Limits

I thought I would never see her again, but there she was, in my arms. I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t have to.

She pushed away and slapped me, hard.

“What was…” I said before she interrupted me, placing her lips on mine.

At first I was shocked, but then our lips moved in sync like two dancers playing off each other. Her tongue grazed my bottom lip as if asking for entrance. I gladly obliged. It felt even better than last night.

This time, I was the one to pull away. I looked deeply into her warm brown eyes. My hand lifted to gently pull a stray strand of hair behind her ear. It was soft and delicate like her whole being. She seemed like she was tough, but I knew that she wasn’t. She was more than that. She was fragile. Everybody just thought she was okay by the way she carried herself, but I knew better. I didn’t have to know her for long to figure that out.

She knew the same things about me. She actually cared. She wasn’t looking to hook up with me. She wanted to know me, the real me. That was what drew me in. That was what kept me up all night. She intrigued me.

Her eyes let me in. Those brown irises seemed to change color with the light. They were full of concern, kindness, and yet something darker. There was something she was keeping from the world. Some secrets that were better left unsaid.

She was absolutely stunning. I didn’t care how she was dressed. The curls that were thrown up into a ponytail made her look younger, yet still beautiful. They curls were loose like ribbons, each having their own place. Her beauty was effortless.

Her pale face reminded me of the snow, pure and absolutely gorgeous. The freckles that lay across her face reminded me of the sparkles on the snow when the light hit it just right. She didn’t need any make-up to conceal her features. Every little thing about her was perfect to me.

Every action was made with a purpose. She didn’t just act out; there was always a reason.

Like that kiss that happened only moments ago. There had to be a reason, which was why I pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my eyes searching her face.

“Nothing,” she replied.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. We know enough about each other to know what the other is thinking.”

She looked down, a hot blush melting away her snowy complexion.

Just as suddenly, she looked into my eyes, her brown orbs burning with a new fire.

“You never asked for my number, you idiot. We have a moment like that, and you don’t even get my number! Do you know how that made me feel? It was as if you only wanted me for sex. I’m not that kind of girl,” she said in a hushed tone.

“Hey, you left in a hurry. I didn’t know things would end up that way. And it’s as if you think I’m that kind of guy. And…wait, I know what you’re doing. Don’t try it with me. Besides, we didn’t go all the way. I wouldn’t do that with you. You’re different,” I whispered intensely.

She turned away. I saw a crystalline tear glide along her cheekbone, marring her face, leaving a shining mark, a scar of her sadness.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… I really needed to talk to someone. I would talk to Jane, but I don’t want her mixed in with my mind. She’s too bright and innocent for that. I want to keep her the way she is. I have to protect her. It shouldn’t be the other way around. You and I… we can help each other,” she managed.

I wiped away the tear from her face and hugged her close.

“It’s alright. Things happen. I know, she’s like Liam. I think they were made for each other. He’s my best mate, and he knows me enough to know when something is wrong, but I hate bringing him into everything. I want to be strong for them, but I can’t be when I’m keeping everything in. I’m trying to be this tough guy, but I’m not. I’m really not. I hate the things I do. I want to be better. You actually understand me. And, that’s a first. So, thank you,” I replied sweetly.

She sniffled slightly and looked up to meet my eyes. Getting up on the tips of her toes, she pecked my lips softly.

“No, thank you.”

I searched for her hand and pulled her toward a large oak tree where we could sit. Its leaves were turning brilliant colors. It reminded me of home, the browns, reds and oranges mingling to create a crisp smell of autumn. Our backs leaned against the bark of the tree, and Kate leaned into my side, her head on my shoulder.

“Look at those two, untouched by all of the hell. I hope they never have to deal with the shit we’ve gone through,” she mumbled.

“I know we want to protect them, but they are free in their minds. Sooner or later, they will have to deal with their thoughts. I feel like there’s something off with Liam, but that could be me,” I said, staring at the two leaning into each other and talking.

Jane seemed to be the only one talking though. Liam was hanging on every word she said as if missing one would be the end of the world. They looked like they were supposed to be with each other, but I didn’t think they would ever figure that out on their own.

“I feel the same way about Jane. I feel like something happened today, but she wouldn’t tell me. She also lied to me for the first time. She never lies. Yet she felt the need to. It was weird. It really concerns me, but I want her to tell me on her own. I’m sure she will sooner or later. Oh, and tell me about your mate, Liam. A girl needs to watch out for her chicas,” she replied.

I raised my eyebrow. “You are absolutely perfect. You speak Spanish now? Anyway, I’m sure she’ll tell you. And don’t worry about Liam. I would be more worried about Jane. Liam wouldn’t ever hurt her purposefully. He doesn’t work that way. He respects everyone and everything. He’s like a little puppy, actually. He’ll treat her right. Though, the day he asks her out will be the day he gets drunk. I don’t think it will happen.”

“We better get him drunk then. Scratch that, get both of them drunk. Drunken actions are sober thoughts after all. Oh, and yes, I do. It is the language of my people,” she said, giving me a cheeky grin.

