Stuck in the Middle

Ashley's POV

Craig wasn’t lying when he said he was going to take up most of my time today. We started out with individual shots since Max woke up late and was taking his sweet ass time getting ready. They conveniently all disappeared when it was time for me to take pictures of Max. It was awkward to say the least. He didn’t talk to me at all. If I asked a question all I got in return was a shrug or a grunt. It was hard to get a decent picture of him because he refused to look directly at me. He was either gazing at the ground in front of me, or at the sky above me. He wasn’t rude or disrespectful to me at all, but if I said it didn’t bother me I would be lying. It hurt me a lot if you want to know the truth. I tried to keep my poker face on, but I’m sure anybody could see through my façade. By the end of the shoot I was nearly in tears. I thanked the guys for letting me take pictures and gave them my number so they could call and arrange another photo shoot. I quickly hurried off and away from their bus before I let the first tear fall. This was the first time I had been around Max since he claimed he didn’t need me in his life anymore, and it reopened the wounds.

*Flash back*

“Max hurry up and get out of the bathroom I really have to piss and you’ve been in there for about an hour already. What the fuck are you doing in there, baking a cake?” I yelled while I banged my fist on the bathroom door.

“Cool your tits I’m coming!” He replied moments before the lock clicked and the door flew open reviling Max with blood shot eyes.

“Are you okay?” I asked bouncing up and down trying to resist the urge to piss myself.

“Yea, yean I’m fine just tired.” He replied brushing me off.

“If you say so.” I replied not completely convinced seeing how he had just woken up two hours ago.

I returned from the bathroom and sat on the couch between Max and Craig. They had “House of 1000 Corpses” on and I sprawled out on the couch on top of them. I had my head in Max’s lap, and my feet in Craig’s lap, my butt resting on the middle cushion between the two of them.

“Why are you grinning like a mad man?” Max asked looking down at me as he twirled a piece of my hair around his index finger.

“I talked to Ronnie on the phone while you were in the bathroom, and he had some really great news.” I replied beaming up at him.

“Yea and what’s that?” Max asked humoring me.

“He’s going to get out early on good behavior if he keeps things up. They are estimating that he’ll be released sometime in December. I hope it’s before his birthday.” I mused out loud.

“Oh…” was all he replied before diverting his attention from me and back up to the TV. “I uhh… I’ve got to get my phone out of my room I’m expecting an important phone call.” Max said lifting my head from his lap, and getting up off of the couch.

“What’s up with him?” I asked Craig as we both watched Max’s figure disappear around the corner.

“I think he’s worried about what’s going to happen when Ronnie gets out of jail. He’s grown quite attached to you, you know.” Craig replied before turning his attention back to the movie.

“Nothing is going to change. Ronnie is my brother and Max is my best friend. I could really care less if they don’t like each other right now, but regardless they are both going to be in my life until one of us dies.” I replied as I picked at the chipped blue nail polish on my fingernails.

“Maybe you should tell him that.” Craig replied not looking away from the TV.

I nodded my head as I got off of the couch. I followed the warn trail in the carpet to Max’s room. I opened the door without knocking and was surprised at the sight in front of me. Max had a belt tied tightly around his bicep and a needle pushed into one of his veins. I stood there in shock not sure what exactly to say or do. I was afraid if I yelled at him the needle would somehow break off into his arm, so I patiently waited until it was removed. “What the fuck are you doing?” I asked barely above a whisper.

“Fuck off!” He mumbled with his eyes half closed.

“I… I …” I stuttered.

“Get the fuck out of here Ash. I don’t need you looking at me like that.” He growled standing up from the bed and taking a step in my direction.

“Why?” I asked as tears pricked my eyes.

“It’s better than having to deal with the truth.” He muttered as he looked down at his feet.

“Please don’t do this to yourself. Let me help you. I nearly lost my brother to drugs and I don’t want to lose you too. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as he did. You’re much better than this. You’ve got your whole life in front of you, I can’t just sit and watch you waste it away.” I begged as I wiped a stray tear off of my cheek.

