Why Do You All Hate Me?

We watched as the nurse came in and gave Karissa the transfusion.

--Time lapse, 2 days--
-Karissa
Matt visited me everyday, and while I was sleep, I think I herd Zack in here with him. Mom's traveling job kicked back up, so she's in Arizona now. But she calls everyday, sometimes twice. I've forgiven her for slapping me, its the first and only time she's done it. Compared to Matt's friends, its next to nothing.

I was allowed to leave today, Matt went to get some of my clothes out of the car, leaving me alone with Zack who was silent.

Can't get worse right? What have I got to loose?

“Hey, Zack.” I greeted. He looked shocked that I'd spoken to him.

“Hi, Bit-...Karissa.”

I blinked back tears, he's never called me that before. Even if its just sympathy, I'll take what I can get! His green eyes roamed over my body, as if he were looking at me for the very first time. Not in a perverted way at all, almost...shock.

-ZACK
I remembered yesterday when Karissa was asleep when Matt was telling me about all the good times they used to have.

”I'll kick your ass!” Karissa shouted at Matt who sat on the floor with his controller in his hand, a pure look of dumbness glued to his face.

“The hell you will! Bring it!” he retorted.

She stuck her face out of her mouth in concentration before breaking into a smile. “Brought, and signed for!” She won.

“Fuck!” Matt growled, pouting as she threw her arms up in victory, beaming.

I remembered a lot more times he told me about, she was completly different. I've never seen the side of her that Matt described to me. She used to be loud, outgoing, funloving and playful. Now, she's distant, nervous, shy and flinches unknowingly when ever one of us but Matt moves.

“Hey Zack.” I looked up, not realizing she had woken up.

“Hi bit-...Karissa” That was close. I'm so used to calling her bitch I almost did again without noticing. Wow, I'm such a dick. She's in the fucking hospital for god sakes!

I watched her eyes tear up a bit, then I looked down at her sheet covered body. She was so thin. Like unhealthy thin. Her fingers were bony, her cheek bones a bit more prominent than they ought to be, her arms were a bit boney, her thighs wouldn't touch if she walked, and I'm sure her stomach is indented. I'm sure you can assume that her breasts are very small as well, no bigger than an A. I'm sorry, no matter who or the situation is I check out boobs. I'm a guy.

Anyway, is she that skinny because of Jimmy calling her a fat cow all these years?

Man, if he knew that...

Just then, Matt strolled in with a bag of clothes for her. She smiled at him and took the bag. He put his hands over my eyes as I herd her stand and pad barefoot into the bathroom. Matt took his hands off my eyes and sat on the bed.

_-Karissa
I took a quick shower and changed into the clothes Matt brought me. Feeling better, after doing my hair and make up I headed out into the room.

My arm had scabbed over, and was on its way to scaring, the gloves covered the cut. Do I regret cutting?

No.

Do I regret my badcut?

Yes.

When I made it to them main part of the room, I saw Matt sitting on the bed holding my phone.

“Hey!” I snatched it away, to see he was looking at the pictures of Issac and Ray I took.

He glared “Your hanging out with those pedophiles?”

I frowned “Please Matt, not now. I'm not even out of the hospital yet.”

He sighed. “Fine, We'll talk about it later.”

Oh my god Ray and Issac must be so worried! As we (Matt, Zack and I) headed to the front desk, I texted them telling them I was in the hospital and that I was okay now. I told them I'd come by later to tell them what happened.

They agreed.

--Time lapse_

No one told mom anything so she had no clue, Jimmy left me alone a bit more. I hope Zack didn't realize how small I am! I don't need help.

I went straight past him and to the kitchen where I made some toast and ate it shamelessly.

A few hours later I managed to convince Matt that I was going to the arcade, so he let me leave. I actually went to see Ray and Issac.

I knocked on the door and soon Issac stood in front of me. “Kari!” she wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close, hugging me tightly.

I hugged him back smiling.

“Come in!” He took my hand and towed me in, I shut the door behind myself.

“Who was it?” I looked to see Ray standing there with damp hair and a towel around his waist. I blushed and looked and my feet.

“Oh. Hey Karissa.”

“Hi.”

He ran up the stairs, hopefully to get some clothes on.

“Uh...so...want a Monster?” he asked, referring to the energy drink.

“Got Chaos?”

He grinned “Yes.” he disappeared for a moment before returning with the drink.

“Yay!” I took it from him and pecked his cheek in thanks before opening it and taking a sip.

He blinked at me then smiled, shaking his head. Ray came down and gave me a hug. “Ready to tell us what happened?” he asked.

I nodded, and we went into the living room.

I spilled everything, what I did to tick off Johnny, what he did to get back at me, how I cut myself, the hospital. Everything.

I peeled down a glove to show them the scabbed cut.

“Next time just come over and see us, our home is your home whenever you need or want it.” Ray promised, sitting next to me and hugging me. He looked like he wanted to beat the shit out of Johnny but his eyes were sincere.

“Anytime.” Issac agreed, hugging me from the other side.

“Thanks, it means a lot guys.” My voice cracked as I hugged them back. I love these guys, I realized that, how I act around them is how I used to act around Matt. Like I could do or say anything no matter how stupid and they'd go along with it and love me anyway. The happiness I used to find at home that is dead and gone, is here with the Thorton brothers now.

Maybe I won't need to cut again, after all I still have the piano and my best friends!

“Now that I've got that off my chest...who wants to rock out!?” I yelled loudly. “Fuck yeah!” They chorused, running off through the house to the garage.

*********88
After a great 3 hours with them, I headed home. I made chicken Parmesan for everyone, ate mine then on my way to my room called “Dinner!”

They all bolted to the kitchen.

I love how with the way they treat me, I still make them dinner. Makes sense right? NOT.

I went to my room for the first time to see it had been all cleaned up, my head bored was wiped clean, my desk was gone, the things on it were piled on the floor, my book shelf was patched up and set back where it was full of my books.

My empty cello rack looks so lonely. I-

No. No damn it I'm going to be happy. I shook the dark thoughts from my head and headed down to the piano room. I'm not upset for once, I just want to play. I played a few songs I've written and hummed along, theres no way in hell I'm singing.

I played until my fingers hurt, and it was dark outside. It turned out to be about 8 o'clock. I decided I was tired, and went to my room before going to sleep, not bothering to change out of todays clothes.

The next morning I woke up to knocking on my door. “Come in!” I croaked, my voice raw from the fact that it's like 7 AM/

I sat up and rubbed my eyes as Matt strolled in looking serious.

“What?” I asked, he sat on my bed.

“I told you we'd talk about those boys later, and I forgot so we're doing it now.”

I sighed. “They aren't pedophiles, Issac's only 18 anyway. Besides, I think might be gay.” I do. But gay or not, he's still my bestie. Doesn't make a difference to me!

Matt seemed taken back for a moment. “But the other one's gotta be like 22, he looks like all he wants is in your pants. I won't let him do that to you, your my little sister and I will protect you from scum like him.”

With out my consent, my hand flew towards his face, his head snapped to the side.

“How DARE you call Ray scum! He and Issac have been there for me when you weren't! They protect me from the most dangerous thing; myself. When I'm upset after your friends beat me up, I talk to them and they listen. One of them has offered to come down here and kick ass, they would stand up for me. Something YOU don't do.” My voice was cold, I've never herd it like this.

Matt's cheek began to turn red, his hazel eyes shown hurt. He stood and silently left my room.

I'm proud of myself. I stood up to Matt a bit, and he had nothing to say. A sense of pride flowed through me as I stood and got dressed.

My cell went off, mom was calling again. I answered it with a chippy “Hi mom!”