Not Everything Goes Your Way

A couple weeks passed by and I was missing Jaime more and more. We would text, call, and Skype, somehow the boys always find a way to keep contact too.

Jaime would always ask if the baby was okay, and I would always respond with the obvious answer, yes. I would spend my days boringly, work, come home and eat or clean, sleep. It turned into kind of a schedule with occasional Jaime time throughout the day.

At night I would grab a pair of his pajama pants and lay in bed, snuggling with my favorite shirt he left me. It felt good to have his stuff around me, because it didn’t make me feel like he was totally gone.

The next week I got a really weird call from Jaime, it was almost one in the morning.

“Heyyyyyyy, baaaaaaabe.” He was mumbling a little, probably drunk.
“Uh, hi, Jaime.”
“Guess what I did tonight?”
“What?”
“We went to the bar and then….”
“Jaime! What are you doing? Get off the phone.” It sounded like Tony in the background.

“Tone, I got this, let me talk to Han.”
“No, no, no, no, you can’t do that.” Tony grabbed the phone from Jaime. “Hannah, he’ll call you back tomorrow.”

The line went silent.

The next day, I got up and waited around my phone and computer for some way of communication from Jaime, but there was nothing. It went on like that for another week, I was miserable, I wanted to know why he called and why Tony hung up, but more importantly I wanted to talk to my boyfriend, or I mean my fiancé.

Another week passed by and I was starting to get depressed, I would call and text, but never a reply. I was so worried; thoughts of him in accidents would go through my mind. Did he not understand that I just needed to talk to him, I mean I am carrying his baby, some communication would be nice.

Finally a couple more days passed, and he finally called.

“God damn it Jaime, where have you been?”
“Han, I’m real sorry I haven’t called, I’ve been busy.”
“Jaime you can’t just go weeks without calling me, we are going to get married you know?” My voice was starting to rise.

“Yes, I know.”
“Do you understand what it’s been like not hearing from you?” My voice cracked, my emotions from the pregnancy were kicking in, and tears started to stream down my face. “Jaime I was so worried, you were all I could think about.”

“Look, Hannah. I know, I know I hurt you by not calling, and I know I made you worry about me, but I’m sorry, I had a lot going on here.”
“Hime, I forgive you, sorry I freaked out. I need to understand you are a busy boy.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
“So why did you make that really weird call?”
“Ummm, well, right now is not a good time. I promise I will tell you soon though.”
“Okay.”
“I got to go, I love you, and miss you terribly.”
“I love you more, and miss you even more than that.” A smile appeared on my face. How could I stay mad at him, I love him.

“Bye, babe.”
“Talk to you later.”

I still wanted to know why he called that one night; it was probably going to end up being a funny story.

The next few days went by slowly, and every time I talked to Jaime, it seemed like it was never the right time to tell me about the phone call. Every time he was about to, he would get nervous and say that he had to go. He was definitely keeping something from me, but what was it?

Finally a week later, I was on the phone with Jaime laying in our bed, wearing his pajama pants, and he thought it was time to tell me.

“Han, can I tell you why I called that night, and what happened?”
“Hime, of course you can.” I took a deep breathe in, not knowing what was going to happen next, I was a little worried.

“Well that night, me and the guys all went to the bar and got super drunk. Like to where I didn’t know right from left. All the guys were talking to a group of girls, there were about 4 girls. All talking to them, and dancing with them. I was sitting at our table quietly, because I didn’t want to do anything stupid. Now remember, I was really drunk. The fourth girl from the group came to the table I was at, and started talking to me, and, and...”

“Jaime what is it?”
“I kind of slept with her. I wanted to tell you right away but Tony stopped me because I was so drunk.”
“YOU DID WHAT?” All the anger, and feeling of betrayal swept over me.

“I promise it didn’t mean anything, she was just some whore. You know I’m not that kind of guy.”

Before he could say another word I hung up and threw my phone.

I was hurt; I was hurt worse than ever before, and by my fiancé. He had cheated on me, and while I was carrying his child. I burst into tears. I ripped off his pants; I didn’t want anything that reminded me of him near me.

I was so angry, and just so hurt. I curled up into a ball on our bed and cried for hours, until I fell asleep. The next morning I woke up to my alarm clock, I had to go to work. I didn’t feel like doing anything so I called in sick.

