The One for Me

“Where have you been these past few days?” questioned Kyun as I waltzed in to the royal wing. I shrugged. His questions were irrelevant. At least they were to me.

“Does Hana-ssi want to know?” I asked, I stopped in the middle of the hallway. I glared at everything and then at nothing at all. “You sure have been spending a lot of time near her room. Should I be worried?” I glanced at my ‘nanny’ over my shoulder.

Kyun bowed. “No,” he replied irritated. “You are just making her worry is all.”

I sighed. “I will deal with Hana-ssi when I am ready… right now I just want to be alone,” I paused and turned to face him. He looked older. He had lines on his face that came with age and his golden blonde hair seemed whiter, as if he were graying. “I should take advantage of being alone right? Especially since I’m being forced to marry.”

Kyun stared at me with disgust. For some reason he wanted to shout at me, but he didn’t. I guess he learned his place at last. I was sure my father would come to me later and discuss my attitude towards Hana-ssi. I felt bad for treating her so terribly especially since she was so kind to Key. Any other Princess would have ignored him, but she talked willingly to him and even invited him to breakfast with us. She didn’t deserve someone like me. My heart was devoted to someone else.

I stormed off to my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I didn’t want to see anyone. Key and I had hid out in his bedroom for three days. When his mother came home, he went out to her and chatted as if she wasn’t against our relationship and then retreated back to me when he was ‘too tired’ to continue conversation. We had talked and laughed together and even ended up in heated kisses, but we didn’t further it. We hadn’t had sex since the morning Key found out I spent the night with Hana-ssi. I didn’t care that we didn’t, I just hoped that wasn’t the reason we didn’t.

”I love you,” I sighed happily as I kissed Key’s neck. My hands ran over his body eagerly while I hovered over him.

“I love you to,” whispered Key as he arched his body in to mine. “But we can’t. We can’t.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration at the vivid memory. I collapsed on my bed.
Key had told his mom about us. Why did he do that?

”I told my mom we had sex,” he admitted. He bit his lower lip and stared at me from under his eyelashes.

“Why?” I asked. I moved my gaze to the ceiling so that I didn’t have to see the hurt look on his face. No matter how many times I made him laugh that expression always crept back.
He stayed silent for a while probably wondering the same. “I was upset,” he sighed. “It just came out.”

I had nothing to say to that. He could tell his mother we were intimate if he wanted and I had no right to get angry or annoyed about it. But I still felt a storm hurling inside of me. “What was her reaction?”

“She didn’t say much… she still hasn’t said much,” he shrugged. He pecked my cheek which caused my eyes to meet his. “Are you upset?”

He looked so worried. He looked like he would bust out in tears if I told him I was furious. So I shook my head and plastered a smile on my face. “No.”

My hand slapped across my face in frustration. How was I going to deal with this? I couldn’t just get mad at him for telling his mom. Could I? Why was I so upset from this one confession? I shook my head and sat up. Being alone was wrong at that moment. If I had too much time to think I would do something I would regret.

________

“We haven’t spent time together in a bit,” Minho grinned. “So what brought you out here?”

I shrugged. “I needed to be with a friend.”

“Did something happen with Kibum?” he asked innocently.

I glowered. “No.”

“You’re a terrible liar you know that?” I rolled my eyes and stuffed my hands in the sleeves of my shirt. “Come on… we are best friends huh? Tell me what’s up.”

Reluctantly I poured out everything to him. From beginning to end, and I left nothing out. Anyone else might’ve cringed at the details about Key and I having sex but Minho seemed to be curious of how two men did it. If I didn’t know him I would have thought he was being rather odd but Minho just liked to know everything.

“So now you don’t know what to do?” He sighed completing my thought.

I shook my head. We had stopped walking and stood close to the edge of the lake he owned. “No… I love him and I don’t know if he really means it when he says he loves me back anymore.”

Minho put his arm around my shoulder and chuckled. “You and Kibum have told me this exact thing.”

I frowned and pushed him away. “You already knew this? Why did you make me tell the whole story again then?!”

“I wanted to see your prospective… all of it added up to Key’s story,” he chortled.

“Yeah you’re an ass,” I mumbled.

“He loves you,” he sighed.

I looked up from the dark waters of the lake to stare at Minho. “Yeah?”

“He does really… if he didn’t he wouldn’t put up with all the stuff you put him through.”

“Oh,” I clucked my tongue and then my mouth dropped open. “Hey! He puts me through hell to you know!”

Minho winked at me and I rolled my eyes. “Why didn’t you go to Hana for company if you knew I was going to be like this?”

“Because she’s the reason we’re in this mess,” I spat.

“Are you sure you aren’t the reason?”