“I don’t need your help. I don’t need anybody’s help.” He spat as he took a few more steps closer to me.

“I’m sorry if me bring up Ronnie got to you or hurt you in anyway, I was just excited. I haven’t seen him in forever I just really miss him.” I said as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t fucking touch me! I don’t need him in my life and I sure as hell don’t need you in it either.” Max roared as he push my hand off of him. “The only reason you are around is because I promised him that I would take care of you if anything happened to him, and now that he’s being released I can finally get you out of my life. You’re just the annoying little sister of the former singer of my band. I’m sure you can fend for yourself for the next couple of months without anyone by your side. You’re just like your brother anyways you don’t care about anyone other than yourself. You think you’re better than everybody. I hate to burst your little bubble, but you’re just a worthless piece of shit that has nothing going for them. You’re destined for the same fate as your brother. You have the blood of an addict running through your veins. Now get the fuck out of my house I don’t want to see you again. EVER!” He screamed as he pushed me out of his room and slammed the door in my face.

“Max please don’t do this…” I begged beating on the other side of the door. “Please just let me in and we can talk about it. I’m not mad at you Max I just want to know why.”

“Just leave, and while you’re gone go ahead and do everyone a favor slit your fucking wrist.” Max yelled as he cracked door and threw the razorblade he keeps on his necklace at me. I stood there quietly sobbing as I stared at the piece of metal lying on the floor.

*End of flash back*

"Ashley love, what the hell are you wearing?” Danny asked as I approached his bus about an hour and a half late.

I jumped at the sound of his voice and quickly wiped away my tears. “Oh this?” I asked as I gestured to myself. “It’s the newest fashion trend.” I replied as I slapped on my best fake smile.

“If you say so hon.” Danny replied as he threw his cigarette down on the ground and stubbed it out with his boot. “The guys are inside waiting for you.” He replied holding the door to the bus open and gesturing for me to follow him in.

“Finally she’s here.” Ben said jumping up from the couch and pulling me into a hug.

“Yea sorry about being so late Craig and the guys kind of disappeared on me.” I replied with a small smile. “I texted y’all though.” I replied pointing to someone’s phone on the table.

“Yea, yea I know excuses, excuses.” James replied with a smirk.

“So where do you want to do this?” I asked as I motioned to the camera around my neck.

“Well we’ve got to be on stage soon, so I guess we’ll have to do it there.” Danny answered.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead as followed Ben, Danny, and James towards the stage they were going to perform on, apparently Sam and Cameron were already there. I really didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day wearing this monstrosity my over protective brother insisted I wear. I felt as if I was in a sauna. I could feel a heat stroke coming on.

“How are you not dying in that?” Cameron asked as we approached the side stage.

I shrugged my shoulders in response as I started messing with the settings on my camera. “Oh I’m slowly dying in this thing, but the end result will be worth it.” I replied as I held up my camera to take a picture of the guys I had grown close to in the past few years. I had worked with them on a few tours and they had always been nice to me. The six of us had quickly became friends when we found out we all had two things in common, we all loved music, and drinking. I was actually the reason Danny decided to start photography he was always bugging me about pictures and what not so for his birthday one year I gave him my old camera.

“Ash you’re skinny enough as it is already. You are curvy and hot as fuck; you do not need to lose any weight.” Danny said stepping towards me and reaching for the zipper on the footie pajamas I was wearing.

“What if I don’t have anything on under here?” I asked slapping his hand anyway from the zipper that was residing on my chest.

“It wouldn’t be the first time any of us have seen you naked love.” Ben replied with a wink causing me to roll my eyes. No I haven’t slept with any of the guys in the band; I’m not a band whore. Things just happen when you’re stuck on a bus with five unruly guys that don’t understand the concept of personal space. They like to barge in on you in the shower, while you are changing, and unfortunately for me they like to crawl into your bunk and fuck with you.

“I’m not saying you have to strip, but at least unzip that thing a little bit and give the girls some air.” Danny replied as he quickly reached up and pulled down the zipper in one swift motion. “I thought you said you were naked under there.” He said with a slight pout on his lips.

