All or Nothing

When Katie had gotten back to her house, she’d found Eliza sitting on the hood of her car in the driveway. Still in the car, she’d politely asked Zacky if he wouldn’t mind staying at Matt’s house for the night. He’d agreed, and she’d called Val before he quickly kissed her and she hopped out of the car.

She walked up to Eliza and they watched as Zacky backed out of the driveway and disappear down the road. When Katie turned back to Eliza, she slid down the hood, stood in front of Katie and stamped her cigarette out. As soon as she looked up, Eliza broke down in tears. Katie wrapped her arms around Eliza and that’s how Val found them when she pulled up. She got out of the car holding two bags, and the three girls walked towards the house.

Now, they were all in different positions in the living room, where on the television, music from “Labyrinth” was coming from. Katie was sitting at one end of the couch with Eliza’s head on her lap and Val had her legs spread out in front of her with her back against the couch at Eliza’s knees. She and Eliza were passing a container of frosting back and forth. Katie had scolded them at first, but at the look she received from both of them, she closed her mouth.

“I would fuck the shit out of David Bowie while he was dressed like that,” Eliza said suddenly.

Both Katie and Val just looked at her and the three girls burst into laughter. Eliza was the first one to recover from her laughter, but the smile remained on her face.

“So you’re really coming to Ireland and London with us?” Val asked.

“I told Brian I would.”

“So, you’re going to stay in a room with him?” Katie asked.

Eliza remained quiet. She hadn’t thought of that. She hadn’t really thought much about the entire trip and what she was really supposed to do. When he first asked her, he’d only mentioned London, but then after she’d agreed, he’d told her that they had two shows to do first in Ireland and Hertfordshire, England, so they’d be in Great Britain for almost a week.

Was she supposed to support him and be there for him? Was she supposed to cheer him on during the shows? Was she supposed to be beside him for the awards? Was she supposed to kiss him if he won an award? Did he expect her to sleep with him? Suddenly, she was extremely nervous about going.

“Guys, I don’t want to go.”

“You already said you were going,” Katie said and Eliza shifted her head to look up at her friend. “You can’t back out of it now.”

“But, I don’t want to go!”

“Look, Eliza. You told me that you want Brian back. He did this incredibly sweet thing for you in bringing a show together and singing every song that reminded him of you. That was his idea, Eliza, no one else’s. We were just involved with trying to get you there. He learned every single song that he played and taught everyone else.”

“I thought a lot while I was in New York,” Eliza started. “I realize that ever since I was a kid I’ve been dependent on someone. When my mom died, I was dependent on my dad. When I went to college, I was dependent on you, Katie. Then David came in the picture and I was dependent on him for a while. Once he was gone, I went right back to you. When I came back here to Huntington, I actually had to do stuff for myself until Brian came along. From then on, I was dependent on him.”

“I don’t get what you’re saying,” Katie said, confused.

“I’m saying I haven’t done things by myself for a really long time. I’ve always been with someone at all times and I haven’t really done things by myself. I’ve been dependent off of Brian for a long time now and he does nothing but hurt me. He’s believed someone over me twice now and I don’t know what to do about it. Every time I get close to him, I let him have that power to break my heart. If he did it again, I don’t think I’d be okay. I’m not okay now, but if it happened again, I think I’d be shattered. He shouldn’t get to get me back because of what he did. He should really have to earn it and he hasn’t earned me.”

Both Katie and Val sat quietly, not really having anything to say. Eliza sighed.

“I think you really should try while we’re in over there,” Katie said. “I think you should spend some time with him and just him and let you guys talk before you make any harsh and rash decisions.”
“I’ve been thinking about that, too,” Val said.

When she didn’t say anything else, Eliza glanced up and saw Katie smiling almost wickedly. Quickly, she stood up and moved to the bags Eliza had seen her carry in. From one of the bags, she pulled several bottles and boxes. Eliza sat up, twisting her body so she could see what Val was holding clearly. From beside her, Katie placed her hand on Eliza’s arm.

“It’s time to come home,” she said, smiling.



