The One for Me

She looked as if she was going to explode. Her round cheeks were red and her tiny hands were fisted. I held the urge to smirk at her. She may have seemed like the average nice girl but I saw right through that façade. Her glare pierced me and I knew then she realized I was more than just a friend. However, Jong did not remove his head from my lap or go to comfort her; he stayed put. Haku grabbed her arm.

“Miss you can’t be in here with two males… you’ll look,” he paused when she turned her hateful glare to him. “Unlady like.”

“It’s true,” slurred Jong dismissively. “Go on Hana-ssi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She bowed and turned slowly to leave. I cleared my throat to stop her. “Nice to meet you Hana-Ko.” She glanced at me just as I began combing Jong’s hair with my fingers. Maybe I did it on purpose but I couldn’t help myself. She deserved it. As she left I saw the look on her face and the phrase if ‘looks could kill popped in to my head’. Well if they could, she’d already be dead.

***********

Something uncomfortable pressed in to my side. I tried to maneuver so that it wouldn’t have been touching me but for some reason the uncomfortable poking wouldn’t cease. I allowed my hand to adventure to where my side was and move the thing that was ruining my sleep. As my hand collided with it I heard a soft moan release from Jong’s lips. I suppressed a giggle. Apparently Jong had been thinking about me while sleeping and it caused him to get excited. And it also caused me to lose sleep.

Slyly I rubbed his sensitive area with my knee. I enjoyed the sounds that released from my boyfriend’s lips. “Jjong,” I whispered seductively in his ear. My lips grazed lightly over his neck and down his chest. He hummed eyebrows furrowing in the process. I let my hand slip through the hem of his pants and suddenly Jong’s eyes were wide open and his neck arched from the fluffy pillow he laid on.

“K-key,” he managed to spit out. “W-what are y-you doing?” A breathy moan released from his lips.

“Morning treat,” I whispered. His eyes closed and his hand went over his mouth as a muffled groan escaped from his throat. “What did you dream about?”

Jong opened his eyes and rolled himself on top of me. I adjusted my hand watching his jaw tense. He tugged my pants and I removed my hand to help him. For some reason we loved having sex in the morning. Maybe because the first time we did it was in the morning. I smelled the light musk on his skin as he thrusted. The sun was shining on us even with the balcony door closed. I heard the headboard hit the wall as I screamed through the woven cloth stuffed in my mouth. There was no way no one heard us. Everything was just too loud. The sound of our bodies colliding together, the bed squeaking, and even the moans Jong caused me to shout could be heard through the wet cloth in my mouth. I couldn’t believe we had done it twice in his bedroom. And he didn’t even care who heard, or who could have walked in on us.

“God I love you Key,” he groaned. My chest felt heavy from the words and I couldn’t reply. Still I couldn’t help but think was that I loved him to.

************

“So how was your… sleepover?” asked Hana bitterly. We sat in the courtyard for breakfast. I had never been to the courtyard before. It was beautiful. The grass glistened under the sun shine and the leaves danced above our heads as the trees provided little shade to the heat.
Jonghyun didn’t admire the scenery like I did. I guess he saw it enough to overlook the beauty. He shrugged as an answer to Hana’s question. He had been stuffing his mouth with rice and eggs since we had sat down. The conversation was awkward and almost nonexistent.

“It was nice,” I replied curtly.

The younger girl’s eyes pierced me. I was sure if we were alone a few forbidden words, that I let slip out of my mouth from time to time, would have been voiced. “Great,” she cheered. Her teeth looked as if they would break from how tight she pressed them together in such a false smile. “Oppa, do you think that I could spend the-“

“Right!” shouted Jong immediately. “Hana-ssi you look so pretty in the sun today.”

My eyes narrowed as the forced smile easily melted in to a real one. But it was a cocky smile. And when Hana met my eyes she grinned so wide I was sure her face would split. Jong interrupted her and she had no problem with that. But I did. “Oppa you are too kind.”

“What were you going to say Hana?” I asked. I sipped the tea I ordered in an attempt to control the anger slowly growing inside my chest.

Jonghyun sighed and say back in his chair. “Kibum, not today okay?”

