Caught Up In You

December 11th 2011
Sunday Morning
Location: Pacey’s Bedroom
8:53 AM

When I woke up I felt a strange pressure around my waist. It was like I was pulled into something, not being able to move because the grip on me was so tight. Then I looked down and realized Pacey’s arm was wrapped around me and I was glued against him. I rested my hand on his, playing childishly with his fingers. I heard him grumble huskily in my ear, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

“Good morning handsome,” I giggled, turning around.

“Good morning angel face,” he said.

I laughed uncontrollably. “Angel face? That’s your nickname for me?” Pacey shrugged.

“I think it fits you perfectly,” he said, kissing me softly.

“As much as I’d like to stay here and kiss you,” I mumbled through his mouth, “I need to cut my hair today. It’s getting too long,” I pulled away.

When I tried to get out of the bed, Pacey tightened his grasp on me and jerked me closer to him. I glared at him. “Come on. People are going to get suspicious if my hair gets longer,” I complained.

“It can wait until tomorrow,” he said carelessly.

I groaned, knowing there was almost no way for me to get out. However, an idea popped up. “Okay, whatever you say,” I pretended to give in. He smiled in victory. I pushed myself up to him and kissed his neck seductively. I started to tug on his neck with my mouth, and bit down on him softly.

Pacey let out a quick breath, trying to stay put together. I bit down on his soft spot even harder, feeling him squirm under me. I felt his grip on me begin to loosen, but I still wasn’t able to get out. I continued to suck on the same spot as I put my hand on the hem of his shirt. I slowly brought it up with my fingers, brushing my hand over his skin. I felt as his stomach tensed.

He lifted me on top of him, still keeping his arm taut and sealed over me. I explored his chest with my hand, softly digging my nails in him as he squeezed me. I lifted my head up and meshed our lips together, muffling his moan. He bit my lip teasingly and slowly positioned his hands lower. The butterflies in my stomach intensified. “Pacey,” I warned. I felt him smile through our kiss. He cupped my butt in one of his hands and rubbed his thumb over the same spot, pinching me. I let out a quick moan but composed myself.

His tender rubbing was making it hard for me to think about anything else. It was a really great distraction. He pressed his fingers deeper on my skin, making me scream. “Pacey, stop,” I panted. He chuckled through the kiss and continued, ignoring my request. He slid a hand up my skirt and clasped his fingers against my bare skin, alternating his hand from my thigh to my butt. He pulled me up closer to him, keeping a strong hold of me. Pacey continued to let his fingers wander as they crawled up past my underwear. His fingers spread out as he squeezed me even harder. I sharply jumped, but he continued groping me, his hands becoming sweaty.

I felt him tense between his thighs and I chuckled, easily noticing the bulge. “Excited, are we?” I said as our kisses grew even more heated. Pacey let out a long and raspy groan. I shivered as he sloppily slipped his tongue in my mouth.

Finally, Pacey had lost focus and loosened his arm. I took that moment to jump out of his grasp and run to my room to get some scissors for my hair. “Drew! That is so not fair,” he said, chasing after me. I locked my door behind me and sat in front of my mirror. I heard him huff and stomp away.

I grabbed the scissors and a trash can and began chopping an inch off of my hair. This way it still looked cute but I was able to pull of my secret. When I was done, I shook my head a little bit to get all of the flyaway hairs out and opened the door. I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. “Oh hey Drew,” Logan said, flipping an egg over the stove.

I waved and jumped onto the couch. “I heard about what you did to Pacey. Not cool,” he smiled.

“I needed to cut my hair!” I whined. He laughed.

“That is a good idea though,” he complimented.

“I thought so too,” I smiled.

“Would you like some breakfast?” Logan asked. I nodded.

“Yeah, toast and eggs?”

“Okay, that’ll be up in five,” he guessed.

I heard the pop of the bread as it was ready a couple of minutes later, and smelled the eggs as they sizzled on the pan.

“Thanks,” I grinned as Logan brought me jelly toast and a sunny side up egg.

“No problem,” he said, sitting next to me.

“By the way, I know this is delayed, but I’m sorry about that kiss a couple of weeks ago,” he apologized. I shrugged.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“No it’s not. I know I was drunk, but I still was capable of thinking, and I didn’t,” he said sincerely. I took a bite of my toast and poked the yoke with my fork, watching as it vibrated against the plate.

“This breakfast definitely makes up for it. You’re amazing,” I said. Logan thanked me as Tristan strolled in, quietly shutting the door behind him.

“Good morning,” he said, stuffing a cream cheese bagel in his mouth.

“Good morning,” Logan and I replied.

“By the way, this is for you,” Tristan said, sliding a letter in my hand. I gave him a confused look. I never got letters.

The envelope was fat and consisted more of just paper. I felt it quickly, trying to figure out what was in it. I looked at the front and saw it came from Wyoming. Then I quickly realized who it was from.

Austin.

Why had he sent me this?

I tore the envelope up quickly, almost ripping the contents, but instead spilling them onto my lap. Inside was a cream colored piece of paper, a bracelet, and some money.

Deciding to look at the rest later, I opened up the letter and read it.

