Treasured Tributes

I took a deep breath and stepped foot inside the grand palace. It had been centuries since I was last home. I had hoped to forget this place, but being here brought back an eerie feeling of comfort. I did not like it, and I did not deserve it. As quickly as it had come, it was soon replaced by my last memory of this place. I had argued with mother, sworn at her and cursed her. Cried and begged her to help me, to stop the torment in the tips of my fingers and toes from reaching my heart, my soul. She knew it would break me, but she could not do a single thing. I knew even then that she wanted nothing more than to protect her most cherished son, but I had been angry. I still was, although I accepted that I couldn’t keep blaming her for everything when I had been equally, if not more guilty.

“Brother,” I whirled around surprised. I had hoped that coming home in the dark of the night might prevent me from running into my family. I only wanted to find my arrows and leave. I had no intention of reuniting with anybody. “You came.” I sighed, glancing up to meet Harmonia’s eyes. She held a strange look of disbelief as her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. She had not truly believed that I would come, but she had known. Of course she had known, Phobos would have told her, if not everybody else too.

I nodded slowly, licking my dry lips, unsure what to say. It felt as though I was at a loss for words, like she was a stranger and there was nothing in the entirety of this universe that could give us the smallest of excuses to talk. But I had so much to say. She was my sister. I always had something to tell her. I wanted to tell her I had missed her. I wanted her to know that I loved her. I needed to tell her how much I regretted what I had done. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and cry till I drowned. I wanted to tell her that she had been right all along.

I ran my hand through my hair, my shoulders slumping. I inhaled slowly, wanting so badly to tell her the truth, but I knew it would only open up old wounds. I didn’t deserve her. After all, I was the one who left home in the first place. “Phobos didn’t leave much of a choice,” I said instead. I watched as her unshed tears finally fell, and her lips quivered. She looked utterly aware all of a sudden, like she could finally believe that I was here standing before her in the moonlight; that I was real.

“You are here,” she breathed, moving so swiftly, I hardly registered her floating towards me. “You came,” she cried, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me. I instinctively wrapped my own arms around her unwittingly. “Oh, brother. You never should have left us.”

“I- I’m sorry,” I choked, hugging her closer.

Harmonia weeped, “Please do not leave again.”

I felt paralysed suddenly, realising what I was doing. I could not, and did not want to stay. I should not be giving her hope, and so I could not be honest with her. “I’m sorry,” I breathed, now apologising for a completely different reason. I pushed her away gently to watch her grief-stricken face. “I am sorry,” I repeated again, “I’m not here to stay.” Her eyes widened in distress and my chest ached. “Where are my arrows?”

Harmonia sniffed, pulling back, wiping her reddened eyes. She sighed, her small frame taut and slouched. “I will retrieve them,” she said, her voice suddenly indifferent and cool, only betrayed by the sadness in her eyes.

I nodded as she slowly walked away, trailing up the grand staircase and out of sight. I looked around the court, and I knew that I will always remember every inch of this place as if I had never left. The family portrait still hung on the back wall, and in the seeping moonlight I could see the goofy smiles we all had. I remembered that day quite vividly. Mother had wanted it to be as natural and real as possible, and so she had forced Deimos and I to keep our wine stained clothes on after Harmonia and Pho had attacked us out of jest.

“Brother,” I had been so occupied in my thoughts I didn’t notice that Harmonia had returned. She held out the quiver of golden arrows. I hesitated, a feeling of dread overwhelming me. These arrows had been the cause of my demise just as much as I had been myself. I reached out slowly, stopping myself short from taking them. I knew the moment I touched them that this would be real, and there would be no going back. Was I ready? No. Would I ever be ready? Not for the long foreseeable future.

Harmonia didn’t seem to notice my doubt, “Do you wish to meet with mother?” I snapped out of my indecision immediately, abruptly plucking the quiver out of her outstretched hands.

“No,” I swallowed, as her eyes expanded in mild surprise. “I must leave.” I stepped back, “Thank you.” I nodded towards her, watching as her face contorted in hurt, a fresh wave of tears filling her sunken eyes.

