A Lifeless Dream

The next day I woke up to my phone ringing. Did they saw me on their sleep? I thought before I checked the caller ID which happened to be my sister.

“Alexis? Is everything all right?” I said as soon as I answered.

“Hey Alicia… I don’t know maybe”

“What do you mean, what happened?” I asked her fully awake now

“I got a call from the prison that he is in”

“D-Dad?” I tried to form the word

“Yeah…” she said quietly

“What did they tell you?”

“He um committed suicide”

“He what?”

“Yeah…seems that he felt guilty after all. He wrote a letter for each one of us I will sent it to you tomorrow to do whatever you want with it”

“Ok. Do you mind if I call you later?”

“Of course…I know it’s hard for you just know that you can call me anytime ok?”

“Sure…talk to you later. Bye”

“Bye”

With that she hangs up and I was left staring at the wall thinking of what she had just told me. Should I feel sad? Happy? I didn’t know…after all he tried to kill me that day too but I couldn’t be happy that he killed himself.

I couldn’t deny that before that day you could say that it was one of the best father’s in the world. I felt the urge to cry but I refused to let any tears fall. He didn’t deserve my tears… a father don’t try to kill his daughter.

I got up from my bed to see that I was still wearing my clothes from yesterday. I got to the bathroom and hopped into the shower. When I was finished I got to my bedroom and changed in some fresh clothes.

After I pull my hair into a ponytail I got downstairs to my kitchen to have some breakfast. I noticed a note on the kitchen counter and grabbed it. Call me when you wake up! Jimmy. I decided that I would call him after breakfast so I placed the note back in the counter.

I took a seat on my couch and after I made myself comfortable I took my cell phone and called Jimmy. After about three rings he answered.

“Oh look she’s alive” he exclaimed when he answered and I chuckled

“Yes I am…although I barely remember how I get home”

“You were lucky I was there because if I weren’t you were possibly going to sleep in your bathroom”

“I know don’t worry”

“So are you alright after yesterday?”

“If you mean from the alcohol…I’m fine now hangover”

“And if I mean something else?” he asked

“Then no I’m not”

“Right. I get it…so Matt and Lucy are having a barbeque wanna come?”

“Is he going to be there?”

“Yeah…”

“Jimmy…” I sighed

“Come on you don’t have to pay attention to him you can hang out with the rest of us.”

“Ok just give me a ride I don’t feel like driving”

“Yes ‘mam be there in 15 get ready” he hang up before I could form another word

I went upstairs to my bathroom and did my make-up. I let my hair fall down in their natural waves satisfied with the way I looked I got downstairs wore my shoes grabbed my bag and put my black wayfarer before I opened the door to see Jimmy’s car already parked in my drive way.

I locked my door and made my way to his car sitting on the passenger sit. We made small talk during the ride to Matt’s and Lucy’s house trying to avoid anything that had to do with last night. Although I couldn’t get out of my head what my sister had told me.

When we got there I tried to put on the greatest fake smile I could. I greeted everyone and then Zacky gave me a cold beer which I was thankful for. Brian wasn’t here which I was thankful for too. I knew he would come in some point but I didn’t want to face him as soon as I came here.

I tried to keep up with the conversation that the guys were having but my mind kept wondering back to my sister’s phone call. He wrote me a letter…what could possibly want to tell me? I’m sorry I killed your mother, tried to kill you and destroyed your life. Yeah dad I love you too.

“Alicia are you ok…you seem a little off” Lucy got me out of my thoughts

“Um…what? Oh yeah I’m fine” I said when I noticed everyone looking at me

“Are you sure?” she asked me again

“I’m sure…Excuse me. I got to go inside for a minute” I excused myself and made my way to the bathroom.

I got in and splashed my face with cold water I put my hands on each side of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. After a couple of deep breaths I exited the bathroom and got downstairs. Everyone was sitting in the backyard so I stayed for a couple of minutes sitting on the sofa trying to get my head straight.

Just when I was about to go out Jimmy came in. He looked at me with a look that told me that he knew something is going on. I sighed because I knew he would want to know what is wrong.

“So spill” he said after he took a sit opposite from me

“My sister called me this morning” I said and he nodded for me to continue “she had a call from the prison my dad is…they told her that he um killed himself” I said with a weak voice

“And I don’t know should I be sad…should I be happy? He also left a letter for me and Lexi…but after everything he did what can he say?” I said and shook my head

I got up to go outside but before I could make a step further Jimmy pulled me into a hug. I hugged him and let myself relax. I only knew him for a few months but I really felt like I could trust him. He was like a big brother to me.

“I don’t really know what to say right now which is odd for me” he said and I chuckled

“It’s ok”

“Although that’s something you have to find out I mean you really can’t be happy but I believe that when you read the letter you will find out your feelings” he said when he removed me from his embrace so he could look at me.

“I guess you’re right.” I said and smiled up at him

“I’m always right” he grinned

“Come on let’s go outside”

He wrapped and arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him he kissed the top of my head and it was that moment that the door opened and Brian and his girlfriend entered the house. Once he saw us Brian stood still and looked at us with and odd look kind of pissed off.

“Hey guys”

“Hey man” Jimmy said and left my side to greet Brian with a man hug

“What’s up?” he asked and stole a glance at me

“Same old…everyone else is in the backyard” he said and Brian nodded before he grabbed Emma’s hand and headed to the backyard me and Jimmy following them.

