How the Heart Beats

“What?!” She yelled, eyes going wide. “Why would I kill you?” Her hands shook and whether it was in rage, terror, or something else, I didn’t know, but she dropped my sword regardless. Sound fell away as it clattered to my feet. I looked up at her slowly, my mouth sliding into a grimace.

“I can’t have emotions.” I had to force the words out, closing my eyes for a long, slow moment. I didn’t wish to look at her very distraught face.

“Why?” She whispered and I could almost hear the way her eyebrows furrowed skeptically.

“It will only get in the way of my job and my objectives. I can’t have feelings. They’ll just mess everything up and ruin all that I’ve built for myself. Do us both a favor and kill me.” My voice was growing hoarse with strain as I tried to keep my composure.

“No. I won’t. I’m not gonna kill you, Shadow. So you might as well get up.” Her voice croaked on the first word and before I had a chance to wonder about her feelings, a few small tears fell to the ground between us.

Pat. Pat. Pat as they hit the floor of the cabin. I sighed and looked up at her tear-streaked face.

“Stella, I’m sorry,” I whispered as I stood and folded my arms around her. I rested my head on top of hers. My eyes stung and my cheeks were wet. Turns out, I had started crying too. I wiped my eyes and let her cry into me while I tried to figure out the last time I’d cried. I couldn’t. It didn’t take long before we’d both calmed down. I wiped away her final tears and planted a kiss on her forehead.

As we both settled back down, I looked in her eyes and noticed how tight my chest felt. I couldn’t tell how long it had been like that. I turned away from her and started coughing. I thought it was going to relieve my discomfort, but I only started coughing more and more until I fell to my knees. I tried to take in a deep breath; it only came in ragged, strange gasps. Everything went fuzzy and when I finally regained both my vision and my regular breathing patterns, I noticed my entire palm was bright red with my blood. My mouth tasted of iron and I frowned, wiping it with my other hand. More blood. I looked at Stella to find her standing there in shock, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. As soon as it registered in her head, though, she was by my side, gently rubbing my shoulder and upper arm.

“Are you okay? What happened?” The concern that splayed across her face made me smile a little. I wondered how someone could so readily let their emotions show, but at the same time, it gave me hope because she was feeling that way about me. Or maybe she was just a caring individual. Since I couldn’t be sure either way, I liked to assume it was because of me.

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m alright,” I wheezed and staggered to my feet. I made my way to the sink and washed my hands of my own blood, a sensation that wasn’t near as common as that of my washing someone else’s blood off of my hands. I was lost in my thoughts, but I wasn’t surprised when I turned back around and Stella was close behind me. I showed her my clean hands and smiled, as if it proved that I was fine. She didn’t buy it. She looked at me in confusion, her blue eyes troubled.

“Stella, really, I’m okay,” I said, doing a few jumping jacks to demonstrate. “See? I’m fit as a fiddle.” I grinned and she rolled her eyes, not amused, but seeming satisfied enough to drop the matter.

“Yeah, fine. Where do you keep your washcloths?” She asked quietly and I directed her to a small closet by the bathroom before thinking to ask why. She was in the other room by the time I’d thought to do so.

“Why did you need them?” I didn’t especially care, but I was curious.

“You got some blood on the floor.” She shrugged as she dropped to her knees, wiping up my blood. I could’ve been mistaken, but it looked like she was holding her breath.

“Stella, you really don’t have to do that,” I said, crouching awkwardly beside her and placing my hand atop hers on the washcloth. I was right in my guess; she hadn’t been breathing. She smiled at me and nodded, standing hesitantly and letting her breath out. When the blood on the floor was gone, I tossed the rag in the sink and turned my attention back to Stella.

“Why were you holding your breath?” I asked, falling into the grip of my couch with a slight groan, exhausted from my ordeal.

“What?” She seemed surprised by my words. Maybe a little nervous, too.

“When you were cleaning up my blood, you held your breath. I mean, I totally understand if you’re squeamish or afraid of disease or something. I’m just curious, really.” I shrugged and leaned back, closing my eyes and focusing on my still-abnormal breathing, which I was attempting to fix.

“I didn’t know you noticed. I… uhh… see, it’s kind of complicated. The smell of blood makes me really hyped and aggressive.” She looked down awkwardly and I laughed, patting the couch beside me. It was obvious she hadn’t told many people this before.

“Don’t worry about it. I completely understand. In fact, I get the same way. Stella, you’re not human.” I nodded calmly and so did she as she sat beside me.

“Yeah, I know. You don’t care do you?” She blushed and chewed the inside of her cheek. I couldn’t believe she was only worried that I cared. I laughed and shook my head at her. The girl was something else.

“Not at all. Why would I care? That would make me a hypocrite. You’re just more like myself than I realized. I think that’s pretty cool.” I smiled and shrugged, stretching and yawning. “Do you know what you are? Not all people do. Some go through a really funny confusion period where they try and figure out what they are.”

“No, I know. I’m a mix of things, but mostly a Demon. Not how most people think of-”

“I know, I know. I’m a Demon too, so trust me, I understand.” I chuckled and she smiled at me. How had I not noticed? It all made more sense once I knew. She was crafty, strange, and her steps were as silent as mine. Not to mention the way she smelled so good to me, and not just because there was blood pumping through her veins. I pulled some pieces of grass out of her hair, which was drying quickly. She looked so happy and comfortable with me; and I had to admit, I felt the same way with her. It was nice to be comfortable and accepted for once, and I had to guess she felt the same. Hell, maybe it’s what attracted her to me in the first place. She took my hand and squeezed it gently, breaking my thought pattern. It was almost as if she was agreeing with what I was thinking. I looked up and saw it was no longer raining, but it didn’t seem to matter. Things were nice how they were and neither of us was going to change that.

“Have you ever coughed up blood before?” She asked softly, her voice shy and nervous like she was afraid asking would ruin the moment.

“Yeah, it happens from time to time.” I nodded, not mentioning that it had never been like this before; out of nowhere and not the result of drinking someone else’s too fast. She didn’t need to know those details. It would only worry her more.

She nodded slowly, as if deciding to accept my answer and not push the subject. The fire was starting to die down and our breathing was a slow, easy rhythm that faded in and out at the same rate.

When I looked over at her again, her eyes were closed and she appeared to be asleep. I kissed her forehead and gently rubbed her shoulder.

“I think I love you, Stella,” I whispered, thinking I was safe to say it. My heart stopped when she opened her eyes and looked at me.