Gone and Never Coming Back

He’s never coming back.

Aaliyah

It was a tiring Monday and my day off for the week. Like always when I had the chance I’d sit right up on my sofa with Fritos and watch Jerry Springer and Maury Povich. Today was no difference and I was having a good time being alone. I looked at the clock and it read 1:30. I stood grabbing my keys from the table and walking towards the door, the mail usually came at this time.

I slammed the door behind me and jogged down the steps and over to my development mailbox. I jammed my key inside and it popped open. I grabbed the mail out and skimmed over it.

“Bills, Bills, Coupons.” I chuckled and looked inside again and saw a small envelope laying way in the back. I grabbed it and shut my mailbox with my elbow before climbing the stairs and heading back into my building.

I opened the door and shut it locking it and ripped the nameless letter open. I put my feet up onto the glass table and lay back starting to read.

Dear Aaliyah,

I don’t even have to tell you who this is because I know you know. I love and I miss you and I am so sorry for leaving. I can’t tell you why I left and I don’t know if I can return to you. I miss you more than anything and I never stopped loving you. It was nothing you did or said, so don’t even worry. Forget about me please, and go on with your life. Smiling and being happy.

Excuse me if the paper is ripped, but I tried 50times to send this to you, but I didn’t have the courage quite yet.

I ran my hand across my chest because it felt like my heart was thumping so hard it could fly out of me. My eyes started to water and it felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. How could Chris do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? I kicked my slippers off and pulled my legs to my chest and cried loudly. I was tired of crying, when he was never coming back. How the fuck could he tell me to move on with my life? Does he know what it’s like to raise a man? Does he know what it’s like to get over someone you love? Your first love? And it was nothing I did or said? That was hard to believe!

I grabbed the paper and held it to my nose and inhaled, it smelled just like him; Lucky you. The only cologne he ever wore. I still had his half gone bottle sitting on my dresser with the top off, just like he left it. I tossed it towards the fireplace and stood up grabbing the wood and tossing it inside. I ran towards my closet grabbing any signs of his things. His clothes, his chains and the Lucky You cologne.

“Fuck you!” I tossed it in a fire place, and went back into my closet and grabbed the photo album and began throwing pictures of Chris and I. “Can’t you hear me crying?!” I screamed.

I lit the fire and sat in front of it with blurred eyes. “I wasn’t finished.” I whined. “And I’m slowly dying…” I cried. “Gone and not coming back.”

I covered my eyes and cried to myself softly. I needed to get better, and do better. I needed to get over this shit and make a great life for my son. Get over it and let people get a chance to learn me like Chris did.

I snatched a picture out of the fire and blew it letting the fire out and looked at it. Chris and I had proposed to me on that day. I had conceived Cayden on that day. I held it close my chest and closed my eyes. If it was easier said than done, I would have given him up already. I couldn’t though, I just couldn’t.

- - -

I woke up to banging on the door and a pain in my head. I blinked a few times and looked across at the fire place on going fire. I looked at the clock on the wall and it read 5:30. I bit my lip and hopped up.

“I forgot Cayden from school!” I yelled.

“I’m out here mommy, gosh!” Cayden shouted.

I ran my hand over my head relieved and threw my shoes to the side and pulled the front door opened. Cameron was standing there beside Cayden. I looked towards them both and they pushed passed me and into the house.

“Cayden I’m sorry.” I said eyeing him. “It’s been a bad day for me.”

Cameron looked around curiously and bit his lip shaking his head. “I was walking pass the school and he was sitting on the step.” He chuckled. “It was hard time getting him.”

I nodded. “Thank you Cameron.”

“Yeah, But I’m going to go… Feel better Aaliyah.” He mumbled.

I eyed him. I wanted him to stay; I wanted him to hold me like always. “You don’t want to stay?”

He looked down at his feet and back up at me. “Business is booming at the shop, I really wish I could.”

“Okay…” I whispered.

Cameron walked towards me and wrapped me in a hug and kissed my forehead before letting go. “Be easy.”

“I’ll try.”

He walked out the door and it felt like he was leaving my life. I locked the door behind him and grabbed Cayden and kissed his head. “I love you okay?”

“Of course you do.” He chuckled and hopped down. “Just remember to get me from school next time mommy.”

I grinned. “Absolutely!”

Cameron/Chris

I lay back on the couch looking at the ceiling and shaking my head. I was so damn stupid for finally sending that letter to her. She was going through it more than anything, and I didn’t comfort her.

Mijo walked into the living room with Trey and Hope behind him with big smiles. I eyed them and they plopped down next to me.

“Why you not out faking with Aaliyah?” Mijo asked.

I glared at him. “Don’t go there, not today man.”

He nodded. “My bad, what’s going on?”

I looked down at my feet, and thought about telling him. If I told them that I had wrote a letter to Aaliyah and sent it they’d kill me. I wasn’t supposed to do it, but she needed some type of closure.

“I sent a letter to Aaliyah.” I mumbled.

“You did what?!” They all stood up.

“Yeah…” I muttered. “I had to man, fuck what you all got to say.”

“You’re a dumb ass!” Hope grabbed her purse and walked right out of the house. Trey eyed me and ran right after her.

“You have fucked up my nigga; don’t let the others hear about this.” Mijo said gripping my shoulder and walking off.

I put my head in my hands and bit my lip. “I am not for this shit man.”

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialed Aaliyah’s number and let it ring. It was going on 8:00 pm. I’m pretty sure she was still up going through it, the least I could do was call her.

“Hello?” She sniffled into the phone.

“Did you eat?”

“No.” She mumbled.

“You want something?” I smiled. “I’ll come over there.”

I could hear the relief in her voice. “Chicken, I want chicken.”

I chuckled. “Alright well I’m on my way!”

“Make sure you get me some honey packets, they be giving them out in Popeye’s!”

“Anything for you beautiful!” I chuckled. “Be easy, until I come.”

I hit the end button on my phone and hopped up, grabbed my keys and raced out the door. This was going to help me clear my head, and get the guilt off of me. I hated feeling guilty. If loving Aaliyah is what it takes, I’ll do it.

- - -

We both sat on the couch watching a movie from the red box and eating out of our Popeye boxes. Aaliyah had her head on my shoulder and I had my head on her head.

“So do you feel better?” I asked her.

“Yes.” She grinned. “You make everything better.”

“Do I?” I chuckled. “I’m honored.”

Aaliyah kissed my cheek and wrapped her arms around my body. “You remind me of him too much Cameron.” She whispered looking up.

“Who?” I asked, playing clueless.

“Chris… Chris…” She repeated. “Cayden’s dad, he used to be just like you.”

“I’m sorry.”

She laughed. “Don’t be sorry, you’re way better anyways.”

I had a feeling she was lying to herself, and it helped her to lie to herself. Chris was me. I was the bad guy over here playing the good guy. She couldn’t find out.

“He’s missing out.” I mumbled.

“You damn right!” She grinned. “All of this!”

“All of it?”

She stood up and brushed my Popeye’s box out my hand. “All of it.” She smirked straddling me.

I kissed her lips and lifted her shirt off of her head. “You sure girl? You can’t handle this shit again.”

Aaliyah grabbed for my belt. “Watch me.”