A Lifeless Dream

I woke up the next morning and felt two strong arms around me keeping me close to a muscular chest. I smiled when I saw his monster tattooed arms. It wasn’t a dream yesterday did happen. I closed my eyes again wanting to enjoy the moment. I never wanted it to end, I was in his arms…I was in Brian’s arms and I couldn’t be happier in my life.

I felt safe and warm in his arms. It felt right been with him and I felt on top of the world. A dark thought crossed my mind…what if he regrets this? No he wouldn’t he said he wouldn’t but I’m still not sure. I let out a breath and turned to look at his slipping figure. His hair was messy and his mouth was a little open, the sheet was covering him from the waist and down so I had a chance to admire his beautiful chest.

I faintly brushed his messy hair out of his forehead and smiled when he stirred a little his arms tightening around me. I stared at him for a little while I just couldn’t help myself not to. I started tracing his tattoos him my fingers and I saw him slowly waking up. His eyes fluttered open and he blink a couple of times before he woke up. I flashed him a big smile which he returned.

“Morning” he said as he brushed the hair out of my face a kissed my forehead

“Good morning” I said and placed my head on his chest

“How did you sleep?” he asked stocking my hair

“Good” I smiled

“Are you hungry?” he asked after a minute

“Yeah…do you mind if a make us breakfast” I turned my head to look at him

“No not at all…in fact that we’ll be awesome” I laughed

“Alright…I’m going to make breakfast come down when you’re ready” I pecked his lips and got out of bed.

I found my panties and wore them and I also found Brian’s t-shirt and put it over my head. It reached mid-thigh so I was good for now. I exited the bedroom and made my way downstairs. I realized that I didn’t know where the kitchen was so I started searching. Finally I found the kitchen and searched the fridge and the cupboards in order to find something to cook.

Finally after I found everything I needed I started making apple cinnamon pancakes. I hope Brian will like them. I took the flour, sugar; baking powder, salt, and vanilla soy milk placed them in a bowl and mixed it. I continue making the pancakes while humming a song.

I was just finishing with placing the pancakes on the plates when Brian came in. He took a seat to the kitchen island and gave me a small forced smiled. Oh…I knew what that means but I decided to shrug it off for the time been

I placed the plates in front of us and also two cups of coffee. We didn’t speak he wouldn’t even look at me. He regrets what happened last night I could feel it and see it in his eyes. What I can’t understand is why he was so sweet when we woke up and now he is like that…cold and distant. My appetite was lost I barely eat, all I could think was what I was going to do. I can’t lose him as my friend and I’m sure now that nothing is going to happen between us.

After we ate I took our plates and placed them in the sink. I wanted to talk to him but I didn’t know what to tell him. I mean things were pretty uncomfortable and I just couldn’t understand him. One night he says that he can’t stay away from me and the next he doesn’t even talk to me. This is so frustrating.

Without a word I made my way upstairs to his bedroom. I got in and memories from last night came back. He had made me feel special and helped me overcome my fear after everything that happened. I shook my head sadly and removed his shirt. I found my bra and put it on before I found my other clothes and dressed myself. I decided to talk to him and even though it’s going to kill me I’m going to say to him that we can pretend that nothing ever happened.

I got out of his bedroom and started walking down the stairs so slow it was like I was never going to reach the bottom. I made my way to the living room when I heard the TV playing. Here he was sitting on the couch with the TV open but he was lost in thoughts. I sat to the couch opposite from him and cleared my throat to catch his attention.

“You know… I really thought that you were telling the truth last night” he looked up at me but didn’t say anything “I believed you when you said that you were not going to regret this”

“No Lisa it’s not what it looks like” he tried to explain

“And then what it is? Please tell me because I can see it in your eyes that you did regret this” My voice got a little higher

“I’m not regretting what happened last night but it can’t happen again” I knew all this time I knew he didn’t care

“I didn’t ask you for it to happen again. Let’s just pretend like it never happen” I looked up at him and he nodded

“I’m just going to go. I don’t want to disturb you” I got up and he got up the same time with me

“You’re not disturbing me Alicia. You can stay if you want I don’t mind” he said but didn’t look me in the eyes

“No I don’t want to stay” I snapped and that made him look at me “You’re not even looking at me in the eyes Brian…you’re distant again I can’t handle this. I can’t lose you as a friend please do something and stop treating me like that” that was the last think I said to him before I got out and left.

