The Alpha's Baby

What am I going to do? I was sitting in the bottom of the shower. I had been crying since I got home. Roman was still downstairs talking with who ever was here, he hadn't came up once since we walked in the door. That's typical Roman. He'll be up in the next few hours apologizing and making fake promises again. What could have possibly happened to him to make him such a monster? Its like sometimes he wants to be nice but there is something in him that forces him to be a terrible person. I know we could have had the perfect relationship. He had showed me he could be the best man in the world. For the first six moths after my birthday everything was perfect. He was perfect.

Roman used to take me on romantic dates, he used to be there for me when I needed him, he never did anything to hurt me. Then slowly but surely he started to change. I couldn't talk to anyone without him getting angry. He cut me off from everyone but him, I don't have any friends or anyone I can talk to. I used to have many friend, the best friends. Roman made me tell everyone that I didn't need them, that he was the only person that I would ever need. He made me tell my friends that I couldn't hang out with them anymore. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I need my friends more than I need him. Maybe I can call Dena and Marty.

Dina and Marty are mates, they were also my best friends at one point. We've all known each other our entire lives. We were all a part of the same pack. When I told Dina what Roman had told me to say she just looked at me and said, "Denae, you don't mean that. I know he told you to tell us that. " She wasn't mad, but her face leaked sadness. "If you ever need anything you know we're always here for you." She was partly right. When I told Marty, he stormed out of the house cursing, he called me an ungrateful bitch and said that he and Dina should have never gave me a chance. He told me that I was the worst friend anyone could ever have. That made me feel worse than Roman did.

I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I was really sore. I had a couple of bruises on my chest, arms and legs. Roman's fingerprints had started to fade on my neck. He had choked me last week because I didn't want to attend the pack meeting. I had morning sickness and I was so tired. I could hardly keep my eyes open. He grabbed my throat and pinned me to the wall. I clawed at his hands, trying to break free."You are coming with me and that is final. Denae you are very bad at following rules. When I tell you to do something you do it. Do you understand me?" I couldn't speak because I couldn't breath. I nodded at him and he released me. I fell to the floor gasping for air.

I looked in the mirror at myself, my eyes were all red and puffy. Some from crying and some from Roman. I used to think I was beautiful, my hair is a reddish brown color and it stops below my shoulders, my eyes are light brown but when they catch the light the right way the turn jet black. I used to have a nice body, I was curvy but in shape. Being a wolf means you have more muscle. Now when I look in the mirror I disgust myself. I'm skinny because I stopped eating as much, my eyes are all dark and depressed, my hair is terrible. Roman was right, I am ugly. I've always been ugly, I was just fooling myself.

I walked out of the bathroom and dressed myself in Roman's clothes. He makes me sleep in his things every night. I used to enjoy it, I was proud to have his shirt around my body. Now I hate it. I don't like wearing anything that belongs to him. It all smells like him and I hate that. I have to be surrounded by a scent that I loved so much but I hate the person behind the delicious smell. I mean I love him, I cant help but love him, but I hate him too. I don't know how to explain it really.

I lay down in the bed and flicked the TV on. I wasn't going to try and escape again today. I need to have a plan, a fool proof, bound to work, plan. I was watching one of my favorite movies, The Breakfast Club. I don't know why I love the movie so much, its a story of five teens serving a Saturday in detention. Its actually pretty boring but I love it all the same. It had just gotten to the part where Allison Reynolds makes the junk food sandwich for lunch, when the bedroom door opened. Roman stalked in and sat beside me. "Whatcha watching?" He asked curiously. I wasn't in the mood to fight with him.

"The Breakfast Club." I said. I didn't look away from the TV. He stared at the side of my face. He laughed cheerfully at my answer. I loved it when he laughed that specific laugh. It meant he was in a good mood. I could finally relax a little bit.

"You watch that movie every other day." He said smiling.

"I like this movie." I said blankly.

He ran his finger down my cheek, I shivered lightly. My cheek tingled, at his touch. My wolf longed for his. This last month I've come up with every excuse I could think of to avoid being intimate with him. But now my wolf was clawing to get out.

I knew his was too because a few moments later he was on top of me.

'NO!' I screamed at her.

'Yes.' she whispered back. He kissed me deeply, he wasn't always rough with me, at moments like these he's so gentle with me. I didn't notice that I had tangled my hands up in his hair. My mind was telling me no, but my body was screaming yes.

I couldn't stop what happened next. He slid his hand up the shirt I was wearing, I never slept with a bra on and he knew it. I moaned lightly and arched my body into his. His hands caressed my breast lightly. He broke away from the kissed and looked deeply into my eyes, I was drowning in his green eyes. "Denae, I really do love you." When he said that I looked away from him. "Look at me!" He growled grabbing my chin and jerking my face to look at him again. "I hate myself for what I do to you. I don't know why I do it, I just woke up one day like this." He said. I didn't say anything, my eyes were filling with tears. He wiped my eyes with his thumb.

"Then why do you do it Roman?" I asked. This time he looked away.

"I dont know." he growled.

'He means well.' My wolf whispered to me.

