigh…..

BACK AT THE FORTRESS…..

“What the fuck Ganon…” Rabia grumbled. “I called for Shadow…. NOT Dark… No offense Dark. Not that you’re probably offended at all. I found Zant… brought him back. Heard Link escaped… what have you guys been doing for that… HOUR, maybe, that I was gone?”
“Yeahhhhh, we’re working on that…” Sephiroth mumbled.
“Actually you were gone for an hour and twenty three minutes,” Shadow said. “And we have no idea how Link escaped… soooo… you should help us…” He trailed off, sensing the dirty look Rabia was giving him.
“You know what? No! Fuck all of you, I’m so done with your stupidity! First Ganondorf was being stupid and it rubbed off on all of you and just… grow some brains!” Shadow looked at her sadly.
“But we need you…” he said.
“That sucks.”
“That walk certainly helped your mood,” Demise added. Rabia glared at him and threw her shoe at his head. “Good one.”
“It’s not my fault you guys lost Link. Again. As always. I mean come on.” She folded her arms in annoyance. “You guys are horrible at keeping prisoners.”
“And you’re horrible at being nice,” Demise said plainly.
“Damn right!” She turned and stomped out of the room, only wearing one shoe. She stopped to throw this shoe at Ganondorf, however, before exiting. Ganondorf rolled his eyes.
“No one cares about Link, so let’s just leave him be,” he said. The other villains nodded in agreement. I let out a melancholy sigh.
“Where is my good friend Voldy when you need him… I bet Nagini could sniff him out…” I sighed again. Many villains slowly turned to me with narrowed eyes.
“Zant…” Vader said, stepping toward me. “You’re the reason most of these prisoners are escaping… I would send you to sniff them out yourself, but you’d probably find a way to mess that up too.” I went to retort, but couldn’t think of a thing.
Voldemort walked in at that moment and sighed. “You lost another one?” He raised his wand. “Accio Link.” Link came zooming back attached to Malon, both of them looking very confused.
“Well, that fixes that problem,” Vader said. “Thank you Voldemort.”
Voldemort nodded and set the two on the floor. “Of course.” He looked at Zant. “Stop losing our prisoners, you fool.” I looked at the floor in defeat. Vaati, totally unaware of the situation around him, had just walked into the room.
“Malon? When did you get here?” he asked excitedly, running over to hug her.
Malon smiled. “Hi Vaati!” She hugged him back. “I just got here! I’m… not really sure how…” she blinked. Link cried out in frustration.
“WHY WON’T YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE US ALONE ALREADY?!” he shrieked. He pried Vaati away from Malon and started to run for the doors. The villains facepalmed.
“You’re not going to escape, Link,” Voldemort said.
“You guys told us that a million times before and we still did!” Link called after him. Vader looked to the other villains.
“He’s right. Follow him, Zan-- Actually, Sephiroth, grab them,” he ordered.
Sephiroth ran out and caught them easily, then put Link down in the dungeon with the others. He returned Malon to Vaati. “That really wasn’t that hard… how did he escape in the first place? He’s too fat to fit through the bars…” Vader sighed exasperatedly.
“Just keep an eye on him. I’m returning to my quarters.” He left the room in silence as Sephiroth sighed, walking back down to the dungeons glumly. Demise turned to Ganondorf.
“You should probably apologize to Rabia, she’s pretty upset with you,” he said. Ganondorf glared at him.
“Maybe she should apologize to me first -- she’s the one that ruined my chances of becoming leader,” he grumbled. Demise laughed loudly.
“You would have lost anyway,” he snickered. Ganondorf pushed Demise out of the way and left the room, grumbling as he did.
“Rabia?” he called, seeing that the room was empty. He waited, but got nothing as a response. Knowingly, he headed for the music room. Predictably, she was there -- playing the guitar. He sat at a distance, waiting for her to stop playing. She didn’t even look up. He cleared his throat loudly, and she looked up with a glare.
“...Do you mind?” she asked.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asked.
“Nope.” She continued playing, ignoring him once more for her guitar. It was more important than Ganondorf right now. He moved to a seat closer to her and unplugged her amp. She glared at him again and sighed loudly.
“Just for two seconds, come on,” he said. She began counting. “Okay fine, thirty seconds.” She sighed again.
“Fiiine… What do you want?”
“I wanted to apologize…” he mumbled.
Rabia set the guitar down on a stand and turned to face him fully. “Um… what was that?” she was surprised. He took a deep breath.
“I said I wanted to apologize. I may have been a little… mean to you after you… yelled at me and I lost the rugby match,” he said. She sighed.
“I might have overreacted…” Rabia said. She hugged him gently.
“Awwww--”
“Get out Demise!” Ganondorf yelled. Demise shrugged and left. Ganondorf hugged her back now that Demise was gone.
“Aww… I got a hug!” Rabia smiled and kissed his cheek. “That’s new.”
“You accepted my apology really quickly -- that’s new,” he said.
“Penis head.” She smacked him upside the head.
“I’ll take it,” he said with a nod. He handed her shoes to her. “Here, they’re a little burned from Demise’s head.”
“Yeah… in hindsight his head was probably not a good place to aim.” She yawned. “I’m going to bed.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’m going to go back to the other villains… and plot.”
“Mmkay. See you later,” she yawned and went to bed. Ganondorf returned to the living room to carry on with their planning for the future.