It Feels Like I'm Falling In Love Alone

The sun was bright, it was Monday morning of our last week of school ever, and I had just awoken to snuggling up to my straight best friend that I apparently have an obvious crush on. My mind couldn't comprehend much thought until my Mom came n the room.

“Morning boys!” she yelled. I covered my head with my hands and let out a groan. She's too loud for six in the morning. “Andy, wake Ashley up before you're both late for school.” she turned around and went back downstairs, probably to finish cooking breakfast.

“Yes ma'am.” I grumbled kicking Ash in the butt. “Get up.”

“Shit that hurt.” he complained and rolled over to face me. “What?”

“We have school today.” I yawned.

“Not going.” he covered his face.

“We have finals.”

“I exempted.”

“We still have to go.” I shook him again. He grabbed on to me and pulled me back into the bed, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my hair.

“Lets just stay here and sleep a while. Plus I'm cold and you're really warm.” He pulled me closer to him. The only reason why I was so warm is because I was a mixture of embarrassed, happy, confused and turned on.

“Ash, w-we have to go to school.” I didn't want to leave. I was finally getting what I wanted, to have Ash hold me, but I knew it didn't mean anything. I pulled myself out of his grasp and pulled the cover off of him.

“You're no fun.” he grumbled getting up and walking into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, I fell back onto the bed and almost died of excitement. Ash held me, it was just like I dreamed it'd be. He was strong and I felt safe in his arms. It's too bad I had to force him to let me go.

“H-hey Ash. I was wondering.” I fumbled with one of the coupons in Bat Koala's pouch. Ash came out of the bathroom, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

“Yeah.” I handed him the one that said 'IOU Whatever You Want. No Matter What' coupon.

“Wanna go see a movie after school today? J-just you and... me?” He smirked at the coupon.

“Alright, but only if we see the Avengers.”

“Sure thing. My treat.” I laughed.

“That final was harder than it needed to be.” Jinxx complained, flopping on the stair step next to Jake. It was lunch time, and the three of us were sitting around, waiting for Ash so we could go to McDonalds.

“It was only hard because you're an idiot.” Jake laughed.

“And you're an ass. I heard you got CC's number. How's that working out between you and your boyfriend?” Jinxx smiled. Jake flipped him his middle finger.

“There's nothing wrong with making friends with the new drummer.”

“Jake please! You were eye fucking him from the moment he walked through my basement door.” I laughed.

“Well what about you? You walk around here drooling over Ash all day every day looking like you're gonna jump him at any second. When are you gonna tell him anyway?” Jake asked playing with his lighter.

“I'm planning. I just can't out right and tell him. That would be...”

“Awkward?” Jinxx added.

“Yeah.” I sighed and leaned back. “Why does liking someone have to be so damn hard?!” I yelled.

“Woah! Andy's got a crush on a girl? Who is it?” Ash asked walking through the door. “Is it that Juliet chick?” He sat next to me. God I wanted to relive this morning, just instead of him only holding me, I wanted him to press his lips against mine.

“Yeah. I just don't know how to talk to her is all.” I hated lying to Ash about this, but I had no choice. Better I lie than he find out.

“Just don't be a bitch and go for it! I did that today. Guess who's got a date tonight.” He laughed. Wait, did he just say he had a date tonight? I felt my heart shatter worse than when he was eying Sandra.

“But we were gonna go see the Avengers tonight.” I felt hurt, but I was trying, and failing, at not making it show.

“Shit, Andy, I forgot. I'm so sorry. I'll find some way to make it up to you. I promise.” I couldn't look at him anymore.

“Y-yeah. I guess it's OK.” I said in a small voice. I got up. “I'm gonna go to the restroom.” I managed to choke out before leaving the stairwell. I walked out of school and to my car. Through my tears, I unlocked the door and climbed in.

I started crying. He promised to go with me. Sure to him it was probably nothing, but maybe I would have gotten the guts to tell him tonight. I guess not.

There was a knock on the passengers side door. I looked up and Jinxx was looking at me. I unlocked the door and he climbed in.