“Why not? You were very rude by interrupting her request,” I smiled. “You want to spend the night in his room Hana?” She nodded shyly and I rolled my eyes. “That’s not very lady like.”

“Kibum,” hissed Jong. I shrugged and folded my arms across my chest.

“Well…. He’s spent that night in my room before,” she smirked. “I just thought we could switch this time.”

I felt a lump in my throat. “Oh?”

Jonghyun chuckled. It was a nervous, shaky laugh. “I like sleepovers… they’re fun.”

“As much fun as we had?” I snapped. My cheeks warmed. I clamped my fists together tightly.

“Maybe me more fun than you had,” winked Hana.

I watched as Jong stared at me in horror. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I had nothing to say. He spent the night with her and didn’t tell me. I didn’t bother to excuse myself, I stood up and walked away.

“Kibum!” Jong called but I refused to look back. He couldn’t run after me either, it would look too suspicious. Especially after we heard the guards complaining of loud noises waking them up in the morning. I held the tears in until I was in the safe comfort of my home. And then they fell like waterfalls.

***********

“Kibum?” my mother entered the room and wrapped her arms around me. “Honey why are you crying?” I hadn’t realized I had been sobbing so long. I shook my head. “Tell me Key!”

“You won!” I sniffed. I pushed myself from her embrace and stood, towering over her. “Jong doesn’t love me because you said so, congrats!”

“Honey you don’t need him,” she sighed.

“We had sex,” I announced. I wiped my tears as my mother stood in shock. “And I liked it mom!” I could feel myself breaking. It was like I was made of glass and every time Jong hurt me, a crack appeared. And now I felt as though I would crash apart from one touch.

“I told you not to get involved with that boy!” she shrieked.

I shrugged. “Well we did… and he told me he loved me mommy! He told me he loved me!” She held me as I broke down in her arms. She didn’t say anything else and allowed me to cry hysterically. She patted my hair. I couldn’t breathe. All I could smell was the cinnamon on my mother’s clothing. She seemed to have always smelled of spices.

“Baby I love you okay?” she smiled softly. “But all I’ve tried to teach you is that love isn’t this hard… you shouldn’t have to fight to be with him.” She left me there to ponder her words and suddenly I had wanted to spit on her.

What did she know about Jong and I’s love? What love did she have? She had my father, who had an affair with another woman. That didn’t seem like experience. I snuck off to my room and locked the door. I stared at the carpet. It was made of wool. The texture was rough, nothing like the soft carpet on Jong’s library floor. The scent in my room smelled slightly different. The lavender smell was mixed with a soft fruit scent.

“I’m sorry.”

My head snapped up to Jong. He stood timidly on the other side of my bed. I felt the tears and anger broil inside of me all at once. He looked as if he was going to cry. How could he look so sad when I was the one in pain? It was selfish.

“What do you want?” I whispered. I had to keep my voice leveled, if I didn’t I would have showed him how upset I was.

“I just wanted to see you,” he replied. He started to move towards me but once he saw my body go rigid, he stayed put. “Hana… she means nothing to me.”

“Then why did you spend the night with her?” I retorted.

“She’s my fiancée…”

I shook my head. I sneered. “I’m your fucking boyfriend!” He jumped at my sudden outburst and I rolled my eyes. My chest was in pain. I felt like someone was sitting on my heart, and if I didn’t calm down, I would die. “I thought… I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you Kibummie,” Jong pleaded. He stepped closer and when I didn’t stop him he walked his way over to me. He placed his hands on my hips and pecked my lips. “I love you.”

“Why did you spend the night with her?” I asked. “Were you just trying to see if you could get over me by having sex with that tramp?!”

“She’s not a tramp,” he sighed. “I slept next to her… but I didn’t have sex with her or touch her at all.”

“How do I know that?”

He lifted my chin with his finger and locked our lips together. At first I didn’t react, I tried to stand my ground. But then my arms were around his waist and he had pressed me against the wall. “You love me right?” he asked and I nodded hesitantly. “Then you know there is no one else I want to touch but you.”

“Stay with me tonight,” I requested. “Please?”

He stared at me for several seconds and nodded. I lead him over to my bed and we laid next to each other. We didn’t have sex and we didn’t talk about Hana. We just laid there because for some reason, it just felt like the end.