Caught Up In You

February 24th. 2012
Friday Night
Location: Dorm
5:05 PM

Drake had officially been registered for two weeks. He was just settling in a dorm a floor below us. He told me that his roommates were nice, but that they were gone often and didn’t really talk much. So, he often hung out with Tristan and me.

Pacey was extremely jealous, and he was mad all the time. Every minute that I had a break, I tried to talk with him. But he was starting to ignore me. I felt like I didn’t mean anything to him. We were going our separate ways, and that hurt.

~~*~~

I had been in our dorm for a couple of hours. I had just finished up some of my homework and was watching a terrible Lifetime movie when Pacey walked in. He slammed the door so loud that I jumped. My binder and pencils spilled all over.

Pacey looked at me and then tromped off to his room. He didn’t even say a word. I knew he needed a couple of minutes to cool off, so I picked up my pencils and turned off the movie.

After plotting my words to him, I stood up off the couch and began to march down the hallway. Pacey’s door was opened, so I walked in, scaring him half to death. He pretended to do his homework so that he wouldn’t have to talk to me. But I wasn’t going to stand for that.

“What is your problem?” I asked him furiously. He still didn’t gaze at me. Not even a flinch. It was as if I wasn’t even there. Like I was invisible in his eyes.

Pacey was quiet for quite some time. I didn’t know if he was pondering over what he had to say or he just didn’t want to speak to me. But after about thirty seconds, he set his work off to the side and turned his head upwards.

“What do you mean? I’m fine,” he grumbled. He obviously wasn’t fine. For the past two weeks, he had done nothing but stomp around the house and complain. He was acting like a toddler.

“You are most definitely not fine, Pacey. You haven’t talked to me in weeks. You don’t even acknowledge the fact that I’m here!” I yelled, trying to get him to understand my point. He still wasn’t looking at me.

“I’ve been busy,” he lied, attempting to stray away from an argument. He acted like talking to me was the worst possible punishment on Earth. But wasn’t communication supposed to fix things?

“Busy? Is that your word for complaining? You’ve done nothing but grumble since Drake got here,” I paused, waiting for an answer. But Pacey didn’t respond, so I continued. “So I’m going to ask you again. What is your problem?”

Pacey sighed and looked down. He fidgeted his fingers for a couple of seconds. It was quiet for a while and I was beginning to worry. He wasn’t talking to me. I felt like I wasn’t even there to him, like I was just a phase.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Pacey cleared his throat and gave me a sign that he was still there. “I see the way you look at him. Even after only two weeks, I know you guys have something,” he said.

“How can you even say that?” I asked, almost angry that he had those thoughts of us.

“You used to look at me like that,” Pacey said, his voice becoming extremely quiet. He didn’t say anything else. He was silent. I didn’t know what to do.

I stood next to his bed for minutes, aimlessly processing what he had said. I just couldn’t bear it. I was afraid that if I continued the conversation, he would just get angrier. But I had to say something. I couldn’t lose the person I cared about most in the world.

“I don’t have feelings for him,” I said, not knowing if that was the truth or not. But Pacey just scoffed. It wasn’t like he believed me anyway.

“Yeah, I’m sure you don’t,” Pacey said.

“Can you just stop this?! I’m tired of fighting with you. I did nothing wrong and I’m getting blamed for everything. Drake and I are friends. That’s all,” I said, setting the line. He needed to know what was going on. I could not lose him. And even if that was selfish, I cared about him. I needed him.

“Whatever Drew. How am I supposed to believe you when you’re with him all the time? I don’t even see you anymore,” he said, standing up and walking out of his room.

“Hey! Don’t leave! We are not done having this conversation!” I yelled, following him to the living room. Tristan and Logan were sitting on the couch watching a show. But when they saw us, they turned off the television and quickly walked into their rooms.

“We may not be done with this conversation, but we’re definitely done with this relationship,” he yelled back, slamming the door in my face and leaving me alone.

I was shocked, really. It took me about five minutes to register what had really happened. By the time Tristan and Logan had appeared next to me, however, I was in tears. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was going to take place, saying we lived together and couldn’t really avoid each other.

Logan grabbed me and wrapped his arms tightly around my back. I felt terrible crying into his shoulder and soiling the soft fabric, but I desperately needed someone to hug.

I know that it was pathetic, but the love of my life had walked out on me. He didn’t trust me anymore. That was killing me inside.

A part of me wanted to chase him down and make everything okay again. But the other half knew that that was completely unrealistic. So I chose to let my guard down for once and be vulnerable.

For the first time in my life, I was undeniably heartbroken by the person I thought would never hurt me.