So, Long Live Us

As he said he would, he came and met me in the gardens. I was sat on a bench. Alex strutted over to me and sat himself down, grinning like a fool. “What’s gotten into you?” I ask as I hold onto the end of the bench.
“I just asked Lisa to be my girlfriend. She said yes” Alex said, now smiling even bigger than before.
“Congratulations” I said as I pulled him in for a hug. I didn’t want him to see my eyes. According to Alex my eyes spoke a thousand words and obviously, Alex could read me like a book.
“God, if you have only known how long I have wanted her to be my girlfriend” He says as I pull away from him.
“How long have you liked her?” I ask, pulling my legs up.
“Since we started high school”
“Alex, you’re in your senior year! You should have done something before now” I say, laying my head on his shoulder.

Like I said, Alex and I were close. Very close. I know that I like him and I know that I wanted to be in Lisa’s shoes but he was happy. He was happy with her and I could tell, he was on the way to loving her.

“I don’t know why I didn’t” He says softly, almost a whisper. “Maddison” He says.
“Yes?” I ask.
“Lisa said she already thinks she may be in love” My body tensed up. My mind drained of all thoughts apart from one thing.
“Do you think you love her?” I asked. That was the one thing.
“I don’t want to say it, but I think I do. Fuck, I know it’s too soon but I really think I do”
“Did you tell her?” And with that question Alex slowly nods his head at me.
“But I didn’t want to make this go so fast, let it be so serious. I have to leave her in a week to go on tour for 3 months. Long distance relationship with Lisa will never work out the way I want it to be”

I didn’t know what to say to him. Everything I wanted to say would make things so much harder but I knew what Alex wanted to hear was not what I wanted to say. “Should I ask her to come on tour with us?” He asked me. I didn’t bother looking at him. I had to take time to digest what he asked me.
“Ask the boys. See their opinion”
“But I want your opinion”
“Why are you asking me? I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never been in love. I don’t know what a girl wants that’s in love” I say, sharply. It never meant to come out like that. I saw the hurt in his eyes as I finished my sentence. “It never meant to come out like that Alex!” I say softly.
“No, I get it Maddison. I know you never meant it like that. I’m going to talk to the boys and see if it’s okay with them for Lisa to come on tour then I’m going to ask her” Alex says. I nodded but inside my heart felt like it was being teared apart.

I don’t know if it was jealousy that Alex was with her, loved her or if it was jealousy that I wasn’t going to be the only girl that the boys wanted on the tour bus anymore. I think it may have been a mixture of both, it certainly felt like that. “Are you going to the party on Friday still then?” I say, attempting to change the subject from Lisa to something I cared about less than her.

One of the band’s crew was holding a party at their house and of course, everyone All Time Low wanted to be there was going to be there. “Yes, of course I’m still going! I’m not gonna drink though. I think I’m going to drive home or something. Maybe I’ll take Lisa and drive her home” I nod once more. Great. Alex has successfully made it about her, again.
“Good for you, Alex. You deserve to be happy” I say. My mind was all mixed up.
“Why did I hear a hint of sarcasm in that sentence?” Alex asks.
“No sarcasm intended” Okay, so maybe I was lying. “Just go find Jack or someone, ask them then go tell Lisa. Just do it Alex” I say, rising from the bench.
“Where are you going?” He asks, rushing after me as I try to make my way out of the gardens.
“I have homework to finish” I say but then he grabs my forearm, stopping me in my tracks. He spun me around so I was forced to look at him. “What Alex? You’re hurting me” I say, shaking his grip off.
“Sorry, just you’ve been acting a little weird since this morning” He says. He places his hand to his side.
“I’m just… not feeling too good okay? I think I just need some sleep” I didn’t want to lie to Alex. I defiantly didn’t want to see him with Lisa but I didn’t want him to know the real reason why I was upset.

I couldn't have him