Slightly Bruised and Broken From Our Head on Collision

I whisper this to Jack later in Art as the teacher walks around behind us making sure we’re not shading it wrong, or whatever he does when he’s walking around behind us. He just nods at me and seems to understand, god I love him. And as the art lesson draws to a close and we pack away, I see Alex hovering outside the classroom, he looks so nervous and I cringe for him. I make the effort to hurry up, and grab my bag.

“Hey hun, what’s up?” he looks relieved and grabs my hand; Jack runs up behind us and looks confused. Nothing new then.

“What’s up? I saw you waiting and tried to hurry up... but Alex are you okay?” Alex just shakes his head and bursts into tears. I grab him and pull him into me, I look at Jack over my shoulder and raise an eyebrow in a “why the hell is he crying” sort of way. But I keep rubbing his back, and let him cry until my shoulder is soaked through. I have no idea what happened to make him this upset, but I assume the worst. By the time Alex pulls away the bus has left and we are the only ones left in the art block. No-one asked what was wrong, no-one stopped to give us a second look, and no-one stopped to see why a boy was breaking down in the middle of the corridor.

We don’t ask what happened until we get back to Jack’s house. The walk home was quite long but we needed it just to make everything seem normal again. We all piled onto the battered sofa and Jack and I both turn to look at Alex. He blushes and looks at the ground, he knows why we’re looking at him and he takes a while but eventually he says

“I saw Kyle at the gate, and I went to talk to him...” Jack looks angry, and I just hold his hand tighter. “He said he wanted me back and I said yes, and-“

“WHAT THE HELL ALEX?” Jack screams at him whilst jumping off of the sofa. I give him a look, and Jack just ignores me and paces up and down the room. Alex looks nervous, he gulps

“I said yes because it felt right! Then I was waiting to tell you and all the past came flooding back and I just... broke down. I’m not sure if I did the right thing or not... and I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do and...” he tries to laugh but it comes out sounding like a sob, I squeeze his hand and stand up.

“Hunny, we don’t care if you like him. We just don’t want you getting hurt again; this is the boy who abused you for a year.” My hatred of Kyle is suddenly so strong, and I twirl and punch the wall. I lean my head against it to hide the tear crawling down it. “This is the boy that broke your heart, and made you so insecure. Damnit Alex! He made you so broken, and you keep falling for him again and again.” I turn around and look at my two boys, Jack perched on the edge of the couch and Alex with his legs curled up and a lonely tear stuck under his eye.

“I love you two so much” I say, my voice shaking “but Jack, we need to let him choose his own way. And I don’t like Kyle and I don’t like the idea that you’re willing to walk into a dangerous situation again and I don’t like the way this may go, but I have to let you do your own thing.” Alex looks up at me sniffing loudly. And nods, Jack looks at the floor and ignores me but doesn’t protest.

I hold out my arms like a small child and Alex runs into my arms. I look over his shoulder to Jack and tilt my head; he stands up and joins in. And we stay like that for a while.

The front door creaks open and I lift my head up from Jacks lap to see his mum walk through the door. She smiles at us all tangled up on the sofa, and then freezes in the doorway when she catches Alex’s tear-stained face.

“Hunny?” she says pushing us out the way and scooping Alex up like a small infant. He hugs her back and just waits until she’s done. She puts him down again and Jack rolls his eyes, Alex explains what happened with Kyle and she just tuts.

“If that is what makes you happy, then go for it. But if he hurts you... trust me he’ll never think the same again.” Alex smiles at her

“Or walk again.” She mutters under her breath. That makes me and Jack laugh whilst Alex just looks kind of confused but he thanks her anyway. She walks away muttering under her breath about how abusive relationships are so hard to leave and I can help but to think that if my son brought home a boy that broken, I would never let him leave.