I Wanna Get Well

It wasn’t until four thirty I felt like I could finally take a break. I plopped myself across one of the couches in the practically unrecognizable entertainment room. After the lunch with Johnny earlier he was continuously going from the basement, kitchen, and his room so I didn’t see him too much with all the cleaning and detailing I had been doing. I let my eyes shut and placed one of my arms across my eyes. I never thought I would be so ready to leave for home. And here I thought the diner was bad. At least there the people willing talked to me once in a while.

I frowned to myself. It really wasn’t his fault. After my little spat with him I wouldn’t really expect to have Johnny speak to me. He was just concerned is all. After Newport I should be used to those kinds of concerns. But I mean, after all, the fact was that I wasn’t in Newport anymore. I was just hoping it would all pass over and wouldn’t have people worrying about me since I wasn’t under supervision. Oh, God, I am confusing myself with all this side flipping.

“Just stop thinking,” I moaned out loud to myself as a headache began to pulse and make itself known. Suddenly the slightly annoying sound of a frog croaking was heard. I muttered under my breath as I dug into my pocket for my phone. Parker sure knew what sounds annoyed me enough to make sure I would check my phone. I needed to figure out how to change that. I skimmed over the text to see he would be working late tonight. I had the option to ask Johnny for a ride home, ask Matt for a ride home, ask either for a ride to the shop, or just wait it out here. I grumbled random obscenities under my breath. Why, tonight of all nights?

“What’s your problem?” I almost jumped at the sound of the voice, almost. I lifted my head slightly to see Johnny standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. I let my head drop, sighing.

“My ride is working late which usually means he’ll get home around 8:20 and you’re too far away from both our place and his work to walk.”

“So you need a ride?” Johnny asked slowly.

“Well, I mean, I could. I mean…fuck, just read it,” I sighed, finally just offering him my phone. He stepped forward and took it from my hand. He skimmed over the few lines before passing it back to me.

“There’s not really much here to eat so I could just drive you home and stop by a fast food joint if you want to get dinner,” Johnny spoke after a moment. He offered a shrug, showing he really didn’t care what I chose to do. I thought it over. If I stayed here I would just end up bored with him downstairs, as I figured that’s where he would probably stay until I left. No, it would be better to leave. But should I really take his offer of a ride instead of trying Matt?

“Yeah. That’d be awesome,” I replied with a soft smile. I didn’t want to inconvenience Matt. He may have told me to call him once I get home and tell him how things went, but I didn’t want to make him have to leave his home to drop me off. He could be in the middle of something and I didn’t want to bother him.

“Just let me slip on some shoes,” Johnny spoke before disappearing from the doorway. I texted back Parker to let him know I was getting a ride home before I stood; following the way Johnny had left. I found him at the door, his keys in hand and shoes on his feet. He nodded his head before pulling open the door and shrugging into a leather jacket. I stepped out first so he could shut and lock the door after himself. I stopped next to a large, double cab 2012 Toyota Tundra. I had to admit it, I liked it. “Truck kind of girl, huh?”

I looked over to see Johnny clicking a button on his key ring, the doors unlocking. I shrugged slightly before pulling the passenger door open and hopping up. I wasn’t going to inflate his ego. I’d probably never hear the end of it if I even complimented his vehicle. “Better than what I have, I guess.”

“What do you drive?” Johnny questioned as we shut our doors.

“Nothing,” I replied, buckling my seatbelt. He paused for a moment before he also clicked his seatbelt. I didn’t know exactly what his facial feature was since I had decided to look out of my window, but I could only assume he had a very unamused expression in reply. Once he started up his engine the sound of loud rock blared from the speakers. I somewhat recognized the sound. If I wasn’t wrong it was actually his band playing.

“Where do you want to eat?” I jumped slightly. I had been so absorbed in the music I hadn’t noticed Johnny looking at me. I blushed, looking to my lap. I shrugged again. He sighed, putting the truck in reverse. Once he was on the street he stuck it in drive and headed off. “McDonald’s good?”

“Sure,” I spoke quietly. It was definitely his band, I recognized Matt’s voice. It was an older-ish song. Not their harder stuff, but not their most recent one. City Of Evil, was that what the album was called? Parker had showed me a few songs to distinguish the difference. He’d be proud to know I had remembered.

“Hello, welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?” I jumped, yet again, at the sudden voice. I hadn’t even noticed we had stopped, much less at the food joint already. Johnny looked over at me and just stared. I blushed deeply, leaning over the center console to peer at the menu.

