Shattered Glass & Broken Hearts

“I don’t understand why you won’t just go see him. You said he’s out of prison now. I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out where he’s living,” Jocelyn Parker commented to Emily as the two friends sat with one another in Emily’s living room. Emily just shook her head, looking at her friend as she did so.

“He lives in Hollywood now,” she answered her friend. “Wanted to get away from Vegas after…Well, after all the shit that went down,” she told Jocelyn. “And as far as going to see him, I won’t do it. If he wanted to see me, he wouldn’t have left.”

It was still a hard subject for Emily to talk about, even though it had been years since that night. She still hadn’t completely figured out why Ronnie didn’t want to see her. After all, she wasn’t the only one who’d been hurt in the wreck. Maybe she’d walked away with more physical damage, but he’d certainly had his fair share of mental trauma. It was obvious in the path he’d taken after leaving her in the hospital that night.

“Oh, sweetie,” Jocelyn frowned. “I’m sure he thought he was doing the right thing. From what you’ve told me about him, he’d never hurt you intentionally.”

“He wouldn’t. At least, not the Ronnie I knew ten years ago. But then again, Joss, that’s ten years ago,” Emily sighed before she waved her hand. “Let’s just stop talking about it. I want to just…not think about that, okay? Tell me about your new boyfriend. I want to hear all about him.”

In an instant, the conversation about Ronnie was dropped and Emily listened intently as her friend talked on and on about her new boyfriend, a guy named Ryan. Emily had yet to meet the guy, though she knew it wouldn’t be too long before she did if Jocelyn was serious about him. The two girls were like sisters after all.

“And they’ve got a show coming up in a few weeks at the House of Blues,” Jocelyn droned on before she arched her eyebrow, noting the far off look on Emily’s face. “Em? Em, are you listening?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Emily nodded. “His name’s Ryan and his band’s going to be at the House of Blues in awhile,” she smiled before Jocelyn continued talking about him.

While her friend was talking, Emily couldn’t help but let her mind travel back to the last boyfriend she’d had—Ronnie. Despite the fact that it had been ten years since their ‘break up,’ if you could call it that, she hadn’t had a serious, steady boyfriend. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in moving on in life, because she was. The simple fact of the matter was, she no longer felt like she was worth anything to anybody but her family and friends.

The car accident had left her with a lot of lasting injuries that no amount of time was ever going to fully heal. She now walked with a permanent limp, and because of the wreck, she was no longer able to do simple activities that she had once enjoyed doing, like swimming. It was too much pressure on her kneecap, which had been completely shattered in the accident.

And then there were the scars. They’d faded a little bit, and she’d had a procedure done to get rid of the worst ones, but for the most part, they were still there. The worst one left was on the side of her face, trailing from just below her ear to her cheek. It had faded and in the right lighting, you couldn’t even see it. But it was enough for Emily to know that it was there; to know that sometimes, people gave her looks, wondering what in the hell had happened to her face.

“And you’re gonna come with me, right?” Emily stopped her thoughts when she heard Jocelyn’s voice getting even more excited.

She blinked and then frowned, shaking her head. “Joss, you know I can’t go in pits because of the accident. I don’t want to stand near the back, either. But you go. He’s your man,” she smiled encouragingly. “You should be there for him.”

“We won’t have to be in the pit if you don’t want to be. Ry’s part of the band, remember? We can stand on the side of the stage and make all those little prepubescent girls jealous,” she teased.

“I don’t think so. I just…I don’t know,” Emily sighed. “Max always drags me to his shows and they just tire me out now. I’ll pass this one up. But you can introduce me to him another time, okay? Maybe bring him to lunch with us one day.”

Jocelyn sighed, arching her eyebrow at her friend. She knew that Emily didn’t want to go to the show, but somehow, she was going to get her there. As far as Jocelyn was concerned, Emily deserved to have a great life and a great time, and she was bound to have fun at the show.

“I’ll drop it for now, but you’re still coming with me,” Jocelyn grinned before she rolled her eyes when the door to the apartment opened, showing Max standing there. He looked a little stoned, but that wasn’t a surprise to either Emily nor Jocelyn. It was how he spent most of his days now.

