You're My Favorite Song

It was the late afternoon when Jake bought me back after I spent the night at his house. I loved hanging out with him but I missed my family, especially my Ryan. I spent the rest of the weekend hanging out with her doing all the things we loved doing before, it made her really happy I could tell she missed me.

We decided to go to the mall to on Monday since we had the day off and Jake and the rest of The Monster Inside had a meeting with the label reps. I really did love hanging out with her.

"So Ryan what do you wanna eat first?" I asked her while we walked to the food court. This was our usual first stop when we went to the mall.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not that hungry."

That's odd I thought, Ryan was usually always ready to eat. "Did you eat already? Maybe we can just get a snack?" She just shrugged again. I ended up buying us some pretzels and we kept walking.

We shopped a little but mostly we made fun of people. She was so like me it was almost scary, considering she was seven. Some how we ended up in a forever 21, which was such a mistake. I hated walking into places like this because people always stared as me as if I was a robot. Just because I dress is band merch does not mean I am some heartless person, I am still a person for crying out loud! I could tell Ryan was feeling the same way because she kept looking at me with her big concerning eyes.

"Maybe we should leave," She suggested. We were two steps out of the door when I collided with someone. Ryan's face turned into a frown as she saw who I ran into.

"Well, well, well I guess she does live," Stephanie said bitterly.

That's right my "best friend" just insulted me in public, and not in the friendship way. She was with some girl I didn't recognize. I didn't want to be nice to her but I didn't necessarily want to be a bitch either. "Hey," I said shyly, smiling -er well maybe grimacing.

She laughed dryly, "What did your new 'boyfriend' dump you already and your stuck with little miss loser here?"

Woah that was uncalled for. She could insult me all she wanted because well its me but never ever insult my little sister. " "What the fuck is your problem, are you not getting enough sex time with your cheating boyfriend? Are you jealous that I finally realized that your a fucking bitch that I don't need in my life? Don't you ever call my sister a loser because she's a way better person than you'll ever be." I grabbed Ryan's hand quickly and dragged her out of the store and toward the opposite direction.

Ryan stayed silent for a long time, normally she would have been already yelling about how rude she had been, something was definitely up with her. We ended up in Hot Topic and just browsed around for awhile. Jake wasn't working today, Ryan was disappointed she really did like him. I ended up buying her a couple more shirt that she had been talking about.

We went home a little later and spent the rest of the day watching movies and eating popcorn. I think we watched four movies by the time our parents got home from where they were. They joined us after dinner and we watched Mean Girls, a family classic in our dictionary.

Later that night I was in my room working on some homework I hadn't done, school wasn't getting better. Especially know considering my one and only friend there now hated my guts, whatever graduation was within reach. I ended up talking to Jake for awhile. He told me that they discussed a radio tour today, meaning the boys would be gone for a week or two traveling around the west coast. I was excited for him, but being the selfish girl I was wished I could go with him. Nothing was set though so I didn't have to worry about our relationship status, though I was pretty sure we could handle the long distance thing if need be.



I woke up with sweat running down my cheeks, another panic attack. Calming down enough to get up I stumbled to my bathroom and turned the light on. Instead of getting my medicine from the medicine cabinet, I found my baby sister curled onto the floor my the toilet. At the point my anxiety didn't matter, my sister did.

"Ryan! Ryan!" I yelled frantically, assuming the worse when she didn't respond. I crouched down beside her to find tears silently rolling down her eyes faster than tears should fall. She was curled up into a ball of fragile emotions. My heart broke to see her like this, it was a feeling I had once adopted not to long ago. "Ryan, baby girl what's wrong?" I asked.

This time she sat up from where she lied on the bathroom floor, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and tried to smile. I don't think anything could have been worse than that moment, seeing a seven year old faking a smile just wasn't something that should happen ever. "I just don't feel good, its okay," She smiled softly and wiped her tears.

I was mad, no I was furious. "Ryan Melody there is something wrong and you will tell me," I said sternly causing her to flinch. I softened my mood and pulled her into hug, she broke down sobbing once more. I pulled away from her quickly to get up off the floor, placing her on my bed and sitting next to her. I rubbed her back softly until she had calmed down. "Wanna tell me what's wrong now baby girl?"

She sniffled, but nodded. "I...I don't want to go to school tomorrow," She choked out, tears once again falling.

Ryan loved school, she always loved hanging out with her friends, and she was smart unlike me. Something was seriously wrong. "Ry, you love school. What's wrong?"

She just kept shaking her head, until finally she got the courage to speak. "People don't like me anymore, the boys keep calling me names and saying I'm fat and the girls don't do anything." She cried even harder now.

"Ryan Melody, listen to me those people are idiots and don't know what they're saying. You are beautiful and smart and the best little sister ever. Listen to me baby girl, I know how it feels. I promise you don't have to go to school tomorrow, okay?"

Ryan stopped crying and finally looked at me for the first time all night, she smiled and hugged me. There was no way I was letting her sleep in her room tonight, for the fears that she would turn down the road that I had. I decided to have her sleep with me instead. Her shirt was completely soaked with tears so I gave her one of the merch items I had been selling earlier. I explained to her how this shirt will help her love herself, because it represents the monsters that are created inside of us. I told her that she had nothing to worry about. She slept the whole night.

I woke up before mom could come in to wake me or Ryan, who she still assumed was in her room.

"Hey baby you're up early," She said as she walked into the kitchen.

I had been sitting here for the past twenty minutes figuring out how to tell my mom what happened. "Mom I need to talk to you."

My mom sat down immediately, she was nervous, "Please tell me your not pre-"

"No!" I screamed, in a way I was hurt that she thought that but I understood.

"Oh thank god, I'm sorry. So what's up?"

"Mom," I paused, "last night I found Ryan crying in the bathroom at two in the morning. Mom she doesn't like school anymore, she said that all the kids hate her. They called her fat mom, she wouldn't even eat anything at the mall yesterday. She doesn't deserve to go through this, she doesn't need to feel the pain I felt through school!"

My mom looked at me in disbelief, "Why are people so cruel to you two? That's sickening I'm going down to that school and setting things straight."

I sighed, "Mom its not gonna change anything, it never stopped them before. We aren't cut out for school. We're not. Ryan is just like me but she's smart and social! If she gets home schooled she'll be fine and she still would see people at concerts and such. She doesn't deserve to go through what I did mom."

My mom pondered the thought for awhile. "Hazel, I made you go to the end..."

"Mom I don't care! I'm almost done but she's just starting. She can't end up like me!" Now I was crying, I just couldn't let her go through this.

"Alright baby girl, I'll look into and talk to dad don't you worry. Now go get some sleep you're not going to school today either."

I smiled gratefully at her and walked back into my room. Ryan was still asleep and I lied down next to her falling straight to sleep.