Caught Up In You

November 4th, 2011
Friday Night
Location: Court Yard
8:00 PM

“Mom, I want to come home,” I said, drowning in my tears.

I heard my mom hesitate. That couldn’t be a good sign. She only took so long to answer a question when she was making a hard choice.

“Honey, you already have plane tickets to come home on Thanksgiving. Can’t you wait a couple more weeks?” She asked.

“Mom? Please?” I begged.

“I don’t have any money to send you back here. I mean, I might, but…”

“I just can’t keep going here. It’s too much. I just don’t feel welcome here,” I said, not really knowing if that was the truth or not.

“What’s going on Drew? Why do you want to come home so bad?” She asked, her voice drenched in concern.

“This guy,” I said.

“The one you told me about?” She asked. I nodded but then realized she couldn’t see me, so I answered.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on between you two?” She replied.

“I thought we had something. I thought he liked me. I thought that maybe we could be together. And then the moment I turn around he’s dating his ex girlfriend,” I heard my mom sigh, acting like she had complete empathy for me.

And maybe she did, but I didn’t want any of her advice. I just wanted to run away from everything and go back home.

“Honey, I know you’re strong. Just wait it out a couple more weeks, okay? If you’re sure you don’t want to stay there, you can move back. I promise,” she said.

I knew there was no way out of this. As much as I wanted to go to the airport and never see Pacey again, I knew my mother wasn’t going to allow it. Besides, I didn’t particularly have enough money to buy a one way plane ticket.

“Okay, thanks mom,” I said gratefully.

“You’re welcome honey. You’ll be surprised what’ll happen if you just talk it out with him,” she said. I rolled my eyes, but then realized she was probably right.

“Thanks mom. I’ll try. I love you, bye,” I heard my mom reply back before I hung up the phone and decided to call Rose, the girl I met on Halloween.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Hey Rose, it’s Drew,” I mumbled softly.

“Oh, hey! What’s up?” She asked.

“Could you come out to the courtyard? I could really use someone to talk to right now,” I said.

“Okay, I’ll see you in a couple of minutes,” she replied.

“Thank you,” I said before ending the call. I looked around me and noticed the dark sky under a couple of clouds. However, I could see a bundle of stars making their way through the foggy distance. Maybe that’s how I was. Maybe that’s what I was supposed to do. Right now I was caught in a huge mess. I was like a window on a cold night, blurred. But if I walked right on instead of running away, maybe I would conquer my problem.

I watched as the grass rumbled softly because of the light wind. The temperature was almost cold, but perfect all at once. I finally saw a small shadow a couple feet away from me.

“Hey,” Rose said.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me.”

She chuckled as she sat in the grass. I sat across from her.

“I was expecting your hair to be long and black,” she said.

“Oh yeah. About that, can I tell you something?” I asked her. Rose crinkled her eyebrows together as if she didn’t understand, but then nodded. “I was accidentally admitted into the male boarding school,” I told her.

Her eyes suddenly became as wide as dinner plates. After Rose calmed down, she grinned.

“That’s why I haven’t seen you around much. Why didn’t you just tell them the mistake and go to the female academy?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I guess I was just curious. But that’s also part of the reason I brought you here. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, other than the guys. And no offense, but I’ve had enough testosterone to deal with lately,” I said.

Rose rested her head on her palm and looked at me. “Oh, I see. Guy problems. Who’s the lucky culprit?” She smiled. I was aware my voice would break if I said his name, but I knew she wouldn’t mind.

“P..Pacey,” I cried.

“Really? Oh wow, I don’t know how I didn’t see that. So, what happened?” She asked curiously.

I didn’t know if I would be able to tell her without bawling, but I took a deep breath and began. “Well, Pacey, Logan, and Tristan all live with me in the dorm. Tonight, I was a wreck because I had gotten in a fight with him over his ex girlfriend. They recently got back together. And Logan found me and he offered me some alcohol to calm me down. After we had both gotten completely intoxicated, we started to kiss. Well, definitely more than just a kiss,” I said, starting to grin. After I had told Rose the entire story, she enveloped me into a mushy hug.

When she let go, she looked me in the eyes and gave me a sympathetic look.

“Drew, you’ll be fine. I mean, it may not seem like it, but I’ve known Pacey for years. We used to live in the same neighborhood back when we were kids. Sure, he would get mad over stupid things, but he can’t hold a grudge for very long,” she said.

“You’re sure?” I asked Rose.

She simply nodded.

