All That I Can Think About

Our interview went without a hitch; it was actually quite interesting thanks to the brilliant questions sent in by fans.

I, however, couldn’t help how anxious I felt. My fingers twitched against my phone in my pocket the whole time. I was itching to talk to Renée and, no matter how hard I tried, the desire merely kept building. It was quite a relief when everything was over, at least until Liam pulled both Louis and I aside to talk to us about our “inappropriate behavior”.

“You have to be more professional, mates! We don’t want anyone drawing conclusions about any of us. Do I need to take your phones before every interview?” Liam lectured, using animated hand motions to try and make his point.

Louis and I looked at each other for a moment and had a silent conversation then returned our attention back to Liam. “No!” We responded simultaneously.

“What am I going to do with you both…?” Liam muttered while he let out a sigh and shook his head at us. “I know who Harry was obsessively texting, but who on earth were you so caught up with Louis?”

Louis was quite for a moment and when I looked at him his face had turned a nice shade of red. He shuffled from foot to foot and rubbed his neck with a sheepish smile. “This girl…” He started quietly.

“Uh huh…” Liam said, motioning his hand for Louis to continue.

“Her name is Liz,” Louis blurted nervously.

“Liz? I don’t remember a Liz or hearing you mention any girl named Liz…” I said, suddenly intervening in the conversation.

Louis looked at us both before explaining, “I’ve only been talking to her since early this morning.”

“I haven’t seen you speaking to any of the girls ‘round here…” I mentioned off handedly, both Liam and I looking around to see if maybe we’d overlooked a pretty face, but no one caught our eyes.

“She messaged the wrong person. I couldn’t sleep so we started talking…” Louis trailed off his face once again a lovely shade of red.

“Louis! How could you be so irresponsible? She’s probably selling your phone number on eBay as we speak!” Liam chastised, shaking his head in a disapproving manner.

“She doesn’t know.”

“What do you mean ‘she doesn’t know’?” I questioned, my brows furrowed in confusion.

“She doesn’t know who I am. I’ve only told her my name is Louis. No last name, no One Direction. She just sees me as a normal guy. I can be normal with her like you can with Renée,” Louis said quietly and I instantly softened.

“Liam, you can’t be angry with him. He only wants someone to talk to,” I defended, thinking about how much I relied on Renée to keep me sane, to give me a little piece of home.

“You can talk to us can’t you?” Liam asked, softer now.

“I’ve tried, Liam. We’re always busy or in front of fans or at some celebrity bash. I don’t ever get a moment alone with you, but with her we’re always ‘alone’. It’s easier to tell her things without being judged, not that you would, but somebody will if they overhear.” Louis was obviously upset about something and I suddenly felt like a horrible person for not noticing before.

“I’m sorry, Lou.” I blurted, seeming to speak for both myself and Liam; the guilt was already eating at me, I wasn’t there for Louis and I should have been. His parents had just divorced and he was taking it pretty hard; things were definitely strained and a person can only hold something like that in for so long until it begins taking control.

“Don’t be, mate.” Louis replied dismissively and smiled a bit. “She understands what I’m going through – like you Harry – and it’s so easy to talk to her.” A glazed look went through his eyes for a moment before he came back to us.

“Oi! Liam, Lou, Harry! We’re leaving mates, let’s go!” Niall called from the door. With that, we walked to the door and got on the bus. I made myself promise that I would be there for Lou; I would make more of an attempt to ask if he needed to talk because I knew he most likely wouldn't come to me.



Once I was back to the bus, I went straight to my bunk and checked my messages. I knew I had missed one from Liz and it was driving me nuts to know what she said.



I let out a light chuckle, only able to imagine the silhouette of this girl I had become attached to over the course of the day.





She was definitely straight forward and bold; it was something I knew I would end up loving about her. I had to think about her question for a moment. What is on my mind; her? I couldn't very well say that, could I? Maybe I could…



Liz didn’t answer for quite a few minutes and I started to worry I had scared her off until her response finally came back.



She had a point. Doncaster was fairly large, but it is pretty funny we never bumped into each other. I would never have forgotten such a charismatic girl like her.





Her question was quite simple and the answer immediately came to me, yet I didn’t know when.





The thought made me panic. She doesn’t know who I really am! Would she treat me the same as she was now if I told her, like Renée acts with Harry? I truly hoped it would work out, Liz seemed like a lifelong mate and I didn’t want to mess that up.


I agreed casually, hoping that she wouldn’t see the falseness of the statement. I’d love to meet her, I truly would, but there was no way I’d risk her treating me differently just to see her face to face.



Now that was going to be a hard one to answer. How on Earth do I tell her why I left without giving away who I am?



So, it wasn’t exactly a lie. All the stuff I was telling her was true. I was just leaving out the little bit about the traveling being because I was on tour with the band. Just then Harry walked over to me, sitting on the end of my bunk.

“I’ve just spoken with Renée and Liam. She’s coming for a visit. Said she might bring her flatmate if she can convince her to come. She says you’d like her,” Harry stated, his eyebrows raising suggestively as he said the last sentence.
I shrugged, looking back to my phone as it buzzed with another message from Liz.



My heart fluttered in my chest. This couldn’t just be some sort of coincidence, could it?

“Lou, you alright? You look like you’ve just spotted a ghost,” Harry questioned, genuinely concerned.

“Renée’s flatmate, what’d you say her name was again?”

“I dunno, mate, want me to ask her?”

“Could you?”

“Why?”





I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. She was going to find out and she was going to hate me.

“Ren says the girl’s name is Liz,” Harry stated, looking at me with a rather thoughtful expression before he seemed to connect the dots himself. “Isn’t that the name of the girl you’ve been talking to?”



“Harry, it’s the same girl.”

“What are you going on about?”

“Harry, she’s Renée’s roommate. It’s the same girl.”

“Well, that’s great! You guys can finally meet each other –“

“No,” I stated, shaking my head fervently. “She can’t know yet; she’ll be different.”

“Lou, I can’t tell Ren that she can’t bring her mate ‘cause you don’t want her to know who you are.”

I was at a loss for words because Harry was right, but I still can’t risk losing the girl that I was learning to trust.



I sort of felt like throwing up.