I snorted with laughter. “Who? The Irish? And we might have to.”

She pouted, making her nose scrunch up in a cute way that made my heart skip a beat.

“No! Mexicans. They are my theoretical people. Oh God, that might be hard,” she replied sassily.

I rolled my eyes. “You are ridiculous. It probably will, considering Liam can’t really drink.”

“Why not?”

“He claims it’s his kidneys, but sometimes I think he’s full of shit,” I said with a laugh.

She rolled her eyes and snuggled closer to me, looking for warmth.

My mind was running with thoughts. They floated about in an incoherent mess. Nothing was making sense. The only thing that made sense was Kate. She was real. She was here. A thought wasn’t real. It was your mind’s concoction, summoned to wreak havoc on those who let it. I was done with letting my thoughts control me.

“When do you want to talk about last night?” I asked, the words falling from my lips.

“Whenever you want,” she stated, as if it didn’t bother her one bit, but one look into her eyes said that it did.

“I’ll wait for when you’re ready. I didn’t mean to do anything you weren’t ready for. Just know that. I’m sorry,” I said, letting my head drop.

A long quiet fell between us. It was deafening. A knife could cut through the thick silence. Finally, it was broken by the softness of her voice.

“Don’t be sorry, Zayn. It’s because of you that I was able to open up. We understand each other. Now give me your number before we forget again,” she said with a giggle.

Her laugh was cute and rang through the space like Niall’s. It made my eyes shine with a new light.
After giving her my number, I wrapped my arms around her frame. She wasn’t a size zero, but she didn’t have to be. She was absolutely wonderful the way she was. Her personality and her natural beauty were the most important things to me. She was the epitome of perfection in my eyes.

Her voice broke through my thoughts, “Who are those three?”

“Well, the cute blond lad by himself is Niall. The other two are Harry and Louis. Harry is the adorable one with the curly hair, and Louis is the blue-eyed one with the fringe. Apparently they are together now. It’s about time. We’ve been waiting for long enough.”

She let out another laugh. “The way you described them was so cute. You could have just pointed, you know. It would have been just as effective. But, it’s nice that you care about them all that much.”

“I do. They’re like brothers to me. I have to watch out for them.”

“You can’t always be there. You have to let them take care of themselves sometimes. It’s hard to be in ten places at once.”

She had a point.

“You’re right,” I managed.

I felt her looking at me. I looked down to meet her eyes. They held concern for me.

“Don’t worry, love. I’m fine. It’s just that I’ve been trying to keep things under control for so long and I’ve built up all of these walls, only for everything to crumble. It’s hard, but I can do it with your help.”

She cuddled further into my side, and I leaned my head back into the bark of the tree. Too late did I realize that my hair would get stuck to the uneven pieces of wood. I let my eyes flutter close as the breeze wisped passed us like a gentle touch, caressing everything in its path.

I was jolted awake by the sound an Irish brogue.

“Wake up! I wanted to talk to you guys,” he said innocently.

My hair ripped from the tree as I leaned forward, and my mood shifted.

“For fuck’s sake, Niall! There better be a good reason you woke us up.”

“Fine, if you don’t want to talk to me…” he said as he turned around to walk away.

I sighed at the Irish lad. “Don’t go, Niall. I didn’t mean it. We’ll be happy to help. What do you need?”

“Well, Katerina broke up with me. I kind of didn’t want to be alone. Harry and Louis are over their snogging, so I came over here. Though, it looked more like they were eating each other’s faces. That can’t be sanitary,” he said.

Katerina had been with him for over a year.

“Oh, Niall. I’m sorry. Why did she do that? And too much information, you can stay. This is Kate,” I said.

Niall smiled, letting his crooked teeth gleam in the dying sunlight.

“Ello, Kate. I dunno. She said I wasn’t good enough for her, that I was worthless,” he answered, letting his head hang low, the tears falling from his shining blue eyes.

“Come here, Irish. You are not worthless,” said Kate, pulling away from me and giving Niall a hug.

I crawled over to them and wrapped my arms around all of them.

“Kate’s right. Don’t let anybody tell you that Niall. She wasn’t worth it if that was what she thought. I say we go home, put on Crazy, Stupid, Love, order a pizza, and make some tea. Then, we’ll eat our weight in double chocolate fudge brownie ice-cream. How does that sound?”

Niall’s eyes lit up like twinkling lights at the mention of food.

“Can I choose the pizza?”

“Yep, little man.”

He hugged us tighter.

“I love food. I don’t need a person to make me happy! I’m coming food! You’re all I’ll need to survive!”

Kate and I fell back with laughter. Niall decided to run around in a circle screaming, “food”.

“So, do you mind coming back to our place for the day?”

“Not at all! And ice-cream? I’m all in. I love chocolate, and you’re offering double chocolate fudge brownie! Nobody in their right mind would pass that up. Besides, we have the day off tomorrow anyway. I’m guessing you rebels skipped today,” she accused.

