Caught Up In You

March 12th, 2012
Monday Evening
Location: Drake's Dorm
10:00 PM

I was at Drake’s dorm that day. We were having a movie marathon. We had officially ruled out all romantic movies. It was too much for me. I knew I would start crying and Drake would never get me to stop.

Honestly, I had to hand it to Drake. He was my rock. I had literally been leaning on him the entire break up, and he didn’t complain whatsoever. He was a true friend, and I definitely respected that. I never knew that Drake and I would ever be that close. But we were, and I wouldn’t take it back for the world.

~~*~~

We had just finished watching Monsters Inc. I loved that movie, really. It got my mind off of everything, and it brought me back to when I was a child.

We still had a bowl of popcorn left, so I took a handful and began eating. I had been eating ever since Pacey broke up with me. And although it’s unhealthy, I really couldn’t stop. It was like my comfort, my answer that everything would be okay in the future.

“So, do you want to watch another movie?” Drake asked, getting up to take the DVD out and place it in its case. I shrugged my shoulders and swallowed my popcorn before talking.

“I shouldn’t. I mean, it’s already ten and we have school tomorrow,” I said. Drake looked at me with his lip hanging out and wide eyes. I sighed. He was amazing at getting what he wanted. I almost doubted that there was a way out of this.

“You sure? I mean, what about Pacey?” He asked, instantly showing a remorseful expression. He hung his head and looked at the ground for a couple of seconds. I threw a piece of popcorn at his head to get his attention. Drake glanced back up at me and saw I wasn’t mad. It wasn’t like I could really get the situation off my mind anyway.

“Pacey has been ignoring me for the past two weeks, Drake. I don’t think he’s going to start talking now,” I said. “And besides, it’s my dorm too. It’s not his territory.” Drake nodded his head in agreement and took the bowl of popcorn from my lap.

“Whatever you say,” he chuckled, placing the bowl on the counter and walking back over to me. “But, if you want to stay over, you know you’re welcome.”

“You know that’s not allowed,” I sighed. “Because if I could, I would.” Drake held out his hand and pulled me off the couch.

“Well, then I guess you’ve got to go,” Drake said, sounding a little more depressed than normal. “Would you like me to walk you to your dorm?”

I smiled and glanced at him, instantly feeling whole again. I wanted to say yes, but I also knew that it would just create more problems. “No, I’ll go by myself. It’s just upstairs. I’ll be fine,” I said, giving him a cheesy grin. Drake chuckled and walked me to the door. “Thanks for comforting me. I really needed it,” I confessed. He nodded and swept the hair out of his eyes.

“Anytime. Just know that if something else happens, I’m right here,” he reassured, getting that look in his eyes where I knew he was completely loyal to his words.

“Thank you. Good night Drake,” I whispered elusively. I draped my arms around his neck and enveloped him in a hug. He pulled me into him. And, for several seconds, I felt protected.

We stood like that for countless minutes, it seemed. I didn’t really want to let go of him, but I needed to get to my dorm.

I stepped out of the hug eventually and smiled up at him. Opening the door, I took one last glance at Drake before stalking out of his dorm and to mine.

During the whole five minute walk to my room, I couldn’t stop thinking about our day. How we threw popcorn at each other, laughed until we cried, and watched childish movies until we felt like kids ourselves were just a few reasons why we were so close.

But the thing that got me was that I never experienced that with Pacey. I always felt trapped in a way. It was as if our whole relationship was built on a lie. When I thought about it, I never really acted like myself throughout the entire duration of our relationship.

And that was sad.

That’s what killed me inside.

I was in the elevator when I started crying. I couldn’t help it. All the emotions of the past just crept up on me.

We had our first fight there, in that creaky, archaic, box. And when I looked around the small, claustrophobic space, all I could see was Pacey. Every corner, every crevice, every dent, I saw him.

The dark red velvet of the carpet was dirty and probably growing mold somehow. The buttons were stained yellow and brown, almost like coffee. And no matter how irrelevant that sounded, it all brought me back to Pacey. We had been in this run-down elevator together. His bright red shoes had stepped on that unpleasant, crass carpet. His taut fingers had played with the cracked buttons. We had shared so many secrets on this otherwise dull, unimportant sanctuary. To other people, it was just a way of transportation. But to me, this elevator started our life together.

