All or Nothing

Eliza sat in her chair while Katie and Val sat on the counter in front of her. She was doing her vocal warm-ups while the stylist was busy behind her, doing something to her hair. She was wearing a tank top and shorts, not ready to get fully dressed yet.

The concert was less than an hour away and she heard the sounds of people filling into the venue. She was beyond nervous, but she wasn’t going to let it show.

She’d changed their set list four times since they’d come up with one earlier that morning at sound check. She needed to let the guys know what was going on. They had decided on the songs, and after she suggested another older song by a band, they’d agreed to play it and spent the remainder of sound check learning to play it.

Closer to time to go on, Val and Katie hugged her, wished her luck, and went out front to stand with the guys.

Eliza took one last look at her phone where she’d sent a cryptic message to Matt, but he’d figure it out soon enough. She thanked Allison for her hair and makeup and she pulled her shirt out of her bag before she slipped it over her head. She bent down and pulled her Chuck Taylors on her feet and laced them before taking a deep breath in and went to look for the guys.

She found them all in a room with couches, drinks in hand. When she entered Dominic handed her a cup.

“To our first show, guys,” he said and lifted up his drink.

Everyone lifted their drink, and all took a sip. Eliza downed hers and the guys laughed. They refilled her cup and toasted again.

Making sure she had a full cup, she headed out to grab her guitar. Alex was the first to go out because he was going to start on the drums for their entrance.

Bringing everyone together, they did another salute, wished each other good luck on the show, and Alex moved into position.

Hunter came up beside Eliza and handed her guitar to her.

“You nervous?” he asked her, not looking at her.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Brian’s in the crowd.”

“What?” Eliza squeaked, looking at him.

“I peeked out earlier; he’s there with all the guys.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” Eliza whispered, more to herself than to Hunter. “I didn’t think he’d still come.”

“He cares; he just has a weird way of showing it. Him finding those pills just…set it off. You went on defense mode, Liza; it’s understandable what you did.”

She smiled and looked at him. “Thanks, Hunter.”

“Hey, can I give you another piece of advice?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call that advice, but alright.”

“Be careful tonight, okay? I know you’re gonna wanna celebrate after the concert and stuff…but be careful.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t…I don’t know how to explain it; just be careful the next couple of days okay?”

“Is this about the drugs?”

The lights dimmed and their conversation was cut off as they heard Alex’s drums start up. Eliza situated her earpiece into her ear and took a deep breath in. She took a sip of her drink and headed forward.

She placed her cup on one of the speakers and stepped out into the lights. The crowd roared; it was a strange feeling. She knew they were well liked; their first CD had sold like crazy, but she didn’t realize that they would have this many fans this soon.

She pulled her guitar up closer to her and put her fingers over the strings, watching as Hunter and Dominic took their place. She smiled at the crowd, cheering, and she started in on her guitar. Once the crowd recognized the song, the cheering just got louder. She heard the pounding of Alex’s drums behind her and at the downbeat of the first loud part of the song she closed her eyes and felt her body bend forwards, almost in a full-body headbang. Her fingers flew over the strings and she felt her body moving by itself with the music. She continued her weird dance, a smile on her face, for another twenty seconds until it was almost time for the words to start and she moved in front of the microphone.

“How ya’ll doin?” she screamed.

The audience responded back with another scream, and she picked at the strings while Hunter stepped up to his microphone.

“I’m just a step away, I’m just a breath away. Losing my faith today,” he sang.

“Falling off the edge today,” Eliza harmonized with him.

“I am just a man, not superhuman,” Hunter sang, looking towards her.

“I’m not superhuman,” Eliza sang back.

“Someone save me from the hate. It’s just another war, just another family torn,” Hunter belted out.

“I’m fallin’ from my faith today,” Eliza said, smiling out over the crowd.

“Just a step from the edge, just another day in the world we live. I need a hero to save me now. I need a hero,” Hunter sang the chorus.

“Save me now,” Eliza echoed.

“I need a hero to save me now. A hero’ll save me,” Hunter sang out.

“Just in time,” Eliza finished, smiling as she moved away from the microphone.

They moved their way through the rest of the song, singing and interacting with each other. She heard the crowd singing along with them and her heart swelled, knowing that she was actually doing what she had wanted to accomplish.

Just as the song was about to end, she stepped up to the microphone to sing the last line with Hunter.

“A hero’s gonna save me just in time,” they finished at the same time.

The crowd cheered wildly and Eliza couldn’t stop smiling or laughing. She moved to her speaker and took another swig of her drink, realizing it was a bit stronger than her last one. She winked at her tech that she knew had refilled her cup for her. She carried her cup as she moved back to the microphone.

“What’s up, New York!” she said and everyone screamed. “We’re Shades of Grey and we are ever fucking grateful you decided to come out to see us. We’re gonna keep this party going with a bit of Hinder. Anyone know them?”

Another wave of screams hit her as she started to pick at her guitar along with Alex playing the drums behind her.

She pulled away from the microphone and then moved back for the signature laugh of the song.