I didn’t even look at him I couldn’t I would broke down if I did and I couldn’t let him see how broken I was inside. I started walking down the street towards Matt’s and Lucy’s place to get my car but suddenly I needed my best friend to comfort me with her own special way. I was just going to get my car and leave but I changed my mind. I grabbed my cell phone and called Lucy. It was already 11 am so I hoped she will be up.

“Hey” her cheerful voice filled my ears

“Hey! Are you home?”

“Yeah what’s wrong? Your car is still here”

“I was at Brian’s. Can I come over?”

“Yes, of course. Matt is out with Zacky so we will be alone”

“Thanks. I’ll be there in ten”

“Okay. Bye”

“Bye” said and hung up the phone

Ten minutes letter I was out of her front door, I knocked and waited for her to open. After a minute she opened the door and her smile faded when she saw me. She pulled me into a hug and I buried my face into her neck as my tears fell down my cheeks. She motion towards the living room and we came and sat down.

“What happened?” she asked when she placed a glass of water in front of me

“We had sex…I told him no at first because I knew he was going to regret this but he told me otherwise and I believe him… but this morning he said that it couldn’t happen again. I knew I fucking knew it” I shook my head as more tears begun to fall.

“Come on sweetie don’t cry. He doesn’t deserve it” she told me as she started rubbing my back.

“He doesn’t care Lucy he never did and now he is distant again. I can’t lose him. Even as a friend I need to be close to him.” My voice cracked “I love him” I said my voice barely above a whisper

“Aw come here Lissy” she used her nickname for me before she pulled me into a hug

“I have an idea. Let’s get you home to change and then we can go shopping and have a little girl time. It will help get your mind off of things” she said after a while and I nodded

“Ok…but can you drive? I don’t feel like it” I asked hopefully and she smiled

“Sure let’s go” she got up and I mimicked her actions

We got in the car and Lucy started driving, we didn’t speak and I knew that Lucy didn’t start a conversation because she knew I needed the silence. That’s why after all this years she was still my best friend because even after all this years we knew each other like nobody else did. I was so happy I found her again when she moved I thought I would never see her again.

After about 20 minutes she parked on my drive way. We got in the house and I told her I was going to have a shower and change. I got in my bathroom removed my clothes and got it the shower. I washed my hair and body before I got out and dressed in a black miso crepe umbrella skirt and a lace corset top. I wore my purple flats and got down to the living room.

“I’m ready” I told Lucy

“You look good” she said when she got up from the couch

“Thanks. Let’s get going” I motion to the door

I grabbed my bag and wore my black ray ban way farer before getting into the driver’s seat. Lucy told me we were going to the mall and because I wasn’t too familiar with the roads she gave me instructions of how to get there. The drive was fast and Lucy and I made small talk and sang to different songs that came up on the radio.

When we go there we got out of the car and headed towards the entrance. We got into many stores and I must say shopping therapy really works. It got my mind off of everything that happened and I was happy that I was spending time with my best friend.

“Do you think my hair would look good with some blond highlights?” I asked Lucy when we passed a hair salon.

“It’ll suit you” she said after she examined me for a minute

“Come on let’s go” I pointed to the hair salon

“Where?” she asked confused

“To the hair salon I want to dye my hair” I took her by the hand and drugged her with me to the hair salon

After one hour my hair was finished and I was more than happy with the result. It looked really good and Lucy agreed too. It was good to make a change I felt different for myself but good different. We continue our shopping trip for a few more hours before Lucy told me that we’re going to Jimmy’s because all the guys were there to hang out.

“I don’t think I’m ready to see him” I told when we walked towards Jimmy’s front door

“Just relax. You don’t have to talk to him yet.” She said and I nodded.

She rang the doorbell and after minute a cheerful Jimmy opened the door. He put me and Lucy into a Jimmy hug before we made our way to the backyard were the boys were sitting

“I like your hair” Jimmy told me when we sat outside “It makes you look pretty”

“Do you mean that I wasn’t pretty before?” I said making it sound like I was offended but a chuckled escaped my lips

“No I was going to say even pretty “he laughed

“That’s better” I sat back in my chair with a satisfied look on my face

All the guys and Lucy laughed except him…he wouldn’t even look at me. He was talking to the guys but never to me. He was ignoring me even thought I told him that what he was doing was hurting me…he really doesn’t care. I was sure now nothing could make me think otherwise. So I continue my night with my friends that didn’t ignore me and did care about me.