“Oh, hey, Joss,” Max grinned at her. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m fine, busy as usual,” she gave him a standard reply before she cleared her throat. “I’m gonna go ahead and go,” she told Emily before she gave her a tight hug. “I’ll see you in a few days, okay? We’re having pho for lunch, Hanna’s treat.”

“Oh God, again? I thought we just had pho last time,” Emily groaned, though a smirk was on her face as well. Both girls knew how much their friend Hanna loved pho.

“Yeah. I know,” Jocelyn smirked before she arched her eyebrow. “I’ll see you later, though.”

“Alright. See you later,” Emily told her friend as she walked out of the apartment. Once the door was completely closed behind her, Emily stood up and gave her brother a disapproving frown. “Max, you’re high.”

“No I’m not. I just smoked a little weed before I came over,” he muttered before he sat down on the couch next to her. “The band’s going out on tour again next month.”

“Oh.”

It was all Emily had to say to him on that subject because as far as she was concerned, she didn’t feel like joining him on the tour this time. She’d gone out on their last two tours, and all she wanted was to stay home and relax. Besides, she thought to herself with a small frown, it just wasn’t right not seeing Ronnie in the band he’d helped to build. She had absolutely nothing against the band’s ‘new’ singer, Craig. He was extremely nice and she got along well with him. But nonetheless, she had never really gotten over the fact that Ronnie was no longer in the band.

“What’s that s’posed to mean? Oh. You’re not planning on coming out?” Max arched his eyebrow. “You know Radke got out of jail. He might—”

“Max, he hasn’t come to see me in ten years. He didn’t try to call me while he was locked up, so I doubt he’s gonna try and find me while you’re out on tour. Relax,” Emily snapped at her brother before she bit her bottom lip.

She didn’t want to sound angry towards Max, but sometimes she just couldn’t help it when he brought up Ronnie. He already knew that she didn’t like talking about him, and especially not when she missed him so much. Her brother knew damn well that she had never gotten over Ronnie and the relationship that they’d had with one another.

“I’m sorry,” Max sighed. “I just…fuck. You’re my sister, Em. I don’t like seeing you hurt and I know you do any time you think about him.”

“Can we just drop it, Max? Please?” Emily asked her brother, arching her eyebrow. She was trying to get him to realize that she just didn’t want to talk about Ronnie. It was a sore subject for her; had been ever since the morning she’d woken up from the coma to find that he’d left her alone in the hospital.

Max’s green eyes softened as he nodded before he stood up, pushing some hair out of his eyes. “I just wanted to come over and say hi,” he cleared his throat. “I’m headed over to the studio. You feel like tagging along?”

Emily shook her head, standing up from the couch as well before she walked with Max over to the entrance door of her apartment.

“I think I’m just going to stay home today. Joss said something about a show coming up, and I think she might actually talk me into going to it,” she smiled at her brother, knowing that it would make him happy to know she was going to think about going to a show again.

“Really? A show that’s not one of ours?” He asked her.

“Yeah. I guess her boyfriend is in the band and she wants me to meet him, so I’ll probably go. Even though I already told her I wouldn’t. You know Joss. Always talks me into doing crazy shit,” Emily chuckled.

Max just smiled at his sister before he said goodbye, walking out of the apartment. Emily waited until he’d disappeared around the corner towards the parking structure before she closed the door again, turning on her heels to walk towards her bedroom. Today it seemed that everyone had wanted to talk about Ronnie—first Jocelyn, trying to convince Emily that seeing him would help her. And then Max, telling her how horrible Ronnie had been, as if Emily didn’t realize it.

She sighed as she walked into the bedroom, moving to stand on a stepladder to grab an old memory box from the top shelf. Max didn’t even know she’d kept this box, something he’d given to her when the band had first started to play small clubs and bars in Las Vegas.

It had, ironically, been where she’d kept all her mementos from hers and Ronnie’s relationship. She couldn’t help but smile as she pulled out all the old things she’d had inside of it for years—letters he’d written her during fifth hour Study Hall, photographs of the two of them along with their friends, most of them including Max. But the most important thing of all, the thing that broke her heart the most, was the old, faded blue, black, and white bandana that he’d left with her in the hospital. It was the last thing he’d ever given her. She knew she should have let it go, but then again, sometimes broken hearts could never fully heal.