“Yes. I’m positive. And I know he likes you. I could see the look he gave you when he carried you back to the dorm at the party. He’s a gentleman. I’m positive he’ll apologize soon enough,” she said.

I looked up at her and decided she was right. He was perfect. “You just need to find the right time to talk to him,” she advised.

“That’s exactly what my mom said,” I laughed.

“Well, great minds think alike,” She shrugged. I grinned.

“Thanks Rose. In the couple of days I’ve gotten to know you, you’ve helped tremendously,” I said.

“That’s what I’m for. Now go get him, tiger,” she mimicked.

Rose gave me one more supportive hug before pushing me off to the academy. I waved goodbye to her. Before I had completely walked away, she began to yell from across the yard.

“Don’t forget to text me about it later, okay!?” She requested.

“Of course! Bye Rose,” I said, pretending to be annoyed.

When I was in the elevator, I pressed the familiar button and walked out into the familiar hallway. I unlocked the familiar door and strutted into our familiar dorm. However, the tension was definitely unfamiliar.

Closing the door behind me, I saw Tristan sitting on the couch eating ice cream and glaring at me.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a girl?” He whined.

“Right now is not the time,” I answered. Before I walked into Pacey’s room, Logan stopped me.

“He wanted me to tell you to go in your room first,” he said before guiding me into my room, and closing the door as he left.

On my bed was a neatly folded letter with a rose embedded through the bridge of the paper. And as much as I wanted to throw the letter away and burn the rose, I couldn’t. I sat on my bed and unfolded the paper, uncovering Pacey’s almost comprehensible handwriting.

Drew,
The first thing I thought about when writing this letter was us. I instantly remembered how much I liked teasing you and lying next to you. I was obsessed with the fact that you enjoyed my company. I liked knowing that no matter how much we joked around, at the end of the day, I could always tuck you in at night and turn off your light because you were too afraid to do it yourself. I finally realized that the reason I got together with Addirah was because I didn’t want to accept the fact that I had completely fallen for you. I didn’t want to believe that I was giving you the chance to hurt me like she had. But when I took Addirah back, it wasn’t for her. It was because I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me. But I now know that fighting fire with fire is just going to hurt everyone in the end, not the one person I intend. I realize that I’ve impaired you beyond belief, and I am now aware that I may never be able to have my chance with you. I didn’t value you when I should have. I broke the bond we had, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that. Drew, in the small amount of time I’ve gotten to know you, you’ve helped me to realize there are bigger things in life than demeaning someone. You’ve showed me that I can be forgiven, and that I’m not an emotionless jerk, although you probably think I am. But most of all, you’ve made me understand I can’t be who I am without you. Whenever you teased me, I knew you didn’t mean it. I know you truly get me more than anyone else in the world. You’re the only person I’ve ever been completely honest with. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt like I could talk to for the rest of my life. You’re the only person that I want to see everyday. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. Words can’t explain how sorry I am. But if you give me the chance, I want to start fresh, to show you we can enter this world together. And if you just want to be friends, I’m fine with that too. I just want you to know I will always be there for you, and I’ll never hurt you like I have in the past. Earlier tonight, after you left, I called Addirah and told her I wasn’t going to be with her. I told her she wasn’t the one. And if you let me, we can have that same bond that we have had for the past months.
Good night Drew.
I’m forever sorry.
Love,
Pacey

A vibrant smile was painted over my face as I folded up the letter and hid it in my dresser drawer. I walked over to Pacey’s room and knocked a couple of times on his door. “Yeah?” I heard a susceptible voice answer. I cautiously opened and closed the door. I looked over at Pacey and saw him lying on his bed, limp and lifeless. I lay on his bed and promptly got under the covers. I watched as his eyes slowly met mine.

“Thanks for the letter. You really have a way with words,” I said.

He smiled. “I haven’t lately. Listen, Drew, I’m really..” I cut him off before he could say anything else.

“It’s okay. I overreacted. We both have some things that we could fix. But thank you for being the one to get over everything and just apologize,” I said. He simply nodded. “Did you really break up with her?” I asked, not helping the smile that was sneaking its way on my face.

“Yeah. I just don’t want to go through that again,” He said.

“Trust me Pacey, you don’t have to,” I said, kissing him lightly on the cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning,” I said, pulling the sheets off of my body.

“Drew?” Pacey asked meekly.

“Huh?” I replied.

“Thank you for forgiving me. You have no idea how much it means to me,” I smiled and got out of bed.

“Night Pacey,” I said, feeling my emotions swell all around me.

“Night Drew,” he said, filling my chest with butterflies.

And that was the night I realized I couldn’t live without him.