A Lifeless Dream

BRIANS POV
I ran to my car unlocked it and sat on the driver’s seat. I revved the engine and I started driving like a maniac towards the hospital Alicia was in. This can’t be happening…I thought to myself. This had to be a sick joke…deep inside I know it wasn’t and I was dreading the thought of never seen her again.

I love her I really do and I wish she would have believed me when I told her stay with me. Now everything was going to be fine. She wouldn’t have to be in a hospital fighting for her life.
As soon as I reached the hospital I got out of my car and quickly locked it before racing into the hospital and towards the reception. I found one nurse sitting behind the desk and asked her for Alicia.

“I’m Brian Haner I got a call for Alicia James” the nurse nodded and started searching her computer for her name

“Miss James is in surgery right now but you can wait into the waiting room. Second floor to your left” She said and I nodded

I waited for the elevator but it was taking so long so I climbed the stairs to the second floor. When I reached it I turned left and found the waiting room. I sat down in one of the chairs and placed my head between my hands.

How could this happen? This wasn’t fair she didn’t do anything I should be the one in that surgery not her…after all I deserved it. I caused her so much pain and I regretted it. I should have let her know that I loved her sooner not go and find a new girlfriend.

I realized that I should probably informed the guys so I got out my cell phone and texted Jimmy to meet me at the hospital and send the rest of the guys the same message. I leaned back to the chair my head resting on the cold wall as I waited for any news from Alicia’s doctor.

It wasn’t long before I heard them coming down the hall where I was waiting. They all started asking questions all together and really they were giving me a headache. I couldn’t handle all of them speaking together.

“What the hell happened?” Jimmy asked more like shouted and made everyone stop

“I got a call and they told that Alicia was in a car accident and that she was pretty bad and that she might not make it…So I drive here and I’m waiting for any news from her doctor she is in surgery right now…” I said and everyone was silent until Lucy started crying

“How could this happen?” she cried into Matt’s chest as he rubbed her back soothingly

“I don’t know” I mumble and placed my head once again between my hands

The tears threaten to fall from my eyes but I didn’t have the power or the will to stop them from falling. I was going to lose her…I was going to lose my sweet angel and I didn’t even have the chance to tell her that but she was my sweet angel with her green eyes and her angelic smile.

We waited and waited and waited for some news but nothing. Hours passed and no doctor came out to tell us anything. It wasn’t until five hours later that we saw a doctor approaching and we all stood up waiting to hear some good news.

“Are you here for Miss James?” we all nodded

“How is she?” Lucy asked

“Well we managed to stop the internal bleeding but there was a swelling in her head because it was hit pretty badly but we believe that it will go down with time…also her body is covered with cuts that will heal in a few days. However the baby didn’t make it” I froze baby what baby?

“What baby?” I asked wide eyed

“You didn’t know?” we all shook our heads “Miss James was three weeks pregnant that’s why we couldn’t save it. She was really early in her pregnancy and the baby was gone as soon as the accident happen…I’m sorry. The surgery is over and you would be able to see her in a little while when we move her to her room”

“Is she going to make it?” Jimmy asked this time

“She is in a critical condition still but if she makes it through the night we are pretty positive that she will heal just fine” the doctor slightly smiled

“Thank you doctor” Matt said and the doctor nodded before he left

I was still pretty socked a baby? Was it mine? I mean I didn’t use a condom that night and I thought that she was on the pill since she didn’t tell me to wear one. I was going to be a father and she was going to be the mother of my baby but that was a long gone dream now.

I couldn’t stay here anymore so I got up without speaking to anyone and got out of the hospital to have a smoke. A baby I still couldn’t believe it…Was it really mine? I couldn’t get my head around that thought

“Hey man you ok?” Jimmy’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts

“Did you know about this?” I asked him my eyes locked to the floor

“No man I swear if I knew do you think that I would let her leave especially without telling you…I don’t even think she had realized it…” he said

“Was it mine?” I asked more to myself

“Of course it was yours Syn…how you could even question that” his voice got a little higher

“I don’t know you seemed pretty close last time I saw you” I mumble

“Oh, for fucks sake I told you one hundred fucking times…We never were together she only wanted you…she loved you but you didn’t seem to understand that” he said angry

“Don’t you think I don’t regret it? We could be together right now and now because of me she is in there dying and my baby…our baby is dead” I shouted

“You got no one but yourself to blame for this…you screw things up for the both of you and if something happen to her you should be the one to blame you and your fucking head” he shouted and probably it was the first time Jimmy and I were fighting

“Shut up just shut the fuck up” I said and before I realized it I punched him.