“We did. No point in going to class hung over. Unless you want me to write an essay on how beautiful my bed is. That would be the only thought running through my mind. I would even propose marriage. Though, the chipmunks outside the window might also make an appearance in the story. They would be the ones destroying the people who decided it was a good idea to go to school in such a state.”

“Surprisingly, I would probably read that story,” she said.

“I wouldn’t put it passed you.”

We sat in silence for a few moments before getting up. I looked over to Liam. Jane was shielding her face, though I could tell be the shaking of her shoulders that she was crying.

I looked over at Kate, and she looked tensed to run. I placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Let Liam handle it. She wanted to talk to him, so let him try.”

She just shook her head as I walked over to the both of them.

“Hey, we’re heading over to the flat. We’ll leave you two alone.”

“Thanks, mate. I’ll see you later.”

“See you. Oh, you can keep the car. Well, take Kate’s.”

He just nodded and went back to comforting Jane.

I jogged over to Kate and gathered Niall.

“Alright, we’ll take your car back to the flat. You can drive if you’d like. I’m going to grab the other lads,” I said.

“Sure thing. And I’ll drive,” she replied, giving me a smirk.

I shook my head and retrieved the other two.

“We’re heading back to the flat. Are you guys coming?”

“Yeah,” they replied in unison.

“Well, let’s go. And try to keep the couple stuff down. Katerina broke up with Niall.”

“That blonde bitch? Finally. He deserves better than her,” said Louis.

“Yeah. She called him worthless. He barely has any self-confidence. Now it must be non-existent after what she did,” I replied.

We continued to walk toward Kate’s car, and let ourselves in. I went to grab the door to the passenger seat, but Niall was already bouncing up and down in it.

I went into the back with Louis and Harry and gave Kate a look.

“What? I like Irish. He’s a cool lad.”

As if on cue, Niall stuck his tongue out at me like a two year old.

“Don’t encourage him,” I spat.

“Oh, I will,” she said as he ruffled his hair.

A smug smile filled her features as she drove to our flat with Niall giving her directions.

I crossed my arms in front of me as my eyes closed and my mind fell into darkness.



“Zayn. Zayn? Wake up! Are you alright?”

I sat up quickly, immediately feeling dizzy.

I took in a few deep breaths to calm myself.

“Yeah, fine.”

“Dude, you looked like you were scared out of your mind,” said Harry, still holding onto Louis’ hand as if he could disappear.

“It was nothing, just leave it be,” I replied sternly.

I gave Kate a look that said I would talk to her about it later.

The one thing Kate hadn’t been able to do was stop the nightmares. But that was because she didn’t know about them. I’ve been having them since I left Bradford to live with the boys.

We walked into the flat and set everything up for Niall’s night.

“Are you going to tell me what happened back there?” she whispered as we grabbed plates for the pizza.

“Later, when we’re alone.”

“Fine. But, you better tell me.”

The doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of the pizza man, which saved me from saying anything else.

After paying him, I brought the pizza to the center of the coffee table and put the movie into the player.

“I can’t believe you would order this. Pepperoni with garlic, Skittles, and mushrooms. I’m surprised you didn’t add pineapples,” I commented.

“Nope. That would be nasty,” he replied.

I rolled my eyes in his direction, but Kate slapped me on the shoulder.

“What was that for?”

“Let the kid have his fun and eat what he wants,” she said.

As the movie progressed, the pizza disappeared, and the ice-cream was brought out. Kate piled her plate up high with the chocolate dessert.

I raised my eyebrow at her.

“What? I like chocolate. I already told you. Now shove off. I’m missing the movie. Emma Stone is a beautiful creature,” she gushed.

“Okay, you can go cuddle up with Emma Stone then.”

“I will! She’s hotter than you anyway.”

“I actually agree with that. I approve of your choice.”

“Oh, shut up and watch the movie.” She slapped me playfully.

Before we got to the end with the major plot twist, Liam and Jane walked in. I ushered them over with a wave of my hand.

Kate got up to grab a bowl of ice-cream for Jane, but she refused.

“What do you mean, ‘no’? It’s chocolate!”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Don't give me that crap! You didn’t eat lunch, and I know you didn’t eat since then. The last time you ate was yesterday. You have to be starving. Now eat!”

“Fine. But I’m really not hungry,” she said as she took the bowl, frowning at its contents.

She sat on the floor by Liam, taking small bites of the ice-cream.

The movie finished, and Niall was laughing his head off.

“That boy is my hero. You should never give up on love. I won’t be bitter like that teacher. Though, she kind of reminds me of Katerina.”

I burst out into hysterical laughter, but slowly stopped when I realized I was the only one laughing.

Jane excused herself to go to the bathroom, and we put in another movie. I looked over at Kate, and concern was flooding her eyes. I pulled her close to me.

“We’ll talk about this later,” I whispered into her ear.

“Okay,” she whispered back, causing me to shiver.

She let her lips brush against mine for a swift moment. Then, she intertwined her fingers with mine as the shadows from the screen danced across the room. A shock ran up my arm and filled my entire being. I felt safe with her by my side, the warmth radiating from her heart.