If You Dare

That other word was something she wouldnt hear coming from my mouth to her. I loved her. Truely loved her and I let myself fall that hard. Even knowing I would end up hurt.

Idiot.....

I shook my head. I didnt care what she said. I didnt like any of them anymore. I hated my brother the most. I cant even call him that! I didnt give a shit what she said. She could tell me he didnt want to or he was just trying to protect us all she wanted. I wouldnt believe it..because turns out he wasnt protecting us at all.

I also didnt care what she said abotu Scarlett. She was someone else. Someone to just get my mind off everything and thats what I needed. I didnt care what side she was on, I wasnt ment to be caught up in this. I really wish I was still at home hiding from people trying not to get beat up.

I flinced and tensed up when she touched me, I could feel the tears wanted to fall again even after I just stopped crying. I put my arms up on the bed and laid my head on them. Honestly. This was alittle better then anything else that she couldve done..Atleast she has a chance. I hope, a big chance of suriving

I watched the unconcious body infront of me. Biting my lip harshly. I brushed hair from my face. Letting out a soft sigh.

"You would probably be nagging me to sing for you right now...giving me that look that you know I cant say no to huh?" I asked even though she didnt nor could respond. I smiled a little at the though.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I lost my guitar, im sorry bout that" I whispered, listening to see if I could hear anyone outside the door. No one, I sighed softly again,staying on my knees with head on my arms.

"Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise
I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes
Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong"

I sang quietly, the first song that came to mind, It was weird without trying to get my guitar to play over my voice as I sang. Now it was just my voice. I couldnt hide it with anything.

"I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall, even if you said I wrong"

I could feel the tears start springing up again. Blinking a few times to push them away. Not wanting to deal with them again. I swear I couldnt run out of tears today.

"I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start

I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

When you're caught in a lie and you've got nothing to hide
When you've got nowhere to run and you've got nothing inside
It tears right through me, you thought that you knew me
You thought that you knew"

I honestly never thought I could go through so much emotional pain in one day. If it werent for tearing my arm open again I probably wouldve hit my head against the wall till I passed out.

It was like someone reached into my chest and squeezed my heart tightly. But not enough for it to explode. Wanting me to suffer.

"I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my, just myself
Just myself, myself, just myself

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying"

I quieted down after singing. Staying up as long as I could. Sniffling and letting a few more tears fall through out the hours of staying up. Pawing at my eyes. What'd I do to piss off god or the reaper or who ever that took over this part.

I dont remember doing anything....Unless you count hiding alot as a sin or whatever you call it. I was never one to pray or even go to chruch as a kid. Sometimes I would when it came to my parents abusing.

I felt my eyelids get heavy, I tried forcing myself to stay up. It didnt work. I eventually passed out. My head in my arms, tears streaking my cheeks