“Saw a waiter, couldn’t waste it, opportunity knocks and you take it. Went to my place, gotta get a taste, Couple shots, hit the bong we were wasted. Now he's all in, the room is spinning. Probably shouldn't have shot that of Jamison,” Eliza raised her glass in a salute to the crowd. “Here we go again, he's a perfect 10, just tell me how I was in the morning. The night's far from over, I'm far from sober, but he's looking fine. We're gonna be up all night, gonna take you for a ride, we're gonna be up all night. Get it on 'til the morning light. We're gonna be up all night doing things your mom won't like, So far from sober that I'll have to sleep through my hangover,” Eliza sang into the microphone with the crowd screaming with her.

Brian watched as she sang her heart out, the crowd reacting to everything she did. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was wearing her favorite old Metallica t-shirt; the same one she wore every time she was upset or depressed, or was just wanting to bum. She told him the shirt brought her comfort and he remembered how it felt as he held her close. Her sunglasses covered her eyes, and her shorts were almost too small. She had somehow doubled the amount of bracelets on her left wrist and he felt himself frown at the realization that she wasn’t wearing his bracelet anymore.

There was no way the vibrant girl in front of him was on drugs; she couldn’t be. He’d seen the pills and just freaked out because he’d never known her to do any kind of drug. Sure, she drank all the time; she could almost outlast Jimmy when it came to drinking, but the drugs were something entirely different.

He wasn’t sure what had even started the fight this morning, but when she’d told him she’d never think of him again, he felt something break inside of him. He hadn’t meant to push her that far. Honestly, he hadn’t meant to push her at all, but it just came out of nowhere.

He listened as they moved on from the Hinder song to the “Summer Paradise” song she and Katie came up with. He looked beside him to see Katie singing along with it and the smile on her face. All around him, his friends were smiling and nodding along with the music; all of them were enjoying her concert, but the only thing Brian could focus on was the fact that he’d found drugs in her bathroom that morning.

Everything had gone so smoothly last night. Everything had felt so damn right when they had sex and then falling asleep next to her and he had to fuck up everything once again. He shook his head and watched Eliza step back up to the microphone.

“This song…Is a brand new one,” she said and the crowd screamed. “We actually all came up with this one a few weeks ago, and it’s just badass.”

The crowd screamed again as she changed guitars from her acoustic one back to her Ibanez guitar and she started up the song. Alex had a simple beat going on the drums and Eliza was really working her guitar. Suddenly, Hunter stepped up to the microphone and started almost rapping a song while Eliza played her guitar to the right of them.

Brian couldn’t help it, he still hated Hunter, but the band seemed to be getting along great now that Eliza and Hunter were getting along, so Brian let it go. He shouldn’t have said those things about her and Hunter, but he was just mad.

“Can't stop I need some help. Fuck you, I'm by myself. Is it a truth or lie? It's what you can't deny. 'Cause it's the way you think mixed with the pills and drink. Brought back to the way you are, float up 'til you're close to God. You know that hiding ain't gonna keep you safe because the tears on your face they leak and leave a trace. So just when you think that true love's begun it goes off at any second just like a loaded gun,” Hunter sang into the microphone.

Brian couldn’t help himself from nodding along with the song; it was pretty badass.

“You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me... You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me...You know that I can make your body levitate... le-levitate... I can make your body levitate... le-levitate! You know,” Eliza sang the chorus.

Her voice hit all the notes perfectly and it sounded amazing with the rest of the song. Brian was shocked then, when Dominic stepped up to the microphone.

“Can't stop the feeling, high as a ceiling. I got the money who's fuckin' dealin'? You feel the heat like a barrel of a gun. I forgot the last time I saw the sun. I've got this disease; It's digging deeper in me. It's like my mind is leaving, but my heart keeps beating. So I'll paint the walls, red drip from the nose but where it goes, nobody really knows. Hit the bottle and she's gonna to follow; I fall asleep there ain't no tomorrow. Gone too far, no one can save me. Who needs you when I've got my baby? My baby is beautiful she loves me true, but if she dies I hope I die too!”

“You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me... You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me...You know that I can make your body levitate... le-levitate... I can make your body levitate... le-levitate! You know,” Eliza sang the chorus.

Hunter stepped back up to the microphone.

“I put down another sack of them, then it's straight back to the flask again. I can't help stop what's happening. On the wrong track, yeah, I'm back again. Up shit’s creek and I'm paddling. Blacked out room and I'm travelin'. Good ideas I'm lacking them, I'm too fucked up now I'm babbling. Wondering how to fix these damages, all these goddamn damages. Cover myself with bandages, from all these goddamn damages. Wondering how to fix all of these damages, all these goddamn damages. Cover myself with bandages from all these goddamn damages.”

“You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me... You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me...You know that I can make your body levitate... le-levitate... I can make your body levitate... le-levitate! You know,” Eliza finished.

She bent over to her cup and took a bigger swig of it, letting the alcohol run down her throat and into her empty stomach. She was feeling better and better with each sip she took and the fact that the crowd seemed to love them. She stepped back up to the microphone with a smile on her face.

“Being from Huntington Beach means a lot of things. It means that I know a lot of people, I’m tan all year round, and I know this group of fucking assholes that I sometimes call my friends,” she said with a smile.

