I'll Be Okay

A few weeks passed since that horrible day I logged onto twitter. Three, to be exact. I hung out with the Jenn, Gio, and Emily as much as possible and conversations with Danny were getting smaller and smaller. After leaving his texts unanswered, he stopped texting in the morning and after ignoring his calls, he stopped calling after lunch. All we depended on was our skype dates every night and they only lasted ten minutes; fifteen max. We would tell each other about our days, Danny would tell me he’s tired, I would tell him to get some rest, and then we would say goodnight. That’s it. These past few weeks have been really hard on our relationship and I felt emotionally drained.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Jenn asked, leaning on the counter beside me in Dougie and Emily’s flat. I was sipping my water and the three of them were chatting; about what, I have no clue. To be honest, I wasn’t exactly paying attention. Gio and Emily wandered into the living room so that they could discuss the last few details of Gio and Tom’s wedding and that left me and Jenn by ourselves in the kitchen.

“I don’t know what you mean.” I muttered, running a hand through my tangled hair. Jenn raised an eyebrow at me but I just shrugged my shoulders.

“Well why don’t you tell me why Harry keeps telling me that Danny is depressed?” Jenn moved her head so that my eyes found hers but I just looked down at my wrist, playing around with my breast cancer bracelet. “What’s going on?” She whispered. I took a deep breath before I jumped up onto the counter. Placing the water bottle on the counter beside me, I knotted my fingers together in my lap.

“I went into twitter a few weeks ago-” Jenn cut me off as she groaned, throwing her head back. “-what?” Placing her hands on my waist, Jenn raised an eyebrow at me.

“What did we warn you about? Never go on twitter!” Throwing her head back once more, Jenn sighed and placed her hands on her face. “Don’t you dare tell me that you are pushing Danny away because of this?” Jenn muttered, causing me to drop my head. She placed her hands on my knees and I looked up at her through my hair. “You better be kidding.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Lindsey. Don’t do this. Don’t do this to him. He’s probably tearing himself up because of this. You promised him you wouldn’t do that to him again. Lindsey.” I groaned and ran my hand through my hair again.

“I know, Jenn! I know I promised him that but I can’t help it! Seeing all of the things that people are saying about me – about us – it hurts! I know I shouldn’t let it get to me but it’s too late. The second I read the first tweet, I just, I can’t.” I shoved off of the counter and played around with my cell phone. “I tried to forget about it but it’s too hard. Everything is too hard. I can’t do this.” I whispered the last sentence and Jenn just shook her head, stepping away from me.

“So you’d rather push Danny away than ask for his help? You know damn well that he was turned his entire world up-side-down just to make you happy. He has given you his all and the second someone says something mean about you, you push him away? After everything he’s helped you with, just like that? He has done so fucking much for you and you can’t even talk to him about this? What is the matter with you?” She yelled, throwing her arms up in the air. Gio and Emily looked up at us in shock, the bridal magazine falling from Gio’s fingers and into her lap. “After everything he has put aside, after everything that he has done for you, you are just going to push him away until – what? Do you want to break up with him? Is that what this is about? When the going gets tough, you’re just going to walk away? God damn it, Lindsey! You better not-” I cut her off, my eyes brimming with tears.

“I’m just scared, alright!? Is that what you want to hear!? I’m fucking scared!” I screamed, my voice shaking with emotion. Jenn glared at me, crossing her arms over her chest. “I know that he has done more than any other person would do for me, and I know that he has dropped everything to help me on more than one occasion; I know it all! But you know what? I am scared that he will realize that I’m not worth it! That I have never been worth it! What happens when he wakes up and realizes that I am just this fucking up girl that is just a waste of-” Jenn cut me off as she cupped my mouth, stopping me mid sentence. Shoving me against the counter, Jenn stood as close as she could get to me, our noses nearly touching.