I spent all day in my room crying, the same position I had been in the whole time. I didn’t get up at all; I didn’t even eat. The next day I called in sick again. I would think Jaime would have called by now, so I realized I probably broke the phone.

I couldn’t shed another tear, I was all cried out. Like all the water in my body was empty, I just laid emotionless on our bed. I didn’t eat that day either. Finally after that I got hungry. Luckily it was my day off so I didn’t have to worry about calling in. I went into the kitchen and opened the cupboard to get a bowl for my cereal; I saw his coffee cup with a letter J on it.

Out of nowhere I picked it up and threw it on the floor, it shattered. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until afterward; I figured I would just clean it up later. I ate my bowl of cereal and decided I needed to get out of the house, since everything was reminding me of him.

I walked to the park across the street and sat on an empty bench. A neighborhood cat came by and I petted it. It wrapped its tail around my hand, feeling all of the emotions I had running through my veins. After two hours of sitting on the bench and staring into nothing I thought I should get up and go buy a new phone. I needed to call the doctor for a checkup soon anyway, especially now since I hadn’t eaten for two days, I was worried about the baby.

-

The doctor told me to never do that again, I got lucky this time and didn’t lose the baby, also he told me that stress like what I was going through wouldn’t be good so I needed to stay away from it.

I started to notice a lump forming, I was finally showing. It wasn’t hard to miss since I had a really flat stomach to start out with.

When I was in high school, I dealt with a yearlong eating disorder; I wouldn’t eat for weeks, and so not eating for two days seemed like nothing. Jaime would always help me, and encourage me to eat; he hated seeing me do that to myself, he knew it wasn’t healthy. Finally I got help, and I started eating regularly again, but I couldn’t stand not having a flat stomach so I wouldn’t eat that much and work out, just to keep the same body figure. It got better over the years, I would eat more and still work out, but I was at a somewhat healthy weight so I didn’t worry about it.

When I first got pregnant, I was worried I would gain so much weight and become fat, but Jaime always told me not to worry, because everyone does, and once I have the baby, I will just lose all the weight anyway.

He always knew what to say to help me get through things, but what could he possibly say now to get me out of this depressed and hurt state?

I went back home and sat on the couch watching TV.

Months passed and I would do the same thing every day, get up, eat, work, home, eat, and sleep. All without talking to Jaime, I’m sure he had tried to call, but he probably got the voicemail after a few rings since it was broken, I would occasionally get a Skype message but I would never answer.

I knew Jaime was coming home in a month and I would have to talk to him, but I didn’t want to.

I was showing even more now, and I didn’t like having my stomach not flat, but I had to get over it. Pretty soon would be the checkup where I get to see what the sex will be, and I was so excited.

One day, Mike’s girlfriend came over and knocked. I answered the door, to the surprise of one of my best friends. Janelle had long, black, straight hair, and was tall like Mike; she had lots of tattoos all over the place.

Mike and her were more of friends with benefits but with some emotions involved, she would sleep with other guys and he would sleep with other girls, but they still loved each other, it was an open relationship to say the least.

I knew she knew what happened, or else she wouldn’t be here. She opened her arms for a hug and I accepted. We walked into the apartment, and that was when I realized it was a total mess.

“Sorry about the mess.”
“Oh no it’s fine, I’m checking up on you anyway. I can’t be here for that long.”
“So I’m guessing you know?”
“Yeah I do, Mike and the guys were worried so they had me come over and make sure you hadn’t killed yourself or anything.”
“Almost,” I whispered.

“What?”
“Oh nothing. So, I’m alive. I guess you best be going then.” I didn’t want company, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to sit in silence and stare at the TV. She got up and walked to the door, I followed behind her.

“Oh wait, Jaime wants to know why you aren’t answering.”
“I broke my phone, not like I would want to talk to him anyway.” How much longer could I ignore him, I had to forgive him at some point because we were planning on getting married, and having a baby together.

“Well can I get your new number?”
“Only if you tell the boys you don’t have it.”
“Fine I won’t tell them.” She handed me her phone and I entered my number. We said quick goodbyes and I closed the door.

To end up doing the same as every night, lay in bed and watch TV, but nothing Jaime would have liked.