Limits

My eyes slowly opened as I woke up from a sweet dream. It was about Louis. I knew I shouldn’t be thinking about my best mate in any way other than as a friend, but he started to break my shell and understand me. My friendship with him grew, and I began to stare into his beautiful blue eyes, that turned grey when a storm was brewing, with something more than just friendship. I loved the way his mouth would curve when he smirked and when he was being cheeky. I loved all of the little things and all of the complex things about him.

He was absolutely perfect.

I felt someone shift next to me and jumped. I looked down to see Louis.

“Oh my God…what happened last night?” I whispered under my breath.

I couldn’t have done anything. I hoped I didn’t do anything. This would completely ruin our friendship and I wasn’t ready for that.

My mind was fighting with itself as I finally decided to leave. I gently rolled off of the bed, but as soon as I lifted my body, a loud creak escaped from the bed. Every little sound in the silent room felt like a bomb going off. After I gathered my clothes, I slowly turned the knob on the door.

Where are you going? Louis was rubbing at his eyes, still very groggy.

“I’m sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean to do anything,” I said.

“Harry, what are you talking about? You didn’t do anything. You were tired and you fell asleep. What? Best friends can’t sleep in the same bed?” He put his head in his hands as if that would magically make his headache go away.

“Wait…So, I didn’t do anything?”

“Nope. Why would you even think that?”

“Well, I haven’t got any clothes on for one. Not to mention I was beyond drunk,” I said, trying to blame my feelings on alcoholic influence.

Louis raised his eyebrow as if he knew I was omitting something, but he didn’t press me for more information.

“All right, well, come here and lay down with me. I’m freezing,” he said as he buried himself in the blankets.

“That’s because you don’t have a shirt on,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

He just shrugged and waited for me to climb in next to him.

The heat rose to my face as I continued to turn the knob. Suddenly, I stopped myself and felt my feet shuffle across the carpet toward the boy under the covers. He smiled at me as he lifted his head and buried himself into my side. My body tensed at his touch. I breathed deeply and let myself relax, trying to act like my normal self.

My head was spinning and I tried to close my eyes. I took a few more deep breaths to keep myself from being sick, but my stomach refused to be calm.

“Harry,” said the soft voice beside me, “Are you okay?”

My breathing started to grow shallow as I climbed out of the bed and stumbled into the bathroom nearest Louis’ room.

“I’m guessing no,” he said as he patted my back.

I continued to retch into the porcelain bowl, which was currently the bane of my existence. I groaned as I tried to breath. I leaned my head against the cold tile on the wall. It was terrible, but the worst of it was over. The only thing left in its wake was a splitting headache.

“Why aren’t you getting sick? I couldn’t have had more drinks than you,” I whined.

“I would usually make some joke about being able to take my alcohol, but I didn’t really drink that much. I just have a headache. You, on the other hand, were a bit off yesterday. You kept to yourself and had one drink after the other. You didn’t get as bad as Zayn, but it still wasn’t like you to do something like that. I should have been there to see what was wrong, but I was stupid in choosing to stay with a bird I just met over you. I wasn’t thinking straight, and, at the time, I didn’t think anything of it.”

“It’s alright. I’m sure it was nothing. You don’t have to watch over me like a baby every time we go out either,” I snapped.

Louis looked taken aback as he silenced himself. He was never quiet, and I hated it when he wasn’t acting normally. I loved his outgoing nature and it always made a smile play at my lips as though his happiness was my own personal ray of sunshine.

His eyes, usually full of light, were troubled and dark as though a hurricane was tearing him apart from the inside.

“I’m sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just a bit frustrated.”

His eyes lightened, but his face remained cold.

“Why are you frustrated?”

I was taken off guard. I didn’t have this elaborate, well-thought-out, reason as to why I was frustrated other than that my best friend was off shagging every other fucking girl in London, and wouldn’t even realize the boy right in front of him.

“It’s nothing,” I lied.

“You know that I know when you’re lying, right?”

I looked at him, eyes glistening. “I do.”

“Then why are you lying to me, Haz?” His face softened to one of concern.

“Because I just can’t tell you the truth right now. I’m not ready to tell you what I’m feeling. I can barely handle my own thoughts, and I really need to think.”