“No one in this room, or in this family, or in the band McFly, will ever or has ever believed that you are not fucking worth it.” Jenn muttered, jabbing a finger into my chest. “Now shut the hell up, Lindsey, and stop being so God damn selfish. Danny Jones is miserable; he thinks you hate him and he is tearing himself up thinking that this is his entire fault. But do you want the ugly truth? None of this is his fault; it’s all you. You may think you are trying to make things better, but you are just making it harder on everyone around you.” Her voice grew soft and she took a breath, stepping back. “I know this is hard to hear but I am so sick of having to tiptoe around you! You were happy, you were on cloud nine, and you were set on marrying this bloke! Just because his stupid fans are freaks and fucked up, doesn’t mean that any of this is anyone fault. Stop pitying yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and stop pushing Danny away. He loves you and he cares about you. Imagine if he was pushing you away. Put yourself in his shoes. Just open your eyes and realize that he is worth every single word those fans say. He is worth it all.” Looking down at my feet, I felt my eyes well up with tears again. “Just because you are scared doesn’t mean its right to push the love of your life out of your life. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel. Let him fix this.” Her voice dropped down to a whisper and I felt myself nod. Gio stood up and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Tom told me that they are playing a show three hours from here, and the show starts in four. Now get your stuff, get ready, and we will hop in the car, drive down there, and you will tell Danny what’s bothering you. Jenn is one hundred percent right. Do not push him out. He needs you just as much as you need him.” Emily nodded along enthusiastically and I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks.

“Okay.” I whispered, running a hand through my hair once more. “And I’m sorry.” I looked the three of them in the eye and Jenn just shook her head softly, sending me an apologetic smile.

“We aren’t the ones you should be apologizing to.”

*~*

“Nah, Doug, the girls and I are just watching a movie at Dan’s.” Emily paused, looking over at me out of the corner of her eye. “Better, a lot better. I know, I’m worried, too. Everything’s gunna be back to normal soon, though.” Emily said goodbye to Dougie and I looked up at her from the back seat. Gio turned her directional on to turn into the parking lot of their concert and I felt Jenn sigh from beside me.

“Please tell me you didn’t tell him we’re coming.” Jenn spoke up, causing Emily to look back at us from the front seat. Smile devilishly, she winked.

“Doug and the lads think we are back at Dan and Lindsey’s watching She’s The Man.” Gio giggled from beside her and I just sighed, running a hand through my hair. Everyone attention was pulled to me as Gio found a spot and turned the car off.

“Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been a little…insecure…lately and I just want to say-” Gio cut me off with a soft smile.

“Don’t. Its okay, Linds. We’ve all been through it. Now let’s get in there so you two can make up. They go on in twenty so you better make it quick.” The four of us made our way to the back doors and a bodyguard smiled at Gio. “Hey, Hurley! Do you mind letting us through to see the lads?” Gio smiled innocently and the bodyguard just crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow.

“Now why would I do that? You know you need backstage passes.” Gio sighed before she pulled out her phone and pressed a few buttons before holding it to her ear.

“Tom, hi. I miss you, too. But do you want to do me a favor? Come out back to the door Hurley’s guarding and let us in, will you? And don’t tell the other lads. I’ll tell you when you get out here. Okay, thank you, I love you, bye.” Gio grinned at us before she stared up at Hurley. “Tom’s on his way down.” Looking smug, Gio held her hand behind her and Emily quickly smacked her palm against it. Giggling loudly, Jenn wrapped her arms around the three of us and pulled us close. It just took a few seconds before the backdoor opened and Tom’s blond head slipped out through the crack.

“G!” He explained, crushing her in a hug. “What are you doing here?” He turned to all of us, bringing up in for one big hug. Gio’s eye caught mine and I took a deep breath, looking up at Tom through my hair.

“Is Dan inside?” What a stupid question. Of course he’s inside. This is his concert. “I mean, uh,” I took a deep breath and Tom nodded softly, saving me from sounding stupid.

“He’s in our dressing room. Third door on the left.” I nodded and Tom brought the four of us inside. I left them by the door and quickly made my way to their dressing room. Knocking softly, I heard foot steps and I felt my heart beat harder and harder into my chest. The door pulled open and I was met with a pair of piercing blue eyes and messy brown hair.

“Lindsey.” Danny breathed, his voice catching in his throat. He stopped dead in his tracks and I tangled my fingers together.

“I’m sorry.” I barely got the words out before Danny stepped forward and folded me into his arms. I tucked my head between his chin and shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent. “I am so sorry, Danny.” My voice was hardly a whisper but Danny just shook his head, kissing my forehead over and over.

“Just don’t push me out. Stop pushing me out.”