Status: Discontinued.
If I Leave.
It's Complicated
I was sitting on the cushioned bench seat that was connected onto the large window in my bedroom as I was doing the one thing that would always take my mind of what was troubling me; I was painting my finger nails while my toe nails dried in the sun that was streaming through my window and filled my bedroom with warmth.
I hadn’t slept well last night as I kept thinking about what Jacob could be hiding from me and then my imagination would run wild with all the possibilities; there had been many times when I felt like Jacob was just about to tell me before he either chickened out or someone interrupted us.
“Sweetheart why don’t you just go see Jacob and get him to tell you what’s going on? You aren’t going to be moping around here all day” My Mom said to me as she stood in the doorway of my bedroom and watched me; last night Mom had brought pizza home for dinner so we ate in front of the television which is when I explained how weird and quiet Jacob gets.
“Because I’m scared that it’ll be something that I don’t want to hear Mom, or what if it’s something really bad?” I said turning my attention onto her as she stood here in her doctor’s uniform as she was suppose to be on her way to work; but like any mother would do she made sure to check on me before she left just to make sure that I was alright.
“Well you aren’t going to find out by just sitting in your room all day, go see him Kayla and maybe you two can work through this” She said to me with a smile on her beautiful face before she turned around and walked outside to her car; deep down I knew that she was right but I just had to convince myself that I should go see Jacob.
I sat in my bedroom alone for another half hour before I got the courage to go over to the Black household to talk with Jacob; in reality it shouldn’t take make me so scared and worried to simply talk to my boyfriend about what’s going on in his mind but it did which made this harder for me.
I walked along the streets of La Push as I headed over to Jacob’s house but before I walked up onto the front porch I heard him back in the garage; it was obvious that was him because his Dad Billy was sadly in a wheelchair so I walked past the house until I reached the garage where Jacob was working on his motorbike.
“Hey Jake, are you busy? We really need to talk and it needs to be done now” I said to him softly as I walked into the shed like garage as he looked over at me; he was wearing his usual shorts and shoes but this morning he had placed a singlet vest over his torso.
“Of course Kayla, what do we need to talk about?” Jake asked me as he cleaned the grease off his hands with a rag and I could tell by his face that he knew what I was going to ask him; I had tried numerous times for this conversation to happen but this time I was going to make it happen.
“I know that you’re hiding something from me and I want you to tell me what it is, I’m sick of being the only one who doesn’t know” I said looking into his dark brown eyes that I honestly loved seeing although I won’t let myself think that now; I wouldn’t be happy until he tells me exactly what he needs to.
“I want to tell you everything Kayla but it’s complicated, I’m not sure if you’ll be able to deal with it just yet” Jacob explained to me using his soft voice as he took a few steps closer to me but all I could do was look at him shocked; he didn’t know if I could handle what he’s been hiding wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.
“Seriously Jake? You aren’t the judge of that and how do you even know what I can deal with?” I said to him snapping slightly which I didn’t mean to do as the tone just came through in my voice; I couldn’t believe that he said that to me as he didn’t know how I dealt with stuff like this.
“Kayla I didn’t mean it like that, I just don’t want you to see me differently if I tell you about this” Jake said as he reached his hand out letting his warm fingers wrap around mine but I wasn’t in the mood for this anymore; I pulled my hand back away from his causing hurt to appear instantly in his eyes.
“You did mean it like that and am I that swallow that I’d see you differently? I thought you knew me better than that Jacob, if you won’t tell me than I can’t be with you” I said to him taking a step backwards as I watched pain fill his eyes while tears formed in mine; I didn’t want to break up with him but I had to make him realise how easy it was to lose me.
I stood there in front of him for another few seconds to give him time to tell me but he didn’t so I turned around and walked back out of the garage as the tears rolled down my cheeks; my chest ached as I heard Jacob throw most likely a tool across the garage so I walked faster down the street, a few minutes later Leah pulled up beside me in her truck so I climbed in right before I broke down crying.
Leah had driven us into Port Angeles for some girl time which I really appreciated but she also didn’t ask me about what happened and she never mentioned Jacob; we had gotten some fish and chips for lunch before we just took a walk around as I had never been in this town before so I liked seeing what shops there were.
“Embry told me that Paul took Mason out on a date last night, I haven’t seen either of them today though so I’m not sure how it went” Leah said to me as she knew I would be more interested in Mason’s date then she was; I knew about Sam leaving her for Emily so Leah wasn’t really one for love or romance.
“He took her out? I hope it went good for them, after everything Mason has been through lately she needs to have some fun and enjoy herself” I said smiling half-heartedly as I remembered the first date that Jacob took me on when we had a picnic on the beach; I felt Leah pat my back gently when she noticed the sadness on my face as we walked back to her truck.
“Don’t even think about him Kayla, he’ll come to his senses soon enough and come crawling back to you” Leah reassured me when we both heard footsteps sound from behind us and they were gaining on us quickly; Leah turned around faster than I could but when I did turn around all I saw was a pale guy around my age standing there.
He was super pale and had these strange golden eyes that reminded me of Doctor Cullen so it was obvious that they were related somehow; but I had the feeling that he wasn’t the cause of the footsteps that I heard second before and it made me uneasy that he was just staring at me.
“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you” The pale guy said as his golden eyes stayed focus on me as he didn’t even bother to look at Leah; I wasn’t sure what to say to him but I didn’t really have any time as Leah took hold of my arm and led me back over to her truck.