I couldn’t help but take of picture of him like that. He just looked so adorable. “I never said I was naked I just said what if. Now get to work so I can get some pictures of you unruly fucks. I replied pushing him away from me and towards the center of the stage. The crowd went crazy when Danny stumbled out on stage followed closely by the rest of the guys running out on stage like their pants were on fire.

“This my friends is Not the American Average!” Danny screamed into the microphone as James started beating out the intro. I couldn’t help but bounce around in beat with the music.

“How on earth do you expect to take a decent photograph if your bouncing around during their whole set?” A voiced asked from beside me causing me to shriek from surprise and clutch my chest. I’m assuming Ben heard me scream because he looked over towards me and shook his head as he started laughing. I quickly grabbed my camera from around my neck and snapped a picture of Ben laughing at me before I answered Craig. “I don’t bounce around the whole set just during the songs I really like.”

“Which if I remember right you really like these guys, so you’ll be bouncing around the whole time.” Craig replied with a chuckle.

“Oh sush! I know how to do my job!” I replied turning around a quickly snapping a picture of Craig. “See…” I said hitting the review button on my camera to show Craig the picture I had taken of him.

“I don’t know how you do that. You took that picture while you were still moving if I had done that it would have been one huge blur.” He replied shaking his head.

“So what are you doing here?” I asked as I returned my attention back to the guys on stage.

“I’ve got to talk to Danny about him checking Em out.” Craig replied crossing his arms and glaring at Danny causing me to laugh.

“Did you see this happen?” I asked trying my best not to laugh.

“No, but…” He began before I cut him off.

“Did Emily tell you he did?” I pressed.

“Well no…” He replied.

“Then how do you know it really happened?” I asked snapping a picture of Cameron jumping off of an amp.

“Rob told me.” Craig replied crossing his arms.

“Craig please don’t turn into Ronnie. Don’t smother your sister. Please don’t start telling her who she can and can’t hang out with, or telling her how to dress. She’s a good kid and she knows the difference between right and wrong. She has given you no reason not to trust her; I on the other hand have given Ronnie a few.” I replied as I zoomed in my camera to take a picture of Sam. I froze in spot when I saw Max standing at the other side of the stage. It looked like he was staring over at me. I quickly dropped my head down and began looking at my feet. I could feel my eyes start to swell with tears as I heard Ben’s angelic voice filter through the speakers.

“One step too late
And I never told you
That I can't take
Another disappointment.
Breathing and grasping all leads to another messy ending.
Breathing and grasping all leads to another messy ending.”

“Ash did you hear me?” Craig asked putting his hand on my shoulder and snapping me out of my reverie.

“I uhh … what?” I asked not looking up from my feet.

“I caught your brother asking Emily out today. You need to talk to him, because there is no way in hell I’m going to allow that to happen.” He repeated looking at me expectantly. I looked up at him out of shock. I’m pretty sure I had black tear stains trailing down my cheeks. Craig’s gazed softened as he looked at me. “Ash why have you been crying?”

“Please don’t become a dictator and tell your sister who she can and can’t date, or even hangout. You don’t want her to end up like me.” I replied as I looked over to where Max was standing on the other side of the stage. “My brother isn’t really that bad of a guy. He’s got good intentions he just goes about them the wrong way.” I replied before pushing past him and walking away.

“Ash what’s wrong?” Craig asked running after me.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” I replied speeding you my pace hoping he wouldn’t follow after me.

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. I know you’re a tough girl and it takes a lot to make you cry.” He replied putting his hand on my shoulder and spinning me around.

“Ben’s singing just got to me that’s all.” I replied. I wasn’t necessarily lying to him, but I wasn’t telling him the whole truth.

“It was Max wasn’t it?” He asked looking me in the eyes.

“I uh… yea.” I replied holding my head in shame. “How did you know?” I asked peering up at him.

