Nicotine and Faded Dreams

I awoke the next morning to a sleeping Travis by my side. I know what you’re thinking, we had sex. Well no you bunch of perverts we didn’t. We both somehow fit in Travis’s bunk the night before and talked until we both fell asleep. Alright fine, there was some making out too, but Travis was such a good guy. He never tried to do anything more than kiss me.

I heard a light snore come from the sleeping red-head next to me and I laughed internally. I looked at my phone which was on the bunk near my head, and read 7AM. I had to get up and unload the merch soon, but there was no reason to wake up Travis this early before his meet and greet.

I got up out of the bunk as silently as possible, not expecting anybody else to be awake. To my dismay just as I was stepping out of Travis’s bunk I heard somebody clear their throat softly from the front lounge. I looked and saw Scooter looking at me with an amused expression on his face. I walked into the lounge quietly and shut the door to where the bunks were so as not to wake anyone up.

“Good morning sunshine. Have a good night did we?” Scooter said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I blushed furiously and got defensive, “Nothing happened. We ugh….Yeah nothing happened.”

“Oh, really? Then I didn’t see a certain pair of gingers making out last night outside of the bus?”

I blushed again, shit he saw us. “Ok that happened.” I smiled to myself, “But we did not have sex, I’m not the kind of girl who just sleeps around to get close to famous people. I really like him a lot.”

I felt like a 16 year old again, explaining to my mother how I got a hickey. I felt awkward talking about it, but I needed that to be known. I never expected this to happen. I was not THAT girl.

Scooter laughed at this, thank god. “Hey I know, trust me we would have all heard you two if you did.”

I laughed with him. Mental note: Never have sex while others are on board the bus. Good to know.

I began to turn around and head to the bathroom but before I got there I was interrupted by Scooter, “Oh and just so you know, he likes you a lot too.” He smiled.

I blushed again and smiled at Scooter before heading into the bathroom.

_____

After a morning that had sufficiently made me feel like an awkward teenager again, I had finally set up everything and was seated with Scooter at the tent chatting with fans happily. There was no hiding my good mood.

I happily brought more chairs to the table and watched as fans began to line up in anticipation of the meet and great. I all of a sudden heard rustling coming from the back of the tent and was momentarily freaked out, thinking some wild animal was back there or a creeping psycho fan. I inconspicuously snuck to the back of the tent and peered around the corner.

I was immediately grabbed by somebody and I went to go scream, but was silenced by lips on mine that felt familiar. I opened my eyes and saw my hooded captor was Travis. I smiled into the kiss and re-closed my eyes as I pushed him against the wall that was hidden behind the tent. I felt him run one hand softly through my hair, his other one grasping my hip lightly, holding me to him. Both of my hands found their way under his hood and into his own red hair. I felt the coolness of his lip ring against my tongue and smiled again. Eventually we both pulled away for air reluctantly.

“Why hello,” He stated happily, before giving me another quick soft kiss on the lips.

“Oh hi there, you scared me. I thought I was going to get eaten by something, or murdered by a crazy person.” I laughed.

He laughed with me but I quickly put a finger to his lips shushing him, “Shhh don’t be too loud, we’ll get caught.” I smirked.

Nearly 5 seconds after I had said that, I heard a voice, “Well, well, well.” I turned my head and saw a smiling Danny standing in front of us. At the moment Travis had his back against the wall, my arms were around his neck and his arms were around my waist. Our faces were just inches apart.

“I knew it.” Danny said excitedly looking at Travis, “You were just way too happy this morning.”

Travis smiled and so did I.

“But anyway, I know you guys want to remain back here and do dirty unspeakable things but we gotta go.” Danny said still smiling and pointing around the corner to the front of the tent.

Travis sighed and gave me one last kiss before he and Danny rounded the corner. They were greeted with screams, as usual. I emerged from the back of the tent and watched the meet and greet from the side. They all interacted so well with their fans. I absolutely loved watching them, I never got tired of it. I felt proud to be friends with these guys.

As I continued to watch the guys, I felt a tap on the shoulder and spun around to see Derek standing there, also wearing a sweatshirt with the hood up. I didn’t know how these guys ran around like that in this heat. One of the very, very few disadvantages of being a well-known rock star I guess. Derek quickly gave me a big hug which I returned. I hadn’t seen him since our reunion in Las Vegas.

“Derek, how are you? How’s tour?” I asked excited to hear about what had been happening with him and the rest of Mayday Parade.

“It’s awesome as usual. I always did love Warped tour,” He smiled, “So how’s life as a merch girl? The guys treating you good?” He asked motioning towards the members of We the Kings who were still meeting their fans.

I couldn’t hide my smile, “More than good. They’re awesome guys.” I said while looking over towards them.

“Yeah they really are.” He said smiling once more, “So, I came to find you to see if you wanted to hang out tonight? Maybe if you could get off work early we could get some food in the venue and watch some bands play.” He seemed excited at the prospect. I on the other hand immediately became uncomfortable.

Was this a date? Or did he just want to hang out and catch up? I didn’t feel comfortable going if it was a date. On the other hand I had no idea what Travis and I were. Were we dating? Just friends who occasionally made out? Did he just want a Warped tour fling? Was he making out with other girls too? I had no idea what was going on, and I didn’t know what to do, or say to Derek. So naturally I stood there staring at him with an odd look on my face.

He let out a confused laugh, “Uhmm are you alright?”