'No he doesn't.' I spit back. My thoughts were brought to an end when he brought his lips back to mine. He kissed me roughly this time. I could feel every emotion he was feeling. I felt love at first, it faded a into anger, back to love and ended in fear. I couldn't understand it. Its not like he ever explained any of his feelings to me. Trying to understand Roman was like trying to break down a concrete wall with a rubber hammer.

He pulled away from me and pulled me up so that I was straddling him. He started trailing slow gentle kisses down my jaw. My heart started to beat unevenly and my breath quickened. When he reached the collar of the over sized t-shirt he stopped. He grabbed the bottom of the shirt and snatched it off of me in one quick motion. I whimpered and bit my lip when he looked at me. His eyes burned with lust for me. He ran his hand through my hair and down my chest until he reached my nipple. I tried not to show that I was enjoying this, I was trying to control my body.

"Don't fight it Denae." He growled. It was a sexy growl. Not his usual intimidating one. He sucked my nipple into his mouth and massaged it with his tongue roughly. He pulled me closer when I moaned. He knew how to make me feel good, he knew where all of my most tender spots were. His hands trailed down my back making me shutter, he used his fingers lightly on my skin. It felt like being caressed with feathers. I don't know if it was me or my wolf, but one of us wanted Roman, no needed him. It may have been both of us, I am all hormonal and shit.

"Lay down baby." he said kissing me. He slowly pushed me down onto the bed. When I was comfortable he kissed me down my neck, his warm breath danced over my skin. His lips trailed down to a bruise on my chest. "I'm sorry." He said looking up at me. He looked as if he could cry. I looked away from him.

"Don't be sorry, Roman." said looking at the wall. "I wouldn't want me either." I felt his body start to shake against mine. Roman let out a vicious growl and the next thing I knew he was punching his hand through the headboard. Wood pieces flew everywhere. I jumped in fear and tried to slide away from him but he grabbed my leg.

"Don't you ever say that again." He looked at me with so much anger. Well his eyes showed anger but his face showed pain. "I want you Denae. I'm just really messed up." I could only nod at him. We sat there staring at each other for a moment and finally the anger in his eyes began to recede. He looked quickly over my body and the lust in his eyes returned. He leaned up and snatched my panties off. He looked back up at me. "Denae, you're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He removed his clothes and made love to me. It was different than the other times we had done it. Usually it just felt like pointless sex, this time it actually felt like we mad love.

When it was over he held me in his arms. He fell asleep before I did. I was wide awake, everything that just happened replayed over and over in my head. I wanted to believe everything that Roman said but I just couldn't. He has done to much to me for me to just believe him. Plus its not like its the first time he's tried to butter me up. I cant fall for it, I want to but I cant. I'm still going to find a way out of this place. I'm going to call Dena when he leaves tomorrow and see if she can help me come up with something. It's been a while since we last spoke, I hope she still cares. If she refuses to help me then I don't have anyone to turn to. I'll be left to figure things out on my own.

I lay there staring at the TV, nobody had bothered to turn it off. There was some infomercial on about some weight loss product. I wasn't really listening. I had to much going on in my head. I don't know if I'm prepared to live like a human forever. Once I'm gone, I'll never see my silky brown fur again. I guess it was fun while it lasted. I've shifted less than fifty times since I gained the ability. Roman only let me shift when he says its OK. I guess it wont be that bad. the fact that He wont be able to hear my thoughts anymore is a plus.

I just wish my life was the way it used to be. Some times I wish I could have stayed a kid forever, I would have never turned sixteen and Roman would have never been my mate. I could be happy forever. If only I had a time machine, I would go back to the night before my birthday and I would have run away then. I'd be in a new pack somewhere thankful that I had avoided this life. This isn't the life I saw for myself. I never thought I'd have to run away from the man I loved, I wanted a life full of happiness with my mate. I wanted this child that I'm carrying to have a mother and a father. I wanted it to have a happy family with happy parents. Some time while I was thinking I fell asleep.

I woke up this morning and felt Roman's arm still wrapped around me. I looked over at him, he was still asleep. He looked so sweet, like he couldn't possibly do the things he does to me to a person. Sleeping is the one of the only times he's not angry. Every morning I wake up with him wrapped around me like everything is normal. Like we don't fight every day, like we're two mates happily in love. I didn't eat last night and I was starving, I attempted to get up without waking him, I grabbed his hand as gently as I could and lifted it slowly off of me. I sat up and placed it on the bed beside me. 'That was easy.' I thought to my wolf. I stood up to walk downstairs.

'Dont be so sure.' She replied and at the same moment Roman grabbed my arm tightly. He pulled me around to look at him.

"Going somewhere?" He asked. The anger was back. I hadn't even done anything.

"I-" I stuttered. "I'm hungry." He sat up on the bed and released my arm.

"I'll get it for you." He still sounded angry. He got up, he was still naked. I realized I was too. I couldn't help but look at his body. Roman was not your average Joe. He's 6'3. He towers over my 5'6 frame. He's also tattoo type of guy, they entire upper half. The only place on his chest without a tattoo was over his heart. Before things had turned bad he told me he saved that spot for my name. Roman worked out everyday, his body was chiseled to perfection. His shoulders were broad and strong and he had the most perfect abs I've ever seen. He pulled on a shirt and walked out the door without looking at me.