Nicotine and Faded Dreams

This past week has been the best I’d ever had on a tour. I believe a certain redhead had something to do with that. We were currently in Tinley Park, Illinois and I was unloading merch with Scooter, a common occurrence by now. My body was used to lifting the heavy boxes. In the past few days Travis and I had been pretty much joined at the hip. I know it sounds corny, but hey it was the truth. Travis had also convinced me to start playing music on a regular basis again. He would give me his guitar and request songs which I would play and sing the lyrics to as he watched. He seemed to love it, especially when I would play songs he had written.

It was a rainy day and I wore one of Travis’s dark grey hoodies with the hood up. I hoped he wouldn’t mind. It still smelled like him and I smiled to myself as I unloaded the last of the boxes.

The rain began to pick up just as Scooter and I were putting up the tent, we quickly became soaked before finishing and huddling under the tent for warmth. It was definitely rare to have a cold and rainy day on Warped Tour, but that didn’t stop any of the eager fans from showing up. We were soon bombarded by people desperately trying to get under the tent a little and keep out of the rain. I accommodated as many people as possible and we all chatted as we waited out the downpour. Hopefully it wouldn’t be like this all day.

I was talking to a girl with long blonde hair, who had told me her name was Bethany and she was 16 years old. She was with her friend Hannah who was 17 and they were both really excited to be at their first Warped tour.

“So do you know the band well? Are you friends with them.” Bethany asked excitedly. She reminded me of myself when I was her age.

“Yeah. We’re really good friends. They are honestly the nicest guys.” I smiled.

She seemed relieved to hear this, “I’m so glad.” Bethany said smiling, “They’re my favorite band and this is going to be my first time seeing them and hopefully meeting them. I didn’t know what to expect, everyone told me that band members are assholes.”

I started laughing, “No I promise, they’re far from assholes. Greatest people I know.” I smiled thinking of the guys who were probably all still sleeping in the bus right now.

I was startled by arms snaking around my waist. I looked up worried, but not because I thought it was some freak, because I assumed it was Travis. And we were in a tent surrounded by about 30 of his fans. I don’t mean it to seem like Travis interacting with his fans is a bad thing. I love that he tries his hardest to meet them all, it just needs to be in a controlled setting. Otherwise they would all just charge at him like lions chasing their prey. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s scary. My suspicions were confirmed as I looked up and saw the typical hooded Travis with his hair carefully out of sight under the hood and large sunglasses on. I whispered because Bethany and Hannah were still in front of me, not realizing that it was Travis….yet.

“Hi. What the hell are you doing here?” I asked still looking up at Travis.

“I came to see my girlfriend.” He said simply, squeezing me tighter and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I couldn’t help but smile. The girls did too, obviously overhearing us, but then Bethany’s face morphed into shock as she kept staring at Travis. Oh no, Travis is going to get raped, I just know it.

Thankfully Bethany only turned to Hannah and whispered in her ear. At this Hannah stared at Travis for a long time before smiling from ear to ear. They both got closer, enough so no one else would overhear and simultaneously whispered, “Hi Travis.”

Travis and I both smiled. “Hey girls. How are you?” Travis whispered back.

I was so glad to have met fans like these two. The girls and Travis stood there chatting for a few minutes. The entire time they had huge smiles on their faces, yet remained completely calm.

When the rain finally began to die down the people under our tent began filing out into the venue.

Travis promised the girls that he would talk to them again during the meet and greet and gave them both big hugs. He then leaned into my ear and whispered, “Make sure you’re early to our set today, alright?”

“Okay, but why?” I asked confused.

He just smiled, gave me a long kiss, and ran off to god knows where.

The girls both watched as Travis ran away then turned back to me happily, “You know,” Hannah began, “You guys make a really cute couple.”

What else could I do but smile like an idiot, I’d been doing a lot of that lately.

-----

When it came time for the guys set, I obeyed Travis’s request and got there early. When I arrived backstage, the crew was setting up onstage and the guys were there warming up.

“Right on time,” Travis said walking to me when he saw I was there.

“Yeah, so what’s going on?” I asked still confused.

“Ok I’m going to tell you but don’t get mad. Please, please, please!” He pouted and blinked his eyes a few times like a puppy. I just laughed.

“Ok I won’t be mad. Now tell me!”

“Alright. So you’re kind of going to sing We’ll be a Dream with me during our set.” Travis cringed and for good reason.

