Caught Up In You

February 25th, 2012
Saturday Morning
Location: Dorm Room
11:23 AM

The next morning, I was at a total loss for words. I didn’t know what I was doing, nevertheless what I was going to say. I was so confused. I just wanted all of this to end. I was honestly starting to regret the choice I made back in August. I should have told my parents about the mistake. I should have transferred to the female academy. But I was ignorant and didn’t think anything of the future consequences.

However, I knew I needed to move forward. If I was going to pursue through with this plan, I was going to have be confident and not anxious.

I stood up from my bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I was pale and I seemed depressed. Obviously, I was. I couldn’t let Pacey know that though. Of course he knew I was in love with him. But he couldn’t think I was weak.

I had earlier asked Rose to lend me some clothes to wear. I didn’t have any appealing clothing, so she gladly lent me her most seductive outfits. I pulled off my pajama top and bottom and tossed the shirt Rose lent me onto my bed. I threw my clothes on and adjusted my outfit before glancing at myself in the mirror again. And for once, I actually felt beautiful.

It was that moment that I realized how self-conscious I had been in the past. I shouldn’t have been so hard on myself. But it was now that I was finally going to move on from all of the insults. This was the beginning of my life. I couldn’t go on feeling gross and insignificant. I needed to feel confident.

I smiled once more before adjusting my shirt and grabbing the door handle. I took one last deep breath. This was it. Now or never.

I walked out of my room and looked down the hallway. No one seemed to be up, so I walked as quietly as I could to the kitchen. Since we didn’t have any food other than pancake mix, I decided to make breakfast with what was left.

I usually didn’t cook much, mostly because I was quite literally capable of setting fire to the whole building. However, since they were just pancakes, I wasn’t too worried.

I pulled out the pan and the mix and poured all of the ingredients into a bowl. It took me about five minutes to get everything situated. By the time the first batch of pancakes was on the griddle, Logan had walked out into the main room. I greeted him politely as he sauntered his way to the kitchen.

“Is that food I smell?” He said, rubbing his eyes.

“Yes, yes it is. But I don’t trust they’ll taste good,” I said. Logan smirked. But when he looked at me, he took a couple of steps back. His mouth widened and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Where is Drew and what have you done with her?” He asked in complete seriousness. I giggled slightly and flipped a pancake on the griddle.

“Drew is here, I swear,” I said, grinning a bit.

“Okay, whatever you say,” he said, pushing me aside and taking the spatula from my hands. I glared at him for a couple of seconds before walking away. I sat on the couch and watched as Logan cooked.

“Drew,” Logan started to say after several seconds. “Is this because of the Pacey thing?” He asked, trying to not say a word that would compel me to be upset.

“Of course not,” I laughed, trying to be convincing. But when Logan looked at me, I knew he didn’t believe me.

“Drew, you’re gorgeous either way. And besides, since he dumped you the way he did, he obviously doesn’t deserve you,” Logan said. I smiled faintly. But as soon as he ended his sentence, I heard footsteps trailing down the hallway, nearing the living room.

“No, because apparently this is my fault,” I heard a voice grunt. Pacey appeared at the entrance of the main room. I attempted to not gaze at him, but it was severely difficult. And it was extremely uncomfortable being with him when Logan had practically insulted him.

“Oh, hi Pacey,” Logan greeted awkwardly. Pacey groaned and walked into the kitchen. He took a handful of pancakes and shoved one into his mouth.

Pacey began to walk back to his room. Before he could, however, I stopped him. I wasn’t just going to let him ignore me. That would call for even more awkward measures. We were living together for Heaven’s sake!

“So you’re just going to pretend I’m not here?” I declared, raising my voice a little. At last, Pacey looked at me. But he didn’t give me the acknowledgement I was expecting or hoping for. It was almost as if he was seeing right through me.

“Yeah, so far it’s going pretty well,” Pacey mumbled, stopping for a second. “Are you planning on having company or something? Because you never dress like that,” he said, offending me. When he saw my dissatisfied expression, he smirked and walked back down the hallway. I heard his door close and let out a grunt.

I slouched down on the couch and covered my face with a pillow. I groaned loudly and threw the pillow across the room. I was so enraged. Pacey had never been that rude before. Did he think he could act like that just because we were over?

“Drew, it’s okay. Calm down,” Logan comforted. He turned off the griddle and bagged up the pancakes.

“Shut up Logan. Until someone breaks up with you and treats you like shit, don’t talk to me,” I said. I felt bad for saying something so mean, but I couldn’t help it. I was lashing out on everyone because of Pacey. Maybe it really was my fault.

“Geez Drew. You’re going to be fine, okay? I promise,” he said, sitting down on the couch and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

“I don’t understand why he’s being so insensitive. I mean, can’t we at least talk it out like civil human beings?” I rambled, trying to understand his motives.

“Drew, guys don’t really like talking through problems. Just give him some time. He’ll talk to you eventually,” Logan said, pulling me into him.

“Pinky promise?” I asked, holding out my finger. Logan rolled his eyes and bound his pinky around mine.

“Pinky promise,” he laughed. I chuckled with him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

“By the way, I know you wanted to hear this from Pacey, but you do look hot in that,” Logan said, smirking. I groaned and smacked a pillow against his face.

So, even though things didn’t go quite as planned, I was happy I had a friend to help me out. Because in all honesty, I had no idea how much I was going to need my friends in the future.