I stood up and left the bathroom. Louis stared at me as I picked up my clothes and began dressing myself. He made no move to stop me and for that, I was grateful.

I hurried out of the door and went into the kitchen to find something that would ease my dizziness. Sadly, there was nothing, and even if there was something, I would have been clueless.

“You okay, mate,” asked a bright voice.

Looking through my hair, I managed to flash Liam a small smile.

“Yeah, good enough. Just confused,” I said absentmindedly, tracing patterns on the countertop.

“About what?”

He had to ask more questions. I couldn’t catch a break. I sighed emphatically.

“Nothing in particular,” I said, hoping he would drop the subject. He seemed to have taken the hint and he brushed passed me to fix himself a cup of coffee.

“Do you want some?” Liam called.

“Umm, sure,” I said, even though the very thought of coffee made my stomach churn.

He nodded his head and got back to work.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Zayn rushing into the bathroom.

I sent Liam a questioning look.

“I would say rough night, but he went pretty far with this bird he met. Then, he just got to drinking after she left. He was getting quite obnoxious last night.”

“I definitely remember that part. I was asleep, and you idiots wouldn’t shut up. Zayn was fucking drunk out of his mind, and then you were trying to reason with him. When he’s that far gone, just go with it. There’s no point in even listening to him.”

Liam seemed to be remembering something that I didn’t know. “Actually, he tends to get deep when he’s drunk. I quite enjoyed it, really.”

“Figures,” I said as I heard Zayn practically dying behing the closed door.

I made me feel sick as I heard him. I needed to block out the noise before I found myself doing the same thing for the second time the morning.

I stood abruptly and made a start for the door. A hand grabbed at my wrist. The fingers were delicate and strong, and they felt safe. When I looked up, my eyes met a pair of stormy orbs.

“Where are you going?”

“I can’t stay here and listen to him. I feel like I’m going to throw up again if I stay another minute. I just need some fresh air,” I said, turning the knob.

“I’m going with you.”

He looked at me, concern flooding his clouded eyes, making them a sincere blue. It was the blue that I fell in love with. I shrugged and led the way onto the front steps. I tripped while taking the first step.

“Harry,” Louis yelled.

I thought I was going to fall, but I felt strong arms grasp my waist and pull me to safety. I looked into the eyes of an angel whose arms were a heaven of warmth and kindness. I breathed his scent in as he held onto me.

He pulled me away, his hands gripping my shoulders as he searched my face.

“Are you okay?”

I just nodded my head, wanting so badly to hold onto him for a little while longer.

“How about we go back upstairs, yeah? I’m sure Zayn’s done by now,” he said softly, letting go of my shoulders.

I nodded again and felt my hand grab onto Louis’ arm like a little child.

He looked back, surprise flashing across his features, and then smiled.

I looked down to hide the blush that was covering my face. Every step seemed like a mile when I was with him, yet the time went by as if it had no restraint with hours acting like seconds.

By the time we reached the door, I let go of his arm.

The smell of eggs and coffee filtered throughout the kitchen and living room. My stomach had settled down, but I wasn’t ready to eat anything. I took a seat on the barstool by Zayn who looked absolutely miserable.

“Rough night?” I asked, although I knew the answer.

After groaning, he managed to form sentences. “No. Actually, it was one of the best nights I’ve had in a while. Parts of it are fuzzy, but I remember the best part clearly,” he said with a smile.

It took me a few seconds to realize that the best part of his night was a girl, even though Liam told me he met a girl. It just didn’t click.

“Who was she?”

He looked surprised that I figured it out. “How do you know it was a girl?”

“You don’t seem like the type to go after another bloke.”

He gave me a warning glare.

“Kidding! Calm yourself, Mr. Grumpy-Face. It was obvious by that stupid grin on your face. Now tell us.”

His eyes grew dark before he finally gave in.

“She was beautiful and she liked to have fun. Her name was Kate or something like that.”

Louis was the first to interrupt. “‘Something like that?’ The girl gets you to smile like an idiot, and you aren’t even sure of her name. You’re a Grade-A asshole, you know that?” He stormed out of the room and slammed the door shut.

“What’s up with him?” asked Niall who was walking into the kitchen. He glided to where the eggs were and fixed himself a plate.

