Slightly Bruised and Broken From Our Head on Collision

I’d rather live here than ever go home I think to myself. Jack seems to read my mind.

“Do you two wanna stay here for the weekend? My Mum kind of insisted I ask you and I thought why not?” Alex laughs and goes to ring his Mum, and I say I’ll ask but I’ll probably be allowed. I’m out of the way then at least. Jack smiles and we kiss a little but Alex comes back and says he needs to go and collect his stuff so I go to ring my mum. She doesn’t answer so I leave a message

“hey Mum, it’s me, your daughter.” I try to not let my sarcasm show through, but it does. “Just ringing to say I’m staying at Jack’s this weekend, I’m coming over in a bit to grab some clothes and my school stuff for Monday, so you don’t have to wait up” like she would anyway. “don’t buy food for me because I’m eating here, I won’t outstay my welcome and I’ll behave. Just thought you would like to know. Thanks bye.” I hang up and rub at my forehead. Thanks for nothing. Sometimes I just wish she would actually care, ask where I am and make sure I ring her because otherwise she’d worry. But no.

I walk back into the living room to see the boys on the sofa, Jack on one end and Alex on the other with Jack’s keys in his hand. Jack looks up when I walk in and smiles, bounces up.

“Ready to go Lex?” Alex just looks kind of weary and nods so we walk out to the car with Jack shouting back.

“We’re getting stuff for the weekend Mum” and a noise of agreement. Jack slams the front door and climbs into the car. We drive to Alex’s first, good I can figure out how drunk my mother is going to be; hopefully she’s just passed out. Alex runs inside, Jack and I wait in the car singing along to New Found Glory

...And it feels like I’m at an all-time low, slightly bruised and broken from out head on collision. I’ve never seen this side of you another tragic case of feeling bruised and broken; from our head on collision I’ve never seen this side of you...

Jack taps along on the side of the open window, smiling as he sings.

...and I’m still waiting for a good day, I think I’ve held this long enough. I think it’s safe to tell you some things it’s not just what you say to people, and it’s not the way you look at me. It’s the way you present yourself for all your worst critics to see...

Alex opens the door and slides in and smiles when he hears the song, he joins in with both of us nodding his head as we drive away from his house.

... and it feels like I’m at an all-time low slightly bruised and broken from our head on collision. I’ve never seen this side of you another tragic case of feeling bruised and broken from our head on collision. I’ve never seen this side of you...

Jack speed’s up slightly as we get onto the freeway.

...then you were gone, you were gone all this time you just didn’t know it yet. You were gone all this time you just didn’t know it yet, you were gone...

I smile and listen to them as they finish the last chorus, and look out the window and grin to myself. I love these boys. They start chatting between themselves and I just think about what I’m going say if my mum is smashed. Alex knows but I don’t know if he can explain in a way that doesn’t explain the whole reason why she gets drunk in the first place. We pull up outside and my heart crunches; I jump out of the car and brace myself for the worst. I let myself into my house and I call out

“Mum, it’s me did you get my message?” I hear a grunt from the living room, so I walk into the living room to go to investigate, I find mother asleep on the couch. My eyes sting and I go to find a piece of paper so I can tell her to listen to the phone message, I leave it on the fridge run upstairs grab my pills and some clothes, grab my school books and my iPod and get ready to leave when I hear a smash from my parents room. I run downstairs because I do not want to get involved right now, these arguments normally last hours and I need to leave now.

“Bye” I call out and slam the door. I hear a yell from inside the house, and a sudden fear that someone is chasing me kicks in. But I run to the car and slide in.

“Drive.” I gasp and they look at me like I’m insane, but start up the car.

I realise that my eyes sting and that I sound like I’m having some sort of panic attack so I look out the window and take a couple of deep breaths. My anxiety kicking in again. Alex just looks sympathetic, and holds my hand. Jack concentrates on driving but after a while he starts looking worried

“What happened in there?” he asks, glancing back in the rear view mirror to see us. My eyes are better now, but my breath is still a bit shaky. I breathe in and smile at him.

“Just the usual, Mum passed out on the sofa and Dad yelling and smashing stuff around.” I try to laugh but it sounds like a sob, and Alex holds my hand tighter. Jack looks like he feels bad for me, and I debate whether or not to explain. But I don’t.

“turn on the radio Jack babe, I don’t want to think right now.” He reaches forward and twists the volume up and I hear the starting chords of a song I recognise. The moods changed but I still sing along and after a while they join in with me.

... have faith in me, because there are things that I’ve seen I don’t believe, so cling to what you know and never let go. You should know things aren’t always what they seem...

It seems appropriate when Jack nudges the volume up as we hit the freeway back and opens the windows. It makes me smile, he knows me so well.

...I said I’d never let you go and I never did, I said I’d never let you fall and I always meant it. If you didn’t have a chance then I never did. You’ll always find me right there, again. I’m going crazy...

Alex looks at me.

“I think I know what song we should do for the assembly, it’s a bit out there but I know you know it.” To be honest I had completely forgot about that. He smiles at me, and I look quizzical and he explains

“I think we should do, Drops of Jupiter.” I don’t need him to expand, because in my head it all makes sense now. I just nod and lean my head against his shoulder. I keep listening to the music and try to concentrate on the baseline. I wait until we pull up outside Jack’s house before I let myself think again. We all get out the car and I hold on to my bag and Alex’s hand way too tightly, and hope to God that I can get over this. We step into Jack’s hallway and we dump our bags on the staircase then we all just look at each other. It is silent as we take in each other’s faces and I watch as Alex’s light brown eyes flick between us, and he pushes his dirty blonde hair away from his face. I watch as Jack’s dark eyes catch mine, and his dimples show when he smiles. I watch his dark hair fall in front of his eyes as he looks down to stop himself from laughing, and I watch as Alex grins and I feel my mouth smiling back at both of them. I start to laugh and all three of us start to giggle. At what? God knows. But we carry on into our ribs hurt and Jack pulls on my hand and we run upstairs with Alex right behind.