Don't Go.

At first, right after Danny had died, I tried very hard not to feel. The pain was unbearable, and the only way to fight it was to try to stay completely numb and unfeeling. I stopped eating, I stopped talking, I stopped smiling, while everything around me descended into utter chaos. In a way, I think I was still in shock; still refusing to believe that the boy I loved with all my heart was gone forever. But all of that changed the day of the funeral.

I think what broke me was seeing his still, lifeless body in the coffin. That made me realize that all of this was painfully real, that he was never coming back. I’d never see him smile again, never fall asleep in his arms, or feel his mesmerizing grey eyes on me, those eyes I’d grown to know like the back of my hand… I’d never feel his lips on mine again, or hear him whisper into my ear how much he loved me…

And something triggered inside of me, and it was like every feeling I'd been trying so hard to suppress was suddenly engulfing me and shattering me from the inside out.

I'd felt my vision go strangely blurred and hazy, like everything was spinning chaotically around me, and the next thing I knew, o was in hysterics, sobbing desperately and screaming for Danny to come back. I'd felt a pair of stronger arms wrap themselves around my torso, dragging me back from his still, pale form while I writhed and cried Danny's name over and over, like it would somehow make him come back to me again. A gust of cold air hit me, and that's when I realized that Alex had taken me outside, perhaps hoping I'd calm down. But I freed myself from his grasp, fell to my knees and wept. I didn't want to feel my brother's - or anyone's - arms around me, because it just felt wrong. That wasn't where I was meant to be. I belonged in Danny's embrace, and nowhere else.

But Danny was never coming back.

And the snow fell that day too, and I remembered wishing with all my heart that I could just stay there forever while the snow coated me, and I could be buried beneath it, lifeless, unfeeling. Maybe, if that happened, I could be with him again.

That thought triggered so much more than I'd expected. I thanked my lucky stars my brother had already left, so he wouldn't have to see me this broken, curled up on the frozen ground, heartbroken sobs emerging from my throat. An image of Danny, the Danny I knew and loved, filled my head with so much clarity that for a moment I thought he'd really come back and was standing in front of me.

Only I blinked and he didn't disappear, like I thought he would. He was really there.

That was the first time I saw him.

He emerged from the snow, smiling slightly, hair ruffled by the fierce wind, and all I could do was stare at him in wonder, tears still streaming from my eyes as he kneeled beside me on the ice-cold ground.

I barely managed to part my numb lips and whisper, "Danny?"

He looked into my eyes, and I could see something in his look was very different. He looked older and much wiser, and the innocence that was once in his eyes had disappeared, turning into something much darker and more powerful. But he was still Danny. And I still loved him with all my heart.

He took my face in his hands and brushed his thumb against my cheek, wiping my tears away. Something in his touch had changed, too. It no longer held the warmth I remembered.

"Are you..." I'd breathed, voice quivering, "are you really here?"

He'd hesitated for a moment, eyes still on me, and I realized that even if he was here, nothing would ever be the same again. But he nodded slowly, and without a word, I buried my face in his chest and sobbed.

He was far from the Danny I remembered. But he was back, and that was all that mattered.

Even then, though, things changed drastically.

I changed too. I became reserved and quiet, speaking only when necessary, shutting out the rest of the world entirely. Danny never left my side, not one minute of the day, but I could never talk to him in public, because everyone would have assumed there was something wrong with me. I'd have been sent to some doctor and treated as though I was mentally ill.

I wasn't crazy. I was sure of that. There was no way Danny could be in my head, because hallucinations just weren't that real. Besides, he'd changed. Of course he had. If he'd just been in my head, I was convinced he'd have been exactly the same as before.

All I knew was that I couldn't tell anyone, and that was yet another reason for distancing myself from people.

And if I had one fear, it was the fear of him leaving. Because then I'd truly have nothing left to live for. Lately, I'd been getting more and more worried about that, but there was nothing I could do except wait and hope.

"Jamie?" he whispered into my ear, and I felt his slender arms wrap around my waist from behind.

His eyes followed the direction of mine, looking at the snow falling.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he breathed. I nodded in response, leaning my cheek against his chest.

I'd gotten used to the lack of heartbeat a long time ago.

I looked up at him, and for a second I saw something in his eyes that truly reminded me of the way he'd been before all this, when we were both young and happy and carefree. Maybe it was the small spark of wonder that always used to appear in his eyes when he saw snow falling. But this time, it'd lost all its childish innocence - he looked out at the sea of white in a deep, heartbreaking way, almost... nostalgically.

I raised my lips to meet his and kissed him softly, and he finally tore his gaze away from the snow to look at me. If there was one thing that hadn't changed, it was the love that filled his eyes whenever they landed on me.

"Jamie?"

"Mmhm?"

"I was thinking maybe we could visit the graveyard today?"

I stiffened, and turned around so I was facing him. "What for?"

He hesitated. "It's just... I feel so much better when I'm there. Safer, more peaceful. Please?" he asked, a pleading look in his eyes.

I sighed. "Okay. Should I get a flower or something? I mean, the place's always stuffed with-"

"Jamie," he cut me off, taking hold of my wrists gently.

I looked at him, surprised. "What?"

"I know you don't like going over there. I'm sorry. You can stay if you want, but I don't want to go without you, and it just... means a lot to me, you know?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, although I didn't really understand why he wanted to go so badly. "I just have a bad feeling about it. It's probably just..." My voice trailed off, not really wanting to finish the sentence.

He looked at me, concern apparent in his eyes. "Don't worry, okay? I'm here."

But that was the problem. That was the doubt that was eating me alive. I didn't know how much longer he'd be here for.