He stumbles back but didn’t fall and I was ready to punch him again before a hand grabbed mine. I turned around and realized it was Matt.

“Come on man relax you don’t have to fight” Matt said and I turned my head to look at Jimmy who was holding his jaw.

“Ok…you can leave me now I’m fine” he let go off me and I walked over to Jimmy

“I’m sorry but this is getting to me…she was like my sister…don’t ever thing that is your fault it was just my angry mouth saying those things to you” I shook my head

“No you’re right Jimmy I fucked up. And if something really happens to her I would blame myself but I really love her you have to believe me.”

“I believe you man” he said and we shared a man hug before Matt told us that we could see her but only one at a time.

We got back to the hospital and followed Matt to Alicia’s room. Lucy was already in and I told the guys that I would go in last. So I sat on a chair and waited for them to finish their visit.

I felt miserable knowing that maybe I won’t see her again. I hope that she will be ok or else I won’t be able to forgive myself. Jimmy was right even if he didn’t mean what he said he was right I was the one to blame I should have told her that I loved her sooner. If I did everything would be alright right now.

“Hey man you can go in now” Zacky patted me on my shoulder and I nodded before I got up and towards her room.

I pushed the door opened and turned my head to look at her lifeless body. Things shouldn’t have been this way. I hoped that she would wake up and smile at me and everything will be in place.

I moved closer to her and noticed the cuts on her face and arms. I’m sure there would more but I was glad that I couldn’t see them. I pushed some hair from her forehead and leaned my head down to kiss it.

I sat down on the chair that was next to her bed and took her small hand in my big one. I rubbed it with my thumb and pulled it closer to me and kissed her knuckles. One tear rolled down my cheek but I didn’t put any effort to wipe it.

“I’m sorry” I said after several minutes of silence… “I’m sorry for everything that I made you go through…I was stupid and I realized it now…”

“Please wake up baby girl nothing will ever be the same without you” I continue after I took a deep breath “I need you…I really do. I know it’s stupid to say this right now but it’s the truth Alicia. I love you. I should have told you sooner and then maybe our baby will be fine right now. I’m sorry for causing you so much pain. I’m sorry for killing our baby. I’m sorry that you’re lying in this bed fighting for your life. I’m sorry”

For once in my life I was crying. I felt helpless…what was I going to do without her? She was the light in my life.

I still remember the day that I first met her in the beach…something inside me told me that she was special that’s why when I saw her on that bar the same night I felt like something was in place and when we talk I thought that this was a kind of woman that I could spent my life with.

I hold her hand close to my heart as the tears fall. The steady beeping of the heart monitor told me that she was still alive and that she has a chance to be but then it stopped. There was a beep echoing in the room and she wasn’t breathing her chest wasn’t moving like it was supposed to be.

I panicked I got up and stood in front of her begging her heart to start beating again. I couldn’t lose her not now and she couldn’t leave me we are supposed to be together.

“Don’t leave me baby girl. Don’t do this please” I begged

The doctors rushed in and they told me that I had to leave the room. But how could I leave her I knew she needed me right now.

“No she needs me you have to let me stay” I pleaded with them

“Mr. Haner you need to get out of here if you want us to save her” but without a chance to form another word they shoved me out of her room.

I sank in one of the chairs silently praying for her to be ok. Lucy was on Matt’s lap crying and all the guys had tears on their eyes. We were all pretty fond of her. I couldn’t imagine how Lucy was feeling she was her best friend.

I don’t know how long we waited it felt like hours when I’m pretty sure it was just minutes. She is going to be ok. She is going to be just fine Brian. I continued saying to myself but I didn’t even believe me something told me that it wasn’t going to be ok. That something will go wrong.

That thought was confirmed when I saw the doctor exiting the room Alicia was in and he shook his head to us with a sad look on his face.