“I should-“ I was interrupted by a violent cough. I had thought it would go away but it erupted from my chest like lava from a volcano. My heart was beating fast and my breath was short. I could barely hear Minho shouting at me. For some reason it was more serious this time. The burden of my lungs was catching up to me. I struggled to catch my breath but the harsh cough wouldn’t stop. The sky was suddenly above my head and it seemed to have been getting dark quickly. Wasn’t it only afternoon? I tasted something in my mouth. It was thick and some of its contents slipped out the side of my mouth. Someone’s hands were on my chest. Why were they pushing my chest down so hard?

“Jong! Please stay with me!” I heard someone shout in panic. But I couldn’t keep my eyes open long. It was just too much.

*********

A soft hand with long nails caressed my face. Key didn’t have long nails. I groaned and the person who touched me jumped. As I opened my eyes everything seemed blurry. “Oppa,” a small voice whined.

I turned my head to the voice and soft lips touched mine. I screamed. Someone else held my arm down. Was I thrashing around? Did I die? I tried to utter a word, just something. Anything to get them off me but my throat ached. I felt as though it was burning even when I tried to swallow to get it wet. It hurt. Why did it hurt so much?

*******

“Jonghyun,” a familiar voice called me. I was standing in a place that had white walls. There were no windows or candles but the room was so white it didn’t need any. “I’ve missed you darling.”

I turned to the voice and gasped. The woman was gorgeous. She had long wavy black hair and almond shaped eyes. Her face was light and flawless. She had on a gold gown. The one she wore the night she died. But it didn’t have blood or dirt on it. It was perfectly clean and neatly ironed. I ran to her and allowed her to take me in her arms. I had missed the soft smell of her milky skin. She had always smelled like honey.

“Mom, how did you get here?” I asked.

She smiled at me and I could instantly see why father loved her so much. I couldn’t help but return the gesture. “I live here darling… why are you here?”

“I want to be with you,” I mumbled burying my face in her shoulder. She rubbed circles in my back and I sighed content.

“You can’t be here… it isn’t your turn yet.”

I stepped back. “Why not?”

“Don’t you miss Key?” she grinned.

“You know about him?” I blushed. How could she have known?

“Of course I do. He’s a very nice young man,” she giggled. “But he should stop swearing so much.”

I chuckled. She always knew how to make me laugh even when everything was so sad. My smile vanished and my eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not going to tell me to stay away from him?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Don’t you love him?” I could feel my throat getting dry. I nodded. “Then you should be with him.”

I let the tears pore over on to my cheeks. I hugged her tightly. “I wish you could come with me.”

She sighed and kissed the top of my head. “Death is not sad, it is only a way to let those who live-“

“Live happy,” I whispered finishing her quote. I sniffed and tried to stop the tears but they wouldn’t. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” she giggled.

**********

My eyes opened in panic as I scanned around my room. It was dark outside and Hana-ssi seemed to have fallen asleep in the chair beside my bed. I felt my chest heaving and then suddenly everything started to shake. I could feel my vision slipping away in to darkness. Were we having an earthquake?

“Jonghyun! Calm down,” Kyun screamed. He turned me on my side so that the last thing I saw was a frightened Hana.

***********

Someone was checking my pulse as I stirred. I could only see a blurry face and black hair. I groaned. “Haku?”

He smiled at me as my vision came to focus. “How are you?”

“What happened?” I asked. For some reason I couldn’t talk above a hushed voice.
He sat down in the chair beside my bed. “You were with Minho and you had a fit… they brought you here but passed out and then when you woke up a couple days later you were shaking on the bed and… this weird foam stuff came out of your mouth. Kyun turned you on the side so you wouldn’t choke… he knew what to do.”

“H-how did this happen to me?” I asked.

He shrugged. “They said when you could talk again was when you would be better… but you were out for a while.”

I gulped. “What’s a while?”

“A week.”

“Oh god-“

“Don’t worry,” he cooed. “You shouldn’t get worked up about anything… but I told Key that you were busy with wedding stuff and going to do King stuff with your dad so he wouldn’t worry or drop by.”

I sighed in relief but then I groaned. “Wedding stuff?”

He grinned. “He still tried to get past the guards but they told him you weren’t here in the castle.”

“Wedding stuff?” I sighed.

“Don’t worry too much… if he didn’t love you he wouldn’t put up with your crap.”

I narrowed my eyes. Everyone was suddenly saying that. If he didn’t love you he wouldn’t put with all the stuff you put him through. Maybe I did put him through too much. Maybe we should run away. Or maybe I should die and then Japan could just go and leave us alone. I had no idea how I was going to deal with this. I loved everyone. Key, Haku, Minho, my dad, my guards, Kyun… and even Hana-ssi. But who did I love more? Would I risk everyone else’s lives so that I could love who I wanted? Or would I risk losing the one I love to save everyone else I cared about?

“You really need to stop looking so obvious around Key,” Haku sighed. “People are starting to wonder… and when I say that I mean Hana.”

I couldn’t even think about Hana at the moment. I groaned. “Why did you tell him wedding stuff?”