Zacky and Jimmy walked into Zacky’s house early the next morning. The first thing Zacky noticed was that the television was still on downstairs. Confused, he moved to the living room where the television was glowing brightly and things were strewn around the living room. He moved to the kitchen to find it occupied.

Val was standing there, making coffee and a sandwich.

“Where’s Eliza and Katie?” he asked, confused.

“They’re upstairs, still asleep. I knew I needed to wake up because God knows Matt’s going to be freaking out while packing.”

“Actually, he is,” Zacky said with a smile.

Val cursed and waved goodbye to them as she grabbed her things. The boys headed upstairs to find both Eliza and Katie asleep in Zacky’s bed.

“Dude, there’s two girls asleep in my bed.”

“Dude, look how they’re sleeping,” Jimmy said with a smile.

Zacky looked again. Both girls were wearing tank tops and shorts and were lying halfway on their stomach, halfway on their left side, both facing the right side of the room. Both girls had their left arm bent under their head, their right arm in front of their faces and both had their right leg pulled up, bent at the knee.

“That’s fucking freaky,” Jimmy said.

“They’re definitely best friends,” Zacky said as he moved to wake the girls up.

Jimmy beat him to it, though. He took a running start and dove onto the bed, directly in between the two girls, causing them to make noises as they woke up.

“HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICHES, BITCHES!” he said and started rolling around. Zacky couldn’t stop laughing.

“I get the cheese, but what the fuck is ham?” Katie asked, sitting up and rubbing her face.

“Holy shit, Eliza,” Zacky said, noticing her when she sat up. She just waved at him.

“You’re ham,” Jimmy said, happily.

“Why am I ‘ham’?” Katie asked as Eliza got off the bed and headed to the bathroom.

“Because you’re always hamming everything up when you’re around!” Jimmy said and immediately burst into laughter. Katie just rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to go finish packing my things,” she said and moved away from the guys who were both laughing now. “You two are the lamest guys ever.”



Brian was nervous as hell.

They’d all agreed to meet at the airport, and he’d ridden with Matt, Val, and Johnny. Zacky, Katie, Eliza, and Jimmy were coming together. Brian and the rest of his car had gotten at the airport fifteen minutes ago, and the second group had yet arrived.

He hadn’t seen or heard anything out of Eliza since the previous evening, and he was afraid she was going to back out and not come.

It was completely selfish of him to ask her to come with him, and he was honestly surprised she’d said okay. He knew she was hurt, but he had hoped what he’d done and the fact that she still loved him would help his chances of getting her back. He’d planned it so she would be sharing a room with him and he’d even snagged one of the rooms with just one bed but he wasn’t going to tell her that.
He just really wanted her to come and give him one more chance to prove how bad he’d fucked up and how much he wanted to prove to her he was through with that. His nails were a fucking mess from the chewing he’d done since they’d gotten in the car to come to the airport. His foot wouldn’t stay still and he couldn’t sit down. He was way too nervous to do anything.

“Would you chill the fuck out?”

Brian turned around and saw Val talking to him.

“I can’t! If she doesn’t fucking show—”

“Brian, would you chill the fuck out? She’s behind you,” Matt said, stepping into the conversation.

Instantly, Brian whirled around and saw the other group heading towards them. Zacky and Katie were holding hands as they walked up, and Jimmy was talking animatedly, waving his hands around. Beside him, Eliza walked stoically.

Her tennis shoes looked almost brand new below the skin-tight skinny jeans she was wearing. The jeans themselves had rips and tears in them and he could see patches of tanned skin peaking out. His eyes followed up to see she was wearing a long-sleeved white t-shirt with a black leather vest over it. He could see a hood from the vest resting on top of the backpack she had attached to her back. A rolling suitcase was in her hand rolling behind her. He could see the gleam of her piercings from underneath her glasses and a black beanie, much like the one he was currently wearing, rested on top of her head. Fortunately for him, the beanie didn’t cover her hair and he was pleasantly surprised and turned on by the fact that her hair was back to normal. The top of her hair was hot pink, and the bottom of it was black. Suddenly, he was reminded of why he fell in love with her.

