All We've Ever Known

Jack snored peacefully away on the couch adjacent to the one Alex and I were lounging on. His legs were sprawled out across the large ottoman that accompanied the piece of furniture, and I couldn’t help but smile as he carelessly threw his arm over his face in his repose.

I hadn’t realized how much I missed Jack until that very moment. I hadn’t realized how much I missed all the guys, really. Jack was the second light of my life in comparison to Alex – and he always was. He was the guy I could always rely on to make me happy when I felt like complete shit, and seeing him sleeping so tranquilly made me elated that I had him, as well as the rest of the guys, back in my life.

“Alright, you want to go now?” Alex finally sighed, glancing down at his watch.

By now it was pitch-black outside, and I wanted nothing more than to see this mystery destination Alex had in mind. We had sat around for the bulk of the day watching TV, and I was itching to finally do something fun and productive.

“Of course I want to go!” I laughed, heaving myself off the couch, my knees cracking in protest.

“That doesn’t sound pretty…” Alex said, raising an eyebrow as he got off the couch as well.

I scrunched my face up in pain as I rubbed my knee caps, adding, “Not at all…”

“Well, let’s get going before you break any more bones, shall we?”

“Jerk…” I muttered as he walked out the door. I quickly walked over to Jack and kissed him gently on the forehead.

“I missed you, Jacky,” I whispered. He stirred in response and I smiled, following Alex’s lead.

He opened my door for me and then ran around to his side, impatiently starting the car.
He seemed eager to arrive at his surprise, and I wanted to know more than ever where he was taking me. It made me slightly nervous that he was that antsy, since that meant this was no ordinary place – and after having an impromptu lunch with Mama Gaskarth, I was not really prepared for any more emotionally-tolling activities.

“I want to know where we’re going!” I griped, looking out at the dark street ahead.

Alex laughed and said, “Patience! Don’t get too excited… I mean, it’s not that great of a place, but I thought we could just visit it again for old time’s sake, you know?”

“Oh… So it’s somewhere we’ve been before?”

Alex nodded in response, and I sat back in my seat, anxious for the car to stop. When it finally did, I recognized the large boulder a short distance from the car, and I immediately remembered where we were.

”If I were to jump off this ledge, would you be sad?” I asked, looking over the edge of the mountainside.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” he answered. He got up off of the ground and approached me, his arms wrapping around my waist and his lips finding mine.

I pulled away and asked, “Would you be devastated?”

He looked up to the sky for a moment, and I wanted to know exactly what he was thinking. He only sighed and said, “I think I would jump right off with you.”

At this I smiled, and I followed my question with another, more pressing inquiry. “If I ran away, would you follow?”

He pulled me closer and whispered, “Always.”

I smiled into his shoulder and kissed it lightly, his skin warm from the hot, summer sun. A year of calling him my boyfriend had provided me with a world of opportunities I never thought I had. We had gone from such good friends, and now I was glad that I had him to help me through life on another level. I wanted to know that he would be there no matter what, since my life had a tendency to become extremely erratic very easily.

“Why?” I asked simply, staring into his deep, chestnut-colored eyes.

He looked away for a moment, nervously contemplating something. “Because… Because I love you, that’s why. And that’s what you do for someone when you love them.”

My heart soared as he leaned down and kissed me, gently at first. I savored every aspect of the way he kissed me – the way his hand always moved to the back of my neck, the way he leaned especially low so I never had to stand on my tiptoes, the way I could sense he was going to break away once his mouth started curling into a smiling. It was unique and it was a very Alex thing to do, and I loved it all.

“I love you, too,” I whispered against his lips, pulling his body closer to mine.

I got out of the car and followed Alex to the rock. He grabbed my hand and we both looked over the ledge, the sprawling city lights aglow below us.

“This was the first place I told you I loved you,” he said, never taking his eyes off of the scenery. “I never once doubted myself when it came to my decision to say that, even if I was just fifteen... I never wanted to leave you, Macy – and I know that’s what I did, and I’m so sorry…”

I sighed and looked down, replying, “Don’t be sorry, Alex. I wouldn’t have stayed either… I’m sorry I put you through everything that I did. I still can’t believe how selfish I had been.”

Alex smiled and said, “Look, I don’t want you blaming yourself, alright? We’re here, and I thought this would be a fitting place to properly tell you I love you – again. Even if I have told you a handful of times already… I just wanted to show you that I meant it.”