And here I was, crying because it was over.

I wiped my tears before the scratched doors rolled their way open. I couldn’t let anyone see me like this. I would probably die of embarrassment. But, thankfully, no one was out in the halls, or near my dorm.

I set my key into the door and twisted the lock. When I heard the familiar clicking sound, I walked into the flustered, distinct room and waited for any sound of life. I knew everyone was home, but it didn’t sound like it whatsoever.

“Hello?” I called out.

No answer.

I sighed and made my way down the dim hallway. It was time for me to get to sleep nevertheless.

I was about to get to my room. However, fate had something else in mind. Since the hall was so shady and dark, I was visionless. Apparently Pacey couldn’t see anything either, because a couple of seconds after I started walking to my room, I ran straight into him.

I heard a low grunt, and I instantly knew it was Pacey. It was his usual impatient groan he made when his day wasn’t going right. I mumbled a small apology and headed towards my room. However, something made me turn around.

“Wait, Pacey,” I began to say, trailing after him into the kitchen. I was instantly blinded by the bright light and couldn’t see anything. When I could properly maneuver, however, I saw that Pacey wasn’t looking at me. He was headed towards the cabinets to get a glass.

“What?” He asked.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I said, waiting for him to turn around. He never did though. Was there something wrong with me? I didn’t think he was that angry with me.

“Do what?” He asked, almost as if he didn’t have the slightest idea what I was bringing up.

“Can you face me first?” I said, getting kind of mad. It was absolutely disrespectful for him to not even look at me. I know he didn’t want to, but it was the fact that I was talking to him. Did he never learn how to be chivalrous or polite?

I heard Pacey sigh, and watched as he swiveled around on his bare feet. He didn’t glance at me once, but that was okay. I understood it was going to take time for us to ever be on that level. It just frustrated me a bit.

“What I was trying to say is I can’t live in the same dorm with someone that doesn’t even acknowledge that I’m here,” I said, attempting to make a point. It didn’t really get to him though. He just looked at the floor with a very dull expression.

“I acknowledge you, I just don’t talk to you,” he said, making an arrogant comment. I groaned as he started to walk away from me. Was this what our entire relationship was going to be? A continuous game of real life run and chase?

I couldn’t handle this. We needed to talk this out like mature adults. And here he was running away from me because he didn’t want to be around me. How was that supposed to solve anything?

“Pacey, come back here!” I said, chasing after him. Like I expected, he ignored me. He didn’t even look back or give a hint that he had heard me. I knew he had, he just was trying to be an ass.

Each step I took, he took two more. He kept trying to run away. But how was that possible when his room was so close? He needed to grow up and face the consequences.

By the time I had caught up to him, we were in his room. I touched his shoulder and tried to turn him around, but he didn’t even budge. He was much stronger than me and he knew that and took advantage of it.

“Don’t touch me,” he growled, finally revolving around to face me. But this time, I didn’t see Pacey. I saw a monster. It was as if all emotion was drained out of his body and he didn’t even care anymore. He was gone and something else was occupying his body.

His skin was pale, with white beads of sweat hanging loosely from his forehead. He looked like a ghost, in all reality. He was panting heavily, for some reason. I couldn’t tell if it was because he was exhausted or infuriated. But I guessed that he just wanted to get me away from him. I knew he needed to be alone, but I was too stupid to actually realize that.

“You can’t keep running away from me. We need to figure this out,” I said, raising my voice. Pacey rolled his eyes and got closer to me. I could feel his hot breath and see the hatred in his eyes.

Did he really hate me?

His eyebrows were furrowed, accentuating the dark abyss of everything but emotion that lay beneath. Pacey took a step back before trying to calm down. He glanced behind me, like he was looking through me.

“Need to figure out what? You liked that guy and I broke up with you. That’s all,” he sneered.

“I am in love with you! You know that I would never cheat on you or do anything to intentionally harm you,” I said. Even if I did like Drake, that didn’t change how I felt about Pacey. I would always have those emotions for him. They would never go away. I wouldn’t be unfaithful to the love of my life. That was preposterous.

“I don’t know if I can believe that. You may say you don’t like Drake now. But I see that look in your eyes when you look at him. And things will start to escalate. I couldn’t handle that, so I ended our relationship before that happened. Happy? There’s your reason,” he said, trying to push me out of his room.