“Ah, man,” Matt said and covered his face.

“What’s up, dude?” Johnny asked him.

“She told me karma was a bitch, but I didn’t think she’d actually do this,” Matt said, but he had a smile on his face.

Brian turned back to Eliza who had started speaking again.

“There are a lot of reasons I’m up on this stage right now and I’ve got a lot of people to thank. However, there are a select group of five guys that have always been there for me. They pushed me to do things I didn’t want to do…like get up on stage in front of people and sing; not only that but they made me sing their songs. See, the five guys I know…they have this small band. Really crappy band if you ask me. Some of you may have heard of them.”

“You bitch!” Matt hollered up onto the stage. Eliza heard him and flipped him off. Matt just laughed.

“Anyone heard of Avenged Sevenfold?” Eliza asked, and before she could finish her question, the crowd was screaming louder than they had before.

Eliza just laughed. “Well, you see, there was a time that I was out with some friends and their singer, M. Shadows, decides he wants me to come up on stage and sing. Well, that’s fine and dandy, but Shads, I told you….karma is a bitch.”

She smiled and crooked her finger at him. He acted like he wasn’t going to go up on the stage but then jumped up. All the guys were laughing.

“Rev, I don’t know what you’re laughing at either; your ass should be up here, too,” she said, seeing Jimmy laughing at Matt.

The crowd doubled their noise when Matt and Jimmy came on stage.

Brian watched as she moved to the side of the stage to change guitars and he recognized the one he’d had custom made for her. His stomach did this weird flip thing, and he recalled he’d once thought she’d destroyed it. She played a riff of a song, testing the guitar, and Brian recognized the song immediately.

With the realization, he laughed.

“What’s funny?” Katie asked him.

“She’s about to use a replica of my guitar to play my solos.”

“Yeah, that is really funny,” Katie said, looking back at the stage.

Upon closer inspection, Brian realized she’d changed the straps, because the “I LOVE YOU” was no longer above her left shoulder. He’d specifically placed it there because it was right over her heart where she could always see it, but now she had a plain black one attached to the guitar.

“She’s probably going to kill them, too,” Zacky added in.

Eliza leaned into Matt and Jimmy both and they nodded in unison. Jimmy moved and sat down on the drum stand while Matt came up to stand next to her. His sunglasses were in place, and she laughed at herself and him for wearing sunglasses on stage. He smiled back at her as the beginnings of “Until the End” started to play.

Matt played his part perfectly, not seeming to mind singing at all. Once the song was finished, a piano was pushed from one side of the stage and Matt moved over to it, the sounds of the beginning of “Critical Acclaim” filled the venue, and the crowd went wild.
Brian listened as Eliza ripped through his guitar pieces. He wasn’t even mad that Hunter was playing his music, either, because honestly, they sounded great. He couldn’t see Eliza’s eyes but a smirk was on her face while playing, and Brian knew it was for him even if she wasn’t looking at him.

Jimmy was beside her and they smiled at each other while Eliza’s fingers slid up and down the neck of the guitar.

Brian knew she could play anything she listened to but he didn’t realize she was that good. She was hitting all of his high notes.

Jimmy lifted his microphone to his mouth just as Eliza stepped up to hers and in sync and harmony, they screamed out.

“I’ve had enough it’s time for something real. Don’t respect the words you’re speaking. Gone too far; a clone.”

Matt sang his part with perfection, but Brian couldn’t take his eyes off Eliza. She was playing a part for a song that he wrote with the guitar that he bought her and she looked amazing.

“Excuse the obscene, ignore the untrue. Depictions we see try and get through. Admitting mistakes can hurt; I'm not the last but I sure ain't the first,” Matt sang.

Brian knew it was time for the solo and he held his breath.

Eliza stepped up to the front of the stage and let her fingers fly. She’d been practicing this song for months now and she knew she was going to perfect it, but performing it in front of Brian was a bit nerve-wracking. She purposely kept her eyes down on her guitar so she wouldn’t look at him.

Brian watched her fingers fly all over the strings, and his fingers subconsciously started moving along with hers, playing the solo with him. He watched her fingers start off slow and get faster and faster with the solo until it was the fastest part of it and her fingers were a blur. She’d nailed everything so far, and even though he knew she was going to do great, he was still a bit surprised.

She and Jimmy stepped back up to the microphone to scream again before the end of the song and she finished perfection. The crowd seemed to love it as they continued to cheer for them.

Matt and Jimmy hugged her and said bye to the crowd and guys before hopping back off stage. Eliza and Hunter both switched out their guitars for acoustic ones and she moved back to the microphone.

“This is the part of the concert where we’re gonna slow things down a bit. I’ve had a lot of shit happen in my life and so a couple of months ago, I started playing something and Hunter heard it. We kinda took off from there, so we’re gonna play another new one for you now,” she said and the crowd cheered again.

A tech brought out a stool for her and she sat down on it with her guitar and adjusted the microphone to her height before she leaned over her guitar and started playing. It was a slow, sad song that made Brian shift uncomfortably.

Then she started singing.