Leah made sure that I was safely inside before she started driving us back home but I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching me; I tried not to think about it and I didn’t want to worry Leah so I didn’t say anything but it was always in the back of my mind.
I hadn’t slept well last night as I kept thinking about what Jacob could be hiding from me and then my imagination would run wild with all the possibilities; there had been many times when I felt like Jacob was just about to tell me before he either chickened out or someone interrupted us.
“Sweetheart why don’t you just go see Jacob and get him to tell you what’s going on? You aren’t going to be moping around here all day” My Mom said to me as she stood in the doorway of my bedroom and watched me; last night Mom had brought pizza home for dinner so we ate in front of the television which is when I explained how weird and quiet Jacob gets.
“Because I’m scared that it’ll be something that I don’t want to hear Mom, or what if it’s something really bad?” I said turning my attention onto her as she stood here in her doctor’s uniform as she was suppose to be on her way to work; but like any mother would do she made sure to check on me before she left just to make sure that I was alright.
“Well you aren’t going to find out by just sitting in your room all day, go see him Kayla and maybe you two can work through this” She said to me with a smile on her beautiful face before she turned around and walked outside to her car; deep down I knew that she was right but I just had to convince myself that I should go see Jacob.
I sat in my bedroom alone for another half hour before I got the courage to go over to the Black household to talk with Jacob; in reality it shouldn’t take make me so scared and worried to simply talk to my boyfriend about what’s going on in his mind but it did which made this harder for me.
I walked along the streets of La Push as I headed over to Jacob’s house but before I walked up onto the front porch I heard him back in the garage; it was obvious that was him because his Dad Billy was sadly in a wheelchair so I walked past the house until I reached the garage where Jacob was working on his motorbike.
“Hey Jake, are you busy? We really need to talk and it needs to be done now” I said to him softly as I walked into the shed like garage as he looked over at me; he was wearing his usual shorts and shoes but this morning he had placed a singlet vest over his torso.
“Of course Kayla, what do we need to talk about?” Jake asked me as he cleaned the grease off his hands with a rag and I could tell by his face that he knew what I was going to ask him; I had tried numerous times for this conversation to happen but this time I was going to make it happen.
“I know that you’re hiding something from me and I want you to tell me what it is, I’m sick of being the only one who doesn’t know” I said looking into his dark brown eyes that I honestly loved seeing although I won’t let myself think that now; I wouldn’t be happy until he tells me exactly what he needs to.
“I want to tell you everything Kayla but it’s complicated, I’m not sure if you’ll be able to deal with it just yet” Jacob explained to me using his soft voice as he took a few steps closer to me but all I could do was look at him shocked; he didn’t know if I could handle what he’s been hiding wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.
“Seriously Jake? You aren’t the judge of that and how do you even know what I can deal with?” I said to him snapping slightly which I didn’t mean to do as the tone just came through in my voice; I couldn’t believe that he said that to me as he didn’t know how I dealt with stuff like this.
“Kayla I didn’t mean it like that, I just don’t want you to see me differently if I tell you about this” Jake said as he reached his hand out letting his warm fingers wrap around mine but I wasn’t in the mood for this anymore; I pulled my hand back away from his causing hurt to appear instantly in his eyes.
“You did mean it like that and am I that swallow that I’d see you differently? I thought you knew me better than that Jacob, if you won’t tell me than I can’t be with you” I said to him taking a step backwards as I watched pain fill his eyes while tears formed in mine; I didn’t want to break up with him but I had to make him realise how easy it was to lose me.
I stood there in front of him for another few seconds to give him time to tell me but he didn’t so I turned around and walked back out of the garage as the tears rolled down my cheeks; my chest ached as I heard Jacob throw most likely a tool across the garage so I walked faster down the street, a few minutes later Leah pulled up beside me in her truck so I climbed in right before I broke down crying.
****************
Leah had driven us into Port Angeles for some girl time which I really appreciated but she also didn’t ask me about what happened and she never mentioned Jacob; we had gotten some fish and chips for lunch before we just took a walk around as I had never been in this town before so I liked seeing what shops there were.
“Embry told me that Paul took Mason out on a date last night, I haven’t seen either of them today though so I’m not sure how it went” Leah said to me as she knew I would be more interested in Mason’s date then she was; I knew about Sam leaving her for Emily so Leah wasn’t really one for love or romance.
“He took her out? I hope it went good for them, after everything Mason has been through lately she needs to have some fun and enjoy herself” I said smiling half-heartedly as I remembered the first date that Jacob took me on when we had a picnic on the beach; I felt Leah pat my back gently when she noticed the sadness on my face as we walked back to her truck.
“Don’t even think about him Kayla, he’ll come to his senses soon enough and come crawling back to you” Leah reassured me when we both heard footsteps sound from behind us and they were gaining on us quickly; Leah turned around faster than I could but when I did turn around all I saw was a pale guy around my age standing there.
He was super pale and had these strange golden eyes that reminded me of Doctor Cullen so it was obvious that they were related somehow; but I had the feeling that he wasn’t the cause of the footsteps that I heard second before and it made me uneasy that he was just staring at me.
“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you” The pale guy said as his golden eyes stayed focus on me as he didn’t even bother to look at Leah; I wasn’t sure what to say to him but I didn’t really have any time as Leah took hold of my arm and led me back over to her truck.
Leah made sure that I was safely inside before she started driving us back home but I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching me; I tried not to think about it and I didn’t want to worry Leah so I didn’t say anything but it was always in the back of my mind.