A Lifeless Dream

I was currently lying on my couch with the TV open but I wasn’t paying attention to what was playing basically what I kept doing the past couple of days. He still hasn’t talked to me I mean I gave him the easy way out to pretend like nothing ever happened but I guess he wasn’t satisfied with that. I really want to forget about him but how could you forget someone you love? You can’t.

I got up from the couch and made my way to my bedroom. I was going to talk to him I couldn’t stand this situation any more. I picked a pair of skinny jeans a Nirvana t-shirt and my black ankle boots. I got dressed and after I wore my black ray bans I walked out of the door and to my car.

The whole ride to his home I was thinking what I was going to tell him. I might as well tell him the truth but no I couldn’t that would break our friendship for sure. If we still have one I’m not sure anymore.

I finally parked outside his house and I stayed at the car for a few minutes just to clear my head. I took a few deep breaths and I got out of the car. Just when I was about to knock his door he opened it. His eyes widened a little when he saw me. He was wearing black jeans and a white v neck.

“Hi” I murmur

“What are you doing here?” He asked me

“Well I came here to talk to you but I can leave if you want” I said and make a move to leave

“No it’s not that. I was just coming to your place” he said and rubbed the back of his neck

“Oh…” now I was surprised

“Do you want to come in? I want to talk to you too” I nodded and followed him in

We sat in the living room and I waited for him to say something. He didn’t but he got up and came back a minute later with a beer in his hand. He turned his body a little so he was fully facing me and took a deep breath before he started talking.

“Look Lissa… I know I’ve been an asshole this couple of days for ignoring you and sit but I don’t know what has gotten into me really” he shook his head

“I really don’t understand you Brian… I gave you the easy way out to pretend like nothing ever happened but you don’t seem to like it. Please tell what is that you want because I honestly don’t understand” I said to him

“I don’t know what I want…but I can’t pretend like nothing happened” he said

“And do you think I can?” I asked him

“I don’t know…” he shrugged

“I’m pretending in case you didn’t understand. I’m hurt Brian and I’m still pretending because I can’t lose you.” I looked him in the eyes

“Why? You only know me for like 2 or 3 months.” No I can’t tell him

“A lot of things happen this month’s Bri and you know it our friendship wasn’t a common one” he nodded

“I know but I don’t know why is that hard to talk to you after everything that happen”

“If you want to never talk to me again just say it. I don’t want to waste my time with people that don’t want me in their lives” I was getting angrier

“I didn’t mean it to come out like that”

“I told you to stop that night, I told you that you were going to regret this but you didn’t listen. Now look at us” My voice was getting higher but he still was so calm

“I didn’t mean to…” he started saying but I cut him off

“You didn’t mean to what Brian? You always said that…You didn’t mean to kiss me, you didn’t mean to almost kiss me and I suppose you didn’t mean to fuck me” I snapped at him “But why the fuck did you do it?”

“I don’t know ok?” he got up “I don’t know anything… Why can’t you just stay away for me don’t talk to me ever again. If you can pretend like nothing happened pretend like you didn’t ever met me” he yelled

“I can't stay away from you!” I got up and yelled back at him

“Why? That's all I'm asking you get out of that fucking door and forget about me” he shouted

“Because I’m in love with you… I love you and I can’t stay away from you! Are you happy now?” I shouted and I saw his eyes softened

“I…I don’t” he tried to speak

“You don’t feel the same way I know you don’t have to say it” I lowered my head

“Alicia, I really care about you and I love you but only as a friend” he explained and deep inside I knew that, that was going to be his answer

“I’m just going to leave… You don’t have to see me again…I will stay away from you like you want but I can’t pretend like I never met you”

I started to walk out of the living room and towards his door. It was all over I wasn’t going to see him again. A few tears threaten to come out but I hold them back. Suddenly I felt dizzy and I hold myself from the wall to keep me from falling.

“Lissa are you ok?” Brian came and tried to catch me

“Don’t touch me and don’t call me Lissa only my friends call me that” I snapped at him and I saw a sad expression making its way to his face for a minute “I don’t ever want to see you again” a tear fall down my cheek

I turned and opened the door without looking back. How could I? I couldn’t bear to see him again. I wanted to go away, I wanted to go home and crawl in my bed and cry that was exactly how I was feeling right now.

After I got to my place I went straight to my bedroom and did what I wanted. I buried my face in my pillow and cried. My cries turned into sobs and the only person that could soothe me was him but he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want me in his life.

I don’t know for how long I cried and sobbed but I felt tired. My eyes were hurting and I couldn’t keep them open. So I closed them and let sleep consume me. It felt good to sleep but it didn’t last long because after a while I woke up. I couldn’t even sleep now.

I grabbed my phone to check the time and I saw that I had 2 text messages and 5 missed calls. The calls were from Lucy and one from Jimmy but I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I checked the messages to see that I had one from Lucy and one from Jimmy.

“Hey Brian is here and said you had a fight what happened? Call me!” Lucy said but like I said earlier I didn’t want to talk to anyone and really we had a fight? Not he told me to get out of his life?

“I know what happened! Call me when you want to talk” Jimmy wrote. I decided that I will call him later since he knows what happened I couldn’t stand to explain everything to Lucy it hurt so much.