I rushed out of the palace, the ragged textures of the cliff digging into my bare feet as I increased the distance between myself and my former home. I headed towards the edge of the cliff, deciding that it was better to fly than walk back through the forest. I could hear the angry waters colliding against the cliff, like Poseidon himself was enraged tonight. I slung the quiver over my shoulder, jumping off and taking flight just as I was about to touch the waters.

Flying always helped me think. It was one of the only comforting thing I had left. And after seeing Harmonia I was feeling overwhelmed. I closed my eyes, letting exasperated tears escape and fall down below, joining Poseidon’s own turbulent domain. Memories I had blocked centuries earlier rushed through my head, making it difficult to breathe. I did not want to remember anything, but tonight it was even more exhausting, and almost impossible to stop. I sighed inwardly, not wanting to reminisce, but I felt out of control. I had no choice but to soar through the dark cobalt skies touching the stars, and remember how it all went wrong.

“Is that her?” I shook my head at Deimos. Mother had not given me a portrait of this Psyche, so I really could not know. But this particular woman Deimos and I were watching was far from what mother would deem rivalry. I heard him complain beside me, plopping down on the forest floor as we examined the village from behind the bush. “When can we enter the village?” He groaned, “Or the city?”

“We must wait until sun down, you already know that. It is easier for them to recognise us by daylight.”

He moaned dramatically, laying on his back as he blinked up at the afternoon sky. “Don’t you think it would be better to find her in the city? When she is actually in the brothel?” I shrugged, not bothering to reply. I continued watching the village, waiting for some ethereal beauty to stand out to me. “Yes, it is better,” he answered his own question a moment later. “At least then we can be sure we are looking in the right place. Right now you are just watching every single woman. It would take so long to find the right one.”

“That is why you are meant to look for her with me.” I turned around, shooting him an insincere glare.

He shrugged, sitting back up and crouching down beside me. A minute passed before he started speaking again, unable to keep himself quiet. He was bored. “Are you going to shoot her immediately? Get the job done quick?”

I turned to him, grinning, “She is a prostitute, Dei.” His lips curved in a knowing smile. “And she is apparently a beauty to be reckoned with. I am going to take my sweet time. And I am going to enjoy every minute.”

He beamed, turning back to peer through the shrubs at the village. “What about her?” I followed his eyes, watching two young women stop by the butcher’s shop. “The blonde one, holding the money.”

I shook my head, “No. She does not even come close to comparing with mother, it is definitely not her.”

Deimos shot me a half-hearted frown. “Oh, for heaven’s sake. She is quite the sight though.”

I smiled, “I have seen her before near the brothels, she might work there. But she is no Psyche, I am certain.”

His shoulders slumped, and he pursed his lips pensively, “You know, they say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.”

I raised a brow, “Do you favour her then?”

“I will tonight,” he grinned cheekily.

Deimos left soon after, the inactiveness of our afternoon activity was the cause of extreme boredom. He promised to return before sunset, so we could continue in our search for Psyche. I decided to stay behind out of curiosity, but eventually boredom also crept onto me like an unsuspecting predator.

I sat down behind the bushes in the clearing, laying down in a similar fashion to Deimos earlier, and gazed up at the sunny sky. I still had about three hours to kill before my brother would return. With nothing better to do but stare at the sky, I decided to tread through the woodlands, and bide my time atop the hill under the orchid tree. It was the only signature landmark of this village that distinguished it from the its neighbouring ones.

Feeling certain that no villager would bother coming up here, I laid my back against the root of the tree, wanting to take a nap. No sooner had I closed my eyes that I heard a soft laugh, almost a giggle. I tensed instantly, sitting up and looking around the sparse trees. I could hear faint voices speaking excitedly in hushed tones. It seems there was someone hidden among the groves. I groaned, thinking I could not stay here any more, for fear they would see me.

“Irene!” One of the voices began shushing the other. “Someone will hear us.” Someone already had, I thought piqued.

“No one ever really comes up these hills, that’s why we are here, so stop worrying!” A second voice laughed. “But enough of that! I must tell you about my night.” I swiftly stood up, walking towards the voices, wondering why these mortal women sought out such an isolated place to have a conversation. It must be of some importance, or secrecy.