I snapped out of it and looked at him, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just…” Again I didn’t know what to say. The situation was awkward, story of my life.

“Hey just as friends. I just feel like I haven’t really talked to you in a while.” He said realizing why I was so uncomfortable.

I smiled, “Well sure then. I just have to check with Scooter and see if it’s ok.”

Derek agreed to meet me back at the merch tent at about 5, after his set, which would hopefully be enough time to get some fattening food from the venue and see a few bands. Mind you, I still had no idea who was there except We the Kings, Mayday Parade, and All Time Low. My time was mostly spent at the merch table so I wasn’t able to actually walk around and see who was there. I was excited that I finally had the chance to.

I double checked with Scooter to make sure it was ok to take off for the night and he agreed after I promised to let him take off another night. It was an even trade. I hadn’t told Travis what I was doing, which was probably a stupid decision and would come back to bite me in the ass. I knew now that it was innocent and I had never and would never have romantic feelings for Derek, yet I still didn’t quite want to tell Travis yet. I didn’t want to worry him about something that didn’t mean anything and since I didn’t quite know exactly what Travis and I were, I didn’t know how to bring up the topic either.

The guys were off preparing for their set when 5pm rolled around. Their set tonight was at 5:30. I always wanted to see them play but tonight I was kind of hoping Derek didn’t suggest it. I hoped that I could be the one to tell him I was spending the day with Derek and he wouldn’t have to find out in a strange way, especially since I know he would think something was happening that was definitely not happening at all.

I saw Derek approaching the tent, now wearing a t-shirt, a beanie and sunglasses. “No hoodie?” I asked.

“Nah, I was overheating. Hopefully no one will recognize me.”

Somehow I doubted that. I said goodbye to Scooter and headed off with Derek to get some food. We settled on greasy chicken fingers which I had no problem with at all. We sat on the curb near the food stand and ate and talked.

“Alright so who the hell is playing at this thing,” I laughed, I felt oblivious.

Derek pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and began reading off names of the main stage bands, “Your boys are playing now, wanna check them out. I haven’t been able to see them yet this tour.” He seemed excited.

“Sure,” I replied with as much excitement as I could muster. This wasn’t going to end well, I just knew it.

I could hear the band and Travis’s voice singing loudly from the speakers as we approached the stage. There were people everywhere but Derek and I pushed our way towards the front. We ended up in a large crowd of people not at the very front of the barrier but about 15 feet from it, close enough for Travis to recognize me if he were to scan the front of the audience. I immediately became uncomfortable. I don’t think I had experienced a day of this tour that was as awkward as today was becoming.

At first I was having fun. I actually almost forgot Derek was next to me and I was singing and dancing to the music along with everybody else. Towards the end of the set Travis found me and smiled wide. I saw his eyes move to my side where Derek was. I knew immediately when he saw him because his entire face fell, and my heart sunk. I should have told him, how could I not have told him. I wanted to throw up, I was an idiot.

I watched as Travis kept playing and singing, but I could tell he was off. I had hurt him over absolutely nothing. I was so stupid. I turned to Derek who was oblivious to the little soap opera that was occurring in my head, “Derek I know I’m a jerk for this but I really have to go. I…ugh… I don’t feel very good.”

He looked worried at this, “Oh no, Alright here let me walk you back to the bus.”

“No!” I said with too much enthusiasm, “Please, please don’t let me ruin your time ok. I promise I’m fine. Stay here, enjoy.”

“Are you sure? It’s really no problem.” He still looked worried.

“No honestly, I’d feel better if I knew you were having a good time.”

“Alright well feel better Leila,” he said before giving me a hug, which I returned quickly before making my way through the crowd of people. I needed to get backstage and find Travis. It was the only thing on my mind.

By the time I showed the security guard my pass and got to the back of the stage, the guys were done and heading off stage. Everyone saw me and I received hug after sweaty hug before they all headed off to find some water. Travis was the last off stage. He saw me and immediately looked down.

I ran to him before he could get by me. I just needed to say what I was thinking. I reached up and cupped both of his cheeks in my hands. He turned to look at me. His blue eyes were sad, I had never seen them like that before. It honestly broke my heart, “Travis listen. I am so sorry. I know you think something was going on with him but it’s not. I don’t like him like that and he doesn’t like me like that. We are just friends. And I didn’t tell you because…well…I wasn’t sure what this is,” I gestured between him and I, “I like you a lot. I want to be with you but I didn’t know how serious you were about this. I don’t just want to assume were in a relationship just because that’s what I want. And we couldn’t really have a conversation about hanging out with other guys without establishing what we are.” I began rambling and talking in circles, but I couldn’t stop. I was too worked up, “I was afraid that this didn’t mean as much to you as it means to me and….”

I was interrupted by Travis pulling me to him and placing his lips on mine roughly. He kissed me with so much passion that, as cliché as it sounds, my knees actually became a little weak. I had never had a kiss like that from anybody before. When he pulled away he was smiling widely, and I was breathless with my mouth hanging open like an idiot.

Travis grabbed my hand. We were still very close to each other and still standing on the side of the stage. Security and band techs were all around us, but I didn’t care. “I understand why you were scared,” Travis began, “But you don’t have to be. I want what you want too. I want this to be a relationship.” He was smiling widely and rubbing circles onto my hand with his thumb.

I was so relieved and not to mention happy. I grabbed Travis’s face and pulled it to mine once more, kissing him deeply.

Travis Clark was my boyfriend. I liked the sound of that.