Darling, I Just Can't Go On

When Monday finally rolled around again, I was dreading having to go into school. At that point all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep for the rest of the school year. I was only a month or so in and I already felt like I was drowning in it.

The only thing that gave me reason to get out of bed was knowing that Alex would be there, and that he could help me.

I was ready quicker than expected, having already eaten and everything. I was sitting on my bed looking around when my phone suddenly vibrated from the back pocket of my grey skinny jeans.

Any way I could get a ride?

I smiled faintly at Alex's text before heading down the steps, grabbing my keys off the counter, only to be stopped by my dad.

"What are you doing home on a Monday?" I asked as I subtly backed up so that I was still moving toward the door.

"I got the day off," He replied with a wave of the hand as if it was nothing. "I set up your first appointment with Dr. Agarwal for today at six."

I nodded, feeling dread begin to well up in the pit of my stomach before turning to leave once again.

"Andi," My dad said as I pulled the door open, but I kept moving.

I felt bad knowing that he was only doing what he thought was right, but I still felt sick at the thought of him even knowing in the first place.

I climed into my car quickly, starting it up even quicker as I plugged my iPod into the short cable resting down by the center consol.

Backing out of the driveway, I drove in the opposite direction of the school to Alex's house, Fall Out Boy playing lightly. I pulled up by the mail box in front of the house, honking a few short times before the front door opened and Alex came jogging out.

"Thanks for this," He said as he pulled the door open, dropping into the seat as he pulled the door shut once again. "Rian bailed on us so he could go get new shit he ordered for his drums."

"Why do so early?" I questioned as I pulled into the driveway so I could turn around.

"The guy from the store just got it in I guess," Alex said with a shrug. "Rian's serious about that kind of shit."

"Well does Jack need a ride too?" I asked as I pulled up beside a stop sign. "I know Rian gave him rides too."

"He was trying to find someone, but turn here if you want to swing by and get him."

Following Alex's directions we eventually pulled up to another house, me once more honking a few times as Alex leaned over me to yell out my window.

"JACK GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT HERE BEFORE WE'RE LATE."

I laughed at his choice of words as he leaned back over to his original position, messing with his dark brown hair as he leaned back against the seat.

The door of the house flew open as a dark haired woman pushed Jack out, smiling when Alex waved to her.

Once Jack was in the car, I turned around yet again in the driveway before finally heading to school, which started in roughly half an hour.

"Thanks for the ride chica," Jack said as he buckled himself in. "Fall Out Boy, nice."

I rolled my eyes as he pointed out the music. Alex at that point picked up my iPod and started messing with it.

"Shit, you have Enema of the State on here." He said sounded excited, putting the album on instantly. "I didn't know you liked Blink."

I just shrugged as I quietly hummed along to the song, pulling up in front of the school not long after.

~~

My mind was occupied through most of the morning classes, the material being taught going in one ear and coming out the other as I started off in the distance with a wandering mind.

How I made it from class to class I didn't know, but what seemed like only minutes since I had gotten out of the car with Jack and Alex, it was the end of fourth period and I was in the library.

I blinked as I looked around, not remembering how I had made it all the way there without even noticing I had left my last calssroom.

With a sigh, my hands moved up to rub at my eyes, a small yawn escaping as blus dots began to form behind my eyes from the pressure.

"Someone looks like they're thinking," A voice said as they sat down across from me. "What's up?"

I removed my hands and looked over at Alex, a sigh coming out once more.

"My dad got home not long after you left and I was changing the bandages..." I said, trailing off as I thought back to the look on my dad's face.

"He saw didn't he?" Alex asked, sounding as if he already knew what the answer was.

"Yeah," I breathed out. "And he freaked out. So I have my first appointment with my new therapist tonight and I just really don't want to go."

I saw Alex make a face at the word therapist, making me let out a small chuckle.

"I had to deal with a therapist once," He said, making the face again. "I didn't like it, and it didn't help me at all."

"Did you go because of what happened with Tom?" I questioned, head tiliting to the side slightly as he nodded.

"I was only like tweleve but still," He replied, shrugging a bit as he trailed off.

"I just..."I started, but I couldn't seem to form the rest of the sentence. "I don't need someone to talk to..."

At that point I could see the confused look Alex was giving me.

"Not someone new I mean," I smiled. "I already have someone."

His eyes lit up as he finally took in what I was saying, a laugh bubbling up from his chest.

"I'm glad you decided to start trusting me Andi," He said, eyes now looking more serious. "The fact that you called me the other day, no matter what may have happened, It meant a lot to me."

"It meant even more to me that you showed up," I returned. "You showed up and took care of me basically, no judgement or harsh words at the fact that I broke again. You were there for me when I needed it the most."

I followed my words with another shrug, moving me feet out so that they were sitting on Alex's lap instead of being folded up under me on the chair.

He seemed unfazed by the fact that my feet were now on him as he rolled his eyes, pulling his ever present black notebook out.