I did not particularly care for their foolish conversation, and I was sure that whatever they found important must be quite bland and dull. But I had nothing better to do except leave, which I did not want since I kind of liked sitting under the orchid tree. I decided that I might as well hear some human gossip.

I have been coming to these hills for many years now, and it has been so long since I found other mortals here. They simply did not have enough time to enjoy the finer things in the world. They were always otherwise occupied in either trying to live, or trying not to die. That’s all there ever really was for the mortals.

Thinking about how colourless mortals were, I quickly lost interest in their conversation. I spun around, ready to walk back down through the forest to wait for Deimos where he had left me.

“Irene, how did you know what to do? How were you not afraid?” The first voice spoke up again as I started to leave. This woman’s voice was much more quiet, and incredibly soft. At least in comparison to that of Irene’s.

“I was scared!” Irene gushed, and I shook my head, typical. Mortals were never really in control of their emotions. They could be excited by the slightest prompt. At times it was amusing, but mostly it was just irksome. How lively they could be, despite their inevitable death. “But I talked about it with Psyche.” My feet stopped walking even before I became aware of the spoken name. “She explained everything.”

Now this was definitely interesting, I mused. I turned back abruptly, walking towards the trees. I found them in a small clearing, sitting on a slab of rock, hardly a few meters in the forest. “She is fairly experienced,” the woman who I assume was Irene, grinned. Her long blonde hair was decorated with small white flowers, and her dark blue eyes twinkled in delight. Her milky complexion shone in the radiant sunlight, and her pronounced lips curled into an alluring smile. She was quite beautiful. Now if Deimos had been here, I would point her out and tell him that this was what I expected Psyche to look like.

“Who is Psyche?” I glanced at the other woman, a look of curiosity in her dark eyes. She was completely unlike Irene. She was far from beautiful. She was in fact extremely average looking. Typical brown hair, brown eyes.

Irene adorned a look of confusion for a moment, “She lives in your village. Moved in from Aegae months ago. I thought you would know her. Or at least know of her.” She shrugged, “She is a prostitute.” The other woman immediately frowned at that word, and lowered her gaze.

For a moment I thought it was out of shame. Often ladies found even the mention of prostitutes to be of indignity. I mentally scoffed at that thought, but then I noticed the bright red stain upon her cheeks. She was blushing. It was somewhat refreshing to see. Almost always I had only come across women who held prostitutes in the lowest regard, or women who themselves were prostitutes. I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at her reservedness. I hastily slapped my hand across my mouth, hoping the two woman hadn’t heard. Irene had not, but the other woman’s eyes widened in surprise, and she glanced around the clearing, relaxing when she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

Irene did not seem to notice the other woman’s lack of comfort as she proceeded to enthuse about making love to her fiancé for the first time. She exaggerated quite a few things, which only served to amuse me. The other woman’s face burned brighter with every word, but she continued to listen nonetheless. At one point I was sure she would stop Irene, since she had gone rigid as marble. Irene was painting a very colourful and extremely descriptive picture of intercourse, but she let her finish. I almost applauded her bravery. I had seen many mortals give in to the whims of their emotions, but this one had stayed imposed.

The mention of Psyche had long passed, but I still stayed, eavesdropping into their silly conversation. It was not so much a conversation as it was a narrative presented by Irene, where the other woman merely listened.

“One day, when you too are engaged, you will be asking me for advice,” Irene beamed, “And by then I will be much more of an expert.”

The other woman shook her head, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “But you love him.”

“Yes, I do. And one day you will be with someone you love too,” Irene smiled.

“No.” She shook her head again, “Father wants to marry me off to the first man he finds. Our family’s circumstances will not allow me to find love.”

“Oh, my dear,” Irene held the other woman’s hands in her own, pulling her into a hug. “But maybe love will find you instead.”

The sun was now almost over the horizon. Deimos must be getting back. I silently walked away from the small clearing, trekking down the hill towards the village, their conversation quickly forgotten. The only thing on my mind now, was Psyche.

I softly stepped down, landing on my feet with a thud. “You are late.” I gazed up to see Phobos watching me wearily.

I shrugged, “Well, I am here now. I have my arrows.” I gestured to the quiver dangling from my right shoulder. “Let’s gets this job done.”

He shot me a wry smile, “Just like old times, isn’t it brother?”