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, his hand moving up my side to its rightful spot behind my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him as closely as I possibly could. He smiled slightly and shook his head, pulling away.

“I just can’t believe it…” he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. “I fucking love you Macy Lynn Granger.”

“Well, I love you Alexander William Gaskarth,” I smiled, leaning up to continue the kiss that I never wanted to end in the first place.

Alex broke away for a moment, sitting down on the grass just beyond the rock. He pulled me down with him and then reconnected our lips, his tongue begging for an entrance. He laid me down in the grass, his body gently but surely pressing against mine.

I couldn’t tell you how long we sat there, how long it took for me to realize that I actually had a life back in Delaware that was waiting for me. I never wanted to leave – I never wanted to go back the harsh reality that was my “true” home, although I didn’t feel like Seaford was my home anymore.

Alex glanced down at his watch and sighed. “It’s so late… You should probably get back. You have work tomorrow, right?”

I nodded solemnly as I heaved myself off of the slightly damp grass. Alex took me by the hand and led me back to the car.

“I really don’t want to go home,” I muttered, staring out at the dark trees that lined the backwoods road.

Alex sighed and answered, “I don’t want you to go, either… If I could have it my way, I’d have you stay another night, but… Your brother would kill me.”

“Well, he’s going to kill me either way, so I’ve got nothing left to lose.”

“I had a really great time, though,” Alex said quietly, glancing over at me.

I smiled softly and grabbed his hand, feeling his strong, calloused fingers enclose around my knuckles. He squeezed my hand once, and our hands rested comfortably like that for the rest of the trip.

“Are you going to just put all of this behind with your brother, or what?” he asked once we approached the exit to my town on the highway.

I sighed and answered, “I would like to do that, but he’s still mad at me all the time. It makes me feel bad…”

“What did he even say?!”

“Just… Nothing. Things that hurt me.”

Alex looked over at me, eyeing me suspiciously. “Mace, I’m sure he’ll get over it soon.”

I just shook my head and looked away, not wanting to partake in the conversation anymore. Alex continued to drive into the middle of Seaford, and soon enough, he pulled into my apartment building’s parking lot.

“That two-hour drive is getting shorter and shorter it seems…” he laughed, getting out of the car.

He walked me to my door and leaned in to kiss me one last time.

“Call me tomorrow…” he whispered, kissing my forehead. I nodded in response, smiling as I opened my door.

“Bye, Alex.”

“Bye, Macy Lynn,” he waved, turning and walking back to his car.

I sighed and shut the door, not ready to turn around and face my brother. Luckily, I didn’t have to turn around – he had beat me to the punch.

“Macy… I’m so glad you’re home,” he said, hastily hugging me from behind. “I didn’t know when you were coming back.”

“I’ve only been gone for two days…” I said peevishly – I had no clue why he was suddenly acting so affectionate.

“I know…” he sighed, pulling away and scratching the back of his neck. “I’ve been wanting to apologize for what I said to you, and I’ve been waiting for you to come back…”

“Oh…” was all I could say. I wasn’t expecting him to get over our mishap so easily, and I felt a tad guilty for leaving for two days without actually telling him.

“Macy… I didn’t mean to say what I said. I was just angry, and you know I say stupid things when I’m angry.”

I nodded and walked to the couch, taking a seat. Paul sat beside me and continued, “I wasn’t expecting Gaskarth to be here… It’s been so long since you’ve been with someone, you know? I was just worried… I don’t want to see you get hurt again…”

“I know,” I replied quietly. “I get that… Whatever, it’s behind us, okay? Let’s just forget it happened.”

“Are you sure?” Paul said incredulously, raising an eyebrow. “I… Don’t want there to be any resentment hiding here…”

I smiled reassuringly and responded, “I don’t feel any resentment. I’m sick of feeling bitter towards people, and I especially don’t want to feel bitter towards you, so don’t worry about it.”

Paul nodded, more as a sign to himself than to me, and got up from the couch. I leaned my back against the soft cushions and shut my eyes, feeling the exhaustion of the weekend settling into my bones.

“Hey, can I ask you a question, though?” Paul asked, turning around.

“Of course…” I replied warily.

“Are you and Gaskarth a couple?”

I only smiled, shutting my eyes once more. I heard him laugh and say, “I take that as a yes…” before he walked away.