“Pacey, that’s ridiculous. I would never do that. Can you just slow down?!” I screamed as he neared the door. What was with him?!

“You say that now. But how would you feel if you were in my situation? You’d probably do the same thing,” he stated. I considered his announcement. But honestly, I didn’t believe that.

“I would at least talk it through first. What is a relationship without communication? We had that Pacey, and you threw it all away because you didn’t come to me about your problem with Drake,” I asserted.

“And what could you have done? Send him home? He wouldn’t do that. He’s in love with you.,” Pacey confessed. And that’s when everything froze.

How could he notice that and not me? I was the one that spent every waking moment with Drake. We were best friends. He couldn’t love me. That was absurd.

“You’re just making that up,” I replied. I would not believe that. Pacey was probably just saying that to throw me off topic.

“Whatever. Just get out Drew,” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders and forcing me out of his room. I tried to push back, but it was of no use. Pacey was too strong for me.

“Pacey, let go of me!” I screamed, trying to get away from him. He just kept going on. He didn’t even let me walk out myself. He was like a robot. There were no emotions, no feelings, nothing.

“Shut up!” He said, covering his hand over my mouth. What was this?

I bit down on his hand and heard him yell behind me. I don’t think he meant it, but before he could stop himself, I was sprawled out against the hard wall on the floor.

I screeched out in pain as my head began to throb.

But the worst part was that he didn’t even come out into the hallway to ask if I was okay. He just walked into his room and left me to sit there and cry.

I felt so pathetic then. I was so lonely and weak and useless. No wonder Pacey got rid of me. It was ridiculous really. The fact that I thought I could get him back was almost pitiful. But I was in love, and I wanted to try everything.

Before I could continue to sulk in the deluge of problems, I heard a knock at the front door. I moaned as I stood up, but eventually made it. I rushed to the front room and opened the door.

In front of me stood two administrators. They looked angry and not like they were in the mood to talk.

“Yes?” I asked, trying to get to the bottom of what was going on.

“Is there a fight going on here?” The principal asked. He looked at me with wide, questioning eyes. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also didn’t think he needed to know.

“No sir, not at all,” I said.

They looked unconvinced for a couple of seconds before shaking it off. “One more question. We’ve received three complaints about hearing a female in this dorm. Is that true?” The vice principal asked. Before I could answer, however, Pacey ran to the door and spoke for me.

“That’s not true at all, sir. There are no girls in this dorm,” he said.

The two administrators looked at each other before agreeing on something and nodding their heads ludicrously. “We’re going to need to check the dorm for any possible females,” the principal said. Although I wanted to slam the door and forget this ever happened, I knew I couldn’t. So, I allowed them in and waited for my plane ride home. Honestly, there was no way I was going to make it out of this. If they found my clothes, I would be caught.

This was impossible.

They started in the kitchen, looking in absurd places, like the cabinets and underneath the kitchen sink. Then they split up. The vice principal trailed down the hallway while the head of the school looked in the living room. Since Tristan and Logan had been abruptly woken up, they were escorted to us.

“What happened?” Tristan asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning. We didn’t answer though. We really didn’t have a choice. This was not a time for talking.

The vice principal finished a couple of minutes later and walked out with an extremely infuriated look on his face. “I didn’t find anyone back there. But why did I find a female’s clothing?” He asked grouchily, furrowing his brows and waiting for an answer that we didn’t have.

All four of us were wholeheartedly silent. We didn’t have an excuse. I gulped. This was it.

“I am-,” I started to say. But I was interrupted by Pacey.

“A couple of girls..er.. left their..um.. clothes here back at the …uh..gender mixer,” he said quickly. I was bewildered. How did he do that? Why would he defend me?

“And why were their clothes left here?” he asked.

“We were cooking and I accidentally spilled chocolate all over the kitchen. Most of it ended up on their clothes, so we gave them some sweats to wear and washed their garments. I’ve been meaning to give them back, but I keep forgetting,” Logan said.

Both of the administrators were quiet. I knew this was the end. That wasn’t believable. It couldn’t have been.

Surprisingly enough, however, they trusted us. They told us to not get in anymore trouble and left soon after.

That was the night that I realized I had to be more cautious.

I couldn’t leave this school.

I needed to be with Pacey.