The "I" In Lie

I didn't think as Pete kissed down my neck to my chest and removed my bra. I was lost in lust and in feeling. I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel anything but Pete's lips on my body.

We were in a hotel room this time. It wasn't that far from my house and damn near abandoned. We had removed everything from the bed and Pete had packed a sheet from his trunk.

All of our clothes were shed, his hands were planted firmly on my wrist, above my head. The only control I had was my eyes, watching Pete while noises fell from my lips. I felt teased and taunted with lust; I wanted him touch me already.

His mouth moved down my bare sternum, his teeth scraping my hot skin occasionally, teasing me. I bucked my hips as he got lower, whining as he bit down on my hip bone. I cried out, "Fuck me already." it was a whimper.

He laughed, "Is that what you want, baby?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Tell me then." he smirked, his hands removed my wrist, and moved down to grip my hips.

"I want you to fuck me." I bit my lip.

"I don't believe you." he pried open my legs, "Say it like you mean it."

I put my hands on his shoulders, "I want you to fuck me." my eyes bore into his, "Please."

Pete's eyes flashed and I saw this look I hadn't seen in another person. I have no idea what it means. It's confusing and I wish I knew what it meant. I wish he would tell me.

Instead, Pete hunches on his knees, props my legs on his hips and thrust into me hard and quick. My body feels as if it's crumbling, in a good way, and my back arched high. I cry out and attach my hands onto his shoulders; he pulled back out and then forced back into me.

This is more than sex, this a rough fuck. This is primal need. We've done this before, this is nothing new.

I know what to expect, I go through the motions. I do what he says, and it's over. It feel as if it just started, but we had been at it for over two hours.

My heart sinks when I take advantage of the shower and I remember I was suppose to meet Ryan. Pete took my phone and had shut it off; as soon I got dressed, I asked for my phone.

"Here," he said; he pulled it from his pocket.

I was awaiting to hear what else he had to say, but he didn't say a thing. I put my hair up and looked at my phone; 7 missed calls, 5 texts, and 1 message, "Shit." I mumbled.

Ryan's text were obvious; Are you okay? Where are you? Call me. Are you hurt? Please, Aly answer me.

I swallowed the guilt and looked at Pete, "I can't do this anymore. This is the last time."

Pete's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say a word. He turned his head and grabbed his sheet.

"I'm serious," I said meekly, "I love my boyfriend and--"

"You said you loved me too." he snapped back.

"Because," I swallowed thickly, "I did-- I do. In a different way, Pete."

"Different how?" his voice was still thick with anger.

"Michelle never took care of you the way a wife should have, that's why I loved you!" I shouted at him, "Because you always needed someone and you came to me and I fell for you. You never felt the same about me, but I still cared about you and took care of you!" I felt stupid tears fall down my cheeks.

Pete came over and tried to grab me but I stepped back.

"I have Ryan. I love him and he loves me." my mouth moved quickly, "He doesn't have to hide me from anyone!"

Pete stepped back and didn't say a word. My own wounded him. I knew they did but I did not give a damn.

"I'm not going to do this anymore because I have a conscious and I have a boyfriend who doesn't deserve to be cheated on. He cares about me," I damn near threw my phone at Pete, "He doesn't call when it's convenient."

Pete just stood there as I left, hurrying to my car. I didn't even notice that I drove off until I got to my house. It was all in instinct; I broke down as soon as I parked. Tears poured down my cheeks, I pressed my palms to my face and let it all out.

I didn't hear Ryan open my car door, but I felt him unbuckle my seat belt and pull me into his arms. He actually carried me, bridal style into my house and sat down on the couch with me and combed my damp hair from my face. I couldn't stop crying, I thought it was a bit much by the time I calm down.

"Ryan--"

He cut me off, "It's okay, just relax. I'm gonna get a cool towel and clean your face. Alright?"

I nodded as he set me on the couch beside him. I curled my knees up as he got up as went to my linen closet. I knew I had to tell Ryan, even if it would break his heart. He needed to know, to get rid of me before we got any further. He didn't need a cheater like me in his life.

When he returned, he sat down and sat me onto his lap and moved my hands so he could wipe my face. I tried to stop the sobs unwillingly falling from my mouth, but to no avail. Ryan cooed, "It's okay. Are you alright?"

I nodded, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." I sputtered, "I don't... I can't..." I couldn't find the right words to just spit out.

How do I tell my boyfriend that I cheated on him twice? That I'm a slut? That he should run far, far away from me?

"What happened?" he wiped my face of tears, "Did you get in an accident or something?"

I shook my head. I couldn't say it. I couldn't spit out those disgusting words.

Ryan kissed my face repeatedly, "I don't understand." he murmured.

"I messed up." was all I could say, "I messed up."

I didn't know if he knew, but he just kissed me again. He combed my hair back with his hand, his fingers curling into the loose strands gently, "It's okay, Aly. As long as you're alright." he says quietly.

I buried my face into his chest and inhaled his scent. He smelt like comfort and what home felt like. I felt more than comfortable with this man. How could I betray him in such a way? He means the world to me.

Would I be able to tell him the truth? Would I be able to let him go?