Only Up From Here

Brock’s P.O.V.

When Kali Jo was done singing she sobbed but she did not move. John sat next to me in silence just staring at her not making a move. I couldn’t watch her just stand up there and cry so I decided if John wasn’t going to help her I would. I stood and walked up there on shaky knees, her song hit home for me, I grasped her arm and helped her back to the pew. She cried on my arm though the rest of the service.

We sat there and I listened and ran my hand through her hair as I tried in some way to offer comfort. As the service ended I helped Kali Jo up to stand in line for everyone to give his or her condolences. People came and hugged John and Kali Jo and the other family I even received a few hugs and handshakes. (I am guessing they thought I was her boyfriend). I took a deep breath as the end of the line drew near and I finally glanced to Kali. Her eyes were swollen and red, blood shot, with black bags, she looked tired and fed up.

“We are almost done with this Kali.” I whispered to her hoping for her to look at me. Instead she hugged the next person ad ignored what I said.

The last person gave her a hug and I waited for her to say something. When she didn’t I figured I should, “Are you ready Kali?” We still had to go to the burial site.

She didn’t answer but she shook her head. I walked with John and her to the truck. I helped Kali into the back seat and stopped John when he reached for the driver’s door handle. “I’ll drive John you look tired.”

“Thanks kid.”

I drove for a almost twenty minutes before reaching the burial site. There on the headstone were her parents and her brothers names. We stood and listened as the preacher spoke a few words and then we each threw dirt onto the caskets. When it was Kali’s turn she went up to the holes and threw in a red rose for each and then two handfuls of dirt. As she got back to where we stood she broke down in sops and knelt to the ground. I bent down sitting on the ground myself and wrapped her in my arms. She sobbed on my shoulder and continued saying that she was sorry.

Kali’s P.O.V.

“I am so sorry Brock! I am so sorry!” I don’t know why I was telling Brock I was sorry, probably because I was getting makeup all over her suit coat but he really didn't seem to mind at all. I didn’t know what else to do. We sat there long after everyone else, including John, were gone. He let me cry for hours and he didn’t say a word just held me and stroked my hair.

“I can not for the life of me remember who came today.” I spoke quietly; surprised that I could talk at all.

“I can believe that. You looked pretty blank standing there talking to people.” He leaned back and lay looking at the sky. I followed laying my head on his shoulder.

“I feel so bad for not knowing. I feel like I should know considering I know most, if not all, of those people who talked to me.”

“Don’t do that to yourself sweetheart. It really is not worth it. They all know what you are going through and they understand under the circumstances your absence from the real world.”

“I sure hope so.” I grew quiet just looking up and wondering what heaven would be like. After another hour I finally spoke, “We should get back I am sure John is worried and I am sure Kelly is wondering where you are.”

“Kali don’t worry about Kelly. OK?”

“Why? Are you two OK?”

“Kali I gave her an option to come down here with me and she said no. I told her I would not commute and we could do long distance and I would visit when I could. I told her an hour and a half really is not that far. She told me to go to hell and she was done putting up with my bullshit excuses’.”

“You need to go to her!”

“No Kali I don’t.” I was shocked, what they hell did he mean no! They were together for two years and now all of a sudden they weren’t because of me.

“Brock I am not messing around!” I all but yelled as I got into the truck and slammed my door.

“Neither am I Kali. She is going to be going to graduate school in Maine in a month anyway. If she can’t do an hour and a half how is she going to do the distance between states?”

He had a point; I guess I had not realized that there were other situations going on. “Oh, well, what are you going to do?”

“I am going to help you and John, I am going to be there for a friend that needs me, I am going to move on, pretend I didn’t waste the last two tears of my life, and figure out what I want.”

I surprised myself when I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. “Well, thank you! I know it does not mean much but thank you!”

“It means the world to me coming from you.”