“We were both on the other side of the stage watching the show and I caught him staring at you. I tried to get him to come with me and talk to you, but he didn’t want to.” He replied wrapping his arm around my shoulders and walking in step with me.

“I didn’t think it would be so hard, because it’s been two years you know. I thought I was over it, but just being around him is like the day it happened. It’s just a reminder that I wasn’t good enough for him, that our friendship meant nothing to him. I mean he won’t even talk to me Craig all I get from him are shrugs and grunts. I miss my friend, I need my friend back.” I began crying.

“You know he didn’t mean any of what he said. He was high, Ash.” Craig replied wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

“If he didn’t mean it he would have apologized by now, but he hasn’t. He won’t even look at me Craig. He meant every word he said.” I mumbled into his chest as fresh tears ran down my cheeks.

“Ash, believe me when I say this it was the drugs. That wasn’t him that was talking. If he hated you he wouldn’t have moped around the house for months, he wouldn’t have gone to your favorite clubs just in hopes of seeing you, he would have a picture of you two on his phone, fuck Ash if he hated you he wouldn’t have asked for you to be the photographer on this tour.” Craig shouted.

My eyes widened when he said this. “He what?” I asked completely surprised.

“Oh fuck… I wasn’t supposed to say that.” Craig replied looking at me like a kid who was just caught stealing out of the cookie jar.

“What’s with all the yelling?” Ronnie asked as he appeared inside one of the busses.

I hadn’t realized until then that I had walked all the way back to my brother’s bus. “It’s not what you think.” I replied when I noticed Ronnie glaring daggers at Craig.

“It looks like he was yelling at my sister.” He replied stepping towards Craig.

I tried my best to push Ronnie away. “Ronnie we were just talking.”

“It didn’t sound like talking to me.” He replied crossing his arms against his chest.

“We were just talking.” Craig piped up. “I just had to raise my voice a little to get the point across to her. I know how stubborn your Radke’s can be.” He replied with a laugh.

Ronnie looked between the two of us before shrugging his shoulders. And then he saw the tear streaks on my face. “Have you been crying?” He asked pulling me into a hug.

“It’s nothing to worry about. I think I’m just PMSing.” I replied shrugging out of the hug.

“Jesus Ash your lady parts are hanging out.” Ronnie replied with a grimace.

“It was hot. I needed some air. You try being outside for 4 hours with this thing on.” I replied with a smirk.

“On to bus and go take a shower. I don’t need my baby sister dying from a heat stroke.” He replied pushing me towards the bus.

“Give me a second. Let me say goodbye to Craig first.” I said pushing Ronnie towards the bus. He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it and walked onto the bus.

“Thanks Craig.” I said as I pulled him into a tight hug. “Just keep in mind my brother has changed. I’m not saying you have to even like the idea, but don’t forbid it from happening. It’s her life, not yours. Like I said before, you don’t want her to be like me.”

“Ash you’re not a bad person.” Craig replied pulling away from me and looking me in the eyes.

“No I’m not a bad person, but I’m a mess. I’m constantly being pulled in two directions what I want to do and what he wants me to do.” I replied as I nodded my head towards the bus.

“I just don’t want to see her hurt.” Craig replied looking down at his feet.

“Regardless she could get hurt either way.” I replied before giving him a kiss on the cheek and walking onto the bus.

“What was that about?” Ronnie asked from the front of the bus. He had apparently been waiting on me.

“Oh nothing I was just talking to him about you hitting on his little sister.” I replied with a knowing smirk. “Ronnie it’s not right for you to forbid me to see my friends, because they are your enemy; and it’s not okay for you to ask out the enemy’s sister either.”

“I didn’t know she was his sister.” He replied looking me in the eyes. “I honestly wasn’t trying to start any shit. I was looking for you and I saw her and we started talking.” He replied shrugging his shoulder. “I didn’t know she was Craig’s sister.”

“So is that going to make you stay away?” I asked raising a brow.

“No it just makes the chase that much better.” He replied with a smile.

“You know she is my friend too. If you hurt her I will hurt you. She’s not like us, she’s really sweet.”