Drew,
I know what I did to you was wrong and I also know that no matter how many times I apologize, you’ll never forgive me. I was a jerk back then, and I used you. I didn’t understand that once I lost you, I wouldn’t ever get you back. So when I asked you to go to that alleyway to get drugs for me, I didn’t realize how bad I was hurting the both of us. And then I got you into marijuana, and I am so sorry. I don’t know if you’re still doing it, but I am so ashamed of myself for making you try it. I was such a wreck back then. I didn’t deserve you, and I never will. But most of all, I want to apologize for that night back in June. I should’ve never had gotten you that drunk and used you like that. I should’ve never used you for my sexual desires. And I should’ve never taken away your virginity like that. You told me you wanted to wait, and I’m sorry I disrespected your decisions. I feel so terrible for what I did, and if I could take it back, believe me, I would. So it’s easy for you to know that I’m not kidding when I say it kills me to see you with that guy. I do and will always wish it’s me holding your hand. But I know that he’s a much better guy for you than I ever will be. I’m sorry you had to put up with me, but thank you for showing me the kindness that I’ve only witnessed once. Happy birthday Drew. I love you.
Austin

My eyes were as wide as saucers when I folded up the letter. How could he love me? He used me. He didn’t love me. But for some reason, a part of me wanted to forgive him and run back to him. He was making my relationship with Pacey so much more complicated. If Pacey knew that I was even thinking about Austin, he would kill him.

I grabbed the charm bracelet and looked at each symbol. I quickly realized that every charm included who I was. One had my favorite animal, a sloth, while another showed my favorite sport, running. It was amazing. I didn’t know Austin actually paid attention to me when I said what I enjoyed. The last charm had a music note, symbolizing my love for the piano, trumpet, and guitar.

I smiled and put the bracelet around my wrist. Even though it reminded me of Austin, I still loved it. It showed who I was. And I was extremely surprised he knew me.

I took the money that was in the envelope from my lap and counted it. Was he serious? Why would he give me $120? I knew he couldn’t afford that. I folded up the money, walked into my room, and put it in my suitcase. I was going to give the cash back to Austin. I couldn’t take it.

I now knew that he cared about me, but no amount of money was going to make up for what he did. I was addicted to marijuana for a year because of him. Stopping was unbearably difficult. I was quite aware he wanted my forgiveness, but I just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t the fact that I was strong, it was the fact that I was too weak to go through the pain again.

Lying on my bed, I totally forgot about the letter. But it wasn’t long before it found its way back to me.

~~~~~~**~~~~~~
December 17th, 2011
Friday Afternoon
Location: Dorm Room
4:22 PM

“Pacey! We’ve got to get to the airport!” I said. I was surprised how fast time had gone by because it was already winter break. School was out for two weeks, and I was excited to get home and to be able to sleep in my own bed. On top of that, Rose was visiting us because no one was going to be home. She definitely wasn’t kidding when she told me her dad was in prison and her mom was in a coma. I felt sympathy for her, but I knew she didn’t need that. She needed a helping hand, a friend, a support system. And I was there for her.

Rose was waiting in the office of the academy with her bags because she wasn’t allowed to go any further. They had a strict rule about opposite genders being in the same building. I had always hoped they would someday change it though.

“Pacey?” I asked, impatiently waiting at the front door with my suitcases.

“What’s this?” He asked angrily, stomping into the front room. He threw the letter I had misplaced on the ground. I picked it up and read over it, knowing Pacey didn’t exactly like what Austin said.

“He mailed it to me for my birthday,” I replied squeakily.

His jaw was extremely tight and his eyes stabbed through me. His posture was direct and trenchant. His eyebrows were curved in an almost humorous way. I didn’t understand why he was mad at me. It wasn’t like I had written the letter.

“Babe, can we please talk about this later? We need to go!” I insisted. I knew he wasn’t happy, but he grabbed both my bags and his and walked out of the door anyway.

“Where have you guys been?” Rose yelled as she signaled towards her wrist, pretending she was wearing a watch.

“I’ll tell you later,” I said as we all caught a bus to the airport. When we were there, we checked through the lines before sitting and waiting to get onto the plane.

The tension in the air was impeccably fierce. I sat in between Rose and Pacey, but I was starting to regret that decision. I watched as he averted his eyes from me every time I caught him looking at me. I noticed his feet and legs were not loose, and he was extremely exasperated.

I turned my head to Rose and watched as her eyes met me, her body language showing she was confused. “Can you excuse us for a moment?” I asked her, grabbing Pacey’s arm and forcing him to follow me.

“What?” He asked, his voice gruff.

“You know what! But I don’t. I don’t understand at all why you’re mad at me. I didn’t respond to his letter. It wasn’t a big deal,” I cried.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his voice starting to break. His eyes left mine and I realized he was talking about the fact that Austin had raped me and gotten me into drugs.

“I never told anyone. I …I didn’t know how to,” I said, biting my lip to keep the tears from spilling all over.

I saw Pacey’s body relax a little bit. “You know you can trust me,” he ensured.

“But how can I tell you something when I don’t even remember it myself?” I cried. Pacey sighed.

“I know I shouldn’t have lashed out all of my anger on you. I just don’t want him replacing me,” he said, almost sounding vulnerable.

I smirked. “Pace, do you not realize how much I like you? I never had those feelings for Austin. I just liked being wanted. But with you, you make me feel wanted. You make me feel…loved,” I whispered.

“Just tell me the next time you get a letter from him, okay?” He asked, tilting my head up towards him so that I was looking him in the eyes.

“Okay,” I said shyly, stealing a kiss from him and walking back to where Rose sat.

The three of us shortly boarded the plane and headed towards the rural land I was so familiarized with.