She looked so much like her old self that he almost ran to her but he caught himself when she looked up and caught his eye. She stood in front of him before he could exhale another breath and he smiled at her. She had come. She was giving him another chance. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a little voice kept nagging at him to tell her about the one bed in the room, but he’d worry about that when they got to Ireland.

“Hey,” he breathed.

“Hey,” she replied and smiled a bit.

He took a half a step toward her and then caught himself, unsure of whether or not he should hug her. She took the confusion away as she reached forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close.

“I’m glad you came,” he said as he eased into the crook of her neck.

They pulled away at the same time and she just smiled at him, moving to say hello to the others. Even though she’d seen most of them before, it was still as if she hadn’t seen them in forever. She found a seat in between the Berry’s and was immediately engaged in a conversation between the two, but every once in a while, Brian would catch her gaze and they’d smile at each other.



They arrived in Ireland late that night and immediately went to their hotel. Everyone branched off to their separate rooms and Brian led the way to the last room on the floor: the room where he and Eliza were going to stay. He opened the door and stood back so that she could enter. Sleepily, as she had slept for most of the flight, she moved through the door and into the open room. She stopped short at the sight of the only bed.

Brian thought she would turn and yell at him as he closed the door, but when she didn’t say anything he turned toward the room. She was setting her suitcase on a chair on the other side of the room, unzipping it. She pulled out a few pieces of clothing and slipped off her shoes. Turning around, she saw him facing her with an unrecognizable look on his face.

“I’m going to get ready for bed,” she said only.

At first, he thought she was going to undress in front of him and he felt a small tingle shoot through him, but she stopped at removing the jacket she’d put on while they were in the flight. She brushed past him and went into the bathroom before shutting the door.

He closed his eyes as he heard the door shut and then he moved into the room, pulling out his clothes. Quickly, he changed into an over-sized pair of pajama bottoms and a plain black t-shirt. Honestly, he would’ve been more comfortable in his boxers, but he brought the pants for Eliza’s sake. He walked to the fridge and pulled out one of the beers that had been stocked in there for him. He popped it open and walked out onto the balcony to light up a cigarette.

The air in Dublin was crisp for the end of July. Well, it was crisp for Brian, who was used to the 70 and 80 degree weather of California. The sky was clear and he could see a few stars. A few minutes later, he heard the door open and close from behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He felt her come to stand beside him and saw a beer in her own hand. He reached in his pocket where he produced a pack of cigarettes he’d bought for her before they’d left the States.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d remember to grab your own packs,” he said as an explanation while she packed them.

“Thanks,” she said and put one between her lips. She leaned forward into the lighter that he had lit in front of her face.

She inhaled and was about to say something when they heard a scream. Both heads turned to their left and they saw Johnny coming out onto the balcony of the room to their left. Zacky and Jimmy were facing him, cornering him onto the balcony and then they both jumped on him and started play-fighting. Eliza and Brian laughed at them as the group moved back inside, not seeing the couple next to them.

They remained quiet for a few minutes longer. Eliza didn’t have anything to say, and Brian’s brain was going crazy to find something to say to her to break the silence. He desperately wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn’t find anything to say.

“I’m gonna head to bed,” she said and flicked her cigarette out somewhere in front of them.
“Okay,” he said and moved to hug her.

She found herself being swept into his arms with ease. She had forgotten how amazing he smelled; spicy cologne mixed with cigarettes and she felt completely at ease in his arms. After he kissed the top of her head and before she did anything stupid that she may regret later on, she pulled away from him and moved into the room. Even though it was colder inside than it was outside, she pulled off the hoodie she’d slipped on before she went outside and grabbed her iPod. She put the earbuds into her ears and climbed into the side of the bed farthest from the door. Brian had a habit of sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door in case someone came in. He’d been doing it since the first time she’d been attacked, and she knew that he’d want to continue.

Leaving a lamp across the room on so he could see, she pulled the covers back and skipped a few songs until she found the perfect song and closer her eyes. She made herself comfortable and took a deep breath. Just before she succumbed to sleep, she felt weight on the other side of the bed. A few seconds later, an arm slipped around her middle and she couldn’t help but scoot her butt back until she felt the warmth. She was asleep seconds after.