“EXCUSE ME. WHAT?” I erupted. “I am not going in front of all those people, I can’t. I haven’t even practiced it much and…”

Travis grabbed my hand gently, “Hey. You know all the lyrics. I’ve seen you sing it, we’ll do the arrangement I’ve seen you sing. You’ve got this. I’m not going to make you do it but just think about it. Everyone should know how amazing you are.”

I blushed at this and looked to the ground. Travis believed in me. Really believed I could do this, in front of all those people. Despite the “talent” he thought I had, I had never really got to perform in front of people. All throughout high school I had only played for myself and select friends and family, never a crowd of more than 10 people. I thought in college I would be able to actually play for people but you know how that turned out. This was more than a thousand people and I hadn’t rehearsed with Travis at all. But how could I pass it up?

I took a deep breath and looked at Travis, “Okay.”

His smile grew immediately and he brought me into a hug, “You’re going to be amazing okay. Don’t be nervous. Just look at me when you sing if the audience freaks you out.”

“Okay.” At the moment I was so nervous that I couldn’t form a complete sentence. How was I supposed to sing? Boy did I wish I put on better clothes this morning.

“I’m going to introduce you and just come out when I do, alright?” Travis was visibly excited, and I was a mess.

“Okay,” god dammit, it was like I didn’t know any other words.

Travis lifted my chin up so I met his eyes, “Hey. I promise. You’re going to be great.”

I received a kiss from Trav, then hugs and “good lucks” from the rest of the guys before they all headed out on stage.

I removed Travis’s hoodie and put it safely on the side of the stage. I was wearing a plain blue tank, jean shorts, and my disgustingly dirty black converse. I smoothed out my red hair, which was frizzing because of the rain, as best as I possibly could. Then I just stood there, immobile, and watched the set. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to puke. I found a bucket of water bottles and took one, chugging it nervously. Shit, now I’m going to have to pee. I was such a wreck.

It only barely registered when the guys all ran past me, leaving Travis alone onstage.

“You’re up kid.” Danny said to me happily, patting me on the shoulder before going to get a water bottle. One of the techs handed me a microphone.

I had to do this. I took a deep breath, and listened to Travis.

He began strumming his acoustic guitar and soon started the beginning of We’ll be a Dream. “If you know it, sing along.” Travis yelled into the microphone. The audience went crazy. “Are you ready?” Travis asked once more. The audience screamed louder.

“Do you remember the nights
We stayed up just laughing
Smiling for hours
At anything
Remember the nights
We drove around crazy in love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream”

“I would like to introduce someone very special,” Travis began, “She’s our Merch girl so you all should come visit her after this set and tell her how awesome she is. Make some noise for the lovely Leila Jones.”

This was it, I walked out onstage completely ready to fail miserably but something changed when I was standing in front of the cheering audience. I stood next to Travis and became full of energy, yet oddly at ease.

“Do you remember the nights
We made our way dreaming
Hoping of being
Someone big
We were so young then
We were too crazy
In love”

I had started, and the audience was singing along. I was thrilled. I looked at Travis who seemed so proud and so happy. I almost started to cry as we sang together.

“When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream”

We had fun with the ”Whoa’s” that came next and I walked around the stage a little as I sang with Travis. The next part was the most difficult and I braced myself for it.

“When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be”

“When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream”

I echoed Travis during the first two lines, holding the notes as long as I could, surprising myself at how long that was. The other 3 lines we sang in sync. I loved the sound of it, we had never thought to sing together before this. I smiled as Travis played the last few notes of the song and the audience went crazy. This was the best feeling I had ever felt. I looked at Travis’s smiling face before running at him and giving him the biggest hug I could muster.

“Thank you.” I whispered in his ear.

“Anytime,” He whispered back.

I pulled away from Travis and spoke into the microphone. “Thank you guys so much! You’re amazing” I began as I started walking off stage.

“Give it up for Leila Jones.” Travis stated one more time. The crowd started screaming once more and I waved happily before I finally got backstage.

I was immediately engulfed in hugs by the crew and band.

“That was fucking sick girl.” Hunter said happily after our hug. Everyone else had similar comments and I couldn’t erase the smile that was plastered to my face. I didn’t know why I had been so nervous.

I watched as the guys ran back out and finished their set. I couldn’t believe what I had just done and I hoped it wouldn’t be the last time I did it.