Brian sat opposite from me pulling Emma to his lap. I tried not to look at him but it was impossible because every single minute I could feel him staring at me. Sometimes I could still think about my dad but now I was more relaxed and I could keep up with the conversation everyone was having.

“I’m going to get a beer” I said and got up from my sit.

Matt was at the grill with Zacky and the rest of us we were sitting by the pool. I only talked to Jimmy and Lucy trying to avoid Brian with every way I could.

I opened the fridge once I was in the kitchen and grabbed a cool beer. When I closed it I saw Brian sanding there leaning against one of the counters.

“What? “ I snapped at him because he couldn’t stop staring at me

“I thought you and Jimmy weren’t together” he spoke after a minute

“We are not” I simply said

“Didn’t seem like it back there” he pointed to the direction of the living room

“Cause hugging my best friend mean’s that I date him. He was just trying to cheer me up because I wasn’t feeling good not that I need to explain what I do to you” I spat at him and turned to leave but he grabbed my arm and spanned me around. Our chests were touching and our eyes were locked.

He lifted one of his hands and gently stroked my cheek making me lean to his touch.

“Is it because of me?” he quietly asked me

“No it’s not because of you” I said and removed his hand from my face when I realized what was happening.

“What was it then? Tell me…” he pushed some hair out of my face

“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked him pleading for his answer “You don’t care why you have to torture me all the time?”

But before I could hear his answer someone cleared their throat. I look and saw Emma standing there her arms crossed to her chest and she was glaring at me. Brian took a step back away from me and cleared his throat before he spoke.

“What’s up babe?” he said and I could feel my heart break once again

“Well you were gone for a while and I got bore without you. Let’s go outside” by now she was by his side holding his hand

With only a nod he followed her outside leaving me alone and confused in the kitchen. I saw the look in his eyes before he answered me. It was like he cared about me. I let out a groaned of frustration before I grabbed my beer and headed outside.

Everyone was sitting at the table and the food was served. I took the only empty sit which was opposite from Brian and between Jimmy and Zacky. All the time during dinner Brian kept looking at me and I tried once again to avoid his gaze. Emma noticed and tried to catch his attention but he would keep looking at me.

When everyone was finished with their food we sat on the grass making a circle and Zacky had brought his guitar. That was the most relaxing moment through the day the sound of the guitar always helped me forget about everything.

“Lissa sing us a song… I haven’t listen to you singing like forever” Lucy said excitedly and I couldn’t say no to her so I said the song I wanted to sing and he nodded before I heard the first notes of Halestorm’s- Familiar Taste Of Poison coming from his guitar.

“Drink the wine my darling you said
Take your time and consume all of it
But the roses were only to drain my inspiration
The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and”

When the chorus came I couldn’t help it as I lifted my gaze to Brian to see that he was looking at me. I always loved this song and singing it just make my feelings for him came to the surface once again.

“I tell myself that you’re no good for me
I wish you well, but desire never leaves
I could fight this till the end
But maybe I don’t want to win”

I kept singing my mind was clear from every other thought and all I could see was Brian. His eyes were locked with mine. It was like we were the only ones outside. Nothing else mattered…

“I don’t want to be saved, I don’t want to survive
I want you on my mind, in my dreams behind these eyes
And I won’t wake up no, not this time”

I kept singing the last chorus of the song with my eyes still locked on his brown ones.

“I breathe you in again just to feel you
Underneath my skin holding on to
The sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison”

When the song ended I felt a smile coming to my face when the guys started applauding. That was caught off when Emma got up and started yelling at me.

“That’s it…Stop flirting with my boyfriend you whore” she yelled at me and I was a little surprised but either way I got up I wouldn’t let her spoke to me like that

“I’m not flirting with anyone and really I’m the whore?” I cocked an eyebrow

“Sure you don’t…I see the way you look at him but guess what he is mine” he said with a triumph look on her face

“Like I could care less…he is all your if he’s too blind to see the bitch you are” I noticed all the guys now up and were looking between the two of us. Lucy was behind me and slightly holding my arm back knowing my history with fights I was never the weak one before David that is.

“Brian, are you going to let her talking to me like that?” I turned to look at him and he was just opened his mouth and close it again

“Tell me Brian…Are you going to pick her over me?” she asked and everyone turned to look at him

“Yeah Brian tell us are you going to choose her or me?” I asked him and everyone was waiting for his answer

He didn’t answer thought he just lowered his head and took a step closer to Emma. She turned to look at me with a look that said I won bitch. I was furious right now he chose her over me. I tried to hold back my tears and I shook my head in disbelief

“See? He chose me…now you can go cry to your mom…oops I forgot you don’t have one” she giggled

“You asshole” I said when I made my way to Brian and slapped him across the face “How dare you? I trusted you and you told her?”

“I…I didn’t” he shuttered

“Let me guess…You didn’t mean to tell her?” he lowered his head

“You know what?” I said when he didn’t spoke he lifted his head to look at me “It doesn’t matter anymore I’m leaving anyway you don’t have to see me again” a few tears escaped from my eyes. I started making my way inside of the house when I heard Lucy calling me but I ignored her.

“Alicia wait! “ Jimmy called for me but I ignored him too.

I felt tears running down my cheeks and a chocked sob escaped my mouth. I exited the house after I grabbed my stuff and waited outside of Jimmy’s car for him to come and take me home.