“D-did he see?” I sniffed.

“No. He can tell you're upset, but he didn't see you cry.” Jinxx leaned in his seat. “Andy, you know I'm not good with this whole thing, so don't really expect me to give this really big and gay ass speech. Because I honestly can't think of one.”

“It's OK Jinxxy. I'm just a little upset. It'll pass.” I smiled at him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I'm sure.”

“Great.” He pulled out his phone, sent out a text and two minutes later, Jake and Ash were walking up to the car.

“Can we please go get some food? I'm starving.” Jake complained climbing in the seat behind me, Ash got in on the other side.

“Calm your tits Pitts-A-Hut.” Ash laughed as I pulled away from the school. I looked at him through my rear view mirror. He gave me a sympathetic smile and mouthed 'I'm Sorry.'. Sure he was sorry. That's all. Not that he meant it, he probably wasn't going to cancle his date and show up in my room like all of my fantasies. No, that would never happen, ever...

“Andy, you're home early. I thought you and Ashley were going to the movies.” My Mom said when I walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. She handed me a cup of coffee.

“He canceled. Where's Dad?” I asked.

“Upstairs.”

“Dad! Come here!” I yelled. Mom slapped my hand, but I couldn't help but laugh. She hated when I yelled. Dad came running down the stairs, one shoe in his hand.

“Yeah, what's up?” He smiled sitting down.

“About to go for a run?” Mom asked sipping at her coffee.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Why did you call me down Andy?” he asked.

“I actually have something I wanted to tell you guys. I-I wanted to say it the other day, but Ash was around.” I looked at my reflection in the coffee cup. I didn't want to tell them, but it's better I do it now, so they don't end up shocked later on.

“What it is Andy?” Mom smiled putting a hand on mine. “You can tell us anything.”

“OK, so, after I tell you this, you have to promise not to freak out too much, OK?” They both shook their heads. “OK. I... I have a crush on Ashley, and he's not the first guy I've liked and I'm... Gay.” I felt relief finally saying it out loud. “Yeah. I'm gay.” I looked from my Mom to my Dad, their expressions didn't change.

“I'm glad you finally admit it Andy. I'm going for my run now.” Dad got up and left. Mom went back to washing the dishes and cooking dinner.

“Wait, what?!” I freaked. “How are you two not surprised?”

“Andy, listen to me. It was a little obvious. The only person who hasn't noticed would be Ashley. Plus, you used to talk about him in your sleep. Now that only happens when you sleep on the couch.” Mom laughed.

“So you two don't care if I'm gay?” I asked. Mom ruffled my hair.

“Of course not. We taught you not to judge. Why would we teach it if we didn't believe it?” She smiled.

I was laying down in my bed. It was cold, empty. Ash wasn't here. I let my mind wander, imagining Ash coming through my window, laying next to me, apologizing for ditching me, kissing me, along with doing other things. I giggled at some stupid joke he might try to make.

Then it all hit me at once, like a cinder block falling on my chest. I started crying about each passing thought. Ash was out on a date with a girl he'd had a crush on forever. He's happy just being around her, not thinking about me. Not caring about how I felt. Not remembering that we had plans. I laughed at my own stupidity. Even if he were into guys, he would never like me like that. I'm ugly, plain, uninteresting. There's nothing interesting about me.

My phone rang, I didn't even look at who it was, I just answered it.

“H-hello?” I sniffed.

“Andy, were you crying just now?” Ash's voice said on the other line.

“No.” I lied.

“Yes you were. Hey listen I was calling to tell you that you don't have to worry about picking me up tomorrow morning.”

“Ashley, hang up the phone.” There was a girls voice in the background, moving closer. “Who are you even talking to?”

“No one.” He said, then the line went dead. I hung up my phone and tossed it to the floor. Right, I was a no one to him. That's it and that's all I'll ever be to him. Just his gay best friend who's wasting his time. I picked up Bat Koala and shoved him in the closet.

“I give up on you, Ashley.” I whispered closing the door.