“Not sure, but he is right. You don’t have to act like the fucking tough guy around us, mate. We’re your friends. You should be able to tell us anything. And last night, you were really open to me, telling me how great she was. Now, stop trying to act cool in front of us; we know the real Zayn. In all honesty, I like the real Zayn a whole lot better,” said Liam.

Zayn flashed him a look and covered his face with his hands. He was unsure of what to do.
Silence filled the room as Zayn decided to cover it with a deafening quiet that seemed endless. That was his response, and it was response enough for Liam who walked over to his friend and gave him a hug.

When Zayn lifted his head, the tears were glistening in his eyes like melted snowflakes.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Liam.

Liam nodded and let go of Zayn. Meanwhile, Louis still hadn’t come out of his room. I was getting worried, but I needed the space. I had to think, and I couldn’t do that with Louis around.

“Hey, Harry, did you want your coffee?”

I lifted my head to see Liam holding a blue coffee cup with a chipped rim. I took it from his hands and blew across the top to cool it down. A few minutes later, I finally took a sip. It felt better to have something occupying my stomach.

Niall was inhaling his eggs beside me. I was starting to wonder where he was putting all of that food. He was about as skinny as a twig, and ate everything in sight. It made me jealous. I had to put effort into staying in shape.

“Why are you looking at me like that for?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Listen, Har, it’s clear that something’s bothering you. Just tell me,” said Niall, his mouth full of food.

“It’s stupid.”

“Go on.”

“I’m jealous of how you can eat whatever you want without gaining an ounce,” I said, looking down.

“Honestly, Harry, you are perfect the way you are, and you don’t have to compare yourself to me. I still have to work out, you know,” he paused, “But, that isn’t the only thing bothering you, is it? I can tell that there is something more.”

I sighed and contemplated confiding in Niall. He knew about me being bisexual, but he didn’t know about my interest in Louis.

“I like someone,” I began slowly.

He raised an eyebrow and made his way over to the couch, gesturing for me to follow.

“I just wanted to make sure the boys didn’t overhear. At least, I figured you were talking about a guy and wouldn’t want the others to know just yet. I don’t think you’ve told them,” he said.

“It is about a guy, and no, I haven’t told them yet. They don’t have to know either,” I snapped. I quickly regretted it upon seeing Niall’s face.

“It’s alright. Just tell me what you need to say, and I’ll be here to listen and offer my best advice.”

“Well…it-it’s Louis,” I said, looking down, tears threatening to spill over.

Niall put his arm over my shoulder, and tried to calm me down.

“Harry, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright. He’s your best mate. I’m surprised you didn’t see this sooner. Anybody could tell that you liked him,” said Niall.

My face was a mask of fear. Was I really that obvious?

“You don’t think he knows, do you?”

“I’m going to say, no. Usually, if you like a person, that person tends to be oblivious, even if the whole world around them knows. If I were honest, I think Lou fancies you. Don’t worry about it, Harry. Just be yourself, and if anything happens, just go with it,” said Niall.

“Someone has been watching too many teen drama shows…But, I’ll give it a shot. Thanks, Ni. I really appreciate everything. I don’t want to run away from my problems anymore.”

“I know you, Harry. You need to give it a chance. You need to stop beating yourself up about pointless things. You are absolutely perfect, and anybody, guy or girl, would be lucky to have you. Don’t ever think you aren’t good enough for somebody else, because that isn’t true, unless it’s Demi Lovato. She’s mine,” he replied with his signature laughter.

His laughter was contagious. I couldn’t help, but laugh with the Irish lad. His laugh made me feel better as I realized what I had to do.

Niall smiled at me with his crooked teeth and walked off to his room. My eyes landed on Liam and Zayn who were still talking in the other room.

Liam seemed to be happier today, which was rare. Not many things made him happy lately. I smiled, knowing that I should also be happy, even if I would be judged for it.

It killed me inside to keep all of my emotions bottled up. I hated keeping things from Louis, and I wanted it to stop.

I wanted him to know that I liked him, even if he did not like me in that way. It couldn’t hurt to let him know the truth.

Granted, I was afraid of everything that could possibly happen, but I knew I needed to tell him. He was my best mate, and we have been through more than this.

I pulled out my mobile and texted the boy hiding behind the closed door.

I need to talk to you.