I got up from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. My eyes were red and puffy and my hair was a mess… I was a mess. I stripped from my clothes and got into the shower turning the water on. The water was warm but this time it didn’t help me relax. He didn’t want me in his life he wanted to forget him but how could I?

After my shower I got to my bedroom and changed into a tank top and boy shorts. I got to my bed and made myself comfortable before I put on a movie to see. I wasn’t up for a romantic movie and so I decided to see Sweeney Todd sure Johnny Depp could take my mind off of things.

Halfway through the movie I fell asleep and I woke up just when the credits were rolling. I closed the TV and tried to go back to sleep. I must be really tired because I manage to fall asleep within seconds and I was happy that my nightmares were now gone.

I woke up the other day and I checked my phone for the time, it was 10 am and I saw that once again I had missed calls from Jimmy and Lucy. I didn’t call them and I wasn’t going to if Brian want’s me out of his life I must avoid them too. I mean Jimmy is his best friend and Lucy is dating one of his best friends.

So I continue like this for the next days. Not going out of the house only to buy food and I decided against of getting drunk there wasn’t a point. I bottle of Jack wouldn’t make me forget even though it would make me feel better. Jimmy and Lucy were calling me every day and in one point I just turned off my cell phone. It hurts me to avoid them I found Lucy after all those years and Jimmy was like my brother now.

I had made my decision even though it would make me look like a coward I have to. I would leave once again…seems that Huntington wasn’t the place for me to be happy. I would leave so I don’t have to see him again if that’s what he wants. I would leave so my heart could sometime in the feature be healed and forget about him. I would forget about Brian even if it hurts me.

I was now sitting in the kitchen table with a plate of macaroni and cheese in front of me but I couldn’t eat. I had lost my appetite…my hair was pulled up into a messy ban and I was wearing a pair of shorts along with a purple tank top. I was getting up to placed my not empty plate to my sink when the doorbell rang.

With a sigh I let my plate on the table and made my way to the front door. Once I opened it I came face to face with a not happy Jimmy. I knew he would be angry with me I completely avoided him and Lucy this days. I made move for him to come in and he went and sat on the couch. I took a sit opposite from him and waited for him to talk.

“You were avoiding me” he stated

“I had to” my voice was low

“Why?” he asked me

“You said that you knew everything. So you would know.” I answered him

“Brian told me that you had a fight and you left that’s what I know” I looked up at him…oh Jimmy you know nothing

“Did he tell you why we had a fight?” I asked and he shook his head

“Well we you know…” I trailed of

“You had sex?” he asked and I nodded my head “I fucking knew it” he exclaimed

“Yeah…but the next day he was distant. He told me that this couldn’t happen again. So I told him to forget what had happen but he couldn’t even look at me in the eyes so I left and told him to stop treating me like this because he did the same think when he kissed me.” I said and he eyes widened because he didn’t know this information

“So a couple of days ago I went to his house to talk to him because I couldn’t stand this situation anymore. I didn’t mind to forget everything in order to not lose him as my friend…but when I got there we got into a fight and he told me that the only thing he wanted was to walk away and forget that I ever met him and I told him the truth I told him that I love him and I couldn’t stay away” I look up to see Jimmy but he didn’t seem surprised with what I was saying so I continue

“He told that he cared and loved me but only as a friend which I knew. I didn’t expect him to have the same feelings I did for him. He asked me once again to forget about him and that’s what I did. I got out of his life….that why I was avoiding you I can stay friends with you and not see him again” I lowered my head

“That’s bullshit you know” he said and I looked up at him “Brian just out of his fucking head right now he will came around…and don’t you think for a moment that I will let you go away you’re stuck with me Lissa” he said and came and sat next to me

“That’s what he wants Jimmy” I rested my head on his shoulder

“No that’s not what he wants he will understand what he did and he will talk to you again don’t worry” how am I going to say it to him?

“I’m leaving Jimmy” I blurred out

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” he asked and turned to look at me

“I’m moving out leaving. I already called my sister…I’m going to leave with her” he look at me with sad eyes

“No you can’t leave…don’t leave because of him. What about Lucy she just got her best friend back and she’s been worrying sick those couple of days. Don’t do it please Lissa” I couldn’t hold back and I let the tears fall…Jimmy wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest as I silently cried.

“I can’t Jimmy I love him and he doesn’t even want to see me” I mumble after a few more minutes

“Give him time… I promised if he will not come around I will personally bit his ass and buy you a ticket to Paris” he said...” He loves you too Lissa…I know Brian for years he can’t hide for me he is just afraid” I turned to look at him

“You think so?” I asked him

“I know so…Just give him time” he kissed the top of my head and I nodded

“Alright only because it’s you” I smiled at him

“Yay” there’s my favorite Jimmy smile

“Want to go out?” I asked him

“Sure let’s go” he got up

“I got to take a shower I will be real quick. Just wait here there’s beer on the fridge” I yelled from the stairs

“Just hurry up woman” I heard him shout

After I got a quick shower I dressed and got down to meet Jimmy. Suddenly after what he said there was hope in me. I would wait but if things took the same turn I would leave as far away as I could. For now I will just enjoy my time with my best friend.