“Five piece chicken nuggets and a medium fry,” I finally spoke, leaning back in my seat. Johnny gave a funny look before relaying the message, adding two McDoubles, large fries, and a large Coke for himself. I didn’t let him see my cringe as the woman gave him the total and pulled forward. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Johnny murmured, digging into his pocket for his wallet once we stopped in front of the window where a patient teen was waiting. Once he handed her his card she quickly swiped it and returned it to him along with his receipt and drink. It was silent as she shut the window again, promising our food would be ready shortly. Johnny fumbled with unwrapping the straw before sticking it in his drink. As he took a sip he tossed the crumbled paper ball out the window.

Soon the paper bag was handed to Johnny, then me, and then we were on our way out of the drive thru. I offered to get Johnny one of his burgers but he shook his head, telling me he’d eat once he returned home. I gave him my address and he nodded, letting me know he knew where I was describing. It was silent again in the car besides the music and the almost silent chewing of my fries. I could feel the tension in the truck and it bothered me, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I was scared to, to be honest. I still didn’t like talking one on one, it scared me.

Within a matter of five minutes we were pulling to a stop in front of Parker and I’s apartment building. It was exceptionally empty today, letting me know the three other tenants in the building were probably also working still. I unbuckled my seatbelt and began to dig in my pocket for the house key. Once I realized I had left it at home this morning I sighed. Good thing we had spare key hidden. “Problem?”

“No, we have a spare key,” I replied. I look in the bag to see there were still more than half my fries left. I had finished off the nuggets and was beginning to feel a bit sick. It was more than I had eaten this week and it showed, my stomach already beginning to bloat. “Thank you for the ride.”

“Phoenix.” He grabbed my upper arm, ceasing all my movement. I had to fight to keep my breathing even as I looked at him. His mouth was frowning but his eyes were blank. It shocked me a bit. What was going through his mind? “You know…you don’t have to be afraid of me.”

I let out a choked laughed as I pulled my arm from his grip. “Afraid? Me? I’m not afraid of you Johnny.”

“Then why won’t you even talk to me?” Johnny demanded. That blank stare in his eyes began to fade away and anger took instead. Why was he getting so upset? I’m just the maid he was forced to have. He didn’t like me and I was indifferent to how he treated me.

“Because I have a job to do, that’s all.” A flash of hurt crossed his face but he quickly hid it. He didn’t look at me again, but his hands grasped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white. He shook his head angrily at nothing. I silently climbed out and shut the door. As soon as it clicked he peeled off down the street. I suddenly felt like something exploded in my chest and tears began to fall. What is wrong with me today? I just need to get some rest after all the stuff today, yeah, that’s it.

I trudged up the stairs and grabbed the key from above the door. Once I unlocked it I put the key back and stepped inside. I instantly felt the heat of the apartment being locked up all day. I sighed, turning on the air conditioning as I headed into my room. I quickly turned on my fan before stripping out of my clothes and settling in basketball shorts and a wife beater. I laid in bed, trying to calm myself down. Fuck, why did I have to run out of meds too early? I had three more days until Parker’s insurance allowed us to get a refill.

I felt my stomach twist and shot off my bed. It was a very familiar feeling. I ran across the hall into the bathroom and barely pulled up the toilet lid before my stomach contents emptied into the porcelain. I groaned, leaning back against the bathroom wall. This isn’t good. I think my body’s rejecting food again. I had the same problem for a few months in Newport. My body began to shut down and I got gravely ill. They had to pump my stomach before I would eat. It was because I had been around helping the nurses clean with chemicals I wasn’t used to.

I froze mid thought and felt reality smack me in the face. I slammed my head back and felt tears pooling my eyes. I was coming down with the same thing because of all the fumes from the chemicals today. Johnny was right; I should have had something earlier. Fuck! I flushed the toilet and dragged my feet as I headed back into my room and then curled up in bed. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered. No one could know, I needed this job.

Parker, Johnny, and Matt can’t know.

“Matt!” I exclaimed, forcing myself to pull out my phone. I hope I haven’t worried him. I quickly scrolled to his name before hitting the ‘call’ button. I waited patiently as the phone rang. Finally, right before it clicked over to voicemail, he answered.

“Hey Fee. How did the first day go?”

“It was actually really smooth once I got all the cleaning done,” I croaked. I could tell Matt would ask about it so I quickly added, “Just a bit tired from all the moving and stuff.”

“Well make sure to get a good night’s sleep,” Matt scolded. I couldn’t help my small smile. He was already so protective. I think it helped since in a way him and Parker go a bit back by the grapevine. “So Johnny wasn’t mean to you or anything, was he?”

“No. Most of the time I didn’t even see him,” I replied.

“Good. I would have to kick his ass if he did.” I could hear Matt speak to someone else before he came back to me. “Sorry Phoenix, dinner is ready.”

“It’s fine. Tell your wife I send my hello.”

“Will do. Goodnight Phoenix.”

“Goodnight Matt.”