Innocence

I pull away, instantly regretting that now I have cried in Ivan's arms. What does he expect of me now? To do that again. I won't, I can't do that again. I can't let him know my pain.

I can't let anyone know.

Ivan's shocked when I pull away, his face tells me he's sympathetic and feels my pain. "Tell me who's causing this to you?" Ivan takes my hand, admiring the bruises on it.

I yank my arm away and look elsewhere, but Ivan takes my arm again. His fingers go up to my wrist, when he sees the indents from the rope from yesterday I expect him to turn and run away. But Ivan continues, his fingers going up my arm admiring more bruises and scars and scratches and cuts on my skin. "Who the hell is doing this to you, Alice?" Ivan inquires.

I want to cry, but the tears aren't coming anymore. Instead it's dry as a desert on tears. But then I notice that Ivan knows my name, when I've never once told it to him. "...It's best for you to leave me alone, you really ought to not know." I say and turn away.

Ivan turns me back to face him and he hugs me again, gripping my tight to his chest - so tight, that I smell his axe cologne.

I cough and manage to pull away. "...I can't tell you." I look down at my wrist, the new scars from the rope bring back painful memories. Memories of the impurities of my body... His touch still lingered on my skin. I felt like tearing off my own skin, just to get rid of his touch... Of everyone's touch whoever touched me like that. I had only a handful list of names who's done that to me.

"Fine then..." Ivan takes a hold of my hand. "Can you at least tell me what happened to your wrist? They're new."

I am instantly crying, before I try to speak. I cannot say the words, but I want so desperately to say them. They are on the tip of my tongue. Ivan might hate me, he might be disgusted, he might regret meeting me or pursuing me.

Ivan rubs my back to reassure me, that he won't hurt me, I think.

I open my mouth, to speak. "...My dad has his friend's over sometimes and sometimes they like to do thing's." Is all I say.

Ivan doesn't flinch, turn away, or stop touching me. Instead he says that I will be alright and holds me in a hug tight as can be.

Ivan walks me home, when we reach my house he turns to me. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, right?" He smiles at me.

I nod and blush, looking down at my plain black converse.

Ivan caresses my cheek for a second, to get me to look up at him and look into his deep brown eyes. "Call me, if you ever need help. I'll come running." He smiles and walks away.

Maybe he will be the one to save me... Hopefully.

I make my way inside, dad is up. He's been drinking again. I can smell the alcohol in the air around him. "You going to make dinner?" He slaps my ass, which makes me jump.

I quickly go into the kitchen and start on dinner.

Tonight there is no abuse and I am thankful.